A weird (inadvertantly?) pro-British-Empire-Monarchy fic, a lot of people writing like they’re directing an episode, so much unnecessary and shoddily included religion, yet another fic where a guy is fucking a gardevoir and neither seem concerned she has zero legal rights but this time they’re also apparently fine with that applying to their kid too, a bunch of terrible science, and something with the Dragon Clan that could’ve been interesting but just squanders everything.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14183291/1/Heritage-Found-Book-I-The-Beginning-in-Kalos

[“We must tell the master we’ve found them!” A voice cried as two figures in black robes ran down a hallway lit by torches. ]

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Also, you should keep in mind that writing has different strengths and weaknesses over something like an animated episode. In a TV show, if you wanted suspense about who these figures were, you would need a generic concealing outfit like a black baggy robe. You could also do it because it’s easier to animate or, in live-action, costume. In writing, none of that applies. If there’s information you want hidden from a reader, then you can just not mention it even if it’d be obvious to a hypothetical viewer, and you’re not bound by a costume budget either.

[ I was here when we were attacked by those bastards and the queen and the young master disappeared when that whore interrupted the lady’s teleport and stole them from their rightful place.]

You should also keep in mind if it makes any sense for someone who did this to be getting called a very gendered, misogynistic slur that sounds like it has nothing to do with what happened and everything to do with the person just being female and that’s how you’re writing people talk about women in this fic. It’s especially jarring when the very next character introduced is dressed in the sort of garb an actual prostitute might be asked to wear while acting like a woman who has been paid a lot of money to act that way, so it sure doesn’t seem like they have any issue with women being sexual and if anything it’s mandatory.

[“And for what reason have you two fools decided to bother our lord?” A sensual voice purred as a pale woman dressed in a red dress that showed off her hourglass figure, twin slits on her dress exposing long white stocking-clad legs and high heels intercepted them. Her lips were painted blood red, a bang of her blond hair covering her left eye while the rest of it stops at the small of her back. Her right eye blazed red in the gloom, and the crimson eye shadow on her eyelids enhance her glare. On her ears were pure black diamonds; while around her neck was a Keystone on a black metal rose. While a pitch-black Tyranitar stood by her right, and to her left a Houndoom with a crown that had a strange gemstone between its eyes; both had a sneer on their faces as they faced down the two men.]

Also in text, you can’t get away with writing outfits in the same way as if a hypothetical gatcha audience might shell out for a card with that picture on it because the story is meant to just be a thin vehicle for pornographic images. Stripped down to its description, this is just a really silly thing for someone to be wearing outside of a club, and mostly begs the question of how she “intercepted” people running when it sounds like moving quickly in this outfit is an ordeal and why she’s purring at them when she doesn’t even like them – do you think how women talk when their flirting just just their normal voice for every situation? Similarly, special-looking pokemon really do boil down to just “look, they’re special!”, rather than feeling like something that’s at all necessary.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

[Tyranitar were large, bipedal, dinosaurian Rock/Dark type Pokémon with green, armor-like hide covering their body.  ]

I generally don’t think it makes sense to assume the people reading your fanfic don’t know anything about canon, but I will grant that this one seems to be porn-fishing so maybe you are trying to get people to just show up for that. In that case, though, you shouldn’t first just give their names like it’s something people are expected to know. Instead, you should’ve just described what was standing next to her and said that was a tyranitar. You also don’t really need a full paragraph of description for each pokemon – and if it’s really that important people are visualizing exactly a tyranitar, or exactly a very special sparklesue tyranitar, then I’d suggest considering posting this somewhere you can display or at least link images and then having those images in place of a paragraph trying to describe them. You can easily do both on Archive of Our Own.

Also, it makes little sense that someone would have no idea what tyranitar look like yet understand what you’re talking about with the unexplained type listing.

[They entered a touch lite throne room, paintings lining the walls of two teenagers, a man and woman together the man was dressed in a formal suit, and the face of the woman was covered by shadows ]

I really cannot overemphasize that you should not be writing your fanfic like it is a script for an episode. You don’t need to write, in text, that there is a ridiculous convenient shadow right this moment covering part of a picture everyone involved has already seen as if, had you not explicitly said her face was hidden, readers would somehow be able to see it and recognize it just by the fact she has a face.

