Finishing up Oct 2011 and beginning our sharp downward turn.
That’s Ryuunosuke for you – enthusiastic over the weirdest things. You can’t help but like him until you’re reminded that all his joy and enthusiasm is for mass murder. And then you still kind of like him.
Thank you very much! I’m glad you enjoyed.
Noted and fixed!
Thanks very much!
Droog-related shenanigans might be my favorite shenanigans.
Thanks for the input! You’ve really been tearing through my fics lately, and it’s nice to see someone who isn’t all OH SO PERFECT DESU~~~
Though I wouldn’t mind hearing what you liked about it too :)
Oh, it’s been about 5 years since I was in school and I guess I fudged some of the rules there, since it was the beginning of a new dialogue, but not the start of the sentence. Had to go look it up real quick. Welll, now you leave me with a problem: start doing it right or stay consistent. :P
Anyway, thanks! I really wanted to sort of build a living world, here, try and avoid things that annoy me in other stories, that sort of thing. Good to hear I’m not doing too bad a job.
There is more to the story that I haven’t posted on this site, yet. http://disgustipurge.livejournal.com/ has most of the 5th chapter, if you’re interested. I’ll post it here when I’m completely finished with it.
Ah, but see, if it had been a straight crossover then it wouldn’t have fit the prompt I was writing for. Thanks for taking the time to give me a critique, though!
It’s fiction, mate. If it was in real life, it’d be abhorrent. Since it’s not, it isn’t.
Vanny on Upside Down
All right, first because it was promised:
Droog, and why he thinks of himself this way. Look, the answer is not that complex, it boils down to “Why the hell not?” I see absolutely no indication in canon that he’s ashamed, embarrassed, or even unaware that he’s a coldhearted dispassionate murderous bastard. He thinks about himself that way because it’s a fact and he’s into facts. I extrapolate a little further from that, and my personal interpretation of the character is that he’s actually pretty proud of his ability to step back and just be emotionlessly violent. If I had a beef with anything about his characterization in this fic, it would be that he is as upset as he is that Boxcars was shot. Maybe he wouldn’t care. But I tend to soften these characters a little, and most of my fics have at least something of a fluffy element. Everyone’s just going to have to deal with that part.
I distinguish between pawns and Agents. Droog and Deuce are former Agents. The doctor is a former pawn. Simple as that. I am not the only person with this headcanon, and there’s nothing directly contradicting it in canon. So no, in the continuity of the fics I am writing, they are not all pawns. That’s my call, and you’re more than welcome to write fics in which everyone is–you are not the only person with that headcanon either. They’re both perfectly valid, so this is basically a nonsense criticism on your part, it boils down to “your headcanon doesn’t match my headcanon.” Okay? So? That’s fine. That’s not a criticism.
And I just want to say, I’m having an issue right now. I’ve engaged you as if you had valid points, and you do have valid points. But I mistakenly held the belief that when your comments to me came across as rude, it was a slipup on your part. I gave you the benefit of the doubt here, and I’m embarrassed to realize that this was not the case. Because you’ve been giving multiple people the treatment here, and sometimes you’ve been absolutely beyond-the-pale rude and abrasive.
So I’m just wondering, are you looking for fights? Or are you just socially maladjusted enough to believe you’re actually helping? Spoiler: You’re not.
Things that are not appropriate criticisms:
-The way an author talks outside the fic (i.e. “bromance is an obnoxious word”). That’s none of your business. Period.
-Straight up insults. “Ugh” is not remotely constructive. “This is idiotic” is not constructive either.
-Headcanons that do not match with yours. I don’t actually give a shit whether you think Droog would think of himself that way. I think he would, and I’m not contradicting canon. My headcanon is not any less valid than yours. This is not only not constructive, it’s not a criticism of the fic at all.
Do you know any of these people? Do you know me? Spoiler #2: No. You don’t. If you want to actually have a dialogue and talk about fandom and writing, do us the courtesy of introducing yourself. “Hi, I’m Farla. Would you mind if we chatted about fic a little?” Have a little etiquette, for fuck’s sake.
Did any of these people ask for your opinion? No.
I’m not saying there’s no room for criticism, but offering it out of the blue uninvited is just. Rude.
And if you are going to crit out of nowhere, have some finesse about it. What gives you the right to just slam people? Are you the be-all and end-all of quality fanfiction? Not really, no. Are you my agent? Are you my editor? Are you my professor? Are you a member of my workshop group? No, no, no, and no.
So dial it way the fuck back, or stop entirely.
At this point I’m looking at deleting all your comments on my fic, both critical AND complimentary, because right now I ascribe no value to your opinions, good or bad, and I’m embarrassed and ashamed that I ever gave you the time of day.
I’ll certainly get dumber responses from here on, but this one definitely wins biggest blowup award, and for something that’s 90% over a review for someone else, no less.
No one ever said Snowman was telling the truth. :B
In all seriousness, though, I feel like Doc “raised” Snowman in the same way as the Handmaid: that is, to be polite and proper to everyone, all the time. He’s already disappointed with Snowman, as we can see from the fact that he gave Slick the cueball revolver and told him to get rid of her. Something like assaulting one of the more competent members of the Felt probably wouldn’t put her in the good Doctor’s good books.
Ah, well, call it slightly AU then. As I recall Doc Scratch was inferring a bit at that point anyhow? Nonetheless, thank you for pointing that out, and for the compliment; I do appreciate both parts.
