Umineko – Banquet of the Golden Witch – 11:00 AM to 1:30 PM

Last time, a break between Battler, Bea, and the audience.

Ron steps forward. It’s time to start the game again.

Bat takes a deep breath and says, okay, maybe Rosa and Maria’s deaths were accidents.

Ron says Rosa’s and Maria’s deaths were homicides.

Bat says Alright!!! but he can’t get fired up. I think we’re all reeling a little, Batty, no hard feelings.

Back in the real world, as it were, everyone is mourning, and they’ve also realized the murders were real and the culprit is still at large.

They also realized that Rosa had her gun, it was in good working condition, and she didn’t fire any shots. The only explanation is that she recognized the murderer, and as a friend.

Not yet wanting to point fingers at each other, the adults guess that there’s another person on the island, someone Rosa would recognize but who wasn’t expected to be there. The narration reminds us that red text says this isn’t the case.

Nanjo is the only person who was alone during the murders and thus has no one to vouch for their whereabouts. But they saw him go upstairs with the kids, and he’s a pudgy old man who isn’t exactly doing somersaults from second-story windows.

Natsuhi says suspecting each other will only end with them driving themselves crazy, and Rudy agrees.

Eva is feeling ill again. EVA pops up and says she killed Rosa and Maria to keep gold to herself. But Eva can’t believe it; there was more money there than any one person could ever need… why would EVA do that?

EVA says she wants more power, and to do that she has to finish the ritual. So she will. Eva begs her not to, but she refuses to stand down.

“My inexperience with magical power is forcing me support it with your vitality. Until I finish the ceremony and become a full witch, you might have to bear the burden. I’ll take that as payment for making two of your dreams come true. It’s fine, don’t worry, okay? For the remaining five sacrifices, I’ll avoid your family.”

She says she’ll kill the other four adults and Nanjo.

Eva collapses, and Hide rushes her back to bed.

Meta!Bea pops in with EVA to say that this is the point at which the game gets tough — people hunker down in one spot and band together. And in dire situations, people tend to become stubborn about not believing in magic, which makes witches weaker.

EVA says she gets it. “The first [way to make magic more effective] is presentation. Create a murder scene that couldn’t conceivably have been done by Humans, decorate it in an occult way, make it look very much like a witch exists, and permeate people with fear to make them believe that witches exist. As a result, the anti-magic power and the denominator for our magical power will be decreased. I see, so this is why the creepy magic circles of the first twilight were created?”

“Th-That’s right, exactly…! The gaudy scenes for the first twilight in each game are all for that reason. It’s definitely not as though I like being cruel or am doing it for fun…”

EVA says then her advice to kill Rosa and Maria cleanly was actually bad, counterproductive advice. Bea stammers a bit about it being a test, but EVA doesn’t buy it.

Anyway, EVA says, in the current situation, splitting people up is probably the best thing to do. Bea agrees.

…Funnily enough, not only do mystery authors and murder culprits worry about how to break that situation apart, but so do witches, who supposedly exist at the other end of the spectrum. For a while, the new witch poked her cheek with her pointer finger, and after acting as though she was planning something, she spoke.


Bea says she’ll offer EVA some advice, but EVA stops her and says she’s fine on her own. Then she vanishes. Bea is painfully alone, and tells herself young EVA will need her in the end. But she doesn’t seem convinced.

Ron pops up to say his debate time with Bat is over, and he resigned again. Bat suggested that if Hide were an accomplice, Eva could be the culprit, and Ron bowed out instead of risking giving up more. Bea says that’s fine and asks how Bat was. Ron says he seemed to miss her as an opponent, and Bea is visibly happy.

Back in the guest house, Kyrie calls Rudy over and tells him she wants them to go outside. That seems stupid.

The clock moves to 1:00 PM.

Rudy says they need to eat and he’s going to the mansion to get food. Natsuhi and Krauss point out that this is obviously really fucking stupid. Rudy says Krauss needs to stay and be in charge, so he, Kyrie, and Hideyoshi will go, which sounds like a great way for Hide to get murdered.