Anyway, it’s certainly possible to write something with scantily clad women and Ash being ultra-special with harem powers that wasn’t creepy and misogynist in its handling of those women, but this is really not that.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14183386/1/Shooting-Star

[” I guess it has to start with ‘once upon a time’…” she cleared her throat as if she was going to tell some grand tale “… Once upon a time, there was a fair princess in a castle. And then one day an evil florges gave her a poisoned applin. And… hum… I guess a knight and a Charizard saved the day in the end?” ]

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

[But in the name of Arceus ]

This is generally a weird choice when people don’t talk like this in canon, and it’s especially so given for people trapped in Distortion World with Giratina who they’re treating with about as much reverence as a very cranky large bear while not even considering that maybe they shouldn’t invoke another presumably real and presumably even larger bear’s name as a casual rhetorical device to emphasize how annoyed they are rather than something that maybe you should literally start praying to at this point.

[“Come on, we already established I’m the applin, not the hero.” Celeste said looking at the approaching monster. “Besides I’m pretty sure Giratina is the sort of deity that eats little applin.”]

Seriously, it is just so jarring when narration and the overall viewpoint is just that this is a big monster, that neither of them show the slightest reverence, something that is also perfectly fitting with canon, and yet at the same time you’re trying to cram in the idea that this is an established universal religion. You’re undercutting your own writing and characterization in every way – the bit about Celeste rambling about fairy tales honestly works really well as a response to being in a terrifying situation and especially a “big large weird bear” sort of terrifying situation where the issue is just that you’re physically in danger from something you probably can’t win a fight with and might eat you, except for the part where this whole deity business instead makes it weird she’s gone for random fairy tales and not religious stories about Giratina and/or Arceus or otherwise having any sort of existential crisis over this or trying to interact with it according to whatever that religion says is how they work.

I feel like this kind of thing kind of exemplifies why I do think fanon is inherently bad.

Assuming a canon is halfway competent, the individual pieces are going to work together, so even if you personally don’t see how they work together, you’re not going to hit any problems using all those pieces together yourself.

But fanon has near perfect overlap with something that doesn’t quite work with canon. At best, that’s because someone has decided they don’t like the conflicting part of canon and are overwriting it with something else, but anyone who copies it from that point onward will need to be able to understand that conflict and similarly alter canon to make sure the pieces work with each other, and they also, by nature of what fanon is, won’t know that it isn’t just how everything works and shouldn’t be included in a fic where it does nothing but get in the way of everything else.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14183478/1/Pokemon-Adventures-Sun-And-Moon

Your title should really say what your story is actually about, not just a nod to the most broad information about its setting.

[Focusing her eyes in the sunlight’s glare, she saw that this boy walked with a crutch and had a cast about his left ankle. “Hello!” she cried, waving. “Many greetings to you! How goes the chucking?”

He turned, surprised. “It’s a necessary job. Some tourists get uncomfortable around these Pyukumuku, and they also like to stay in one spot for a while. It’s for their own good!” Grinning, he withdrew a curious orange device from a travel backpack. It glinted in the sun, the plastiglass screen showing a stream of myriad information on Pyukumuku.]

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

I understand you’re adapting this and trying to stick close to the original scene, but you need to pay attention to if one character’s line of dialogue makes any sense as a response to the previous one. She did not ask why he was doing it, let alone suggest she was concerned and could use an explanation about how it’s good for the pyukumuku too. Just have her actually ask stuff you want him to reply to. You could even break up the dialogue more naturally if you had her ask, had him mention tourists, have her say she’d thought it was for the pokemon, and then have him justify it as good for them too.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14183532/1/PMD-Embers-and-Flowers

[“Wha..what?” , the small figure mumbles before sitting up. ]

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

[A plains type area, with grass as far as the eye can see. ]

This is a very videogamey way of putting it, and while you’re of course familiar with the setting through a videogame, your character has no idea what’s happening or reason to start off looking at it through this lens. It would just look like he’s on grassy plains.

[a Scorbunny being chased by a pair of Spinarak. ]

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

[She considered using her badge to send him immediately out of the dungeon, but her curiosity needed to be rewarded. ]

“Rewarded” doesn’t make sense here. I think you mean “satisfied”.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14183539/1/An-Electric-Connection

[the Pokemon world,]

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

[“I can’t believe Iono is right outside our school, Carmen,” Elena sang to her friend before turning back to her idol, “What brings you to Mesagoza?”

