Alli B on Checkmate
Wait, you expect Vetinari to fail? He’s FUCKING VETINARI! I don’t think he can physically fail. He he ever failed at something that wasn’t according to his plan, space and time will distort and fall apart at the seams. THAT’S how good he is.
576 days ago
Thank you! =)
Thank you for your kind words.
As for the white text… I really should have made the link to the Tumblr where I originally posted this more prominent. There, I picked a background color so all the text, even the white text, was legible without highlighting.
It was rushed. I wrote it in less than ten minutes. But since you’re so concerned, next time I’ll put more effort into the bad fanfictions my friends tell me to write.
I’ll address both your comments in this one.
First of all, guilty on the grammar and spelling errors. That’s always been a problem of mine, and seems to crop up no matter how many times I proofread and have some other people proofread. Also guilty on not really characterizing Tavros, Sollux, or Eridan. They’re three characters that don’t interest me much, so they kind of get pushed to the background when I write.
I should also note that the relationship between Tavros and Vriska is going to be expanded upon in a future short story taking place in this AU, which should help explain Vriska’s personality shift (It’s not as sudden as it seems and didn’t start with when she met John) and why Tavros is working with her. Still, fair criticisms, since there’s no way for you to know any of this stuff NOW.
However, I disagree with the bulk of your comments. Your first comment has “(And why is Aradia the newbie needing to be comforted by Sollux? Aradia was an explorer and played FLARP, while Sollux seemed more of an indoor kid.)” and in the next comment you have “Yeah, this is just coming off as trying to force the characters into the roles they have in canon.” I’m not really sure if your criticizing me for following the comic too closely or not closely enough. I played fast and loose with many of the characterizations to make it more interesting (to me) and to fit with the 20’s Earth setting. I couldn’t really think of a good Flarp equivalent in a 20’s Earth setting, so that whole thing got kind of thrown out, which didn’t leave live Aradia with much characterization left from the comic, besides the explorer thing. Having troll Indiana Jones in the middle of a big city would be a little strange? Having Aradia be an optimistic rookie to Sollux’s cynical personality was pretty much for the emotional punch at the end of chapter 3. I am shamelessly manipulating your emotions.
I thought you comment “Who in turn hates Kanaya fussing over her and being concerned, in a reverse of their original dynamic?” was puzzling. I thought that WAS their original dynamic. Vriska often called Kanaya “Fussy fangs” and a “Meddling meddler friend.” I just kind of made it a little more grown up? I mean, she likes having Kanaya as a friend, but they do have their back-and-forth’s a lot.
Jade and John are killers in this story, yes, but they’re mostly dealing with other gangster, and usually only when they’re a pretty direct threat to their friends. I think of it as them fighting the imps and the ogres. Jade wouldn’t shoot an innocent animal, sure, but she had no problem shooting at the much more humanoid imps because they were a threat.
I think the main problem you have with this fic, and correct me if I’m wrong, is that the character personalities are not equivalent to the comic. That was a choice I made. I used the canon characters as starting points and kind of went from there. Some changed pretty noticeably, others hardly at all. Vriska usually does cheat like mad, but she also makes stupid decisions when angry. I wanted to write her as someone who was overconfident in her own luck in the Russian Roulette scene. The Vriska/Terezi dynamic has changed a bit. I could go on.
I’m sorry that you didn’t like the direction I took with the characters, but I don’t regret them. It was more of a thought experiment anyway. The creation process pretty much went, “Wouldn’t it be cool if Vriska was a psychotic Russian gangster.” “Oh God yes that would be so cool.” “And Nepeta can be an undercover cop!” “Yes!” “I’m writing this down.” “I’ll draw things.”
Anyway, I hope you enjoy some of the future stuff more, if you plan on keeping track of the series!
I really would like to think that Prospit has a system for getting people out. There has to be some upside to having foreknowledge of your own inevitable doom. And PM is a survivor. ♥♥♥ She strikes me as exactly the kind of person you would want to have with you in a crisis.
Thank you for your editing help! I often write everything in one go, proofread on the spot, and post, so there’s always silly mistakes I miss. As for your comments on the work overall, thank you again. Personally, I see AU fanfiction not as a story to stand alone, but simply as entertaining for a reader that knows the background material. Yes, all the plot points are obvious, but the object of this piece isn’t to lead the reader into suspense. Seeing the connection between an event in the story and canon is where all the fun is in my opinion.
If you don’t agree, that’s perfectly alright, too! I can see it isn’t your thing, which makes me all the more grateful that you actually took the time to push through and help me with my mistakes. Thank you so much again, and I’m sorry you didn’t like it.
Harsh dude. Way too harsh.
Thank you! Haha, it is really neat how well it synchs up with recent developments, isn’t it?
I do too. They’re so great together! Why doesn’t anyone s33?!
Yes, this is Jack being nice. He’s not currently hurting her or threatening to hurt her or gloating about how he killed all of her friends and mocking her for not being able to stop him! What more do you expect from him??? He’s probably going on about how she’s practically a queen now and isn’t that better than some boring civil service job and she could have anything on Derse she wanted if she would just learn to behave.
Hm. I’ll keep that in mind.
Yep. Her dressing him up like herself and her “helping” him achieve God Tier were both bizarre and unsettling enough on their own, but when you put them together it somehow gets even more twisted. Sometimes I think not even the most bloodthirsty posters on the *chans hate Vriska as much as Vriska hates Vriska.
It was surprisingly fun! But that would mean having no time to write about the characters I love.
^_^ Kanaya is definitely the kind of person to fuss over NPCs. She will fuss over anyone, given the opportunity.
The file names were honestly my favorite part.
I imagine it’s some sort of urban fantasy or paranormal romance. Nepeta is probably a big fan of whatever the Troll equivalent of lycanthropes is.