NaRe 2019 Day 8 (17)

Lot of fic that isn’t really fic.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13182209/1/A-Brave-New-World

[Italics is for thoughts, psychic speech, and to show emphasis.]

Thoughts and psychic speech are really the worst place to overlap. One marks private information no one else in the story is aware of, the other is being told to everyone.

“Your” is the possessive. “You’re” is short for “you are”.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

[“Your quite lucky to be alive, little Riolu.”]

The problem with this reveal is that an injured pokemon isn’t going to be treated the same as an injured human. They shouldn’t need to get the beam off him or worry he’s moving when they use pokeballs to move hurt pokemon and he shouldn’t then be taken to a human hospital complete with a TV to watch.

It’s not necessary to preserve the surprise either – you make it clear he’s not particularly aware of his surroundings, so it’s not like he’d be able to tell he’s getting put in a pokeball for transport and it’s easy to believe pokecenter facilities would just look generally hospitalish.

[Your spinal cord was bruised forcing us to put you in a neck brace.]

The point of a neck brace is to support the spinal column – the boney bit. Maybe deal with some wrenched muscles and tendons as well. That’s the part we can safely interact with. Once the squishy spinal cord is damaged, it’s pretty much permanent, although they’d probably be chilling/medicating/slicing open the area to keep swelling from doing even more damage. Given pokemon can bounce back from all sorts of injuries, it’s possible they can regrow chunks of spinal cord and he’s not looking at permanent paralysis here, but in that case bruising isn’t a huge deal in the first place.

[Lastly… we– uh… suspect that stray rubble or a metal rod… may have hit your right eye. The damage will likely be permanent causing your right eye to go… blind. You will also sport a scar across it… We’re sorry but we were unable to repair the damage.]

Also, eyes are really weird, so this sort of hedging sounds off. If the eye is completely destroyed, they’ll know for sure it’s permanent instead of thinking maybe it is. If it isn’t, they really have no idea if his vision will come back (and to what degree if it does) and shouldn’t be sure enough for preemptive apologizing.

[The door opened again to reveal Lilly pulling in a cart with poffins on the top. I cringed slightly as it made me think of my predicament.]

So why doesn’t he think to try to communicate? If he used to be human, he can read and write. If you want that to just not come up, then you really need some sort of patch, like that he notices he doesn’t recognize any letters on the signs and so apparently whatever world he’s woken up in uses a different writing system he’d have to learn first.

[“Okay… maybe not. But I’ve never seen a pokémon that doesn’t like poffins… or every poffin.”

But I’m not a pokémon…

She looked me in the eyes for a few seconds before sighing.

“Alright… I really didn’t want to give this to you, but I made myself a sandwich for lunch. I’ll just buy from the cafeteria today.”]

This really, really doesn’t work.

You have her just knowing that him not eating is specifically because he wants human food on the basis of him staring and not touching the two poffins and otherwise doing nothing to indicate what the problem actually is. The most likely explanation is he’s not hungry or he doesn’t like those poffins in particular. If he saw her lunch and tried to communicate by pointing at it, then she’d have a clue he wants an actual sandwich.

Which leads into the next problem, which is that she can’t just decide to give hospital patients random food instead of what they’re supposed to be eating (and what the doctor is going to now think he did eat, given she also throws out the poffins). If he makes it clear there’s something wrong with the food they’re offering, she should go back and report he’s not eating. If he further makes it clear he wants a sandwich, she can check in about that – and if it’s okay, get him a verified hospital one instead of feeding the critically injured person with unknown diet restrictions a room temperature deli meat sandwich that’s been carted around the hospital all day.

Really, the best bet in a hospital setting is just to say absolutely every request involves the other person leaving, then coming back to say they got approval for whatever it was.

[I attempted to open my mouth to show the neckbrace restricting my movements. I looked back over to see if she got the message.

“Oh… Well, I guess we can undo the first strap during meals.”

She leaned over and pulled off the strap and sat back down.

“Does this mean you would have eaten the poffins…?”

With slightly more room to move, I shook my head.]

Seriously, how has she not been fired.

[Morning came the next day with nothing eventful happening beforehand. Lilly came in with a bagel she had prepared at home.]

And on top of every other issue, what about nurses screams “would rather personally feed the patients than use hospital resources”? If he can safely eat bagels Lilly should just be able to tell them he wants bagels instead of poffins.

[the no longer function eye.]

“Functioning” or “functional”.

The next chapter involves the main character getting a tablet, making it clear to everyone he can read, then continuing to refuse to communicate with anyone. Also, the nurse continually buys treats for him because I guess if you have a caregiver job you don’t deserve your salary.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13182255/1/The-Road-to-You

[“How could I loose AGAIN?!”]

Lose.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

[Why did he beats me when I was clearly the better trainer?]