“It must be important since you had to cancel your stream today,” Carmen added.

Iono let out a big sigh, “Yeah, I have to go to the Pokemon League for a meeting. You know, boring gym leader stuff.”]

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14183738/1/The-sunshine-kissed-me-now-it-s-your-turn

[They aren’t Human with extra Pokemon body parts, even if it’s convenient and easier to understand putting it that way. They aren’t hybrids whose parents are the two said species either.

You shall keep in mind, ” Hymite ” is a completely different kind of its own.]

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

You don’t need to have spaces around your quotation marks, or other punctuation like [ sort of like Xatu’s ones : sharp, odd, judgmental.]

[ Though he agrees the way he looks participates in making people quite uncomfortable, his resting face isn’t something that can be controlled.]

Your sentences are often wonky – “participates in”, while it does get across what he means, is a really weird way of putting it compared to just “the way he looks makes people quite uncomfortable” or “is part of why”, and “isn’t something he can control” would also fit better when this seems to be him thinking it. I’d suggest a beta reader.

Also

[There are Xatu wings where his human arms should be but he was born as a Hymite, so their presence are pretty much expected.

Still, honestly speaking, this situation is rather rare because birds-like Hymite often have their arms, and their wings stay on their backs. Thankfully, he’d learned Psychic right after he knew how to talk as a baby and everything is always more convenient with Psychic after all.]

[Santiago likes morning sunshine.

He stands in front of the opened curtains, the unclosed windows, letting the sun kiss his skin. It’s the most ideal time from six to eight o’clock, when the light is gentle and kind. Even if it turns more violent, he doesn’t mind.

Xatu is known to stand motionless while staring at the sun all day long.]

[Santiago turns his eyes to Lilith – the Espurr. She waves her adorable hands, showing her small toothy grin, ” We miss you. ”

He feels the corners of his lip curl up a little, ” Xa, Xatu. ” ( ” I miss you guys too. ” )]

You make a huge deal about how the hymites are totally different, but you never give any examples of this, and instead you only keep mentioning he has a bunch of xatu traits, exactly like a human/xatu hybrid would. And there’s nothing wrong with hybrids, but it’s really awkward coming after your summary and then opening lines say nothing about this story except how they’re totally not hybrids and it’s really important they’re not hybrids at all.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14184045/1/How-did-I-get-here

[Air rushing past my face, the ground fast approaching, all I can think is “How the Fuck?!”  ]

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

You should not be capitalizing words for emphasis.

[ a Mew]

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

[“Yeah, I’m ok, thank you officer, thought I was a goner there” I say with a chuckle, she gives me a stern look “You’re lucky I was on patrol at the time, or you would have been, don’t you its dangerous in the wilds without a Pokémon partner” I give a grimace “yeah gotcha, sorry I got turned around trying to find town”]

You should not have two speakers in the same paragraph. Also, you need to remember to have punctuation at the end of your sentences. I would strongly suggest a beta reader.

I do like that your character is being honest about what happened and wants to investigate it, rather than deciding to just keep it a secret and try to turn this into a standard OT fic, but there are just far too many errors here, and the extremely chatty narration is a bit much too – either dial it back, or revise it to be describing more interesting things in that voice. Just shouting what the fuck over and over is tiresome.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14184046/1/Scream-if-you-Dare-Pokemon-x-Scream

[Disclaimer: I DON’T OWN POKEMON, AND I ALSO DON’T OWN SCREAM!]

There’s a separate section for crossover fic.

[ the Chikorita]

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

[“They know fighting back will only earn them a beating,” another snickered.]

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

[The message seemed like it was from a friend, a friend who genuinely cared for her at that. But rather than seeming grateful that whoever it was was concerned for her safety, she scoffed and rolled her eyes, before furiously typing back.

I’m fine. Stop doting over me, it’s getting annoying. You’re not impressing anyone, Ethan.

…

Wow, no need to be a bitch about it.

Lyra’s right eye twitched slightly, and her fingers practically flew across the small keyboard as she replied.

A fucker like you doesn’t get to call me a bitch. I’ll let it slide, but watch your mouth.

“Annoying whore,” she grumbled loudly as she turned her phone off and set it down face-first on her towel.]

