On Cancer, Me, and You

Also, because it can’t be said enough, fuck John Green


  1. Act says:

    Jesus fuck YouTube, I think the situation has earned me a more flattering thumbnail than that.

  2. Ghost says:

    Christ, Act. I hope you get well soon.

  3. Heatth says:

    God, I hope you get better. I don’t know what to say, but I wish you the best.

  4. mcbender says:

    Well, that’s never pleasant news, and I fully understand why you’re having a hard time processing it. I can’t comment from personal experience, but I know a few people who’ve gotten similar diagnoses and saw them struggle with it. Thank you for telling us, I know that can’t be easy.

    The good news, to the extent that there can be “good news”, is that it sounds like you’ve caught it early, and that means it’s very likely to be treatable. Try not to think of it like you’ve been given a death sentence, although I know the jerkbrain may not make that easy. (I’m sorry if this comes off badly, I’m not great at being supportive and the failure mode of that is often mansplaining.)

    I wish you the best of luck.

  5. illhousen says:

    Well, shit. Hope you’ll be OK.

    Damn, such things always sound like empty platitudes to me… I hope you know that I admire your work and value you as a friend. You’re an amazing, insightful person, and you deserve the best out of life.

    Also, have a cat:

    This is Murmusha. He lives in the vicinity of our dacha and occasionally drops by to ask for food. Despite being a wild cat, someone has shaved his fur for the summer, and we don’t know who or why.

    1. CrazyEd says:

      Well, because it’s summer, of course!

  6. Well, fuck. That really sucks. I hope it gets treated successfully. I just want you to know that in the short amount of time I’ve been here, I felt like I was making a difference, even if most of it wasn’t on Dragon Quill or just handling comments in the comments section — this place of yours is a powerfully good thing. I know what you mean about the whole worthlessness thing. I’ve got a heap of mental stuff of my own, and emotionally recognizing that I’m a worthwhile person is a hard thing to do, so I’ll leave you with some positive notes for you to keep in mind:

    1. You do help people. You’ve helped me, specifically, to become a better person, all of you have. Meeting St Elmo’s Fire kicked off a chain reaction that I have not regretted since I came here. You’ve been a very good influence on me, and I really appreciate it.

    2. You’ve created a community of people who can get together and talk about how messed up the world is and not get yelled at for it. I don’t have that anywhere else, really, and it’s a really cool thing to have, to have made.

    3. Far from being racist, from what I’ve seen of you, you’re considerate and empathetic and want the best for people. If the world had more people like you, maybe I wouldn’t be quite so jaded.

    4. I don’t know you well, so this all might come off as a bit off, and if it does, sorry. But it looks like you’ve got a good number of people here who’ve got your back. A ways back you said to let you guys know if I needed anything (a gesture that I really appreciate, by the way), so let me return it. I don’t think I can offer much other than positive vibes, but let me know if you need to vent or whatever. I’m pretty good at that, at least, but again, I’ve only been here for a few months, so I hope that positive vibes or what have you will do.

    5. You’re awesome! You made a cool blog with a cool name with cool people in it. That’s something I would never have done. Keep being awesome for a long, long time still.

    1. CrazyEd says:

      I actually found this site through Farla’s Hunger Games reviews, but Act’s Fate review… it was fascinating to see someone go from “no Rin don’t date the sexy ghost man” to “Archer deserves a hug at all times he is a good boy” in the Year of Our Lord 2015. It’s kinda what got me back into Fate, honestly. It’d been so long since I’d actually interacted with the original game, and now… Well, now I’m preparing a summoning ritual to properly channel my desires into obtaining a bikini-clad fox-girl armed with a parasol despite my limited resources in a video game.

      So… there’s that.

  7. Cosmogone says:
    Act, you’re a wonderful, intelligent, funny person and we all love you.

    I know it really sucks to be told you should stay optimistic, etc., but it really is important in such situations, so please try to. It’s going to be all right. Do you need help with anything?

  8. beanbug says:
    oof. That’s gotta be an awful bombshell to get dropped on you-I had a relative who passed from it a couple years ago, and it’s never easy to parse when it pops up. Here’s to hoping you’ll be fine and cancer-free in a year or so.
  9. Roarke says:

    *puts digital hand on your shoulder* Friend. Like the others, I care about you and want the best for you. I’ve always expected good things from you and will continue to do so, even if I can’t read them because I’m an outsider on Umineko-related things. 

    When you said “I don’t have a good segway out of this,” I had the absurd thought that you’d suddenly get all chipper and end like some Youtube personality with the whole “Like, Subscribe, Comment” spiel. But no, you continued to be a real person, and one I like. 

    1. CrazyEd says:

      “But no, you continued to be a real person.”

      That’s… one way to compliment a person.

  10. Negrek says:
    Wow, that’s awful news, even if you were kind of expecting it. I hope your treatment goes well and you can get back to normal life as soon as possible.

    For what it’s worth, it’s been a privilege knowing you, and I hope we’ll get to hang out for many years to come. Thanks for introducing me to some great novels, for hilarious commentary on some not-so-great novels, and for sharing your thoughts with all of us. You’ve always been a good friend to me, and my life has definitely been better for having you in it.

  11. Socordya says:

    I am sorry for you and hope you’ll get better.

  12. Farla says:

    I hope things go as smoothly as possible, Act. It’s horrible and unfair you have to deal with this at all. I’m glad to have known you so far, and I’d like that to keep being true as long as possible.

  13. Oh geez, I just saw this now. I’m glad you caught it early and I hope everything goes alright.

  14. SpoonyViking says:

    No, Act, thank YOU for everything; I hope I’ve given back at least a fraction of what I got here and that it may, in some way, bring or have brought you joy. For what it’s worth, my wife and I can understand what you’re going through, and we both have faith everything will work out alright. Cheers, and love!

  15. Talarc says:

    I’m really sorry to hear that and I hope that you get better soon. Probably doesn’t mean much coming from me when we’ve hardly interacted, but still, staying silent didn’t feel right…

  16. APen says:

    I’m sorry to hear what you’re going through and I hope everything goes well medically.

    This blog you’ve helped create and run is a really wonderful place, a model of civility and analysis, that’s always been there for me when I need a bit of sanity or biting critique in my day, and I really appreciate everything you’ve done to make the blog what it is. You’re so insightful, sharp-witted, and funny, and the voice you bring in your commentaries is moving and unique. Thank you for all the hard work you’ve poured into this website, and everything you will continue to do!

  17. Keleri says:

    OH NOOOOOOOOOOOO I’m so sorry Allie! I hope everything goes very smoothly and speedily and you can be like “lol remember when I had cancer?” years and years down the road.


  18. Indiscretion says:

    I’m just a lurker but I read your Fault in Our Stars commentary years ago. (I had read the book before reading your commentary.) One thing that gets my goat a lot is that it’s often people who like something that review it, and it was super refreshing to see someone give honest and explained critique about something, and seeing yours was like reading the book with new eyes. You don’t dress up what you say with apologies, you don’t obfuscate them in inaccessible language that for some reason seems to be really popular for litcrit, and that really sold it to me.

    The other thing is a not very flattering to me, but all the sexist and wtfery moments in that book were seen as very normal in the community I grew up in (it was a pretty popular book), and while I had some niggling feeling that it was wrong in a theoretical kind of way, I had no way to express that in words when everyone around me shrugged it off as normal. And like, didn’t bother teaching in schools because old books no contemporary issues like feminism go wax poetry on destiny. Reading you analyzing Green straight up was like learning critical thinking that everyone else seemed to tiptoe around.

    So, thanks. It got me thinking.


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