Hide: “If you’re countin’ on me ’cause I’m a man, I’d be happy to help. I may not look it, but I’m built up pretty strong from pushin’ food stands around. Leave the heavy liftin’ to me!”

Be more genre savvy you fool.

Natsuhi, who is still the best, continues to point out how absurd this is.

They leave nonetheless. They dash to the main house and unlock the front door, at which point Rudy says, “Hideyoshi-san, could you take the front? I’ll keep an eye on the rear.” and if this doesn’t end with all three dead because Rudy and Kyrie turned on Hide it will be the biggest twist so far.

Sure enough, as they run for the kitchen, golden butterflies.

EVA and Ron show up. EVA’s ready to get her torture on, but Ron points out that the ritual means the rest of the murders have to be done a certain way by the Stakes. EVA counters that as long as she doesn’t kill them, she can do whatever she wants, and then finish them off the ‘right’ way.

 Though Ronove felt that her innocent cruelty was part of her talent as a witch, he was beginning to notice a innately brutal side of her.

“…They do say that apprentices are the most brutal of witches, and now I see this may be true. Do as you wish… is what I would like to say, but here, it may actually be wiser to show restraint. They have guns. Weapons with a high anti-magic power, such as guns, are the natural enemies of witches and demons.”

Ron explains that witches aren’t invincible, they can just use magic and servants as cannon fodder. But EVA hasn’t done the appropriate rituals for an anti-bullet barrier, and she doesn’t have experience summoning Furniture. So in the end EVA calls two of the Stakes anyway. Interestingly, she tells them to kill Kyrie and Rudy but spare Hide.

As the adults are getting ready to head back, Kyrie stops and stares off into the distance. She has a bad feeling.

At times like this, Kyrie’s intuition often rang true, even when she didn’t have a logical reason. Rudolf believed in that intuition.

Oooh, is Kyrie also magic? That’d be cool.

She says she’s sure someone is getting ready to ambush them. They try to go through the kitchen door, but it’s jammed.

Hide: “…Don’t force it. Let’s leave through the front entrance. Right now, it’ll be even worse if we stand around wasting time.”

I may have had who starts the killing backwards.

Kyrie thinks it’s a trap, but sees no other choice. Sure enough, the sisters are in the main hall.

“I can’t believe it. A lowly human predicted our ambush?”

Mm. Is that all Kyrie is?

Kyrie shouts that there’s two sisters, and three of them — if they run, someone is bound to escape. Without hesitation, they take off into the depths of the mansion.

The music here is really cool.

EVA is hovering nearby to watch, which Ron tells her is not the best idea, but EVA doesn’t care. Interesting.

One of the sisters heads after Rudy, who is quicker on the draw than she expects. The other goes after Kyrie, who is casual.

“Don’t worry. This kind of thing is my husband’s specialty. I’m sure he’ll come for me on a white horse soon. Because he’s never failed to come and save me when I’m in trouble. Not even when Asumu-san was around. Heheh.”

But she’s sooo sketchy, every time I start to warm up to her she reminds me how sketchy she is.

Meanwhile, Rudy has defended his way back into the main hall, where he sees EVA and realizes what she is. (Hmmm.) The Stake is like WTF why are you here and is forced to defend EVA when Rudy aims for her. Rudy holds out for an impressively long time, but eventually succumbs to the Stake.

Meanwhile, Sister Envy is ramping herself up by being jealous of how much Kyrie loves Rudy.

Then, Kyrie spoke with an unbelievably calm voice.

“I was the one who went out with Rudolf-san first.”

Oh shit.

Asumu-san blatantly cut in between us… and shrewdly got pregnant. …I don’t blame Rudolf-san. That woman used her body as a weapon to seduce him, and then acted even more repulsively, cornering Rudolf-san and forcing him to get engaged to her.