Ah, and it seems you’re a fan of the horror thing where you try to get people to hate the main characters before they die. I’m very much not, so I’m out.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14184061/1/The-Wonders-of-Alola

[“Haven’t slept a wink…” He muttered.]

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

[ his three Pokemon, Mightyena, Breloom, and Magneton ]

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

[Her dress showed off her pale arms and mostly skinny body, except for the part where she packed an enormous pair of breasts. He wasn’t sure if they were perhaps the biggest set of boobs he’d ever seen, let alone on such a skinny woman. Although covered by her dress he could tell they were truly ridiculously proportioned. ]

I can sort of understand the idea of shipping your self-insert with the more boobtastic characters, and I could get it if you were interested in Lusamine and just thought the one thing you’d change is that she’s not stacked, but I’m lost by what the point is of combining this with him fucking his way across Alola. If the women are basically interchangeable notches on his bedpost, and their canon appearance doesn’t matter either, why not just write an original character fuckfest?

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14184347/1/Pokemon-Journeys

Your title should really communicate something more specific about your story than its subgenre.

[ a Dodrio  ]

[Hey mom! ]

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

[Narrator: This is Pallet Town…where this young man and his sister calls home.]

Script format is banned. If for some reason you really want a narrator speaking in addition to writing our regular narration, put it in quotation marks, but really, you don’t need voiceover in a fic. A written story doesn’t work like a visual episode.

[“Po-ké-mon.” Jordan slowly said.]

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14184355/1/Trying-to-Live-Our-Lives-In-Peace-and-Comfort

I can understand why you thought you should have a list of all your OCs, but if people can’t keep your characters straight, that’s a problem in itself with either the writing of the characters or a cast that’s bigger than it needs to be and you’re better off trying to handle it directly than putting a patch over it. Similarly, you shouldn’t have a list of what different formattings mean – either you’re overcomplicating it and don’t need all that, or if they’re truly important, you need to be better at communicating that within the story itself. You certainly shouldn’t need to label flashbacks for people to tell that’s what’s going on, for example.

[ waited for the small school bus meant to drive preschoolers and kindergartners home. In Slateport City, the school system does not allow children below first grade to walk home by themselves without their parents or guardians. With a small city such as theirs, the local children are well within walking distance of their homes but for the safety of younger children and their usually working parents, the city found it more practical to simply drive smaller children home.]

I feel like you’re really, really underestimating how big a city is. Even a large town is going to be able to support multiple schools, and they’re certainly going to have a big enough preschool and kindergarten for more than a small bus. This reads like you’re trying to patch a plot hole in using a bus by explaining this, except that it’s your explanation that’s the problem. Also, if they’re protective of their children, they’d be demanding parents pick up the preschoolers instead of expecting them to get off the bus at the right stop alone to a house that might not have any adults in them.

[“Well daddy, I.. uh..uh had SO much fun today at school! Miss Connely let us watch cartoons after we learned about numbers and math! She uh..even helped us with things like umm..she called it Grammar, I think, but I know I can write like you and mommy can now!”]

Not how kids talk or school works. Also, words you’re using in place of names get capitalized the same as names.

[ “I cannot wait to have them over, eat cake, play games, and then unwrap the presents!” She finished.]

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

[*While Jon and Ellie were speaking*

A wind blew through the trees while a person was picking fruits and vegetables. Gliding across the backyard garden as if levitating, the person picks a few pieces of ripe natural morsels ranging from carrots and broccoli to Oran and Chesto berries and apples.]

You need to just write your scene transitions into the narration. For example, this could just as easily have been:

[While Jon and Ellie were speaking, a wind blew through the trees while a person was picking fruits and vegetables. Gliding across the backyard garden as if levitating, the person picks a few pieces of ripe natural morsels ranging from carrots and broccoli to Oran and Chesto berries and apples.]

[ a Gardevoir]

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

[“Mommy! Hey momma, guess what!? All my friends from school are going to come to my birthday party!” Ellie practically screamed that out, leading Celia, the now revealed Gardevoir, to hush her.

In a low voice to emphasize, Celia telepathically spoke, “now my little blueberry, I am very glad to hear that but remember what we talked about before you went to school okay, for reasons your father and I will explain when you are older, you cannot call me mommy, momma, mother, or mom out loud. Many people will find that..weird and not normal and may even come here to talk. You are not in trouble but I just do not want to see people looking at you weird or trying to get your daddy in trouble, okay?”]

