In which people I give a dialogue paragraph to rend their clothing and wail at my cruelty and people I growl at over the actual content of their story appreciate the time I take to explain my issues with it.
re: Your review to Chapters
Jan 5Texas Variety Katie-BugA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12783516/
Thank you for taking the time to review Chapters!
For the tenses I’ll keep an eye on that for my future chapters. I have a tendency to switch around, which is frankly just part of my writing style, but something I’ve bent dying to work on for the past few years. I’ll also keep in mind the difference between trip and journey for future chapters since the main characters in this have all completed their respective journeys and this is more of an action intensive trip.
I was actually thinking the same thing when I was writing this, concerned about battles in airports, but really what got me was Skyla’s Gym in 5th gen. I know that her gym is part of an airport. The pokemon world also does seem to priortize battling over all else so that was my personal justification for putting battles in the airport.
I don’t write OCs often so when I do I try to give the important ones a fair amount of description just because I dislike not having a visual of other people’s OCs in my head while I read. As for the laptop bag and cross body I didn’t think about that but I’ll add in her getting a backpack for the actual destination of this trip so it makes more sense.
There are some trainers early game who don’t even give 100 if they win so I was actually basing my amounts off of early game trainers.
To me it just seemed like watching an accident happen, like when a kid bullies someone at school and just watches. The people aren’t approving of the behavior but they aren’t going to stop it because it doesn’t concern them that much.
Making teenagers seem like they’re helpless was not my intention at all. Stupid for going against someone they can’t possibly beat, and perhaps a bit arrogant, but not helpless. The kid didn’t complain when he lost, just ran to the center after doing his best, which is probably what the NPC trainers in-game do after they’re defeated by the player. :)
I’ll keep an eye out on my punctuation! Thank you for pointing that out. I don’t really have a beta so when I do read over my own work and edit I miss things.
As for my choice of dialogue for the man saying he’s good I chose that route to help enforce that a lot of NPCs are a bit arrogant and stupid, depending how the player character plays.
You’re totally right about the starter, but there’s a backstory there coming up in a few chapters. Obviously not *everyone* gets a true blue starter but there is a reason she has two starters, of sort.
Since they’re in Unova I went off of America legal ages and initially I had it to where he was going to tell her to buy him a drink if he won, but the conversation I wrote sounded awkward and stilted, so I changed it up and forgot to omit the legal part, so my bad all around.
You’re right about the no way of enforcing this, so I’m just going to say honor system for now and see if I can come up with a solution to add in on a chapter update because I don’t have the time to write a full six on six battle, and Charlotte, as a character, wouldn’t be able to partake in a battle for too long.
Electric rodents, with the exception of raichu, are seen as weaker from a battle standpoint, and their stats do a pretty good job backing that up. The only exception I can think of really happening in real life is when that guy won that Global tournament with a pachirisu on his team, which my choice of giving Charlotte a pachirisu was actually a homage to. That, and my sorority’s mascot is a squirrel and when I learned that pachirisu shot up several spots on my favorite pokemon list.
The scene where she gives up will actually be explained in more detail at a later time as well. She was once a powerful trainer, but she left that life behind, and this guy was part of the reason. Really, I just added this scene in here to get some questions rolling about Charlotte’s backstory. There’s a bit more to it than that, though. :)
The kid she battled at work is like seven, so really a little kid, but I realize I didn’t make that clear so I’ll figure out a way to fix that to improve the clarity of the story.
Again, thank you for taking the time to review my story. I’ll keep your comments in mind for future chapters!
Jan 5[There are some trainers early game who don’t even give 100 if they win so I was actually basing my amounts off of early game trainers.]Yeah, they’re little kids with bugs giving you pocket change. Beating up little kids for their pocket change might be a d*** move, but taking a couple of coins from a kid isn’t draining their bank account.
[Skyla’s Gym in 5th gen. I know that her gym is part of an airport. The pokemon world also does seem to priortize battling over all else so that was my personal justification for putting battles in the airport. ]
[As for my choice of dialogue for the man saying he’s good I chose that route to help enforce that a lot of NPCs are a bit arrogant and stupid, depending how the player character plays. ]
If you can’t make it convincing on your own, don’t use it. The fact the games are silly doesn’t make it less silly the second time around. The same goes for tying things into a knot over explaining her getting “a starter” instead of just shrugging and saying she’s got a team of pokemon.
[I don’t have the time to write a full six on six battle, and Charlotte, as a character, wouldn’t be able to partake in a battle for too long.]
