Most of my time for these is spent just sorting through the lists for stuff that has something to do with carapaces. Also, I really hate everyone who writes their shitty AUs where the characters are royalty of the Derse and Prospit kingdoms, or leaders of the Derse and Prospit countries, or otherwise use those words as the standard name for any setting in any AU to make it sound Homestucky.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9133796/1/Most-Sburb-Sessions-Fail
Hm. I really like the idea of this, but it’s rushed and your character goes nuts way too quickly. They don’t even attempt to solve this in any way – the first twenty four hours they spend frozen in horror, then they sit around staring at nothing but at a different location, then five days in suicide and it’s just suicide o clock for the next few weeks until the extra doubleplus crazy sets in. Starting off with them trying to fix it and failing, then trying to reset things and failing, then trying to escape and failing, and finally going crazy at the fact there’s nothing they can do to get out of the game including death, that’s more what I’d expect than just dead friends = instant complete breakdown.
Also, the game is well populated with NPCs – if waking the denizen kills all the consorts, and by the time of the Skaia battle Prospit and Derse have emptied out to fight to the death on the battlefield, then the rest of the would be empty planets, but you’ve got to establish that first. And you don’t explain what happened to the Black King, given that either he’s dead and the new universe is made, or he’s not dead and so there’s at least still one thing alive right there – if it’s a matter of the universe autofailing if anyone dies even if the Black King is defeated, that also needs to be said. (And given you say it’s only been a few hours, I’m not sure what they’re even doing at the battlefield, let alone at a point where everything else is dead).
It’s “Dersite”. I don’t know why you’re stuffing that extra e in there.
Anyway, your insistence on distinct quirks renders the conversation painful and tedious to read. If you can’t think of a halfway readable quirk, just don’t use it and try to distinguish your characters by making them actually have noticeable characters instead.
[The world as you know it is divided into two parts, two planets connected by a single, narrow bridge. The planets are both the same size and shape, but are radically different; rich and poor, good and bad, smart and not-so-smart. Everyone is given a label at birth, and you can never change it.
You yourself are lucky enough to have been deemed smart-looking enough to live on Derse, the planet of the good, smart, and rich people, but your friend here isn’t so lucky. He lives on Prospit, the planet of the slum dogs. The poor planet, where you have to fight to survive and steal to live. It’s their way of life. You can never escape it.]
Uh, no, Prospit is prosperous. Kinda built into the name in case you missed it. And they live near the light of Skaia, while Derse is stuck at the far edges in the darkness.
This also doesn’t fit at all with the fact it’s based on shell color, or the fact that the individuals on both sides are actually basically the same, which is important for WV’s rebellion.
Really, this doesn’t seem to have anything to do with Prospit and Derse but the fact you say it does.
It doesn’t make sense for her to have a different shell color – seriously, they don’t have skin – than her brother, but then, it also doesn’t make any sense for this to be a racial divide at all when last chapter you said it was a matter of the smarter better people getting picked for Derse. Really, this is making less sense by the line.
But now black is weird and marks her hands as death.
And now the rest of it is some pointless babble about your fairy character.
Christ that was terrible.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9173386/1/Dancing-Fool (Lord English (Aradiacester, Clover, Crowbar))
This really doesn’t seem to have any point. The only thing that has much to do with the character is that English is being misogynist, and I really don’t think that carries a story. Also, typo ridden. You could’ve at least spellchecked.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9173402/1/Tummy-Rubs (Aradiacester (Stitch, English, Jacking off to how kawaii abuse is))
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” he said or “Hello!” he said, never “Hello.” He said or “Hello.” he said or “Hello,” He said or “Hello” he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” He grinned, never “Hello,” he grinned or “Hello,” He grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” he said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” he said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” he said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” he said, “is it.” If there’s no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like “Hi. This – ” He looked around. “- is it.”
Okay if you wanted to write fluff I really don’t know why you thought the best pick was the guy who abuses his servant so that she’ll obey him in the hopes he’ll eventually let him die and that she should talk about how cute he secretly is.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9173458/1/Sickness (Aradiacester, Lord English (The Felt, Staggering Bad Judgment))
Yeah this doesn’t fit with how her curse or time travel works. She can’t screw up a mission because she’s sick. Her whole timeline is mapped out, if she wouldn’t be able to accomplish something at some point she could go at any other point.
[“If… You stay with me until I get better, maybe wait on me a little…” The handmaid paused, thinking, “I’ll do whatever sick little fetish you want.” ]
First, she doesn’t have a choice, second, the fact she doesn’t have a choice is why she would not be begging him to stay with her, third, the fact she doesn’t have a choice makes it honestly really fucked up that you’re setting things up like she wants this.
[He opened the green door, scowling when he realized the Handmaid had yet another guest.
“Snowman, what are you doing?”
The carapacian looked up, thought did not look at him, absently petting the Handmaid’s head. “Making sure she is still alive.” she said, “I see you are putting an effort into her care.”]
She desperately wants to die and there’s no need to care for her to prevent her death because she cannot die.
