“4. I capitalize things like Pikachu and Charizard, because they are names or titles, ergo PROnouns, not nouns.”
re: Your review to The Champion is a Faller
Jan 17PumpknHeadA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12800774/
I disagree on the capitalization issues (plus you don’t even accent Pokémon correctly, but that’s a rant for another day). In the game, the names are capitalized. Look up “A wild Pokémon appeared Pokémon Sun and Moon” for proof. There’s no capitalization in Japanese because grammar isn’t identical across languages. Japanese grammar is different, but I’m not going to translate a Japanese sentence to “Bob an apple eats” simply to keep the same grammar rules.
On the letter, I can see your point. I had her express a feeling of importance in that specific letter because it mirrors exactly the letter you get in-game from Looker and Anabel. Since Leilani has already experienced the Ultra Beast post-game, she would feel a twinge of familiarity. I might tone it down, though.
I don’t get what you mean with the ride Pokémon thing. I prefer them over HMs, but a Pokémon isn’t going to be a naturally amazing Ride Pokémon. I don’t understand why you even brought up HMs.
I think it would be very important to know. Wouldn’t you like to know if you’d be fighting one lion or ten before going into a fight? With how powerful I’m writing Ultra Beasts to be, knowing the number of Ultra Beasts in one area could affect their strategy significantly.
I appreciate your review. It made me delve in and proofread my chapter to ensure that I believed everything was believable and nice.
re: Your review to Alpha Sapphire Except It\’s Self Aware
Jan 17FFdotNETA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12800615/
Thank you for your support. I’ll make sure to remember you when I think good thoughts. You copy-and-pasted the top from somewhere else, I’ve seen it before. You also copy-and-pasted sections from the first part of my story. Then, you proceeded to call a twelve year old’s thoughts “bottom of the barrel.” Really gives me a warm fuzzy. The reason I had that commentary was to show his overt dislike of the world, not for you to be entertained. That happens later in the story, if you bothered to read it. Thanks for trying and failing to crush my dreams. I wonder how many people even read that part instead of skimming it over? This isn’t even remotely professional, so please stop flaming. Constructive criticism is fine, but this? This was a flame.
Jan 19Squeaky-RainbootA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12802046/
Right. Thanks for pointing these things out! I’ll be sure to edit the story more thoroughly and fix plot holes and mistakes. I understand your point, and I’ll do my best to cover these things when I rewrite the chapters.
re: Your review to The ways of Finding Light
Jan 20Amina TolbeA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12803395/
Thank you for the review! I read your review through and through, so I’ll take your words and use them as I write my next chapter. The first chapter of this is actually kind of old. I’d say about a year but I can’t remember when I wrote it, though it was in the hype of Sun and Moon. I never noticed the flaws I had in it, and my friend was supposed to help me with that because I kind of glaze things over even if I re-read them.
So I do thank you for this, it has helped me greatly. Would you want me to edit this chapter or leave it as is? Because the next chapter may be better, I wouldn’t know. Oh! Maybe you can review it for me?! That’d be fun.
re: Your review to Pokemon Personified
Jan 20Karasu TenkaA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12803655/
Haha, well, I asked for honesty in the the reviews, and you certainly delivered. Not going to lie, it’s a refreshing thing to see, most reviews I tend to see are more along the lines of “Do this ship!” or “Great update, keep it up!”, stuff like that. It’s a nice change of pace to have someone actually critique me for once. So, for that I thank you.
As for the ‘nothing to do with pokemon’ comment, I can easily see how the connection can seem pretty flimsy, so I shall offer you the same explanation I offered at the end of the chapter. The inspiration for this fanfic was a Pokemon gijinka CYOA that I found a few weeks ago. (this one: /channel/cyoa/Pokemon+personified+cyoa/yxguLlk/ ) Everything about the world (as of this chapter at least,) I took directly from said CYOA. This is why the various organization names seem a bit… odd.