Rebbe on Camaraderie
ah, the first point can be explained rather easily: i was going for it more as a name/title sort of thing, as a sort of way to denote… a certain degree of formality and respect? the choice was very purposeful there.
as for the second, it would appear that i have failed to correctly portray what i was going for in this case if she comes off as a contradictory and emotionally inconsistent ghost. i mean, this is an au, yeah? so unlike in canon, she’s not actually dead or a ghost. i was more going for that she was injured and traumatised badly in the accident. so it is not so much that she does not have any more emotions as it is that she doesn’t express them consistently? certain things break through and others don’t, that sort of thing. i’ll attempt to be more explicit with such changes in the future.
as for why droog adopted her, i was aiming for it to have the same feel as his patronship does in the comic — that is to say that he is not looking after her because he wants to, but because he has been assigned to do so. i’m pr sure this was produced early enough in the collective stabdads!au timeline-thing that the general reason why there are even stabdads wasn’t a worldbuilding thing that had happened. and since then i’ve not been following the popular stabdads headcanon so idek if such a thing exists. tbh such minutiae weren’t the focus of what i was trying to get across here so i did not pay them as much mind as i should have! which is my bad.
i’ll try to be more careful with my au worldbuilding in the future (: thank you very much for actually giving me some crit by the way! most people don’t bother to do that. especially crit re characterisation as that is forever my weakest link. so, thanks!
Honesty, I would thank you for your critique on my grammar skills (i know they need some work), but seriously if you’re going to give helpful critique it’s usually not a great idea to start bashing on people’s ideas right form the getgo.
The way to write an actually helpful critique is to POLITELY point out mistakes. Really I don’t care if you think John couldn’t do what I wrote him doing, hell I don’t think he could do what I wrote him doing. I wrote it because I wanted it written and if you don’t like it then going around posting comments that have no clear purpose but to make people upset is no way to make yourself friends on the internet. Your bravado does not impress me.
wow this comment has been sitting in my box forever but dang
way to miss the point of unreliable narrators? and thinking that someone’s kink=oh wow they BELIEVE THIS oh my goodness!
you have some wonderful points on my other stories and i thank you for your criticism but jeez please understand that i don’t condone rape, victim shaming, or anything this story implies to you that i do??? because wow thats really kind of assuming the worst of a person
epoose on Clouds
Well, I had hoped to reply to this with a new chapter in tow, such an event is still far enough on the horizon that I felt obligated to respond to you now, to create some appearance of attentiveness.
In short, I think we will simply have to agree to disagree on the first point. Despite trawling the archives for a bit (and [S} >Kanaya: Return to the core, of course), I honestly can’t find any direct reference or implication that Eridan had planned to destroy the matriorb. Rather, as with Feferi’s death, I feel that he simply acted in the spur of the moment, out of spite and opportunism.
As for your idea of changing Eridan: I apologize that this feels too forced to you, but it was honestly the only way I could make it work while still telling it from Eridan’s point of view. Like a lot of the trolls, he isn’t particularly good at the whole “self-reflection” thing, and I honestly feel that some sort of sudden revelation would be rather out of character for him (even if it was merely to prevent him from killing a few of the wrong people). Beyond that, having him manage even a narrow, self-sacrificing victory against Jack, rather than merely acting as the conduit for an entire planet’s worth of superpowered consorts would trivialize the situation.
Either way, I appreciate your criticism and opinion. It’s always good to hear from my readers!
Aaah whoops I totally forgot I was writing this! But let’s see what I can remember without having to open my notes document (oh god warning: I have trouble shutting up):
Regarding the Handmaid, my intent when writing this was to have her younger than her appearance in the comic. I think I was hoping to hint at it by describing a different outfit, but more likely it would be clearer further on in the story.
Giving this a quick skim, I think I also intended to have the Handmaid’s play at helplessness be an attempt to convince Droog to take her with him, because he’s part of the Midnight Crew, who regularly gives the Felt trouble, so she may have a better chance escaping with the crew to distract them – as she mentioned, the Felt have time powers – Trace, Fin, and Itchy alone make escaping difficult, and this isn’t her first attempt. Having someone in between them and her couldn’t hurt her efforts, right? I think she’s partially resigned, though, since she’s never successfully escaped, so she knows it’s only a matter of time before they find her again.
So, more likely, she’s trying to convince Droog to take her along because he’s part of the Midnight Crew, the violent gang that runs the city, and surely she can get one of them to kill her.
As for Droog, that’s tricky. In honesty, this plot kind of hinges on him not killing the Handmaid immediately, so I had to write around that. I think I attempt to address it more in the next part… which is indefinitely under revision, eughn. The main excuse I hoped to ride on was killing kids (even weird alien kids) was something that classy gangsters didn’t do (whereas agents in the middle of a game, that’s different).
That, and Droog could possibly stand to gain more by keeping her alive. If she’s running around the city, that’s a split focus for the Felt as they try to track her down. Or, as it ends up, if he brings her back to the base, he could wring inside info on the mansion out of her. While killing her would permanently remove her from the Felt’s vault (assuming she’s not under their weird time shit as well), the other options cause more trouble for them.
(Gee, I should have mentioned this in-narrative, shouldn’t I?)
SPEAKING OF, technical aspects:
You are totally right! I could blame this on it being a meme fic, but it wasn’t like I was typing this in the comment boxes or anything. I think this was an earlier fic, where I was still trying to get back into the writing swing of things, as well as clumsily feel out a voice for these guys I’m writing. I think when I pick this up again, I’ll have to revise this and the other chapters a little bit…
Uh, anyway! Thank you for leaving feedback on this little fic, and giving me stuff to consider! :D