So then she should lose. If this is supposed to be her flaw, instead of her effortlessly beating some guy, show she can’t. Show her wanting to and trying to and then failing instead of claiming that she has a problem without letting it actually get in her way. And that’d be way more interesting than her just wandering around while talking about how she has some mysterious tragic backstory.
[Electric rodents, with the exception of raichu, are seen as weaker from a battle standpoint, ]
So you’re going on Smogon and such game mechanics stuff? But that means she actually was misrepresenting herself to him, while he was being completely up-front about his abilities and pokemon.
[The kid she battled at work is like seven, so really a little kid]
So three years off an official pokemon journey in the anime, and a full trainer by game terms. Seven year olds aren’t idiots, you know, and it’s way more hurtful to realize not only were all your victories fake, but someone thinks so little of you they didn’t even give you a chance to try. I guess I can see someone three times their age forgetting this fact and thinking being nice is just a function of winning or losing, but – not really the simple saintly thing she seems to think it is, and it’s especially obvious when she’s not even hiding her skill but is still crushing any adult who challenges her.
Konoha’s Springtime Angel
Subject: re: Your review to Charity\’s Promise
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12787627/
Hello Farla, I would like to send you this message regarding your recent review of my story.
While I have to agree that you don’t capitalize common nouns, I don’t think the rule is too specific on Pokemon. In canon, including the anime, manga, and official websites, “Pokemon” and nearly all Pokemon-related words (Pikachu, Eevee, Poliwhirl, etc.) are capitalized, so I just capitalize them whenever I refer to them. But yes, I also agree that “trainer” and “professor” should not be capitalized unless used as a title or a name.
Going back to the “never coming back” setup, I am going to clarify that more as I further progress through the story. If you need extra clarification, I will give you some of it now. First, in my story, most Pokemon who become battlers do return, but when their children start raising families of their own, they leave their parents behind and settle somewhere elsewhere, as in Charity’s case. In addition, I planned on it being the Pokemon’s choice if they tell their families that they won the Jikyuu League or not. Also, news travels rather slow in this Pokemon world,…
This message has been truncated due to length. To view in full, please visit site.
So, I’ve been lazy and that means I wasn’t collecting these as I went. My reply to this was something about how instead of having an elaborate explanation for stuff that doesn’t matter, just go with whatever is least confusing.
That’s been a recurring problem this year. People are treating this like it’s real events instead of about what it means to the reader. Having Charity meet her dad after he won would’ve shown that pokemon normally win and normally return, so her own disappearance is weird. Instead, the author has something abnormal happen and a complex explanation for why actually the abnormal thing is no big deal and doesn’t matter, which they’ll presumably be telling in tedious exposition at some later point.
Review Discussion (not an angry author raging)
Jan 6SilverScepterHello! While I may not be quite as experienced as you are on FanFiction, I have been reviewing PMD fics for a while now, and I couldn’t help but notice that your critique of “Explorers of Nature” was rather…toxic. So much so that I felt compelled to PM you about it. The goals of this message are to give you a better understanding of why I feel that this review was more harmful than helpful, and to hopefully spark change in the way you compose reviews in the future. I am not trying to offend you, disrespect you, or do anything else of that nature. Feel free to let me know if I made any points that seem unfair to you. With all of that being said, here is my review of your review:
To begin, I would just like to address the harsh, no-nonsense tone used throughout. I understand the concept of tough love, but you are never going to catalyze improvement within inexperienced writers by being so bluntly negative! We can agree that the core concept behind reviewing is to help writers better their work, yes? Well, as you already know (judging by your bio’s disclaimer), abrasive reviews like that typically lead to rage-induced PMs rather than edits. My point is that if you don’t try to package your critiques in a respectful manner, they aren’t very helpful to the author at all. Of course, I’m not suggesting that you sugar-coat things, as that doesn’t help the author, either! Just make an effort to be a little more sensitive to authors’ feelings, and they will listen to what you have to say.
Moving on to the review itself… We’ll start with your first point, which is, in my opinion, highly questionable. While I understand your feelings toward Explorers of Sky rewrites (believe me, I’ve been there), I don’t see how your proposed solution does anything other than create problems! Rather than suggesting that the fic abruptly start later in, why not request that the author rewrite the beginning to deviate from the games a little more? There’s no need to be so extreme with your recommendations.
The next bit was the high point of the review, in my opinion! Improper dialogue grammar is extremely common among new writers on FF, and I’m glad that you managed to express the correct way to format it in a single, direct paragraph! If the author of the fic gets anything out of your review, I hope that it’s that.