IDK why you don’t blame Rudy because it sounds like he was cheating on you and got someone else pregnant. That seems like a great thing to blame him for.

Asumu-san was carrying Battler-kun. At the same time, I was also carrying a boy.

Jesus Christ, he knew you were pregnant and went and knocked up someone else??? I think Rudy may have just rushed to the top of the “worst person on the cast” list. Well, no, Kinzo locks women up in abandoned buildings, he’s still the worst.

“Then, Asumu-san gave birth to Battler-kun… But I had a miscarriage. I think about it, sometimes. What if Asumu-san had had the miscarriage… and I had been the one to give birth? Would Rudolf-san have broken off his engagement and married me? But I couldn’t give birth to my child. So until Asumu-san died, and until I got pregnant with Ange, I cursed Asumu-san and was jealous.”

Good Lord, no wonder Kyrie is all messed up. (Also, I think this is the first Battler’s sister gets a name.)

Asumu-san should just die. Then, I want him to marry me. In my envy, I kept cursing like that, over and over, until Asumu-san finally died. I was certain. I was certain that I’d used the power of magic to curse and kill Asumu-san. But that didn’t quell the flames of my envy.

Don’t tell anyone, okay? Every time I look at Battler-kun, I remember that woman. Every single time I look at him, I think that if only my child had been born, he would be the same age. I’m still jealous of her, tormented by her. Even now, and from now on. Into the future, for all eternity.

God, no wonder she’s desperate to believe things with Rudy will be okay now.

I do wonder what about Asumu made her the better one to marry. I wonder if she was wealthier or aristocratic and the family pressured him away from Kyrie?

In the end, Kyrie out-envies Envy.

Back with Rudy, who is The Worst, he’s not dead yet, unfortunately, but is badly injured. The Stake moves in for the kill.

“Wait, there’s a favor I wanna ask. At the very end, I wanna do one of those…”
“…What do you mean, one of those?”
“You know, that thing you see in all the Westerns. We start with our backs together, walk three steps, and then *bang*.”

She agrees to his old-timey duel. I assume he’s trying to buy time.

They do one step, two… and Rudy fires. LOL. It hits. EVA can’t believe it, but Rudy points something out: the bullet would have hit EVA if she had dodged. The Sister sacrificed herself to save silly EVA, who foolishly was on the battlefield.

As the Furniture dissipates, Kyrie runs in and points her gun at EVA.

Ron pops up to say they need to go, but EVA says fuck that and starts glowing. There’s a gunshot, but… the bullet hangs in midair. Ron can’t hide his disbelief.

“…A-A bullet-proof barrier…!”

In an instant, a barrier that would require a significant amount of preparation even for the Predecessor had been… Ronove’s face was twisted in shock. And, the surprises did not end there…

The cloud of gold butterflies had created two humanoid forms.


Never thought I’d miss the Stakes’ designs.

Ronove: “…The Chiester Sisters Corps… Even the Predecessor… wasn’t able to summon Pendragon’s Memorial Troops on a moment’s notice, and to do it so easily…!”

Yeah, sure Ron, that’s totally not a name you just made up.

“From reading a picture book out aloud, to going on a date, to shooting down meteorites, we’ll take care of anything. Nihihi.”

All things that need lots of doing, definitely.

Kyrie’s like “let’s run” so they do. EVA tells the new Sisters to go kill them and bring back their corpses to play with. Lucifer shows up to say they’re not supposed to do that. EVA gives her a death stare.

Then this happens:

Very curious to know what the Cyrillic says.

After giving that announcement, they released a single arrow together. As the path taken by the gold-sparkling snake of light drew a curve, it followed the direction that Rudolf and Kyrie had escaped to in rapid pursuit. It turned through the corridors, crawled over the floor, chasing them as it drew a beautiful curve.

And the arrow instakills them both, then reels them in to EVA.

But then meta!Bea appears. She tells EVA she needs to behave. EVA is having none of it.