If they were aware of this, they shouldn’t have taught her to call Celia that in the first place. The only way this makes sense is if they were either very optimistic that people would become okay about this within the couple years it’d take for their kid to get old enough for school or if they were originally planning to hide out in the middle of nowhere.

[We couldn’t go to the hospital for fear that they would arrest Jon for ‘pokephilia’ (regardless of his intention, the law now and then would not distinguish Jon from the perverts who abused their pokemon for pleasure)]

You did a genuinely good job of describing him as respecting her and her not going on about him being her master, so this doesn’t feel as eye-rolly as a lot of fic that has this line in connection to an otherwise regular trainer, but that just uncovers a different problem. It’s not really that the law can’t tell him apart from an abuser. It’s that the law does not view her as a person capable of consent in the first place, and presumably not as a person in any other sense either. And that should be an issue for her even if she’s lucky enough to have someone who voluntarily treats her as an equal. She’s still legally property, she can still legally be confiscated from him, someone can just kill her and it’s not murder. And even if she’s pretty good at just not thinking about this because she doesn’t expect it to ever change and tries to focus on the fact if she’s lucky none of that will happen, if she has a different legal status than her husband and if her daughter is unprecedented, there is no reason to expect her daughter will get to be put on the human side of the scale if people ever find out. The both of them should be significantly more concerned about the legal system beyond just that it’s unfair Jon would get arrested for fucking her.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14184422/1/Journey-to-the-Stars

[“It’s ok, we’re still waiting for Professor Oak anyways.” Green said.]

It’s okay, four letters.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

[“Then I’ll pick bulbasaur, my favorite!” Green said.]

[ my Charmander!” Blue said excitedly. ]

If you’re using it as a name, it’s capitalized. If you’re not, like with a/the/my, then it’s not.

[ it’s pokeball.]

“It’s” means “it is”, “its” is possessive.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14184643/1/PMD-Ambition-s-Shadow

[The ninetales continued walking in silence. The glameow trailing her began to weigh on her nerves. She felt the pressure build and build, until finally she turned to growl out a query.

“What do you want?”

The glameow gave a grin.

“I couldn’t help but notice that you’re new in town!” His chipper attitude began to chip at Snute’s patience. “Are you here for anything in particular?”

The ninetales gave a curt nod.

“I’m going to become an explorer.”]

You should have a speaker’s actions go in the same paragraph as the speaker. So:

[The ninetales continued walking in silence. The glameow trailing her began to weigh on her nerves. She felt the pressure build and build, until finally she turned to growl out a query. “What do you want?”

The glameow gave a grin. “I couldn’t help but notice that you’re new in town!” His chipper attitude began to chip at Snute’s patience. “Are you here for anything in particular?”

The ninetales gave a curt nod. “I’m going to become an explorer.”]

This makes it a lot easier to follow who’s saying and doing what.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14184686/1/Pokedex-Poems

I can understand why you’d think to put one pokemon to one chapter, but when we’re talking a seventeen-word free verse poem, you should really be posting these in batches.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14184895/1/Dragon-Rage

[Gabriel and Victor are the two sons of Elder Laurenzo, head of the Dragon Tamer clan. According to an ancient law, the future leader would be Gabriel. However… the appearance of Lucrezia, a beautiful woman from Viridian City, will completely reverse this fate, since the law doesn’t allow members of the line of succession to marry outside Blackthorn City.]

Uh. This seems like a recipe for massive, and soon fatal, amounts of inbreeding. Just restricting it to people of Johto would still mean a woman from Viridian wasn’t an option, or if you dialed it back from anyone in the line of succession to just the heir.

[whose cure for the legendary creatures had been ascertained for centuries.]

What?

[various Pokémon ]

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

[“Oh, it was a year ago when I went to the Kanto region. I wanted to visit the Safari Zone, after hearing that it was possible to catch Dratini and Dragonair there as well… And it’s true! It was in that park that I met Lucrezia…”

“Was she hunting dragons too?” Patrizia continued.

“Oh, no, ma’am, I actually hate the Safari Zone…”

“And why on earth?”

“Because Pokémon should live in their own habitats, without human interference.”

Lucrezia’s dark eyes had lit up with a combative light, while Patrizia gave the floor to her husband without adding anything else.

