So, AOOOOOOOO responses have gotten rather entertaining. As is customary, I’ll be posting the good as well as the bad so the reasonable get their accolades, which in this case, means we start quite well and slowly descend into something indistinguishable from FFN. We begin years back in the early days of fandom, when people were saner and, perhaps coincidentally, also better writers overall. Go check them out!
haha, wow, this was definitely a surprise. first off, thank you for taking the time out and writing this up, I’m simultaneously super grateful and humbled beyond belief. (thank ember for the stories, oh man)
re: the phrasing:
I was trying for something along the lines of drawn out as in mapmaking (kind of working into my headcanon Jade’s spacepowers, but nothing I elaborated on in the fic proper whoooops). but you’re right, I definitely didn’t convey that properly and the phrasing turned out all kinds of clumsy. when I end up rewriting this piece, that’s definitely one of the things I’ll be changing.
but seriously, thank you. I really have been planning on hacking this thing apart, and your review’s doing a lot to let me see what worked enough for mention, and if it deserves some fleshing out. (especially Dave finding Jade; I actually thought I pulled that off really weakly, kind of a rushed “OH btw Jade isn’t a damsel in distress just so you guys know” deal. that’s another theme I’d give proper attention in the rewrite aurhghr.) did I say thank you? because really. thank you.
891 days ago
Thank you! I’m a big sucker for things coming together and then falling apart, espeically when it’s something that’s obviously doomed from the start. And I’m going to go ahead and answer your questions:
– The resistance wants peace at all costs.
– if they war was stopped, they would probably take control of the Battlefield and use it as their own planet, so you’d see some dissenters from Derse and Prospit fleeing to the Battlefield, and depending on if the Queens are alive or not (I assume the White and Black Kings would both be killed by the rebellion), you could either have another all-out war, or a cold-war stalemate situation where they have tiny proxy wars over the Land Of ____’s for resources.
– but they wouldn’t be able to keep living because once the players progress through the door to the new universe, Skaia ends and the board clears for the next players.
– I feel like most exiles had no idea that Skaia is set to self-destruct. The Kings and Queens know, and maybe some of the high-ranking people here and there (Jack Noir, maybe whoever oversees the cloning stations, a few high military commanders), but the bulk of the population has no idea. So when they go into exile, there’s this sadness that they’ve lost their entire world and everyone in it, and they never realize that exile actually saved them from dying when the board was swept clean.
My own headcanon is that Skaia resets once people have gone through the new universe, and it also resets if all the players die without killing the Black King. But there’s a gap there, right in the middle, that if they kill the Black King but don’t proceed through the door to the new universe, Skaia doesn’t realize the game has ended and the session continues. (which, totally coincidently, is the plot of ‘Figurehead’, another Homestuck fic I wrote. gosh this was totally subtle)
Yeeeah, I’m having a hell of a time with those commas. I’ve been trying to fix them in my more current stuff, but bad habits are hard to break. Again, thank you!
889 days ago
Agh, struck down by my own arrogance. I’m the one my family has always gone to for speeling kwestchuns, so it figures I’d miss something simple like that.
Much of the point behind the AU characterizations was for them to be more echoes than the same, although the differences are more apparent as the roles become more exotic. I’m glad these two came off as intended. ^_^
889 days ago
Oh, wow, thank you! Those are all really good things to hear. “Visceral” is definitely what you want to achieve when you’re writing a battlefield scene.
I sort of figured with all the things that happened between Rise Up and when we see her again after Descend, there had to be a long extended fight or something to keep her busy. Also the progression of NO WEAPONS EVER –> get punched in the face –> GO FOR THE JUGULAR doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. Ever since the “What sword?” page I was dying to know how she went from that to the character we knew from the future. I expected most of it was the result of wandering alone around a desert wasteland for years, but then we got the post-Descend sequence and wait, what? What happened there? Why did we miss that? The gap was frustrating, so I filled it.
Her response to Jack was really fun to write and I’m glad it had the punch I was going for. <3
878 days ago
thank you! i still kind of regret talking myself out of continuing this, but at the same time…a little bit of sociopath jade goes a long way.
874 days ago
the prosetry bug bit me in the ass with this one (also: booze) and decided that i wanted to jam words together goddamnit and i won’t let no damn story stand in my way. you’re totally right, the story is utterly drowning under all that imagery.
my english prof would beat me with a belt for this.
874 days ago
thank you! (seriously you are a machine at this reviewing thing, I am hugely appreciative for all the reviews you’ve dropped on my stuff and in the community in general. not a whole lot of commenting goes on around here, and especially not actual analysis/critique, so you’re basically awesome.)
I stone cold hate the way Hussie handles timelines and could write a nerdy-as-fuck dissertation on why it doesn’t make sense, but his approach seems to be “it works because I say it works” so there’s no way to logically argue against that.
But in my head, timelines work logically (and are properly independent of each other). Someone has to set those pins up. No truncated beta-feeding-off-of-alpha’s-events bullshit. So horrible.
874 days ago
870 days ago
870 days ago
Thanks! And yeah, it probably *isn’t* quite finished, is it… I think with some of the new plot developments I may have a better idea of where it would go. :)
870 days ago
It’s totally a feature that got added in Pesterchum 13.4. Yep. That’s totally it. What why are you looking at me like that it was totally intentional seriously and–
Thanks!! Glad you liked it!
870 days ago
Hmm, I should put an “all” in that bit to make it clearer…
And the other thing is kind of silly and I’m gonna feel stupid explaining it but here goes. Basically, it’s the sword as a metaphor, saying Dave really got stabbed through the heart 4 months or so ago when John died– in terms of emotions, being totally screwed, both or neither as you like. He’d gotten used to it, functioning despite it. And now you know… the rest of the silly metaphor. :D
But I’m glad you enjoyed it despite that nonsense XD
870 days ago
Oh, wow. Thank you! This is great feedback and you are awesome for writing it all out. I’ll give you a more in-depth reply in your journal, but for here, thank you thank you thank you.
865 days ago
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and critique my story. It really means a lot to me. :)
I typically write fluffy, slice of life stories, because that is what comes naturally to me. I wrote this story as an attempt to challenge myself and break away from my usual style. I realize that there are a lot of issues with it, so thank you for your patience.
My original idea was that I wanted a scene with John coming to terms with his existence or lack thereof. In my head, “future John” wasn’t really from the future, but rather something of a broken copy, like leftover memories that developed a life of their own in an alternate sort of universe. He was first written as “Other John.” I struggled with explaining this concept in a way that didn’t seem awkward or just dumb. At the suggestion of my beta, it was changed to future John.
My inability to explain this is probably the reason for the awkward dialog, for which I apologize.
You bring up a great point though. Why wouldn’t they question it more? I guess I just didn’t really think of it, I was more concerned with “future” John’s realization that he didn’t exist and the sacrifice that future Rose made. This is a big oversight on my part, and I’ll keep it in mind when I write more.
Again, thank you so much for your review. :)
864 days ago