NaRe 2020 Day 12

 

Some variety today!

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13477007/1/Waiting-for-Them-to-Leave (0)

Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.

This is terribly slow placed. The first half of the chapter reads a bit like it’s you working out where the story’s going for yourself before actually starting the first scene. I think it’d have been a lot stronger to start with his family and friends gathered – that bit’s almost a mirror of the standard betrayal fic right now, which is a nice change of pace. Just have Ash show up to everyone gathered and have them congratulate him on yet another win – you don’t need the dozen paragraphs before that slowly laying out that yes, Ash won a bunch and is coming home now and so forth, you can get everything across during the celebratory scene.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13477096/1/Eternity-Defined (0)

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

[Brook briefly wondered what a Ninetales was doing in (Mushroom Forest) ]

Why are you putting place names in parenthesis? That’s really not how they should be used.

Write out numbers with letters.

“Its” is possessive. “It’s” means “it is”.

So, this is intriguing and I assume it’s supposed to be setting up a lot of questions, but I think it goes too far in that respect because I’m left with no clue why any of this is happening. Brook is stealing from a trainer because she needs food and the ninetales won’t let her have any. No explanation for why she can’t just ask, or go somewhere else, or head into town. And when she runs across the pokemon again gets turned into a zorua while being yelled at that it’s a punishment… but then the ninetales orders someone else to protect her, knows about the trouble she was in, and apparently is very invested in her? But not enough to just let her eat some berries. Without any idea why people are doing what they’re doing, it’s impossible to feel invested in them. Maybe Brook is making understandable choices for the situation she’s in, or maybe she’s a total idiot, I can’t tell.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13477481/1/Pokemon-Mystery-Dungeon-Break-of-Dawn-Chapter-1

You aren’t allowed to post chapters individually on this site so your title shouldn’t be saying which chapter this is.

Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13477492/1/Galar-s-Worldwide-Champion-Cup-SYOC-Open (8)

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

I understand that SYOCs can seem like a good idea but they really, really do not work out in practice. Your own OCs will always work better because they’ll be designed to actually fit the needs of your story.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13477882/1/A-Lesson-on-Wallys (1)

So, I can’t really make out what you’re doing here.

The second section seems like a rebuttal to the first, but while there’s a lot of bits that are off in the first section they don’t really make sense on a sour grapes level or a legitimate confusion one. Calling his gardevoir overpowered and attributing his wins to that would make sense, but nobody would go on about how overpowered ralts are. Attributing all his failings to his illness almost makes sense but doesn’t fit with ending ranting about how he could’ve done fine if he’d bothered. Similarly, if the speaker’s the main character who beat Wally, they don’t have any clear motivation for making up reasons his victories don’t count, since he didn’t have one against them. Is this meta commentary on players thinking badly of Wally? Because I can believe there’s people saying Wally only gets so far because gardevoir are OP but I don’t think anyone in the history of the world has claimed his L5 growl-only ralts was a badass capable of soloing gyms on its lonesome.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Honestly this probably would’ve been better if it was just tearing down Wally in an entertainingly over the top fashion.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13478109/1/The-Ballad-of-Kali-Star-Destroyer-and-the-Lily-of-Death (1)

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

[high-powered Pokémon ]

hisssssss

[Professor Birch fumbled around his desk, until he found the pokeball. He stared for a moment at the yellow post-it note affixed to the ball, which read, “Spoiled little bastard. Save for coordinators.” ]

Is this because the torchic’s behavioral issues won’t be such an issue for coordinators, or because Birch enjoys their suffering? I’m amused either way.

[He could see the torchic was squirming frantically, but the girl’s grip was iron. ]

So perfect.

[That is, until the door of his lab exploded inwards, and a band of masked men strapped him to a chair, demanding to know what, exactly, his business had been with the Lily of Death. ]

Yes excellent.

[“Start off with peck!” her human bubbled.]

Aw, Lily’s having fun!

[“Hang on, if we’ve got her only pokemon, where exactly is she?”

A troubled silence fell.

“You don’t think she’s been—”

Something crashed through the window.]

So very excellent.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13478288/1/Reflections-From-The-Past-To-The-Future (0)

Hey look it’s a fic actually about SwSh. Have played all of five minutes of it myself so, anyone else wanna review?

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13478642/1/Loving-Charizard (2)

[ I WILL TRY TO KEEP IT NON – LEMON, BUT IF YOU WANT LEMON TELL ME IN THE COMMENTS ]

Explicit stuff’s banned on this site. Archive of Our Own allows it so I’d suggest putting it there instead.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Sentences need to end in punctuation.

One Comment

  1. CrazyEd says:

    [ I WILL TRY TO KEEP IT NON – LEMON, BUT IF YOU WANT LEMON TELL ME IN THE COMMENTS ]

    The title’s “Loving Charizard” so I’m just gonna go ahead and say “I don’t”.

    1

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Skip to toolbar