QuickPans: Steam Summer Sale 2019 Edition

Inside: Niche, Guacamelee!, I & Me

Niche
Turn-Based Strategy

The first problem with Niche (A GENETICS SURVIVAL GAME, as it insists on obnoxiously subtitling itself in my Steam library) is that while it markets itself as a survival sim, it’s actually a Civ-style board game. It’s only ‘survival’ in the sense that every board game in which if you try not to lose all your pieces is survival. It’s not a sim in any sense of the word. Still, as irritated as I was by this discovery, this wasn’t necessarily a deal-breaker for me, as I like board game-style video games, and the idea of basing the strategy around ‘breeding’ units with semi-RNG traits instead of constructing them is interesting. The real problem with Niche is that it’s pretty obtuse and incredibly boring.

Its very bare-bones tutorial doesn’t really explain anything other than the controls; things like battle, damage, illness, stats, and more are left hanging, and much of it isn’t clear from gameplay. How do you recover from illness? Is damage recoverable over time? How can you tell when/if an enemy takes damage, or how much HP they have left? The UI is also really irritating, with no good way to pick out your pieces from the map and no way at all to, say, call up any piece with available moves left. You have to go through manually clicking to check and hope you don’t end a turn with moves left on the field.

But none of this actually matters because surviving is stupidly easy. Hoarding food while just continually breeding to make more units ensures you’ll never lose, and there’s no larger objective as far as I’m aware, so the game becomes just the same few actions over and over. The only thing you’re playing ‘against’ is the environment, and there are no goals aside from continuing to play. There’s no incentive to do anything else but rotely procreate, and if the reason it appealed to you was the chance to build a cool creature, just go buy Spore for like a dollar and do it without all the nonsense.

Also, and is this minor, but achievements in Steam weren’t triggering.

Guacamelee!
Metroidvania

Mr. Act and I sat down to play this together and after about 30 minutes he turned to me and said, “This is a terrible game.” He was right. He has continued, over the past few days, to intermittently remind me that he hated this game, which frankly is as passionate as I’ve ever seen him about a piece of media.

Ugh, I don’t even know where to start. Probably the worst thing was the level design. The levels were confusing, obtuse, and recursive. Neither of us had any idea where we were or where we had to go in the dungeon at any point, and using the minimap didn’t even help. The puzzles were unintuitive and uninteresting. The way the screen suddenly flashed as you moved from room to room instead of a smooth transition was jarring and disorienting. The button-mashy combat was repetitive and unfun, and button combos were infuriatingly unreliable. The whole thing was a chore to experience.

The game was also stupidly misogynistic. The three women are a) the damsel in distress, about whom everyone says it’s sad she’s in distress because she’s hot; b) the non-story woman second-player character whose tits bounce around; and c) the evil woman who speaks in double entendres and starts freaking out because she’s omgsojealous of the bad guy capturing a hot woman, because women, so emotional. All the male characters, including townies, do nothing but talk about screwing women. Like, the mentor guy who gives you powers introduces himself by talking about fucking your mom and then like, threatens to have sex with her when he thinks you’re slacking off? It’s so goddamn weird. I am also HIGHLY suspicious of three guys named Chris Harvey, Ryan MacLean and Graham Smith writing Mexican people as lecherous assholes. (It also makes the obsession with women’s bodies feel like a fetish thing.) I’m suspicious of them writing a game based on Mexican culture in general, but honestly I couldn’t even get far enough into it to complain about that.

And this is beside the point but also indicative of the amount of thought it feels like was put into this game in general: the title has nothing to do with fucking anything. This is one of those once-in-a-lifetime-sentences: This game is completely unrelated to guacamole. They just chose a random ~Mexican~ thing and made a stupid portmanteau out of it. They didn’t bother to find an actual word in Spanish and make a clever pun, they just went HUR HUR YOU CAN GET GUACAMOLE AT MEXICAN RESTAURANTS SO LET’S CALL OUR GAME THAT.

I’d be very curious to know if there are any games out there about Mexican/South American culture by a Latinx team/head writer/etc., because this seems like a cultural moment in which that kind of art is super necessary, but this is very very much not that game. (Update: Aritana and the Harpy’s Feather has been on my list for a while, can’t believe I forgot about it. Also, some googling has led me to Mulaka and not much else.)

I & Me
Puzzle Platformer

The idea behind I & Me is a good one, in theory: it’s a puzzle platformer where your movements control two different characters at the same time, so that you have to move in ways that don’t kill either of them but still get them to the goal.