Now, we’ll finish on the point that you will undoubtedly fight me on… Whether or not you capitalize the names of Pokemon species is considered by many to be a stylistic choice, so please stop telling people that it is a necessity to capitalize them. I have read the (hilariously snarky) post linked in your profile, and while I can’t deny the validity of the points made, I can question why it matters so much. Outside of the fanfiction bubble, Pokemon fans are used to seeing the word “Pokemon” as well as species names capitalized. While they are certainly not proper nouns, they do look much more familiar when they are capitalized…so why does the fanfiction community have to be so anal about it? It’s a preference. If capitalizing “Charmander” is wrong, then I don’t want to be right. The vast majority of the Pokemon community would agree with me there.
That’s all I have to say, really. Feel free to message back with any concerns, as I would love to talk to you about this. I’m particuarly interested in your reaction to my thoughts on the capitalization crisis, as that’s something I often see in Pokemon fanfic reviews.
Thank you for reading my rambling, and have a wonderful day!
Jan 6[ I understand the concept of tough love, but you are never going to catalyze improvement within inexperienced writers by being so bluntly negative!]Can and have! Just because you’ve decided you want something to be true does not make it so.
[ I don’t see how your proposed solution does anything other than create problems! Rather than suggesting that the fic abruptly start later in, why not request that the author rewrite the beginning to deviate from the games a little more?]
Because one is actual advice that’d make for a better story, and the other is garbage busywork that’d waste the person’s time creating a slightly different bad thing just because apparently you’ve decided it’s inherently rude to move to a different point in time? So instead of sugarcoating real advice, you’re advocating to just straight up feed people lead?
[so why does the fanfiction community have to be so a*** about it?]
I dunno. You’re the one telling me I’m not allowed to speak on the subject because what I say doesn’t align to your preference, why /are/ you so a*** about it?
re: Your review to Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers Of Nature
And yes, clicking the link will show the previous person did not bother reviewing the story. In fact, three chapters in, no one else has.
About the prologue of the story
Jan 6TheAutumSageA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12787657/
Thanks for the feedback I’ve been having a hard time trying to give a summary of what my next story project is gonna be as I’ve been told that what I’ve done in the past is prohibited, but other than that I will have to rewrite the prologue which isn’t a problem as the main issue is grammar and mechanics of writing but thanks for the feedback I want this to be one of my best works!
Subject: re: Your review to What A Twist
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12787490/
Thanks for the review. Sorry that it wasn’t quite up to your standards. I write as a hobby. Not to try and get anywhere to be honest, which is why the story has its flaws. The next SEVERAL chapters were all written many months ago as well during a time where i was more or less pulling all-nighters while writing which likely did not help the quality of chapters. Other than the faults that you cited previously, is there anything else constructive you have to add? I see quite a lot of animosity rather than criticism judging by how you didn’t seem to actually read the chapter at all. This story is MEANT to have a slow start and build up from the bottom. Therefore it’s going to be “boring” to start with.
re: Your review to Lucarious
re: Your review to What\’s left
Jan 8GreeenbirdA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12787426/
I’ll take this into account for next chapter. BTW I can’t get a beta reader until I’ve been on this site for a month and uploaded 5 stories or the equivalent of 8,000 words.
re: Your review to Ketchum Saga 1: Reborn
Jan 9ScytherNoSwipingA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12790563/
Thank you for reviewing my chapter! If you would may, would you be my editor for the next chapter? That would help a lot!
To be quite honest with you, I don’t get what your saying about the butler part. Could you rephrase that for me?
1h ago[If you would may, would you be my editor for the next chapter? ]I’m terribly busy, which is also why I’m terribly late replying. I do have a beta reader thread linked on my profile.
[I don’t get what your saying about the butler part. Could you rephrase that for me? ]
The man isn’t his butler. If you raise a child from infancy, you’re the kid’s dad, and it’s horrifying a man is so beaten down that he views his entire self as just the servant of someone else based on whose blood they have.
32m agoBen was the old king and queens butler. He raised Ash from a baby, yes. But he did it because that’s what Ralph and Delia would have wanted. Ben even thinks of Ash as his own, but likes it when Ash refers him as “Uncle Ben” because he wasn’t just the kings butler but also his best friend.
31m agoAlright, thanks for telling me. Hope you still enjoy the story despite my updating schedule.Sincerely,
Jan 10 LuckyLadybug
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12792126/When applying the rules of correct English grammar, you’re right. I actually have thought about that. But I choose instead to write it the way I’m doing it. :)
I don’t understand your dialogue complaint, as I don’t see anywhere in the story where what you’re saying even applies. I try to use the rules you’ve described. Is this just a form review you send to everyone?