“…D-Damn that blabbermouth. Well, to be perfectly honest, that’s how it is. If you go a little too far… umm, that person will object, you see?”
“Why can’t this person just complain to me directly, instead of making you take a message? That coward.”
“…Well, this is a resident of a different world from yours. There’s no choice but to use me as an intermediary.”

EVA says in that case, they don’t matter at all and she gives no fucks.

“…You fighting a game in another world is absolutely no different from you telling me about stuff from your imagination. I’ll say it again. It has nothing to do with me. And, I am already a witch. Predecessor-sama, somehow or another, it seems that you can’t become a witch as long as this person doesn’t acknowledge you, but I’m different. Even though no one has acknowledged me, I’m an excellent witch already. Since you are my predecessor, I will formally pay you respect, but that’s out of kindness, not out of duty. I won’t ask for your advice anymore… because I clearly know what I should do and how I should play from now on. So I will carry out the murder of 13 people as a final act of respect for you. However, there is absolutely no reason for you to interfere with the methods I use… or what I do afterwards. Therefore, I’ll be counting on you in that regard.”

Bea is shocked and realizes trying to explain how magic relies on belief won’t ever get through. She says fine, she’ll sit back and watch the cards fall where they may.

In meta-land, Virgilia’s like, well, not so much fun to have no one listen to you, is it? Bea is quiet. Virgilia points something else out, too:

“…In your foolishness, you probably felt that Battler-kun’s acceptance of his role as your opponent was a first step towards making him acknowledge you as a witch. However, it was actually the opposite. Battler-kun challenged you in this game because he was absolutely determined not to acknowledge you. No matter how hard the thoughtless north wind blows, the traveler only wears his cloak even tighter. You were committing a huge error from the very beginning. …This game is not torture to make Battler-kun surrender. It is a test, in which you must try to make Battler-kun accept you.”

“…Uu… I’ve vaguely… noticed that…”

“The last game was a tough one for Battler. But, as it seems you’ve already noticed, this game is a tough one for you.”

“Wh-What should I do from now on?”

“Think about it for yourself. Fortunately, you have already given up your pieces on the game board to the new witch. You should have plenty of time to reflect upon your owns self.”

“…But Battler’s already a mass of hostility to me. He won’t accept witches, so he won’t accept me. In that case, what can I do to make him accept me…? Are you saying that if the north wind doesn’t work, then I should shine on him as the sun from now on…? Me, after all this time…?”

“It’s October now. The Halloween season. It’s the month of rebirth, when the sun dies and is revived again. When the sun is weak right after reviving, it may not reach far through the cold winter winds. However, it slowly grows… and is eventually able to hail the coming of spring. At that time, the traveler may even fold up his cloak.”

“So you say… that I am mistaken…?”

On that mysterious note, we return to the bloody grand hall. EVA’s basically having on off at torturing Rudy and Kyrie.

But then Hide walks in. He says to stop.

“…All kids get their heads filled with innocent but cruel ideas sometimes. When I was young, I’d sometimes go around steppin’ on ants and pullin’ the wings off dragonflies. However, I learned the importance of life, and graduated from that cruel childhood age. …Right now, you really are a child! A personality that I know Eva graduated from! That personality isn’t Eva. It’s a completely different human!!”

“That’s right. I am not Ushiromiya Eva. I’m the Golden Witch, Beatrice. It’s so fun, not being bounded by any limitations, and the pleasure of being able to do as I will with life and death is truly wonderful…! I don’t have to apologize for breaking a goldfish bowl, and I can tear stuffed animals up as much as I want! I-“

Hide walks up and slaps her across the face. She’s shocked.

“You’re a woman who understands how important, how fragile a life is, aren’t you?! I’ll make you remember…!! What are you calling a ‘witch’, you stupid fool?!! You’re my wife, Ushiromiya Eva! If anything, you’re witch of the kitchen, who can always make the perfect snacks out of refrigerator leftovers in a flash!! Won’t you open your eyes, you fool…?!!”