Anyways, just wanted to say, I’m sorry that my story wasn’t your cup of tea, and thank you for your brutally honest review. Here’s hoping that you find something more to your liking soon :)
re: Your review to Time Does Not Heal All Wounds
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12803503/
The burn the human suffers was my recipient’s request. The burn in detail is what they wanted, because the creepy nature of such a burn was in the spirit of the Halloween themed exchange we participated in. The resolution is that she never finds anything to suitably cure herself of it; there is deliberately no fix for the burn to play up that aspect. It is true more plot could have been setup. I wanted to narrow my focus on the horror element.
Thank you for your feedback.
If the focus is on time, you really need more than a week. I’ve had second degree burns that hurt for days and it wasn’t a cursed wound that’d never heal. Similarly it’d help if more of the fic was devoted to time passing and it still hurting as her life went by, instead of her just thinking about how the future will suck if what she’s told is true and how maybe she’ll lose her job but maybe she won’t.
re: Your review to Hypno: The Hypnosis Pokémon
Jan 20PrettyBoy132A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12804938/
I’m sorry you did not understand my story. I hope you find some stories you can enjoy. It was, in fact, not gore for the sake of gore. I took an old PokeDex entry with mystical connotations and gave it a literal meaning. Legends, myths, and folk tales often use this kind of mystical and metaphorical language to explain real-life events. So, in my iteration, “eating dreams” becomes more literal, hence “eating brains.” Thanks for your feedback, once again, but I’d prefer you not send me copy-pasted reviews anymore.
Jan 19MerryzapHey Farla, just read your review. I’m sorry for the bad chapter but I thought I was writing just fine. And what’s wrong with the POV thing? I read another fanfic in which POV’s were used. Please tell me how could I improve. And go easy on me dude! I’m just an amateur!
re: Your review to The Path Of Legends
Jan 20sujaypoojary532A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12804477/
Ok thanks for your review.
As for the OC’s I made a choice to let the viewers make it up because they might fell interested in taking activities.
Thanks for your suggestion and I can’t understand properly do you mean that I should make it as
“Hello,” Giovanni said. “This is the time.”
Please help me this is my first fanfic.
re: Your review to Faults: Risks and Roses
Jan 20FishinoA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12802337/
Whoever said I found it difficult to think of characters? I mean, totally didn’t mention like five different characters in the prologue which wouldn’t show I can make characters, wait did I?
Wow, assuming I’m an inconsiderate scumbag asking people to waste their time, feelsbadman.
Literally nothing here helps with improving the story as a story. Like, where’s the point? If someone wanted this sort of critique they would go to school or send it to an examiner or something.
And then saying I’d capitalize ‘telephone’ of all words. Need more be said. Of course, or else the world would actually be a nice place to live in.
You know what makes it worst? What really rubs salt in the wound, and then dips the wound in salty water, and then dries the wound with a salty towel? When it’s just copy and pasted – or at least most of it.
(I am extremely grateful for the critical review that should help me to improve my writing gramatically. However, I feel I must point out that I certainly am not asking for characters due to a lack of creativity. I see it as more challeneging and more rewarding when you form a story using characters designed by a variety of different people that may not share the same ending image as you. In addition to this, you say that my prose is way too purple, but compared to a lot of other stuff that could be considered purple, its much more tame. Turn it down and read it aloud and it carries no feel. And any of the suggested changes aren’t going to get people to want to read seeing as most won’t pay attention to such minor details and instead to the story /plot – that’s the primary problem I have with the review despite how most of it is useful. In any case, I’ll try and implement the suggested changes to upcoming chapters)
re: Your review to Faults: Risks and Roses
Jan 20FishinoA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12802337/
I’m still salty about you saying I cant think of characters.
Like really salty. Feels like I got stabbed in the back. Spend countless years creating countless characters only for someone to say I can’t create characters. Just feelsbadman.
