1/3/12 – 1/5/12

This Was Your Idea (PS, DD (SS))

Funny, especially the Sleuth sections.

Poorly Timed (DD (SS, HB))

[ So they had all gone along with it and Droog had done his best to keep the plans from collapsing entirely, despite how Slick had built plans about as flimsy as a house of cards. ]

This sentence really doesn’t sound right.

[In the background he could hear Slick cursing and shouting and just going on and on about how it was not his fault, but theirs. No, the shouting was not in the background. Slick was right beside Droog, leaning over in the passenger seat and shouting those obscenities right into his ear. ]

If you change your mind about something you wrote, edit it, don’t just keep barrelling on.

Anyway, decent setup and nice portrayal of the Droog and Slick relationship.

Poorly Timed Ch2 (CD (Crowbar, Quarters))

Deuce sounds like he’s brain damaged here. He’s really not this incompetent and helpless.

Poorly Timed Ch4 (CD (Felt))

This basically sounds like they’re molesting a child.

Which I suppose raises the question of whether or not it’s better to write child sex or technically of age characters who seem to mentally be children.

The Party (Jade, Rose (Jane, Roxy))

This really doesn’t seem like it’s about any of the characters. It’s some girl OCs who run into bug aliens. They have no reason to be hanging on every violent word of Slick’s, and I really can’t see them giving up and being raped. Also, carapaces don’t have mandibles.

The edge of space and time (Jade, PM) (Ladystuck)

Art.

the sky and i have had our fights (Vriska (Aradia))

Your writing is lovely and I love the layers and layers of denial Vriska has.

The rules of carapace fic reviewing is that sometimes it includes Vriskafic, as all good things do.

Fly (John)

This is cute and I particularly like how you describe his room as not quite right, but in a good way.

Murderstuck (Droog (Sollux))

Hm. Well, that is an interesting question, how the sequence would play out in the stabdad universe, though I’m not clear on what’s kicking it off in the first place, since the opening acts were largely the product of their society. Or is it more one of those paradox echos were the same deaths happen but for different reasons?

…actually the answer is probably that Vriska did it this time as well, because Vriska is generally evil in the AU. But eh, one can hope.

PS, DD (SS)
DD, CD (SS, HB, Felt
Jade, Rose (Jane, Roxy)
Jade, PM L
Vriska (Aradia) L
John
Droog (Sollux)

Three of seven, two because of Ladystuck.

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Wordcount: 56558 Doing AOOOOOOOO reviews is much less productive.