Jan 10[“Pi-Pikachu,” Pikachu nodded.]
This is triply hilarious to me – the fact they didn’t really bother looking because that’s right at the start, the fact it also serves to underline why capitalizing pokemon species just leads to further problems, and the fact that they still didn’t fix it.
Jan 10wreckingdutyThank you so much for your honest review on my story Pokemon Gijinka Tales: Sandshrew and Suicune! I’ll take your feedback to heart and consider how I can better improve my writing in the future! I’m going to leave the problems in the story as they are, so that in the future I can see how much my writing has improved since this story.
Subject: re: Your review to Steps of Thunder
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12791902/
While you obviously have some knowledge on writing techniques, you lack tact and any concept or willingness to truly help fledgling writers. I find your critique way too heavy-handed, mean-spirited, and of no real benefit to me. I am a writer who is beginning to hone my skills and I have fun seeing where my imagination takes me. I do not have to be on your path or adhere to your thoughts for where my writing should go. Writing is an outlet that allows me to use my teenage time productively. You acting like a book editor is also a very big waste of time. Before you say I need thicker skin, DON’T. I’m aware that I will continue to improve and get help in doing that along the way. Before you pick someone’s story apart and respond so condescendingly maybe you should ask what level of critique he or she wants. You are way over the top. However, I will admit after I first saw your review, I did go onto your page to see if you were legitimately trying to help me out or being a douche. When
I saw that you had 129 2,000 word stories, I scoffed. Anyone who has real skill would not waste that much time on writin…
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Another one where I really should’ve saved it at the time. The last bit was that real authors just write one long story. And yes, Another Verse is sitting on top of my profile right now at just shy of forty thousand words but it doesn’t matter, I am impure regardless because I have other fics that are short.
No, I didn’t review them twice.
Jan 12CuddlyCuddlesA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12794369/
Hi! Thanks for your review and tips and on paragraphing. I knew I had a bit of problem, but didn’t know it was this bad. So thanks for taking the time to give me tips on how I can make it easier for not only me but other people to read.
re: Your review to Misfits
Jan 12Let me try to explain a few things, however.
When he’s studying? He’s studying for three weeks. Three weeks. At the most, I plan to curb a bit of his stupidity and would like to keep the basics of his personality.You said that bulbasaur was pretty powerful at the start. But that was in the games. I’m going on more of an anime based world, as I believed that a lizard and a turtle might have a little more defense and speed than a literal walking plant, thank you. I’m trying not to base so many things off of the game because I found so much of it so unrealistic.
I do believe I had formatted all of my dialogue correctly. Is there a spot where I messed up?
Thank you for the compliment with the charmander.
Pikachu isn’t that dangerous. He’s a mischievous prankster that takes a while to open up and accept humans, but he isn’t dangerous, really. the charmander nearly destroyed an entire lab when he was first let out of his pokeball. Pikachu only nibbles on cables and shocks humans, and he’s really only in it for entertainment. So I would have hoped that that made a bit more sense.
He’s attempting to give Ash the pikachu because ekans is not a powerful pokemon. They don’t have a lot of moves they can learn and peak in strength much faster than any other starters. Pikachu have a wide variety of moves and can be amazingly strong. Ekans just won’t be able to defend Ash if they’re attacked by a very dangerous pokemon, because he’s not that strong.
Oh goody, I can sense your raised eyebrow. Yes, a pikachu on its second evolution will be inherently more powerful than a first evolution pokemon because of the surge of energy that comes with evolution. Pikachus have many more moves they can learn – believe me, I’ve checked – and they already have moves from their previous evolution. So yes, this makes sense.
And ah yes, the final paragraph. I’m very sorry you had to waste your time on an ‘astoundingly awful’ piece, but I’m glad that you liked the few bits and pieces that were mine. Please enjoy the next chapter!
Thank you for reviewing!
secs agoDialogue examples – [“Well, be sure to talk to her before you go off on your journey,” he hummed, walking to the other room.] and [“Recall it!” He yelped][ I’m going on more of an anime based world, as I believed that a lizard and a turtle might have a little more defense and speed than a literal walking plant, thank you.]
[Pikachu have a wide variety of moves and can be amazingly strong. Ekans just won’t be able to defend Ash if they’re attacked by a very dangerous pokemon, because he’s not that strong. ]
You didn’t say speed. You said it was worse in attack and defense. Ignoring the literal stats, in the anime bulbasaur is a stocky tank. Ignoring both literal stats and anime depiction and just going on what it looks like, bulbasaur is physically a stocky tank compared to the other two. And going based on both anime and what it looks like, ekans is a giant murder snake and pikachu is a tiny mouse. Consistency is important. You can’t just say popular pokemon are better than unpopular pokemon. Leaf got the well-rounded tank with the highest overall stats. Ash got the six foot long predator.