“We understand your point of view, Lucrezia, but the Safari Zone was designed to give refuge to protected species and-”

“And why do those species need to be protected? Because humans hunted them excessively, that’s why!”

The girl almost screamed, and Patrizia’s face turned livid with anger.

She had dared to interrupt her husband, the head of the clan, who was also struggling to speak due to a throat disease.

“Miss Lucrezia, I would ask you not to interrupt whoever is talking, please.” she retorted, very coldly.]

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Also, when writing dialogue, you should have a speaker and their actions go in the same paragraph.

As for the content, this is all incredibly bizarre and feels like you didn’t actually think about any of the canon worldbuilding in favor of just pasting in generic judgey family members.

The Safari Zone only recently added dratini, which they would’ve gotten by catching them out of the wild and then putting them in a place designed for other people to catch them, because in canon, dratini were only recently “discovered” at the time. The addition of the Dragon Clan in the second games and the fact their elder has been breeding dratini for a long time means that they were aware of those pokemon and keeping that fact from outsiders for generations, and they also don’t believe anyone should be allowed to catch dragon types because it should be their decision who gets one and when.

So why would an intensely controlling, conservative, insular, and nationalistic group be defending an unrelated for-profit organization in another region that’s allowing the masses access to a type of pokemon they believe they should have exclusive control over? Why would they disagree with her on this?

Meanwhile, why is Lucrezia, who is presumably here to make a good impression, flying off the handle at the first disagreement? They’re not in any way connected to the Safari Zone and their opinion really doesn’t change anything about it. Her behavior is totally unacceptable for someone who’s supposed to be marrying into the head of the clan, and her opinions really shouldn’t matter at that point. For that matter, why is Gabriel so oblivious he couldn’t prep her in the least about things like her outfit or even the barest outline of how to handle the questions he’d know his family would ask? How badly he’s flubbing this by proxy is just making it look like this whole system is a good idea, because he really should not be the next head of the family and this is making that clear.

If the family is meant to be picky and controlling, you don’t need Lucrezia to be clashing violently with them or otherwise be this over the top. They should be good at finding fault in anything, and if they want to get this sort of reaction from her, they should be working at it. It’s also silly given she’s disqualified by virtue of birth – it would make far more sense for Gabriel to have picked someone who’s a perfect fit in most other ways (it’s not like they aren’t judgy as hell about how everyone else is raising pokemon) and expect his family to be willing to make an exception for her. If it’s meant to be that they actually disapprove of her as a person, then you don’t need a law about only people from Blackthorn, just that if they don’t approve of his pick of wife regardless, he has the choice of ditching her or they disown him. You know, normal royal family style bullshit.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14184931/1/The-Prince-Who-Travelled-Through-Time

[Humans and Pokémon  ]

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

[The Empire of Galar, which was ruled by a royal family who descended from the founders of the empire. King Barry, the Duke of Ludester, and Queen Marley, the Duchess of Greenbury, ruled the land through compassion, kindness, and a keen sense of justice, along with their only son, Prince Victor the 1st, from their castle nestled in the mountains of Galar for as long as anyone could remember.

Despite rumors about the mistreatment of its subjects, the royal family was fair and just throughout their dealings, and often these rumors were spread by rival clans who wanted to see their empire crumble. With the empire’s economy thriving in its third Golden Era, many of the settlements within its borders flourished, whether it be small or big. They produced goods that would be the subject of friendly competition and trade deals with other empires from other parts of the world.]

Given what country Galar is based on, it is really not the best idea to explain that they were just the bestest colonialists and anybody who says otherwise is a jealous liar and actually their economic system made everyone weathy and happy instead of starvation and slavery.

If you want to set a story in Galar, I would really, really, really recommend making it just a kingdom being run as a kingdom and not an empire, and definitely not an empire that gets a paragraph about how it didn’t do anything wrong ever and those were all lies spread by evil people.

[I pray to Arceus that it is not too late. I admire his loyalty and sense of justice for our people, but I dread the thought of losing him.”]

This is not a legendary they care about in Galar. They aggressively don’t even care about their own native legendaries.

[“As you wish, my king.” The assistant said,]

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

WHY

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14185094/1/Privileged-Prisoner

[ Okay, kiddies, this one is going to be dark. I’m serious; I’m talking about SA on a kid.]