What this game ending up teaching me is just how much of my playing this type of game happens on a subconcious level. I just repeatedly would die because I could not stop myself from progressing with one character even when I knew consciously it would kill the other. I’ve spoken before about how good platformers let you get into a rhythm, and this was the utter opposite of that: at every turn, a lifetime of platforming experience and desire to test physics thwarted me. I don’t know if this is a problem inherent to this idea, or if you could design a game like this that worked with experienced players instead of against them, but either way this game ending up being incredibly frustrating.

The other more immediate problem was the inconsistent, unintuitive hitboxes. This was one of those game where even after you figured out the puzzle, you couldn’t beat the level because the controls and design were so clunky. My brain’s causing me to constantly suicide might not even have been that big of a deal in a game where progression was smooth.

Also, and it was the least of the game’s problem, but the story was complete nonsense. I have played a few games now that attempt to do this thing where you get a line of story before each level, and it’s supposed to be connected to the level somehow, and I’ve never seen it end up as anything but an incoherent mess.

14 Comments

  1. Roarke says:

    I am also HIGHLY suspicious of three guys names Chris Harvey, Ryan MacLean and Graham Smith writing Mexican people as lecherous assholes.

    Hahaha, yikes. In somewhat related news, I was naturalized last week! Yes, American citizenship is definitely still something to be proud of. Now Chris, Ryan, Graham and I are countrymen, brothers even. Feels good.

    I mean, this sort of thing is bound to happen, particularly in America’s current political atmosphere. Amusingly, Mexicans have little to do with the current immigration waves. Ah, racism.

    4
    1. SpoonyViking says:

      Yes, American citizenship is definitely still something to be proud of.

      Is it? Is it really?

      Naw, I’m just messing with you. Congratulations, Roarke! :-)

      1. Roarke says:

        Haha, thanks. I’ll do my best to drag the median upwards.

    2. Act says:

      Congrats! I fantasize every day about fleeing to Canada, a magical place where medical bills don’t ruin your life and there aren’t mass shootings every week.

      John Oliver talks sometimes about how weird it is to be an immigrant where you’re so happy to be here and love the country so much but also are hyperaware of its problems and the weird cognitive dissonance that creates. It’s interesting to hear, because I’m coming to the middle from the complete opposite side; I grew up in a very MURRICA household and — like a lot of similar millenials, I think — am having to contest with all the “this country is the best” stuff I got fed was utter bullshit.

      Anyway, 2019’s slogan for me has been, “Is the world really an irredeemable dumpster fire or is that just my depression talking? Who knows!”

      1. Roarke says:

        Well, I was raised here. My mom came here when I was like 3 (she was in her early twenties and the very thought almost gives me a stroke). So I was fed the same bullshit.

        1. Act says:

          That’s probably even more complicated D:

          1. Roarke says:

            All I can really say is I’m glad we came then.

  2. SpoonyViking says:

    Update: Aritana and the Harpy’s Feather has been on my list for a while, can’t believe I forgot about it.

    I renew my recommendation! :-)

    1. Act says:

      I keep waiting for it to go on sale and it’s very stubborn.

      1. SpoonyViking says:

        Yeah, I don’t think I’ve ever seen it on sale. It’s not expensive in reais, though, I could send you a copy if you want.

        1. Act says:

          Oh, no, don’t worry! I’m just cheap and stubborn, I’ll nab it eventually.

          1. Spoony Viking says:
            (laughs) Fair enough, fair enough!
  3. GoldenFalls says:

    I had a similarly lackluster experience with Niche, but for different reasons. I was really drawn to being able to breed for certain characteristics, so that was what I was playing for and it was just /so/ /tedious/. I spent three times the amount of time playing the game just writing down the potential breeding pairing and each units traits and age, trying to keep track of everything so that I didn’t breed in a blood weakness and trying to preserve as many letter types immune systems as I could. I realized that, while it had potential to be fun as a breeding game, it wasn’t with the current interface because of the dearth of functions to sort through your breeding options, so I dropped it. Different experience from you, but same result.

    1. Act says:

      Yep, same. I also thought the tutorial really skimped on explaining the breeding mechanics.

       

      You might like Equilinox — it’s going to be in the accompanying QuickRecs post, and I found that it scratched the itch Niche didn’t. It’s more macro than Niche — you’re working on evolving whole ecosystems instead of individuals — but I’ve really been enjoying it.

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