| erinthesails | Hi! |
|
|
Headcanon has officially lost all meaning.
| Donut Yang | My story |
|
|
| TheAmateur | re: Your review to Ashes to Ashes, Grist to Grist |
|
And yeah, the first few chapters are pretty detail-heavy. The truth of it is that many of the characters will appear only sparingly for the first half of the story, and until they are more heavily featured I have to do my best to establish their characters very early on. In some ways, I view Act I as a prologue, more than anything else; the proper story seems to begin at Act II. I’m no professional writer, so I’m sure there were better ways to accomplish this…but in the end, it is what it is. I do, however, have my reasons for structuring the story this way, giving it a gradual buildup with lots of attention to the protagonist’s random thoughts, though I really can’t explain myself because it is an integral part of the plot, later in the story! But anyways, thanks for the interest and the suggestions, and I hope you enjoy the rest of it! I checked out your profile, too. I actually thought it was pretty hilarious how you gave people instructions for how to block you from reviewing their stories; that had me laughing for a good minute. I, however, certainly will not be following those instructions. -TheAmateur
Another good thing to keep in mind is to ask yourself what a given line is meant to convey to a reader. If the answer is “references that won’t matter until ten or twenty chapters later”, it’s currently meaningless and needs to be surrounded by a lot of currently relevant information. Setup and foreshadowing are good to have, but they can’t make up the majority of a story.
Sorry, I probably seem like I’m yelling at you, but I’m really not. You probably think I’m butthurt over the fact that someone dislikes something about this story and said so in front of everyone else, but again, I’m really not. You’re probably used to getting hate mail for the way you review. I actually welcome it – I just take it very seriously when someone accuses me of copying canonical work. I honestly think you should be disappointed if you ever make such a criticism of someone’s work and they do not at least attempt to defend it – I know more than anyone that my writing isn’t perfect, but I care enough about it to defend my choices when I still believe that they are correct. And while you clearly have a knowledge of writing superior to mine, you still do not know everything about it, and you are not always correct. You would do well to remember this the next time you want to give a harsh review, and in this particular case you stepped over the line. Now, on a brighter note, I really liked the second piece of advice, telling me to consider what a given line is meant to convey to a reader. That is something I’ve never really thought about in very great detail, before. I think I was too focused on the protagonist’s five senses and conveying a sense of realism to the environment that I started to neglect the significance of the future plot. I was beginning to view the story more as a puzzle rather than a story…which is all well and good when you already everything about it including the ending, but not so well and good if you’re reading it chapter by chapter, for the first time. I think it’ll really help me in the future. Yeah, I disagree with you on some things, but I’m not ignoring you.
Yesterday 10:42PM
No, I don’t. To be perfectly honest, I stopped reading because I was bored, so at least for me, it really does not matter if your first dozen chapters are a great setup for your last dozen. I’m only going to read something that’s enjoyable as I read it, not because there’s some distant payoff. [And I fail to see how the protagonist is, as you refer to him, a ‘cheap knockoff’ of Dave Strider. Perhaps they share an eye color and fight with similar weapons (though saying a Bowie knife is similar to a katana is a stretch at best), but I would consider these traits to be trivial, when it comes to characterization.] He shares appearance, he’s raised by a sibling, his sibling gets into ninja strifing battles with him and slices his shirt’s image in half, his initial sprite is a birdsprite that attacks him, he gets a self-prototype, and they both use blades. External traits still matter – if they really didn’t matter in the slightest, then there’d also be no issue with changing those in your story, now would there? If he wasn’t intended to invoke Dave, then you have a problem because that’s what immediately popped into my mind. I’m assuming some of those things are there as part of actual plot, but I find it really hard to believe every last one absolutely needed to be like that.
