Day 7 Reviews (7)

In which Coz sets me back again because she’s evil.

Also because I maybe got distracted by shinies and didn’t allocate time well, but the bulk of blame goes on her story.

Chapter 4: WV – All My Little Words (WV (TS, VC))

 He runs the Midnight Star, a tabloid paper known for it’s large excited headlines and it’s dubiously researched stories.

Both of those should just be its.

TS knows her place, knows how to work with WV instead of against him.
Unless VL is involved, that is. Then it’s like being caught between wild musclebeasts during mating season. 

…TS♠VL?

They certainly don’t really care what he has to say, just that he only exists to give them a reason to bicker with each other.

This sentence seems to have gone off the rails somewhere. I think just that shouldn’t be there.

Tenacious Scrivener looks like she’s about to start into the violence, which by far is WV’s least favourite part of the press conference

WV, it is the best part.

WV can see exactly where this is heading and the last thing wants it so clean blood off of the floors of town hall again.

Think that should be the last thing he wants is to.

Also why do you taunt your readers with past bloodshed? Everything is better with reporter brawls.

Anyway depressing again, despite how much fun their fighting is. WV really needs to catch an actual break for once.

Chapter 5: PM – Signed, Sealed, Delivered (PM (CL, HR))

I love how vibrant all the characters are in this.

Receptionist lifts it up, showing it to the other two women

Since HR is a guy, you don’t need the other there.

And oh dear now PM’s getting involved…

 There’s mail to be delivered. Even revenge doesn’t come before mail, not for PM.

Though she’s still being PM about it, so at least there’s that!

Chapter 6: AR – Karma Police
(AR (SP))

AR again, and he’s possibly accomplishing something! Or maybe something bad is about to happen, but this seems relatively positive so I’m going to go with that.

Chapter 7: WV – No One Will Ever Love You (WV (SS))

you aren’t even pretending not to be evil anymore

At least he has a nice house and friends, even if there’s the forever specter of Slick hanging over him as well as occasionally off his shoulder.

He really should worry less about PM and more about himself.

Chapter 8: PM – Little Boxes (PM (CM, DB))

Love everything about how you describe the morgue and PM not taking um for an answer.

So I guess Slick didn’t kill them, then… Well, that’s probably a good sign for the other characters’ life expectancies.

Chapter 9: AR – The Police and the Private (AR (ZC, BS))

AR glances over at the Smelter. The Prospitarian seems less than enthused by AR’s presence, but he’s not outright hostile or anything, going for more of a subdued dislike.

Well, that’s almost progress for him!

Love the description of the archives as well, and how weird AR finds it. And I like how particularly interwoven this chapter feels – there’s gossip that’s likely tied back to other times when it was true, and the true cause this time is also something that’s happened before, while the smashed windows are so standard they barely rate mentioning and probably have been caused by any number of other things as well.

One Night Stand (PS (SS))

An awful lot of the PS/SS stuff pretty much amounts to tangentially related OCs. I suppose one can level that at plenty of fanfic, but it really does get worse the further you’re getting from canon, and pairing two characters whose only canonical interaction is a handful of bonus panels is pretty far.

I think a good model for this, like a lot of things, is that you’re allowed one off the wall thing. If you’re crackshipping, you really need to ground everything else as firmly in canon as possible. Do that right and you can get something awesome.

The most this one has is a reference to imagination forts.

Coward (Snowman (Slick))

Huh. It’s a good idea and I think it works for an interpretation, but I don’t like how passive you made her in the process.

His fault for being too much of a coward to step up and claim what should have been his.

I mean, I can see her thinking he doesn’t deserve something if he’s too much of a coward to stick his neck out for it, but the way this is written makes it sound like she’s sitting there waiting for him to claim everything, herself included. Not only is the latter kind of sketchy, but there’s not much reason for her to be willing to give up the rest of it to him either – doesn’t she want it herself? She’s just so invested in him managing it instead of having any goals of her own, or even properly disdaining him for failing at it, since she’s still hoping he’ll get over it eventually.

So, bundling the stories we get:

WV, PM, AR
PS (SS)
Snowman (Slick)

But that’s far too small a sample to say anything today, so it’ll just sit until I gather everything for a final count.

As you may be noticing, the POV character doesn’t really say anything about the quality of the work. Many of the female POV characters are spending their time thinking about the male ones to the exclusion of themselves, and we also had that lovely textual guro thing. But it does help us keep an eye out for patterns.

3 Comments

  1. Ember says:
    “I love how vibrant all the characters are in this.”

    As you know, a lot of the OCs are other people’s RP characters, but there’s a different kind of story behind CL that I think you will appreciate because once again it all comes back to Coz being evil.

    Remember Like a Paper Doll?  Remember the woman that PM tortures to death?  One day, I mentioned to Coz that that was the saddest thing in part because they’re both such strong women with a deep sense of integrity and in another world they could have been good friends…

    1. Farla says:

      D:

      DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD:

      1. Ember says:
        Okay, I’ll tell her you said that. ::::)

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