Beat.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

[Reggierock was hardly a threat and I took him out quickly with Ursarig. Reggieice wasn’t much better but it did manage to beat my damaged Ursarig before it was defeated by my Magmortor. His Torterra was even worse and fell to mine with only two hits. Reggiesteel, hmmm, I suppose it did well. Still it would’ve fallen to my Aragon if he hadn’t switched it out for Salamance. Salamance. Again, it did well by taking out my Magmortor but I crushed it quickly with Froslass. Then there was Dusclopse. ]

If you haven’t the slightest clue how pokemon species are spelled, look them up instead of making a wild guess.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13182293/1/Caught-Red-Handed

Centering all your text makes it a chore to read.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

[Harley had managed to photograph her while she was checking the pulse of a Pikachu, to ensure its safety. All it looked like to other people, was her trying to strangle the poor Electric type. Ridiculous, by all means, but nothing convinced the police otherwise.]

If she’s so bad at taking a pulse that she’s got her hands wrapped around the poor thing’s neck, maybe it’s for the best she’s been suspended. Just framing her with the firework is a lot more reasonable.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13182367/1/My-Ash-Grey-Nuzlocke

Try harder.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13182383/1/Adventures-out-of-Alola

Nonstory chapters are banned.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13182438/1/Crossing-Paths

[I’m no good at science so my “scientific” descriptions will be dealing with a lot of pseudo-sciences, cosmic energy type of stuff. Think chakra from Naruto, kinda like that. I thought that was a nice middle ground between things happening just because and having scientific reasoning–at least there’s some sort of explanation, can you readers suspend your disbelief enough for that?]

It’s generally better to just go “it’s magic” and then write the magic in a consistent manner. A whole lot of pseudo-sciences are less “pseudo” and more “explicitly wrong about science”, so you actually need a pretty solid scientific background to navigate around that and make sure you’re using the non-absurd bits.

[At fifteen years old, Liam was older than most beginning trainers, who started at ten, but that didn’t mean he was any less than them. ]

No, but it does mean he’s less than the non-beginner eleven year olds with an entire year of intensive practice already.

[If anything, Liam was sure that his older age meant that he wouldn’t be drawn into the same mistakes his younger peers would make.]

But they had five years to learn from those mistakes as well as whatever other mistakes all new trainers make. Possibly Liam cares more about not publicly messing up ever than actually succeeding in the end, which actually might be an interesting trait and does completely fit with someone who’s opening the fic explaining that what’s really important is that compared to little kids with the same amount of experience, he’ll definitely come off better.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

[It is the son Arcanine and Liepard.]

Son of. Also, this just makes the standard going to the professor thing even more boring and pointless. Why did his dad take their egg and run off with it in the first place, and why couldn’t he send it back home instead of to Oak? Why, for that matter, didn’t you just let Liam raise the pokemon during this time instead of saying this two week old baby is totally fine as a starter?

[You’re Pikachu!”]

Your. Also, you’re capitalizing when you shouldn’t more and more as the story goes on.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13182475/1/Squirtle-s-Grand-Journey

Try harder.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13182641/1/The-Quest-Through-Kanto

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

[A Cubone on the town’s outskirts was cornered by a group of grunts holding electric rods to beat the poor thing senseless. Suddenly a Marrowak jumped in and smashed its bone against his face. “Why you little.” The grunt stood back up swinging again and again relentlessly with the electric rod until the Marrowak stopped breathing.]

They’re ground types and it’s “marowak”, one R.

Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13182725/1/Full-Generation-1-Pok%C3%A9dex

If you’re posting a chapter you need to actually post a chapter.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13183016/1/The-Bronze-Brick

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

[“U-Uh, Eevee? Use… Sunny Day?” I stuttered questioningly.]

“Questioningly” doesn’t mean “there was a question mark involved”. I think you meant something like “uncertainly”. Make sure you know what the words you’re using actually mean.

While the dream sequence is more interesting than the standard wakeup opening, you run immediately into the problem that you’re still doing the standard wakeup opening right afterward and it’s even more boring in comparison. If stuff doesn’t matter, skip it. It’d have been much stronger to go straight from showing her jitters about how she’ll do as a trainer tomorrow to her actually starting her journey.

Write out numbers with letters.

[ In some other regions, I heard that the minimum age was 10, but after the many incidents with a 10 year old boy named Ash Ketchum and various villainous teams in other regions which had appeared on the news, Roria changed its laws to make the minimum age 13, old enough to “look after yourself”]

After letting a ten year old be a trainer leads to constant great things with no negative consequences, people thought it was really important to put a stop to it?

[There were 23 breeds of Starter Pokemon in the Lab, and the Pokemon you got was based on a first come first serve basis, with Pikachu and Eevee commonly being the first ones to go. Since I had my eyes set on Eevee and Jake had his on Pikachu, we would both have to rush there now.]

So then why not just stock up on pikachu and eevee and call it a day? Clearly they’re not concerned about making sure the kids start off right or they wouldn’t be offering such badly suited starters as pikachu and eevee in the first place, so why bother supplying tons of other options?

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

[“I’m so sorry, Ariana… Pikachu had already been taken, you see, and I didn’t know what else to pick…” Jake muttered, at least having the decency to look ashamed with himself. “I can always trade this Eevee for whatever Pokemon you pick if you like?”

“It’s too late now, your Eevee has already probably grown attached to you. ]

In the five minutes he’s been holding its pokeball?

