Day 13 Reviews (6)

I accomplish little today, and am now behind. Ah well, soon comes the weekend, and I have extracted myself from obligations chewing into my precious time.

En Passant (OC (Jack))

The is lovely, sweet and terrible. I like both that the first response even now is to fight but also that they don’t, that there’s a moment of peace between colors before their deaths.

Deficiency (Jack (Black Queen))

I wish this was longer. It’s an intriguing glimpse into the both of them, and I’d love to see more of it.

Do You Want to Fight Me? (Dave, Jade (Bec Noir))

Her innocence had been conditioned by the lack of exposure to the elements, but instead by a lack of exposure to human nature. 

Pretty sure you’ve dropped a “not” there.

Also, your Dave voice sounds off, too formal and stumbling with words.

after seeing her Grandfather die

Except when it’s used as a name, it’s written just “grandfather”.

I do like the idea of Dave getting himself killed because he’s trying to play hero rather than let Jade handle it.

It’s All Greek To Me (Doc Scratch (Lord English))

This really doesn’t seem like anything. We don’t know much about Lord English, but you haven’t done much to sell this version, and your Scratch doesn’t resemble the one in canon at all. The bit about the pool balls could be interesting, but something built of implication and suggestions really can’t stand on its own, and this is a ficlet of under a thousand words most of which doesn’t even address the topic. It really needs to be properly developed to mean anything.

Oasis (PM (AR, WV))

Cute! And nice to see a bit of them trying to build their new world. And using guns to bludgeon lizards! Somehow that’s just the best thing, I don’t even know why.

And the whole farm/insects/lizards thing makes me feel the carapaces are doing their indirect role of repairing the place in the process of making somewhere to live happily for themselves, which is definitely good.

The Legend of the Dersite Who Didn’t (Jack (DD, HB, CD, Black Queen))

And today, he sees no real fucking reason to get up. Jack Noir rolls over, closes his eyes, and goes straight to fucking sleep again.

This is possibly the only unqualifiedly good decision Jack has ever made. And it’s to skip work.

There’s something incredibly adorable about the sequence of everyone showing up and Jack saying, “But. But work sucks. It’s more fun doing what you want.” and they suddenly realize that yes, doing what you want is fun and wander off in a daze to go make themselves breakfast for lunch and draw on the ground with chalk.

And of course the queen is the only one who even connects cause and effect enough to understand that there’s some sort of overall purpose to work. Everyone else was doing work solely because you wake up and get pointed in the direction of a job. Who needs reasons if no one ever thinks to ask for one?

And then they talk civilly! *_* For hours! Without either losing their temper and plotting horrible things happening to the other one!

The Queen walks towards Jack’s end of the couch, her knees sinking into the cushions as she kneels on either side of his legs. He’s all too aware of how tall she is, how powerful, and how close she is to him. Her voice is like silk over steel and Jack can’t take his eyes off of her. “There is no ‘or what’.

…and then they finish talking and that too is wonderful. But Jack’s getting his day off! And possibly sex. Or chess. Or both.

OC (Jack)
Jack (Black Queen)
Dave, Jade (Bec Noir)
Doc Scratch (Lord English)
PM (AR, WV)
Jack (DD, HB, CD, Black Queen)

Two of five. Not bad.

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