Smart!Ash fics have the weirdest ideas about realism.
You have a point, but.
Jan 12CapnOblivious42A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12795161/
It’s *supposed* to be short, confusing, and contain no real information of importance. You will be learning most everything with the protagonist, because the only things that are really revealed are pretty much guaranteed due to this being a mystery dungeon fic. It’s pretty much just a bit of foreshadowing to suggest my future plans. Because I for one like it when authors include such hints about future developments, and it’s intended to make readers stay for curiosity as to what’s going on. In short, don’t worry, I HAVE PLANS.
Another one nobody else reviewed despite being three chapters in now. Will they reevaluate? Or will they just figure no reviews is normal?
Review to A New Adventure
Jan 12TheDeadGirlRisenA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12794215/
Hi and Thank you for your Review. I’m still thinking of a better title for the story and haven’t really thought of anything good. And Wow you must have done a bit of research to get all that statistics although I don’t think I use “Saga” “Region” or “Champion” in my summary.
My Dialogue has always been a bit of an issue XD I have the bad habit of putting Periods where I shouldn’t, most tend not to may attention to that though. Anyways I’m writing a professional story just a little fun thing to share with the world. I really Don’t bother with Editing over things after i’ve fixed any spelling issues unless I typed it on my phone or while half asleep.
As for Pokemon I have heard many debates on whether they should be capitalized or not and I prefer to capitalize them. Its just my preference on that. Thank you for pointing it out though! I hope even though I have quiet a few errors in it you still enjoyed the prologue. ^^
Jan 12I changed the Name to Fire, Wind, and Space… Would this perhaps be a better name for it according to your statistics?
28m agoYes, that’s a lot better! It’s not only a more pleasing bunch of words but all of them are relatively rare, so it’d be easy to remember that the words go with your particular story while I’ve been having to click on each review link for anything with “adventure”/”new” in it, because I have no idea which one it is.
2m agoAlright! I’m glad its better now I know the name needed to be changed I just couldn’t think of anything at the time. I’ve also edited and reposted the first couple chapters so hopefully its a bit better. Im not the best with Quotations because of that bad habit of mine but I have been trying to work on it. Also you must have pretty good memory I always have trouble remembering story names even if they are unique. Though What might help is if you know you left a review on the story go to the reviews tab (Above Beta reader) in your profile and you can see a list of reviews you left, Thats helped me find some story’s ive been looking for XD
re: Your review to The Real Power of Ash Ketchum
Jan 13lunarockmewtwoA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12795950/
Do I really need to have one review, probably the first or second, on every fiction i write about capital, flaws, etc? I like captilizing Pokémon names so I will, don’t fret yourself.
If you delete whatever fic I already reviewed and also fail to block me, I won’t know I reviewed you already. This one’s on you.
Jan 13The Cloaked Time-WalkerThank you for the review. I really appreciate critique on my work, and you taking the time to write out a review. And I’m not being sarcastic, ’cause I’ve been to your profile. So again, thank you for your brutal ripping apart of my story, because I really do appreciate it.
Jan 13GhostWriteA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12795311/
This is my first attempt at actually writing something and I’ve had a few ideas banging around in my head. After planning out a bit I just started in because I wanted to check.
Thank you so much for the grammar help and I plan on correcting and implementing in future pieces when I get the chance.
As for the reasoning behind the name it was mainly because names reflected the trainer and I thought about implementing a character who had chosen bulbasaur the same time the remaining starter. The reason that there’s 2 left is because in game there’s always one on the table and I felt like incorporating that, even though I’m kinda sticking to the Origins plot rather than the game plot.
I have lots of great ideas to come and am trying to leave room for me to incorporate them into my work, btw you hit the nail dead on when you mentioned her considering Pokemon interchangeable. As for the capitalization all my grammar corrector corrected pokemon to caps so I thought it was right.
Thank you so much for your help and I hope you enjoy my pieces to come!
re: Your review to Banette: The Marionette Pokémon
re: Your review to The one that changed
re: Your review to TPMJ: Trials of a Pokemon Trainer
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12793585/Are you in anyway related to St Elmo’s Fire? Because you sent this review in the exact format that person does.
Secondly, regarding the Pokemon name, I thought about it for quite a while, and when I write the Pokemon names in Word it auto-corrects it to capital, so I don’t care about that.