[ In a way, I suppose you’ve done me a favour – if I find an Eevee, I’ll be really respected by everybody in Roria, because they only appear when they respect the Trainer who is hunting for them.” I said, realizing that this could actually be a good thing, in some ways.]

If the point of such terrible starters wasn’t an excuse for her to get one, then why even bring it up? Seriously, they’re both such terrible starters who don’t have the durability or moveset of the standard ones.

[What Starter Pokemon do you think Ariana will pick – Charmander, Torchic or Fennekin? Read the next chapter of The Bronze Brick to find out!]

A choice that’s a big deal to someone controlling their game character does not automatically translate into an exciting cliffhanger when someone else does it in a story.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13183046/1/Chaos-Runner

[If humans weren’t the dominant species? And what if Pokemon ruled over us all? Sounds like hell, huh? ]

Eh, “it’d be so horrible if the ones who normally do the bad things suddenly get those things happening to them instead!” is underwhelming. It really only works when playing on the whole sins-of-the-father/cycle of abuse sort of thing.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13183052/1/What-Price-Blood

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

This really isn’t a story so much as a very brief ramble, and not even one that makes much sense – if you’re going to write about cubone as a species, you really should say something to explain how the math works out with a cubone wearing the mother’s one and only skull but half of them are male, or, since this is angst, maybe just go straight for “they’re going extinct”.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13183215/1/Let-s-Go-Pikachu-Adventure

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13183521/1/The-Chronicles-of-Xander-Revised

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.

Write out numbers with letters.

[Xander: “You do know the actual age for kids to become pokémon trainers is 10 and not 14, right?”

Ultra: “I do, but the pokémon league in this story changed the law a couple times due to the amount of deaths each year and because people giving 10 year olds furry weapons of mass destruction and letting them travel across the world on their own is stupid.”]

Unlike fourteen year olds, who can easily wrangle city-leveling weapons of mass destruction and are such calm, levelheaded folk known for their great decisionmaking?

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13183704/1/Through-The-Wormhole

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13183836/1/The-Amazing-Hawlucha-Man

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

[“You son of a bitch!” she screamed, rushing in with his baton. Hawlucha Man grabbed his remaining rod and brought it up just in time to block her telegraphed overhead strike. He delivered another punch to the Soothsayer’s abdomen, knocking the wind from her lungs. As she sucked in another breath, she cringed. “You want to call yourself a hero like Blaziken Man, but you’d beat up a girl?”]

This is a really cliché bit of misogyny. Bad woman does bad things then tries to use her gender to get out of it, just so the hero can make a point about how unreasonable it is and how he’s not falling for it? It’s particularly annoying when you go on to pack the cast of actual important people with guys.

[He stopped just short of making the Soothsayer faceplant into the pavement, instead putting her in a headlock and applying pressure to her carotid artery.]

…you mean, the thing that regularly causes permanent brain damage or outright kills people if it’s done too long or just too hard. Which appears to have happened considering she doesn’t wake back up and someone should wake back up within seconds when the bloodflow starts up again. If you want movie knockouts, either say he has magic kung-fu or get a pokemon with spore.

Which gets to the next problem, which is that this feels like you wrote generic superheroverse then slapped pokemon theming on top. The setting already has vigilantes who fight crime, namely any pokemon trainer who feels like using their pokemon to throw down. There’s no standard-issue superhero tension about how it’s important to have a secret identity or how the helpless civilians fear the few great men with power who choose to fight crime.

I wouldn’t have said I hate superheroes but ugh every superhero element in this. Maybe it’s a matter of the combination of being extruded superhero product and being played utterly straight.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13183894/1/Pyre

Actual drabbles!

I really like the quiet deadness of the grief of the first half of this and the slow seeking/finding of closure in the second.

2 Comments

  1. ? says:
    Why is this idea of raising the minimum age to be a trainer so prevalent in Pokemon fanfiction, to the point where it’s so often given contrived explanations that assume that the situation is so much safer, more reasonable and/or more plausible/realistic if the kids are in their mid-teens instead of being ten?

    Does it just tend to be a case of the authors wanting to write characters their age or thereaboutswhile still being able to write the trainer journey from the beginning? Or do you suppose there’s some other reason it’s so common to see fics make a point of changing this particular detail?

    1
    1. Farla says:

      It’s been going on so long I think there’s different waves.

      The original was absolutely just a situation where they were already older than ten but wanted to write about someone like them getting their first pokemon, and often a side of wanting to have a romance subplot between the traveling companions. And there’s a huge overlap between people who want to write about older teens and people who make a big deal about “realism”, so saying that actually in their fic pokemon training is super dangerous the way it SHOULD be (but their teen self-insert is totally old enough, Mom!) was particularly common. And they very commonly failed at actually presenting a more dangerous world because the whole point was really to let their character have the standard pokemon trainer experience, not because they had any interest in writing about it being way harder and more dangerous.

      Now that there are all these fics with reason to insist that older trainers are just realism and not sues, new people read those those and come away with the impression that this is just how it works and everyone in fandom agrees that ten year olds leaving home is ridiculous garbage that could never, every happen, and they can show they’re part of the smart true fans by agreeing!

      3

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Skip to toolbar