Second, I never stated that the symbol on his shirt had been sliced in half – that actually didn’t occur to me until you mentioned it now. The only reason I described what the shirt looked like was because it was one of his favorite shirts, which in turn was why he was so upset by its loss. The purpose of this, however, was to show a little into the strange relationship between the two characters – his sister clearly has no qualms with ruining his favorite possessions. There’s a ruthlessness there. How the shirt was destroyed was irrelevant; the only thing that mattered was that the sister had wrecked it. Third, the integration of an eagle into the sprite was an important choice made early on. One theme that will reoccur with the sprite are the ramifications and consequences of sharing a mind with an eagle, which is something that I found to be particularly glossed over in the case of Davesprite (though he is melded with a crow, obviously). It is something I wanted to explore in much greater depth. I chose a bird because sprites are flying creatures and there would be more of a connection that way, and I chose the eagle because it is a predator, and therefore will be in an almost constant battle with the consciousness of the prototyped dream self. The self-prototype was important as well, due to a very important decision the sprite will one day have to make. Fourth, I decided to make the protagonist a Knight because I didn’t want him to be some kind of highly intelligent strategist or tactician. I wanted him to be a very active individual. I think another reason I was inspired to make him a Knight was due to the fact that his quest involves freeing his consorts, and a lot of his motivation to complete that quest isn’t due to any real desire to win Sburb; it’s a desire to help his consorts. Helping those less fortunate than himself – the image of an ideal mythical Knight. And the Titles, in addition to describing what kind of Aspect power a Hero has, also seems to have something to do with the overall role that a Hero plays within a game session, not just the crazy powers they have. Giving him blades to use was a personal choice – Knights, I felt, should have melee weapons. I don’t have any real logic for that; it simply felt right. And concerning physical appearance, there is nothing in the story that supports the fact that he shares an appearance with Dave. Forgetting the age gap, the only other traits I describe about the protagonist are black hair and sideburns; of which Dave has neither. He also does not wear sunglasses.I see where you’re coming from, but I really do have very good reasons for making the protagonist this way, and I would not have put these elements of the story into effect if I hadn’t first given them a lot of thought. Yesterday 11:46PM
Yes, the fact this character is really obviously “Dave, except I didn’t like Dave’s character” is why I kept referring to him as a knockoff. You should have spread these traits around, removed pointless overlap like his eye color, and it probably would have been a better idea to do it with an animal type that hasn’t already been done, traits that hadn’t already been done, and ones that’d avoid a sueish eventual god tier. Currently, we’ve had been bird, frog, and dog. If you want to narrow that to predators, there are plenty of predators that don’t end up giving angel wings of all things – snake, which would match his consorts, or wolverine, or praying mantis if you’re set on the flight issue, though really, the fact sprites already fly make wings less a connection and more redundant. Thank you again for your time. |
This is pretty much almost always happens with more polite sequences, and why I tend not to bother. The author gives explanation, I respond to explanation, and when they don’t have a response they go to “well, it doesn’t have to be perfect”. I wouldn’t mind so much if they would just stop at “well, I guess we disagree about what’s best” because that? Perfectly reasonable, one of us is wrong and they have to decide who and maybe it really is me. But no, it always ends on “also it’s a hobby and it doesn’t have to be perfect and who cares”.
Also, a parting note from R.M Sails!
|
I do not think you understand the process of original writing. It is long, pain-staking, hair ripping process that takes years. You think that something that took me years to write I am going to put it on a random website and risk copyright? No. I am going to self publish with the help of my published contacts. You wanna worry about spelling mistakes? That’s what an editor is for. You wanna worry about story structure? That is what practice is for. And fanfics are MY practice. The funny thing is that you think I actually care. I do this for the joy of others and for self practice. I could not care less what you think and the fact you insist on changing me is infuriating. If you have an actual CC to suggest about my story structure, articulation or the way characters interact, dynamic as well, I will listen. Bottom line, don’t troll and prance around the fandom pretending like you own the place. Your profile is rude and you are insecure. That is why you bash and attempt to correct others without reason. If you actually have some good advice, go for it. But I assure you being rude and trying to change others will get you nowhere in life. |
So fucking long-winded! No wonder you found their story unreadable.
It’s a shame. Their writing was rock solid on the most basic mechanical level, and they were also really good at generating detail. They just didn’t use that to say anything interesting.
‘wanna worry about spelling mistakes? That’s what an editor is for.’ Hang on- so an author can make as many spelling mistakes as they want because ‘that’s what an editor is for’ ? Sure, people are allowed to make spelling mistakes. That’s fine. But, half-assing spelling just because it’s ‘an editor’s job’ isn’t the right way to go, in my opinion. If someone points out a spelling mistake, surely it’s a lot easier to just correct it and get on with the day, rather than complain about someone pointing out a mistake. Even when it comes to published works, I hear that manuscripts are often turned away when there’s too many spelling and grammar mistakes-even if it is ‘what an editor is for’.