Hide sobs as he hits her. There’s a gunshot, and Hide falls to the floor. As he dies, he looks into EVA’s eyes.

 “Should we make this one a new toy and play? Nihi.”

At those words, the witch finally realized that Hideyoshi was dead.

“…Nng… yeah. Right, what’ll we do…”

The Chiester Sisters waited for instructions. On the inside, they imagined the sorts of even more brutal orders their master might give. But the expression that rose to the witch’s face looked as though she’d gotten over her excitement. She looked down at Hideyoshi’s face, which still had tears dripping down it…

She says she’s not in the mood, and calls Ron and Lucifer to clean up.

Eva wakes up in the guest house, screaming for Hideyoshi. But he’s not there.


  1. illhousen says:

    LOL, WTF

    Never thought I’d miss the Stakes’ designs.

    Don’t know what you mean. Fetish bunny girls assassins with a pseudo-military theme are a perfectly reasonable addition to the cast.

    BTW, do they get their character profile now or later? There is some interesting stuff in there if you click through them all.

    Very curious to know what the Cyrillic says.

    It’s not Cyrillic. Looks Greek to me.

    1. Act says:

      It’s clearly Greek and I’m an idiot.

      1. illhousen says:

        TBF, anime sorta has a weird fascination with Russian (not as prevalent as using random English words, but I do encounter it here and there occasionally, even in anime where you wouldn’t expect it), so it’s not an unreasonable conclusion to make when faced with an unfamiliar alphabet.

    2. Heatth says:

      Fetish bunny girls assassins with a pseudo-military theme are a perfectly reasonable addition to the cast.

      You joke, but actually think the absurdity of that combination is part of the point. They aren’t suppose to feel “reasonable”. The nonsense of military bunny girl assassins serves to highlight even more the wedge between the mundane and the magical. The “fetish” part is probably too much.

      1. illhousen says:

        I mean, I’ve read Umineko in full back in the day, I know what’s up with the design (though it kinda makes the fetish-y elements stand out even more). They’re ridiculous, but in a way appropriate for the story.

        Part of it is that, yeah, magic doesn’t need to be constrained by reason and logic and, in fact, can be said to stand in defiance to them, rejecting mundane problems and mundane solutions in favor of, well, a fantasy.

        Another part would be spoilers.

        They’re still pure WTF when you encounter them for the first time, though.

  2. Heatth says:

    Never thought I’d miss the Stakes’ designs.

    Heh, I sorta prefer the Chiester sister design more, actually. Not by much, though.

    These designs are such a shame, really. I truly love Umineko and wish recommend to everyone. But stuff like this make it really hard to. The worst thing is that I don’t think their design is pure shameless pandering with no thought to it. I think there is a point to some of the choices made that serve to enhance the story. But they probably could have worked something out that didn’t include leotards…

    1. CrazyEd says:

      For some reason, it looks like more of a hodgepodge than the Stakes to me.

      1. Heatth says:

        I find them somewhat more coherent in their motif, at least. Like, they are military bunnygirls. So they wear playboy bunny outfit with a military outfit over it. Like, it is a weird arbitrary combination but I can see the themes at least. With the Stakes I don’t even know what they are supposed to be dressed as. What are they supposed to look like?

        Take the leotard, for example. Like, it is “fanservice”, obvious, but the concept of “playboy bunnies” is so integrated it is not that weird that you would put a bunny girl in a leotard. With the Stakes it just feels random.

        Like, neither outfit is “good”. I just appreciate the Chiesters more for theme consistency, I guess.

        1. illhousen says:

          I’m still peeved that Umineko didn’t use actual Ars Goetia demon designs. Like, it has an owl on very long legs. How the fuck do you learn about this and not use it in your game?

          1. illhousen says:

            Case in point:

            Everyone who doesn’t depict their demons like that is a COWARD.

  3. Moonlight says:

    “If anything, you’re witch of the kitchen!” Oof what a way to prove her point

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