How did any of this seem like a good idea.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9173436/1/Can-t-Stay-Away (Slick (Snowman))
It’s just “Snowman”, no zeros involved, and given their relationship is based around hate I’m not sure why she’d offer him makeup sex and not let’s fuck because you’re mad sex. Still, it’s always good to see her messing with him.
No matter how I look at this, I just come back to the issue of what does this have to do with his character or Homestuck or anything at all.
Also it’s labeled horror so there’s whatever the fuck is going on there too.
Use paragraphs.
Well, that went into random gore and then murder suicide fast, didn’t it. It’s a shame, the original premise could’ve been amusing.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9199860/1/The-God-Tier-Market-part-1 (Dave (MOCs))(Not part of the count, but felt it was worth mentioning.)
The chapter function exists for a reason. Use that instead of breaking site rules and posting chunks of your story separately.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” he said or “Hello!” he said, never “Hello.” He said or “Hello.” he said or “Hello,” He said or “Hello” he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” He grinned, never “Hello,” he grinned or “Hello,” He grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” he said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” he said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” he said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” he said, “is it.” If there’s no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like “Hi. This – ” He looked around. “- is it.”
FFN only allows you to post stories. This kind of thing belongs on a a place like tumblr. You can also actually talk a bit with people there as well, while you can’t carry out any exchange through stories here.
There is an enormous amount of obviously rulebreaking stuff in the category. I’m not sure if this means that FFN just stopped policing anything any, or if it’s that the Homestuck section is feral enough no one’s reporting it. The one person in the reviews who seems like they’d also report it says outright on their profile they don’t do that, so who knows?
This looks like it could be amusing but it’s long and looks to be carapace-free.
This really doesn’t fit with canon. If Jack Noir is so powerful he could just stab her to death if she didn’t have her ring, he’d just have done it as soon as CD said she took it off. If he just have walked over and got her ring from the vault, he’d have actually had the ring and gone on the murder spree we see him do when he actually gets the ring, not enact a long and complex plan to get her exiled that ends with him still not getting the ring.
She’s also not a total idiot, so if she knew he knew she didn’t have the ring, she’d have put it on and/or killed him to prevent him from talking or stealing it. The canon setup is that she hides out to prevent anyone from finding out she isn’t wearing the ring, assuming no one will challenge her because they assume that since she has the ring she can just kill them, and it’s only because someone secretly found out and just as secretly passed it on to Jack that he’s able to plan to take her down.
People really, really like Jack being the one in control.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9222189/1/Slick-Forgets (Slick, Hussie (Ms Paint))
Nice to have a depressing story that’s more complex than the character just straight up angsting about the subject, and I like how you write Slick.
[Snowman herself knows that the building of a snowman is symbolic of her having to build up her identity, the sense of self that had been put in question and violated when those men had abused her all those years. ]
Yeah I was with you up until suddenly this. Where did this come from? What does it add to her character? Snowman has an existing issue of identify, just like all the exiled carapaces.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9222193/1/Snowman-Sees (Snowman (Slick, Ms Paint))
Eh. This is just summarizing the canon events in a pretty bland way that doesn’t really get into her reasons. Also, I really don’t think she was surprised by the kiss when he’d already lowered the crowbar well before then.
And there’s really no explanation for why she’d be happy he’s found someone he loves and hope everything works out great and they have a long happy baby-filled life because, you know, she hates him. And really, really not seeing how she failed and they’re succeeding.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9225952/1/Addicted-to-You (Snowman (Slick))
This seems like it’d work a lot better if it were between Snowman and another character she doesn’t hate and who doesn’t hate her.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9230485/1/Thirteen-Years-of-Hate (Dave (Bro, Jack Noir))
[You put on his worn gray hat as you watched the place burn. You refused to move until it was completely gone. Thank god it was a practically abandoned neighbourhood, or else someone would’ve seen the flames and called the fire station. That would’ve blown. You imagined the fire fighter’s souls you probably would’ve reaped, katana in hand, if they even dared disturbing Bro’s final resting place. ]
Uh. Deciding you’d kill people because they’re trying to stop a fire from spreading and maybe killing more people is a hell of a lot more evil than someone killing your armed brother in a fight after he fails to pay a loan. Frankly, setting the fire in the first place is already sketchy. When your child character is out-evilling your murderer villain in the first chapter you have some major problems.
Also, fires are pretty visible especially with their tendency to keep spreading so no, the fire fighters would show up even in an actually abandoned neighborhood, let alone one that’s just mostly abandoned.
And directly after it, there’s a story with this summary!
God do I hate Eridan fans.
Anyway, now up to page 164! Or to measure it another way, the end of April.
OC
OCs
Lord English (Aradiacester, Clover, Crowbar)
Aradiacester (Stitch, English)
Aradiacester, Lord English (The Felt)
Slick (Snowman)
Caliborn
Snowman (Slick)
Slick, Hussie (Ms Paint)
Snowman
Snowman (Slick, Ms Paint)
Snowman (Slick)
Dave (Bro, Jack Noir)
Seven of thirteen, and another reminder that while this metric is an interesting one, a good ratio just as often is because of fics where the female character is there to talk about how great a male one is.Wordcount: 2354 (10960, or a bit more than two thousand below my wordcount goal.)