Jan 20Secret SaturnA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12802801/
So these questions are actually all going to be answered in the story. But some quick things is that this is really an alternate universe (piggy back riding off of Rainbow Rocket but this focuses on Ghetsis’s world) Of coarse I’m retaining their personalities, and the conflict between N and Ghetsis will be included.
The main protagonist you use in bw/bw2 doesn’t exsist, and will be using some OC’s and other established characters.
The reason why I called it a prologue is because this is a set up for the story to come (so technically I could get away with it being both a summary and a prologue). This explains the setting of the story at its current day once I begin. Throughout the story I will be explaining the relationship between N/Ghetsis, and how his current world came to be.
re: Your review to The Dragon Princess of Time
Jan 20Septentrion EuchoreutesA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12803318/
[[ou say there’s a latias and a salamence, and I’m picturing an actual latias and salamence cramming themselves into a school while if you said humans with superpowers]
Maybe I avoided detailed description in order to avoid being gratuitous, although it’s clear I overcompensated. I didn’t think the salamence would be hard to imagine. She’ll be an old lady with dragon wings. Also, there are two canons were a latias likes looking like a human.
[And there’s still the usual question of how they divide themselves up along typed lines when some pokemon change type when evolving.]
Nations are based on fertility groups and climate, and dragons have a “egg group.” There’s occasional type supremacy, but it’s not the 18 nations idea. The idea is that some desert dwelling psychics types established an religious system where many gijinka specially adapted to the desert are consider child of the sun.
[ It all really feels like this would work better as just pure historical fantasy with people who have magical element affinities and some have more than one.]
Yeah. This is something rather old but not posted.
Jan 20hotdogfishA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12804378/
Thanks for the review, and thanks for finding mistakes that I missed, and I’m glad you found the sneasel cute.
You don’t need to go into large grammatical lessons in a first contact review. Point out errors so that they can be fixed, or go in to more detail if the author asks for it, but not at first. Especially when the problem is grammar or punctuation, a sudden wall of text can just blur together and won’t be read if it’s not expected or not wanted.
I’m also not entirely sure what you’re getting at with the wasted food thing? I was trying to compare how humans can, for example, buy a large meal at a restaurant, eat half of it, then feel guilty that they wasted the food as it would be thrown in a garbage bag and then contribute to the landfill problem, and animals will quite happily kill something, eat until full, then wander away with a clean conscience. I certainly wasn’t trying to suggest that leftover human food doesn’t rot or just disappears, so could you clarify what you mean?
re: Your review to Strength Surpasses Megalomania
Jan 21Lady Fairy MothA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12805132/
I made it clear I wasn’t sure if I wanted to keep this up. It’s right in the summary. This was to test the waters. And your giant review of gripes on just the first chapter? While constructive I officially don’t need to feel worst then I already do … Thanks for going out of your way. Also for making it clear I wrote garbage. I’ll just delete this, and I can go on my merry way.
re: Your review to Amethyst: A New Adventure Awaits
Jan 21FuryWrites Hey, thanks for actually taking time to drop a review on my story. Although it may not look like it, it does mean a lot that you’re willing to drop some advice. I’m not an experienced writer by any means, so every review counts, whether it’s a nice one complimenting my story, or one that harshly criticizes it.
I’ll take your advice into consideration.
re: Your review to Pokemon XD Fall to Darkness
Jan 21The Hooded WriterA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12805975/
I capitalize the names of the Pokemon because that is what the games I have been playing to this day to. They do the same with the word Professor. I apologize if this upsets you but it’s what I grew up with, and it is what I will go off of.
re: Your review to What the Water Gave Me
Jan 21XenopsycheA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12804591/
Thank you for your exceptional review!