I am incredibly fluent in the forms of there, their, they’re, your, and you’re, if you can point out where I have made a typo instead of trying to teach me primary school English like I don’t know any better, it would be much appreciated, and I would actually consider taking anything you value into consideration.
If you have read my stories, you would know that the Misty that travels with Ash is the daughter of Hannah and Ethan Waterflower, and that she is named Misty Waterflower. The Misty in the past, as stated in the first chapter, is called Misty Williams. Read before you make comments like that in the future, most people know that it is a different Misty.
Really, you’re nitpicking because of Shiny Pokemon and that they are random selections? Most of the Pokemon chosen were requests made by fellow, and much more appreciative, reviewers. I put that list there so I don’t have people asking me which Pokemon Ash has with him, and which Pokemon he has caught, in a review of every bloody chapter.
I would consider this to be a constructive review if you didn’t just nitpick. Plus, I’m not some new author that’s going to feel threatened by this as you can see I’ve been writing fan fiction for 4 years, so I’m not going to change the way I write.
I await your reply, AshleyH30
Jan 16[I am incredibly fluent in the forms of there, their, they’re, your, and you’re]
[“Your welcome.”][If you have read my stories, you would know that the Misty that travels with Ash is the daughter of Hannah and Ethan Waterflower, and that she is named Misty Waterflower. The Misty in the past, as stated in the first chapter, is called Misty Williams. Read before you make comments like that in the future, most people know that it is a different Misty.]
There’s a reason most media avoids reusing names. That you intentionally did something that’s such an awful idea just convinces me it was a great idea to not waste my time reading more of your work.
Jan 16Like you read it at all…Misty has a significance that I haven’t revealed yet. She was named after the older character for a reason you’d learn later in the story.
And again, please point out where “Your welcome” is so I can fix a simple typo. Giving one example of a mistake would be the same as calling a mathematician stupid because they made an arithmetic error. Stuff happens.
Jan 16[And again, please point out where “Your welcome” is]Ah, so what you meant by [if you can point out where I have made a typo instead of trying to teach me primary school English like I don’t know any better, it would be much appreciated, and I would actually consider taking anything you value into consideration.] wasn’t “I don’t believe I made a mistake” it was “I refuse to do anything to fix it myself, do the work for me because I actually am a primary school student”? I think instead I’ll explain how searches work. CTRL + F. While you’re there, another definitely just a typo and not a sign you’re shaky at grammar: [ “Come on, Arcanine! Do as your told!”]
Jan 16I’m trying to point out there is a difference between a typo, and explaining the differences in the English language like I don’t know any better. If you had pointed out that I had made the mistake instead of teaching me English I already knew, I would have valued “your” review. I am in fact stringent in looking for those differences, as a simple finger slip can be the difference between your and you’re when typing, and some times they slip through the cracks and I don’t notice them.I know how to use the “Find” function in word. I read articles related to construction and have to “find” specific information among hundreds of pages, for essays I write for my engineering course.
Jan 16[I’m trying to point out there is a difference between a typo, and explaining the differences in the English language like I don’t know any better.]Yeah, one assumes you already have the knowledge and risks being useless if wrong and the other is useful whether or not it was just a typo. As the person too busy to hit two keys to find the mistake or even the quote I gave you, surely you can understand why I’d go for saving time with the one that’s useful in either case.
They did not fix anything. I don’t know why people believe their song and dance about how they totally care and it’s just I didn’t say it in the right way means anything.
Jan 16BioFlareA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12797888/
Hey, thanks for the feedback. I agree with you on some of the points you gave, but kinda disagree with others too. I admit I was doing a bit of showdown which was where the leftovers came in, but I imagine it all happening quite quickly so it’s possible in an anime-like setting. Also “birdlike” came in because, well, pokémon are not animals – they’re animal-like magical creatures – so calling it a straight bird just seems inaccurate.
I described the attacks not for them to be the focus, but because that’s what I see in my head I guess; also the protagonist WOULD be quite focused on the battle rather than small thoughts, especially given the speed at which everything occurs. I do get where you’re coming from though, but most of the internal thoughts I wanted to save for the second half. :)
Thanks for the review. Although it kinda seemed all criticism; I would have also liked to hear what you enjoyed about it, because those parts to me are just as important as the parts that require improvement.
[I would have also liked to hear what you enjoyed about it, because those parts to me are just as important as the parts that require improvement.]I didn’t.
Your fic is centered around someone I don’t know. Instead of focusing on properly introducing them, you focused on a bunch of pokemon attacks getting flung back and forth. Then you expected me to care about future them’s problems, which, without being tied to someone I’m invested in, are just the standard issue cliche of age makes death happen and now we’re standing in graveyards being sad. For the reasons I complained about in the first half, the second half falls flat.
