A story where pokemorphs coexist with various civil rights movements without there being the slightest connection, one where cutting edge technology lets battles be even more boring, porn, Hala using the tapu to victimblame, extremely dubious car-related events, and various crimes against punctuation.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13166666/1/Town
“Its” is the possessive form. “It’s” means “it is” only.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.
[It takes place world where humanoid animals, humanoid Pokemon, and humans live together.]
[and occasionally some wild animals. ]
So to be clear – in your story, there’s humans, humanoid animals, and humanoid pokemon, plus there’s regular animals, and are there also regular pokemon? That really seems pretty packed. What’s the purpose of that? What do humanoid animals do that isn’t covered by humans or humanoid pokemon? What do humanoid pokemon do that isn’t covered by humans or humanoid animals? What do humans do that isn’t covered by humanoid pokemon or humanoid animals?
[So he did, always having an open mind as a child. As he gotten older, he read and heard stories of influential people like Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King, and even Karl Marx to name a few.]
Especially when the “human” group isn’t a monolith but are broken up by the standard racial divisions (which also suggests that the animal people and pokemon people are going to have similar divisions and complexity). Where do all the many varied pokemon and many varied other animals fit into all this? What about the conflicts between human people with one shade of skin and human people with another shade of skin speak so much to a lucario? How does he feel about the fact that his own race is apparently so oppressed that no one even speaks about them and he can’t name a single one as an influential person? Is he so beaten-down that it would never even occur to him to question that?
Honestly, if you’re getting into racial stuff, that’s already more original and interesting than yet another gijinka thing where there’s theoretical diversity that never matters. There’s fewer black human characters than lucario characters.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
[You’re work]
“Your” is the possessive. “You’re” is short for “you are”.
[“After all, you Pokemon know how to survive after all these… I don’t know. These moves that could kill a human being, you’re kind is pretty tough.”]
So far, all the mix of real world and pokemon has gotten you is that despite what I assume are good intentions you’re actually repeating racist tropes. “You people, you’re so STEREOTYPE, you know?” is kinda…not great, and it’s not helped by the fact that pokemon are pretty varied so the idea all of them are equally durable to any move at all seems kinda like pointing at a Mexican dude and telling him he’ll be fine handling the climates of his native land, Africa.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13166700/1/The-Virtual-Reality-Pokemon-League
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.
I’m really not clear on what the benefit of having fictional pokemon battles that are also fictional for the characters themselves. Why is it more interesting to read about trainers and their pokemon engaging in an absolutely zero consequences utterly imaginary battle? If there’s some particular plotline you’re setting up that needs this interface to kick off – like, say, the trope of people logging in and not being able to log out, or whatever – then that’s what you should be getting into in this chapter, not talking about how incredible it is that this VR technology will allow trainers to sometimes fictionally interact in very limited ways with their actual real pokemon.
What the fuck.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13166758/1/Gaming-the-System
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.
If the point of this is “girl gets taken advantage of and humiliated for nothing” as a kink, rather than the sex, you should really be openly labeling it as that.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13166781/1/Eureka
[This didn’t bother young Bonnie who got to see such incredible things as Ash when he and Pikachu are battling, All the new people and pokemon she gets to meet, But most importantly, All the girls she gets to tease her brother Clemont with, Asking them to date him.]
Don’t capitalize after a comma. You only capitalize at the start of a new sentence.
[The worst part of it was that he started to like her two!]
Two is the number. You want “too”.
It’s “okay”, four letters. Same for “yeah”.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13166876/1/Flash-From-the-Past-Sylveon-Vore
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
It’s “okay”, four letters.
They posted about an entire page of these.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13167169/1/Pokemon-Shiny-Foreheads
A new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
It’s “okay”, four letters.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13167682/1/Quick-Transmigration-Saving-Worlds-Arceus-Jewel-of-Life-Arc
[Where the h*ck was she? ]
Really? If you want to do swearing while being a wuss about it, just asterisk out the whole word.