I’m currently on a week-long conference so won’t be ale to reply effectively until I’m back, but I just wanted to thank you for taking the time to review so carefully and apologise in advance for how long it would be until I can reply (five days or so).
re: Your review to Parasect\’s Pizza
Jan 22ZweI The Penguin With a PenA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12807252/
Thank you so much for taking the time to read my trash. Thank you for reviewing my trash also. This review took some dedication, I can tell. The style I wrote this fic in is sort of off-putting, what with the audience participation and other shenanigans, but it was fun to write and that’s really all that matters. So again, I appreciate you taking the time to read a chapter and review.
Also, you seem to care dearly about Pokemon, and I can agree with that, as it’s been my favorite gaming franchise for most of my life. The world can never have too many Pokemaniacs!
I normally use bolding to denote my OCs, and I did probably use a little too much, but I wrote this thing ages ago. I only just posted it recently, but this draft was written two years ago, and the original was written at least five years ago.
In all seriousness, thanks for the review. I feel honored to have such a professional review on my lowly fanfiction. Also, you have some pretty great stuff on your page. Have a good day. :D
re: Your review to A Bitter Medicine of Strategy
re: Your review to Pokemon: The Controllers Journey
re: Your review to Bonnie\’s checkup
re: Your review to Ketchum Family Joy
Jan 23Lygatto-Un-SorcerorA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12808121/
1. I am well aware that paragraphing has rules, and how did you come up with the theory that I thought that?
2. I am well aware how speech flows, thank you. Could you please point me to an example of where you think I don’t?
3. Thoughts are handled differently by different authors, it all comes down to your personal stylistic sensibilities.
4. I capitalize things like Pikachu and Charizard, because they are names or titles, ergo PROnouns, not nouns.
Yeah, so that’s the dumbass who then heads over to say the same thing over in the capitalization thread.
re: Your review to Ketchum Family Joy
re: Your review to How special?
Jan 23GoodrasraindanceA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12808848/
I don’t like how you put this. I am new to story writing and i don’t know all the grammar rules yet so you saying this to one of my first story’s is hurtful. And the reason i capitalize them is that my computer won’t let me right it any other way. I am sorry you didn’t like it like i hoped you would but again i am young so you saying this really hurt my feelings. but thanks for your comment anyway
re: Your review to The Courier
Jan 24CyanSparkiA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12809698/
[Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.]
I can see some of the issues and I’ll try and fix them where I see them. My only problem is thoughts being This is what I’m thinking, he thought instead of, what you’re saying, ‘This is what I’m thinking.’ he thought. Straight, single quotations are a thing and are used in prose but I understand what you are saying. My issue is that I like to separate thoughts as means of internal dialogue- spoken but not aloud. Again, just a problem to me- not an issue at large because my opinions are usually wrong anyways.
[This really doesn’t seem to be doing much with the idea they’re pokemon. You seem to be trying to include it instead of just shrugging and saying they’re human, but…]
An astonishingly common criticism I’ve gotten in the past. I’ve been trying to focus on the pokemon element, more a PMD element ala strictly no humans, but that effect means I have to emulate some of human society to make things work. I truthfully want to create a fantasy world based entirely around pokemon but I struggle usually and so I tend to borrow elements while adding many of my own. Such as quadrupeds becoming bipeds.
[Okay, but why is the houndour doing that in the first place? You’re taking pains to establish that he’s bipedal but there’s no clear point to why it’s important he be on two legs instead of walking on four and holding the package in his mouth. And he’s still managing to manipulate objects with his paws just like he has hands.]
I wanted to leave this element something to expand on in the future but this is the second time I’ve gotten the same observation. It won’t be hard to redo anything involving the weird houndour. More world-building is needed for this I would guess. Also, manipulating objects with his paws is not unfounded. An example being lucario but since lucario is a biped from the start, one could easily argue against this- still, the element is there, even with some shaky foundations.
[And this element doesn’t much matter – it’d play out the same if it was just a burly guy threatening an old man.]