I appreciate that you’re warning people about this up front!

Centering all your fic makes it very hard to read.

[‘It looks like you’re all out of Pokemon, little girl.’ that mean man sneered as I held my unconscious Eevee, Normi, close.]

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

[He never battled with a Machamp in our other battles; maybe he traded too.]

It’s hard to follow what’s going on in this story because you’re not very clear with the backstory. If you just say that someone was attacked in Mt. Moon by Giovanni, then it’s not obvious that she already fought him in the gym, let alone apparently several times since she’s talking about multiple battles. And once you say that, it’s still not clear if you mean for them to have fought Giovanni to get their eighth badge, gone through the entire game plot including defeating various Team Rocket schemes, or just fought a couple other gyms. It’s not even clear if “battles” refers to multiple fights at the gym or multiple encounters across the map, and if it’s been her thwarting plans or if Giovanni’s just been stalking her for a while.

You definitely mean to have her know Giovanni and to have encountered him before, so I’m guessing she’s been involved in messing up Team Rocket’s plans, but you should really establish how she knows him and what she thought of him before – was she always scared, or did she never expect him to be quite this dangerous until she lost? Similarly, knowing who she is to him gives a context to why he’s doing this.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14185132/1/Wayward-Current

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

[“…I’ll have that one.”

The poncho-clad Noibat pointed a small, shaky claw to the beverage menu in front of him, gazing up apprehensively to the bartender, a rotund Chansey with a warm smile and old eyes. She peered down, nodding expectantly at his choice.

“One Pecha berry smoothie? Would ya like some honey with that, sugar?”

“Yes please…”]

You should put a speaker and their actions together, like:

[“…I’ll have that one.” The poncho-clad Noibat pointed a small, shaky claw to the beverage menu in front of him, gazing up apprehensively to the bartender, a rotund Chansey with a warm smile and old eyes.

She peered down, nodding expectantly at his choice. “One Pecha berry smoothie? Would ya like some honey with that, sugar?”

“Yes please…”]

[ He could already feel himself getting full, though the glass still had half a filling of smoothie left.]

This is a pretty weird sentence. Maybe you were trying to avoid saying “getting full” followed by “half full”? But you could just say it had half of the smoothie left, rather than “a filling of”.

[ I was supposed to be here for a short trip to nab a gift for my wife for our anniversary…]

[he offered a sympathetic nod in reply to the Garchomp’s plight. Not only was he big and friendly… he was… kind of a softie. Maybe he was a father, or he’d come to look for medicine for his wife? Or their child? ]

[Turns out the flower I wanted to get her is all the way over in some other town full of flowers, whaddya know.]

[Naurga paused, slightly narrowing his eyes, then took a sip of his smoothie. A flower? A medicinal herb, maybe…]

It’s so bizarre that Naurga is speculating wildly and wrongly about something he’s told flat out at the start that it feels like it’s intentional, but if so it’s not clear what on earth he’s actually hearing, why he’s so confused, and why he seems so fixated on the idea of illness.

But it doesn’t go anywhere. None of this does. You’ve labeled it complete and a one-shot, but it’s just one person sitting and meeting another, weirdness, and agreeing to go actually do a thing before we cut off before it can happen.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14185298/1/Lost-in-Goldenrod

[“Okay Lyra, but at least tell me where you are so we can plan out dinner,” I looked over at Marill who was fast asleep on his section of the park bench. ]

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

[ Did grandma freak her out?]

If you’re using something as a person’s name, it’s capitalized like one, as in, “He called his grandmother Grandma.”

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14185342/1/Warrior-of-the-Horizon

[Not a Krabby, not a Corphish, not a Wingull…  ]

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

[As my head lay back on the sand I could hear a voice.

It wasn’t a familiar voice—but it sounded gentle. It sounded safe.

“It’s okay. It’s okay.”

No, it’s not. My partner is lost and I’m hurt badly—

“It’s okay. Why not rest for another five minutes? Your time isn’t now. You’re the hero. In all universes…”

I could feel my eyes rolling back in my head as my face went numb. This must be what death feels like…

“In all universes… you are the savior of Solgaleo and Lunala. You are the Warrior of the Horizon.”]

This is weird.