‘when they don’t have a response they go to “well, it doesn’t have to be perfect”. ‘It seems as if some people think that they can make something not-so-good to a certain, apparently ‘allowable’ extent-for example, if I wrote a story with a great plot, but I half-assed the grammar because ‘WELL THE PLOT WAS FINE SO IT MAKES UP FOR IT.’ True, it doesn’t have to be perfect- but I think it’s good to get your work as close to perfect as is possible. ;)
I know that I’m not a talented author yet, but I would never do something half as well as something else just because a ‘better’ aspect makes up for my failure at another aspect. I mean, what would be better to read- A good plot and bad grammar, or a good plot and good grammar? :) I think it’s better to give it your all.
They were saying a lot of stuff about how they were a serious author and they had some serious author mentor who was telling them to write fanfic for practice and to get concrit, so it seems like there’s some blind-leading-the-blind thing going on. Obviously, being a good author’s really important to them, and it’s a lot easier to decide whatever people say you’re bad at just isn’t a real problem then it is to admit you need to improve.
Good point. It is a lot easier to just say ‘Thanks for the tips Farla! :) ‘ and get it over with. ;)
Wow. Why didn’t he just review your reviews? That would at least have held some entertainment value. I tell you, polite people are the worst.
On the other hand, apparently people read your reviews for fun! Even if your stories are considered boring by some, your reviews are apparently thrilling!
Because lazy. So many lazy people!
Bible fanfics are bottom of the barrel? No, saying “my fanfiction sucks, but I don’t care because it’s just fanfiction” is the bottom of the barrel. Honestly.
I just love when they attack your stories. I had one fanficcer tell me “you think my stories are bad, just look at your own, talk about run-on sentences.” I thought maybe she was a troll, but she seemed to really mean it.
I thought maybe she was a troll, but she seemed to really mean it.
Yeah, things can get weird. They’re upset and they want to prove that what you say isn’t true. If your stories do something wrong, then that means your judgement isn’t any good, and then that means their own stories must be okay and you’re just dumb and/or jealous. And with the help of anger, they can really believe it.
:o I can make spelling mistakes now?! Because editors exist?! YES. FINALLY. NO MORE SPELLCHECK, THANK THE LORD.
And oh no s/he didn’t- did R. M. Sails just insult Bible fanfiction? Well, excuse me. I guess she never read Orson Scott Card >:o
Every now and then people will throw that out. They’re probably just Christian and reflexively upset.
I’m christian and I get upset at bible fanfiction.
Because I spent my childhood going to church and learning about the bible and it was the most boring thing ever whyyyy would you want to write fanfiction about it??
I mean now that I’m older and wiser, maybe it would be more interesting to me, but that first impression wasn’t a good one.
I guess on some level I also feel like it’s weird to write stories based on religious text? Like idk to me it’d be like reading a math textbook and writing fanfiction based on the problems in it.
If it isn’t obvious, though, I’m not really the best christian out there, so maybe I don’t know what I’m talking about.
(alternately I could make the joke about the bible already being fanfiction, but then I think I’m missing the point)
The bible’s awesome! There’s this one story where this woman asks the king to help her. She explains that this other woman said, “Let’s kill your kid and eat him, and tomorrow, we’ll kill my kid and eat him.” So she killed her kid and they ate him, but the next day when she went to eat the other woman’s kid, the other woman hid him! And the guy just goes holy shit God WTF are you doing why is this my life?
And then there’s this other story where the Isrealites go out and their army wins a battle and slaughters every last man, but then Moses yells at them because they didn’t murder the women and children.
And you know the story of Lot? There’s an earlier version where there’s no angels and instead they shove the guy’s concubine out to be raped to death, but unfortunately before she dies she crawls back onto the threshold of the house, so presumably they find her body they’re freaked out because she technically died at the house and should have been under their protection, and then they dismember her body and send a piece to each tribe of Israel to say “hey look, this is how bad things have gotten!” and also probably to prevent her ghost from finding and murdering them.
And then there’s the one where this woman invites a guy into her tent so he’s her guest, and then says screw hospitality rules and just murders him! Which is probably the sort of thing that’s why the Israelites are constantly at war with everyone else.
One of the really cool things about it is when you realize that ancient people may not have had the slightest clue why things happened, but they were actually pretty good at remembering what happened, especially when it’s some really traumatic event like eating kids. So it’s like a window into the past for what people thought was significant.
And then there’s Jesus. If you don’t listen to what people say the moral of his parables is, they’re actually some really bizarre stories that often don’t seem to make sense with his intended meaning.