STOP ASKING THIS
re: Your review to Pokemon Coordinated adventures
re: Your review to Adrian\’s Amazing Adventures
Nope. I’m not listing to you or St. Elmo’s Fire. my story is OK. I love my story the way it is and I’m not gonna change it and gonna continue it.
re: Your review to Pokemon mysteries of shadow
re: Your review to Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Explorer Team Zeta
19h agoRiniasA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12798975/
Thanks for your constructive criticism on my story. I’ll take into account the things you mentioned in your review from now on. Thanks again!
re: Your review to A Whole New League
10h agoPikaNinja07A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12799789/
Thanks for the review and taking time out to bring out points where I missed. I wanted to PM my thoughts and maybe some exposition on the subjects you pointed out, and then I’ll see what you think.
Also, for reference, it’ll be shown similar to the way you critiqued my writing for ease.
[You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.]
Thinking about it, you are correct in that sense. However, what if words like trainer or professor were used as like a title? Then it’d be okay, right? For example, Trainer Joey?
[This really doesn’t make any sense.
The solution to the problem of not enough trainers is to start a brand new league, except not start a brand new league despite saying those exact words, but actually to get new people to take the existing jobs, despite the conversation opening with the problem that they can’t find new people to take the existing jobs.]
I… honestly could have worded that better. No excuse for me there.
[Having just said they can’t get Gary because he says he’s busy with his gym, their grand plan is to look to the people who are busy with their gyms, with the assumption that people will be lining up for the chance to fight gym leaders, the people whose entire job is already to hang out somewhere to give people the chance to test their skills.]
When you say that they’re busy with their gyms, I can’t really come up with an argument against that. Yeah, it’s clumsy of me to have not noticed that earlier, and that because of that, why would they bother with others that are in the exact same situation? Though the final point of your argument is something I have thought of and are planning to explain in future chapters. Albeit, it’s more like an in-universe reason that not a lot of RL players really know, so…
[Gary said he refuses, so it’s a maximum of fifteen. It’s pretty obvious at least some of the other gym leaders would also refuse. It’s even more obvious this isn’t the solution to the problem they started with, which is that people leave a lot. The solution to that problem would be asking more people to take the job, then continuing to ask around for anyone interested so they always have several candidates ready to replace someone who decides to leave.]
I kinda realized that there really was only fifteen trainers at most when I thought back to this. The other gym leaders I have plans for in the future, so maybe you’ll be satisfied with it then. And the issue with the constant leaving? Going back to the games, it’s shown that the elite four are lounging about on their region like people should, so they’re easy to reach when challengers come, at least, that’s how I see it. In here, they aren’t on the region anymore, so they aren’t easily accessible due to this. I thought this was explained well enough, but maybe I slipped up.
[Look. If you want to write a fic where a bunch of people fight, just say that. You don’t need a lot of contradictory babble in front of it. “The elite four slots are chosen by tournament winner, there’s open slots, we’ll have a tournament.” Done. Now you can actually get to something interesting happening in your first chapter. If you want it to be about the gym leaders fighting each other, then that can be who the tournament normally is open to instead of spending paragraph after paragraph on explaining how your characters just thought this up, because apparently replacing people has never come up before. Then the champion gets determined by whoever beats the new set of elite four, as normal.]
I can see what you mean that I should just get to the point and say that a tournament is going to happen. In fact, now I realize that I could have easily tied this in with my backstory on why each gym leader are going to participate, instead of, like you put it, having a contradictory babble. Knowing this, I could delete this whole prologue and nothing would be lost, as long as I explain that the elite four are gone, we’ll have a tourney to see who gets the spots, and done. I’ve rendered my whole starting prologue useless.
All in all, this was very insightful and enlightening. Now I see a whole lot more ways to go about progressing my story. Once again, thank you for taking time to review and help me see the bigger aspects and potential of this story. I truly appreciate it.
…and FYI, I plan on calling Oak’s grandson, Blue. I’m using the game characters, so Blue would be his name. It’s really no big deal since they’re essentially the same, but whatever, right?
re: Your review to Ghostly Scars
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12800121/Thank you for your criticism. I know it is a flimsy excuse, but I’m working on it at the moment. This is the entire rewrite, and the original was even more ridiculous, so I’m at least getting slightly better. I’m aware it’s all complete nonsense, but at the moment, I don’t have time in my own life to figure out a good way to fix it while completing everything else I have in my box of monsters. I will, however, look into it as soon as you can. And thank you for the grammar check, I will try to fix those in a few days. I will make no excuse for the stupid mistake, and I thank you for your time and effort for writing such a long comment.
