And now, on to the crossovers!

The Other or: Scenes From a Failed Session (Mixed)

Oh, this is lovely.

I’m only passingly familiar with Doctor Who, but the epic scope of this gets across well enough, and your writing style is wonderful.

Witchlocked (Female)

The titles, the worlds, everything about this is perfect. Mami hiding her crisis of faith, Sayaka all calm and together until it gets to the part where she’s running away when she hears strains of music, Kyouko throwing herself all into it, and the poor Witch of Time… And I can’t help but wonder at Kyubeysprite’s advice. Will Madoka surpass all their expectations?

Scourge (Female)

Hm. Interesting, and Cuebey really is a perfect fusion. Vriska’s characterization seems less good – she really doesn’t hate Terezi, and even more, I can’t believe she’d just cry. Even if there’s no way of actually winning, she’s the sort of person who’s still try.

The Passing Doctor (Male)

Your grammar is a horrible mess. Get a beta reader.

Digistuck: Takeru’s New Universe (Male)

This works surprisingly well. You do a good job of having their session mirror how things work in the show – kids in over their heads but doing better at working together than most players seem to manage.

WizardStuck (Mixed)

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

[18 year old]

Write out numbers with letters.

I’m not sure what’s going on with Jack here. What makes Harry a hero to him? Jack seems to appreciate strength, sure, but here he seems betrayed Harry didn’t become the noble leader when Jack’s not really a fan of leaders unless they’re telling him to do what he already wants to do.

[You saw as the minister made his shady deals, how he paid off his officers to do his bidding because they were out of his political party. You witnessed the higher ranking departments using their own money to rise through the ranks; tipping off criminals, releasing them, then recapturing them in a vicious cycle to achieve glory. Meanwhile, they deceived the media into thinking that they were, in fact, the biggest heroes this god damned planet had ever seen.]

And why would he be upset at other people for taking bribes rather than first in line? Going by his position in canon, he really should be either at the top or intimidating those at the top.

[Wasn’t the world supposed to rally for freedom? Equality for all? Equal wages? Job opportunities? ]

Why does he care?

[The both of you are just about ready to retire, truth be told.]

After just fifty years? Wizards live a lot longer than muggles do.

[When you first noticed his strange behaviours around 14 years ago you paid no mind to them. However, they progressively became more and more difficult to ignore and finally you decided to investigate for yourself. What you found was an elaborate amount of spells in his storage room, indicating an obviously well kept something that Jack did not want anybody to know about.

You had come back to his office every once in awhile to investigate further. You had no way of disabling the spells and did not know if Minister English had assigned him something top secret to work on for him. If that had been the case then you had no business to interfere and look into this matter yourself. ]

And Snowman seems weirdly unconcerned or interested in ordering him around. She’s his boss, she should have at least checked with someone to see if Jack was supposed to be doing something secret. (Neither of them seem to have any real connection here at all, which seems to defeat the point of sticking them together…)

WizardStuck Ch2 (Female)

[It was green.

The small pool of liquid you had found in his office that one day had been their blood.

You promptly upchuck your last meal over the dark floors.]

I’m really not seeing much of Snowman’s character here. You present her as competent, so there’s that, but her actual reactions to thinks seem to have no real bearing on it. I don’t see why she’s so horrified by this, or so upset by the trolls later, or even why she’s so scared of English when the guy is just a powerful but regular wizard and the same could be said of her.

And then she grows old and dies, so it doesn’t much matter.

And now we’re done for good! Sorta. People are still posting, so I’ll have to collect those by the time the month is up.

Today, we have two stories that have a female POV, two that are both, and two that are male. Nice.

Wordcount: 52256