[Watching J*ckie Ch*n movies and N*ruto]
This, meanwhile, is just a godawful idea no matter how you slice it.
“Its” is the possessive form. “It’s” means “it is” only.
Also, use spellcheck.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13168055/1/POKEMON-THE-ULTIMATE-QUEST-2
“Your” is the possessive. “You’re” is short for “you are”.
[He looked up towards the top of Prism Tower. only to get the final shock , the Sundial glowing above the top of the tower. ]
Proofread. You’ve got a ton of these kinds of mistakes.
[“OH GOD,…..! SERENA,..! ]
Don’t mix punctuation like that. You can’t have a comma then trail off then shout the same word.
[A worst kind of dream]
It’s either “a worse” or “the worst”.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13168102/1/Run-Against-the-Sea-s-Winds
[ He was basically saying, ‘Where were you? I missed you so much!’ I gave him a little pat on the back as he cooed in pleasure. He blew a stream of bubbles out of his mouth, messing with my blond hair. I chased him around the coral formations, and we played tag for a while. Until my oxygen started to run out.
‘See you tomorrow, Buddy.’ I thought,]
This is a great illustration of why you shouldn’t be using ‘ for thoughts. Not only are they too similar to ” used for things said aloud, but you’re also using them for paraphrasing.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”
“Your” is the possessive. “You’re” is short for “you are”.
[“But, honorable Kahuna, I saw a huge black dragon! And the tapu was fighting it!” I objected.
“Mako, are you sure it wasn’t just the lightning playing tricks on your mind?” Hala asked.
“What? No! I know what I saw… it blew up my home! Buddy was the one to bring me to shore!” I continued.
“Then it must’ve been ordained by the Tapu,” Hala said.
“Ordained my ass! That dragon BLEW UP MY HOUSEBOAT!” I yelled, my composure shattered completely as I fumed with anger.]
This doesn’t flow right. If you want Hala to be insisting that Mako’s suffering is the tapu’s will so he should shut up before the tapu decide they will something even worse, you should have the tapu blowing up the boat rather than solely fighting the one who did it – at the very least, to have the tapu appear first as if summoning the other pokemon so it’s ambiguous enough Hala can stretch the moral out of it.
Also, be consistent about capitalization. “Tapu” and “kahuna” are only capitalized when used as a name.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13168173/1/Short-Story-Collection
[However, since the recent blizzard struck, his car had broken down as he had no antifreeze.]
When people talk about their car running out of antifreeze, they generally don’t mean the no-freezing power ran out. “Antifreeze” is just how people talk about a mostly water substance used as an engine coolant that has both an altered freezing and altered boiling point. You don’t only use it if there’s a blizzard and honestly, the safest time to be out of antifreeze is when it’s freezing cold out and the environment is helping you avoid overheating, while running out in the middle of summer is a great way to light everything on fire.
Common winter-related problems would be running out of gas or having the gas itself freeze – either the whole tank or just enough crystals to mess up the fuel line. Cold can also cause the battery to drain overnight.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.
[“No thanks. Thank you for asking though. I need to get back home soon, my pet is probably very scared about me.” Alan replied.
“Who is this pet?” She kindly asked.
“Her name is Leafy, she’s a Leafeon.” Alan replied.
“This cold must be painful for a grass-type like her, I see you must hurry.”
Just before Alan had reached the exit, the old woman said something once more.
“Here, for a safe journey back home.” She had a rope necklace in her palm, with a brilliant sky blue gemstone hanging from the middle.
“Thank you, madam.”
“Anytime honey, I hope you have a happy life with her.”]
The fact he ends up a pokemon seems pretty random. It sounds like the woman is just doing this for the lulz or something, but given you’re ending on the idea that actually he’s okay with this since it means he can be with her and happy and all, it’d help to develop the idea he cares about his leafeon more. Right now he seems incredibly detached, or even like he’s just making an excuse to leave. If he’d woken up and immediately shouted, “Oh no! Leafy!” or talked more about how important she was to him, it’d lead better to the resolution.