5h agoI have done my best to fix what little I could with what you were unhappy with, and again, I’m sorry for inconveniencing you and, excuse me for putting it bluntly, pissing you off. At least, that is what I can assume from your overwhelmingly emotional message. I have my own response to you, however, even though I know that it will probably backfire and hurt me more than ever. You don’t have to listen to what I’m about to say, and you can even through it directly out the window and do the opposite. However, I suggest that you remember that not all of us are as experienced as you are when it comes to your writing, and while I can’t speak for others, I am putting this story out, not to only get better, but to inspire other people to write too. It’s not because I want the reviews or the follows or anything of the sort, and I’m not expecting a perfect storyline to get there. But what I really want you to keep in mind is that some of us are just starting to “spread our wings” into writing hood. I ask that you look behind the words and assume the worst when you speak to someone, because they may be much younger than what their writing style implies. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate that you went out of your way to go through the trouble of providing such a long message with corrections that really needed to be fixed, but something I don’t like is the harshness that went with it. Harsh is good to propel people forward, but that really put a dent in my already small pride. While I’m sure that you really don’t care much about how I feel, one of these days, you’re going to bash to a thirteen year old who doesn’t yet understand how the world works, and the only thing going for them is a far-away fantasy and some average writing skills that makes them seem older than they actually are. I recognize that you’re pointing out facts that need to be changed, but at the same time, this is a fan fiction. I’m not expecting every little detail to be perfect, and if I’m going to make something incredibly stupid and outrageous happen that makes no sense whatsoever to further the plot, I’m going to do it, because I’m not writing to make a book, I’m writing to have fun and because it is a hobby. I’m not asking you to be compassionate, or even nice, but please respect other people’s ideas, even if they are questionably insane. I think you might be amazed how people will still take your advice into account, even if it isn’t the bluntness that you apparently hold dear. Again, I cannot speak for others, but your advice will always be appreciated. Your abrasive manner, however, is not. You may continue to act the way you do, that is perfectly fine by me. I’m not your guardian nor do I control your actions, but not all people will be nice about your ruthless handouts. I’m sure people will even ask you to shut up and treat people how you want to be treated if they have not already. I do not want to be cliché about it, but please understand where I’m coming from, and take a moment to understand what I’m writing and what it is based on: an anime that evolved from the games that was put out to please kids who were around ten years old, in which the main character is dense, never ages, and goes around region after region to fulfill his dream of Pokémon Master, capturing and making (forcing seems a bit harsh, doesn’t it?) his own pokémon battle until unconsciousness so that he can eventually win a league. I mean, as dark as I’m attempting to make this fan fiction, it’s base content is still prominent, and as much as I love the criticism, the fact that the original substance is totally different from ours makes it harder to construct a life-like storyline while still adding in the main perks of the pokémon dimension. There are people who have done it perfectly, and there are even more who have pulled it off successfully, although slightly off, but I don’t want to copy their content or their world’s rules and construction. That is theirs, this is mine. Continue to bash my work, I will enjoy fixing every little thing that you want to point out if you truly wish to do so. I’m sorry I’m not as good of a writer as you are. Should that be my fault too? (That’s a rhetorical question. Please don’t answer that.) If I’ve “pissed you off”, as they say, even further, alright. I’m sorry that I’m making my stance. Tear my flimsy storyline to shreds, I’ll take the time to sew it back together. However, I hope that you won’t treat others this way, if only slightly less brash and ill-mannered. You may take it out all on me if you wish, every last vulgar and uncivilized word, but as someone who doesn’t like standing from the sidelines, I wish you that you’ll leave everyone else you correct alone from that treatment. Thank you for your constructive criticism, your time, and your anger (gosh, I’ve probably pissed you off so much).
4h agoOh, and excuse all the grammar mistakes above. Or don’t. Both options are fine.
2h ago[ I’m sorry for inconveniencing you and, excuse me for putting it bluntly, pissing you off. At least, that is what I can assume from your overwhelmingly emotional message.]I said something that made no sense was nonsense. If you’re reading it said as a howl of bloodthirsty rage, yeah, that’s pretty excessive, but I really don’t know why you’d default to that. If you’re reading this as a howl of bloodthirsty rage as well, “I don’t know why” should be read in a tone of mild bafflement and not like I’m reading it off a list of reasons to kill you.
1h ago… i give up with you. I would say something else, but I have no words. Go be a grammar police now, or whatever else you do in your free time.