Destined stuff tends to just undercut a lot of tension – you’ve set up a situation where he’s in trouble, then said that under no circumstances is it possible for him to die or even fail for the rest of the fic. And the only reason for establishing that would be some sort of subversion, like that Ash has plot armor but Pikachu and the rest of his pokemon don’t and it’s actually a very bad idea for him to fall asleep here when they’re in danger.

[I don’t remember making it to this building, but I could tell that this was a safe place for me. The bed isn’t designed for a boy; that much is certain as the blankets are a clean white and the bed frame itself is a childish pink with a stuffed animal laying on the floor next to the bed. ]

…boys can’t even have white sheets now, those are too girly? Not just no pink or stuffed animals, white is banned too?

[“You’re awake! How do you feel little buddy?” The man exclaimed in an almost comical rush of joy.  ]

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

[OK…]

It’s okay, four letters.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14185351/1/Crusades-Of-The-Crimson-Knight-II

[Make sure you read “Crusades Of The Crimson Knight I” before reading this, which took place in the Mushroom Kingdom dimension!]

The thing about fanfic is, people who are familiar with one fandom are probably not familiar with another one at random, and even among those who are, not necessarily interested in the fic. Your best bet to get people to read the previous fic is to lay out in this fic why they should be invested enough to leave it and go look at that one, and for that, you need more than just this single line that doesn’t explain anything about what’s going on, who these people are, what the darkness is, what the knight business has to do with anything, and so forth.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14185550/1/kidnapping-of-joy

Try harder.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14185592/1/Pokemon-Project-Mew

Nonstory chapters are banned, and two short paragraphs of author’s note should just be in front of your actual first chapter anyway.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14185592/2/Pokemon-Project-Mew

[Over the past couple of weeks, Beginning December 18th, Pokemon throughout the Kanto region have been behaving erratically and violently.]

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

[ The Rocket Research Facility is looking into this matter further and I have decided to keep a log, documenting this odd case.]

Given Team Rocket, I don’t see why you chose this name if you mean for them to be a legitimate organization which not only isn’t behind this but is honestly doing their best to find a solution for everyone.

[The Pokemon that have arrived have proved difficult to contain. The pokeballs they were initially captured with are fragile, and by their nature, do not have any form of locking mechanism. Ie The pokemon in question can easily open their pokeballs. ]

This is also unclear – while pokemon can get out of their pokeballs at times in canon, they usually can’t, and by definition you can’t “capture” something if there’s no locking mechanism at all. It seems like perhaps you’re suggesting pokemon were previously completely nonviolent and the pokeballs that function like canon might’ve come about after this? But you still have trainers and pokecenters, so if these things were different than in canon, you should spend more time explaining how things did work pre-whatever-this-is to understand the contrast.

[Their unhinged violence has slowed however the usual human intelligence and reasoning abilities Pokemon as a species show, is lacking in these individuals. ]

If they’re actually human level and this is widely known, then being owned by trainers and the fact this is all framed as a problem to the humans and not a bunch of fellow people getting driven mad and often suffering permanent brain damage is really fucked up.

[It seems like their brains may have been affected leading to neurological distress and evolutionary regression. ]

Also, evolution is not a straight path toward being better and more convenient for humans. Unless it’s known for a fact historical pokemon used to act like this, it’s ridiculous to say that’s what’s happening.

[There was nothing wrong. Intensive studies proved again and again that it wasn’t a virus, infection or disease instead pokecenters and researchers around the globe referred to it as a sudden and rapid DNA regression.]

DNA is a physical substance and not like, a soul or something. There cannot both be nothing wrong and massive DNA changes because you can just check the DNA and actually see if it’s changed, and if there is nothing they can find wrong and they’re just calling it DNA regression for no reason, then it doesn’t sound like mystery destroys human intelligence and reasoning abilities disease is limited to pokemon.

[“Is there any proof to back this up?” She asked,  ]

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14185597/1/Arcana-The-Parelle-Saga

Nonstory chapters are banned.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14185618/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-The-Sinnoh-Champion-Cup

You know, I’d explain that SYOC stories don’t work well in practice, and are pretty much certain to end up burning out midway in for a lot of reasons, but you appear to have a bunch of these already, none of which you finished, so I feel like you should be familiar with the terrible pitfalls and how none of the supposed benefits will actually materialize.

[Dawn’s Empoleon ]

[“Yes, mom?” ]

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym – and when you’re using it in place of her name, like above, it should be written Mom.