Normally I’d agree but when the old man is a spider that is known for being aggressive and trapping prey in their strong webbing, it makes sense someone would send in a pokemon he normally would have a hard time fighting- this example being a Fire-type. Otherwise, he could just wrap them in a web and throw them out the front door. Clarifying this in a thought would probably fix this I presume.
[If this really does need to involve pokemon characters, then you need to work harder at incorporating their forms. Why would a spider have a hat? Ariados don’t have the right head shape to hold one, it’d restrict their vision and possibly their horn, and hats only make sense for someone who holds their head still while ariados should be able to climb sideways or even hang upside-down.]
Yes this is a must. I can see the problems from not utilizing the pokemon element enough. I’ll try and see what I can do.
The hat was mostly just a uniform piece but reading this gives me and idea that he just keeps it on using his web. The only other uniforms they have are scarfs and a frumpy old spider is not wearing a scarf if he could help it.
Anyways, thanks for taking the time to leave criticism. Especially on poor little story like mine- I admit, I’m not the best or fastest writer. I should get a beta but I don’t exactly know how to approach someone doing so in the first place. I always feel like a bother when I think about things like that.
Thanks for the Review!
Jan 24DukeSpookemsIVI just wanted to say thank you. Your review helped me in fixing up what I have down, and giving me more to think about when writing future chapters!
re: Your review to A Risky Career
Jan 25Egotistical psycho
I’m kinda good at SYOC check my recent one out it’s a MHA one
I do these type of stories because I like seeing others creations and I’m quite good at it. Just ask my readers I’m not mad at what you said, because I honestly don’t care, but I just felt I needed to say this.
Naturally, that’s the one on “hiatus”.
re: Your review to The Wysteria Files
Jan 25SilverRocketsA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12811191/
Huh, so… this is weird. I usually tend to stay away from your reviews since I find your way of… criticizing to be overtly negative even when it’s somewhat deserved, and I feel like some of your points are a bit too nitpicky (especially when it comes to capitalization), but this particular review raises good points and made me realize a few flaws within the chapter, so thanks a lot for that.
I’ll work on elaborating why Monika opens the interview that way, since you’re right in that it’s a bit unclear. As for your final point with the eggs, I feel like this is more a matter of perspective but I agree that some things need to be changed and I’ll have your criticism in mind when I edit it soon.
Again, never thought I’d tell you this, but thanks for the review.
re: Your review to Pokemon Mystery Dungeon – Cataclysm
re: Your review to Shooting Stars
Jan 25Mama BunnyA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12812334/
I wanted to thank you for the review. I’d never thought of the comments you made about capitalization before! Thank you for the insight! I’ll keep that in mind as I work on the next update for it.
Jan 26J’LoBuizelUmm… I’m not so sure on how to respond to your review. Were you being rude with your review, or just trying to be nice, but couldn’t because it was collective criticism.
Honestly, I’m super sensative (sue me), so not a big fan of these kind of reviews. I’m not telling you to stop reviewing, I’m just saying that I don’t like it when someone insults my stories. I may sound like a drama queen, but I’m just saying.
It’s ok to post criticism, but good golly don’t be a loose cannon. People don’t like that. I’m sure you’re aware of that. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not telling you how to do your reviews. I’m not one of those users who responds negatively to a certain review, I usually try to shrug them off.
I’m not complaining to you, but I just want to know…
What did that review mean?
Thanks for the constructive feedback.
Jan 26Long Jhon WalkerHi,
First thing I would like to apologize because I feel like I wasn’t explicit enough in my summary, resulting in my fanfiction reaching a public that was not intended.
Anyway, I read your review and I want to thank you for your constructive feedback.
The poor dialogue is definitely something that I know I need to improve, but I have not made the effort yet. English is not my native language and there is much that I still need to learn.
The bolding, capitalizing and numbers written in digits were decisions that I made on purpose, in order to try to make the text look like the one you find in Pokémon: Mystery Dungeon. I do recognize that it looks bad in a normal text format, and I’ll try to think about something better.
I wish you a very good day.