NaReWriMo 2021 Day 2

A lot of stories that don’t really go anywhere today.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13785861/1/A-Peaceful-Meditation

I’m not really seeing the benefit to having the dialogue in Swedish.

Moreover, this doesn’t seem to be an actual story so much as bits of setup that don’t go anywhere. The character is, for some reason, on the beach judging everyone for relaxing “instead of helping the economy at this time”, then a bunch of people turn into pokemon including them. They’re now a medicham. They inform the reader of this and the fact other people are running around actually having emotional reactions to all this stuff with less enthusiasm than a child reading a math textbook aloud.

[Now though it seems like that I have to be creative in this brand new world as not even I planned for this to happen.]

So they go sit in the forest and meditate.

There is an astounding amount of boring packed into barely a thousand words here. The character says interesting things are happening, but they can’t be bothered to even look at them directly, let alone personally care.

[Slowly walking into town, I could only see the chaos as families were starting to split apart due to this event that would later be known as the transformation event. I didn’t know at that particular time but it wasn’t just the city of Malmo being affected, no not the country but instead it was the world and it’s a relief that I didn’t have family that would worry about my… transformation into one of those beings.]

Why can’t we be following one of those families, with the chaos and the things actually happening? Anyone else who’s reacting to this in any way at all?

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13785924/1/After-the-Storm

[To the average Pokémon]

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

[“Geez, back off, mom,” Emolga pouted. ]

Which also means if you are using “mom” as a name, it’s capitalized.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13786251/1/PMD-R-D

[The Meowstic was fascinated, but he told himself he could explore all of this fully once he was a part of it. As he looked around considering who and what to ask, a smiling Wooloo trotted up to him.

“Hi there! Are you here to drop off the list of item requests?” She offered.]

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Also, while this is more subjective, you should keep in mind that you should generally keep lines relating to the speaker all in the same paragraph, because starting a new paragraph will often make it sound like the speaker’s a new person and not the one just mentioned, so:

[As he looked around considering who and what to ask, a smiling wooloo trotted up to him. “Hi there! Are you here to drop off the list of item requests?” she offered.]

is probably better.

The new paragraph for new speaker rule doesn’t apply when it’s not a new speaker but someone currently in the narration. It especially shouldn’t apply in situations where one character talks, then there’s narration about the character, then the same character continues to talk.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13786302/1/Physical-affection-prompts

Since it’s your title, that should be Physical Affection Prompts.

In English, dialogue is marked with “, not —.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13786557/1/Metamorphosis

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

[“Stressed huh?” The vixen questioned.]

Also, “questioned” is like what police do. It’s not a neutral synonym for asked. Just use words like “said” and “asked” and “replied” when that’s what your characters are doing, and keep the more specific speech verbs for the particular situations they apply.

[“I know you Kari. A few years of partnership will do that to you. Let’s take a look at the file,” Willow pawed over the documents. “Fuck, no wonder we needed a briefing. This looks bad, supernatural even. Four missing pokemon in the same place. Maybe we head back and get back up?”

“Fuck no.”

“You just don’t wanna go back in without getting the job done. The only place pride is gonna take you is the grave, and I sure as hell don’t want that Kari,” Willow looked up at Kari again with a worried look. “Look, I’ll go in and ask for us. It won’t look like you’re giving in.”

“No. Way. The guild will know the second you step foot in that place. I’m going on the mission now, whether it be two on one, or one on one.”]

Okay, so her getting into a bit of a fight with her boss and taking the file was a reasonable hothead thing. This, though, is really pushing it into “who would work with this person?” and “how are they not dead?” And it can’t even be explained as a disregard for their own personal wellbeing, because they’re forcing their partner into danger unprepared too.

[“So,” Willow broke the silence, “What’s the plan?”

“Uh well the paper said missing pokemon, so I assume we find them and get them out.”

“Know what kind of pokemon are in that cave?”

“Umm… rock types?”

“Didn’t even read it did you? Hand me the sheet again,” Willow reached out for the file.

“No time,” Kari stopped, “We’re here.”]

Maybe you mean for Kari to be grossly incompetent, and Willow to be an abused doormat who’s used to Kari actively obstructing her from seeing important information that could keep them from dying, but if not, you really need to consider dialing this way, way back. Also, it beggars belief that they could’ve been partners for years without one or probably both dying before now.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13787335/1/My-Neighbor-Suicune

Write out numbers with letters.

Use commas.

[ our Dad ]

If not being used like a name, it’s a common noun and just “dad”.

It’s okay, four letters.

Five very short paragraphs is far too short for a first chapter. This ends on the same point your summary already established – they’re going to meet Suicune. If your readers arrive at the story already knowing that, your chapter should get past that point.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13787913/1/Unnatural-Weather

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

[Hop held a scared looking Petlil to his leg. Well, maybe not held, more like his hand was stuck to it. So was his pant leg.

Hop had a Petlil stuck to him.]

Okay, so I know what you’re doing here, but the thing is, there’s slightly more to this gag than just saying something, then saying actually it was different.

See, “held a scared looking Petlil to his leg” sounds more like you’re talking about him in the moment when he’s holding it and then, for some reason, deciding to shove it against his leg. This makes the clarification unnecessarily confusing, because instead of changing a detail about a pretty similar image, it’s revealing the image should’ve been imagined differently . Then there’s the question of what this change means – because the thing is, a scared looking X pressed against someone’s leg is assumed to be clinging, and this is just slightly altering that. Now, you could simplify this a bit by just saying he was holding the petlil, then say actually his hand is stuck, and that would smooth it out a little. But it’d still have the next problem, which is that there doesn’t seem to be any point to this. It’s not relevant the pokemon’s stuck to Hop rather than being willingly held when either way, Hop is arguing that they should help the sad lost baby.

So if the point is just that the petlil is sticky, just say it’s stuck to Hop.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13788258/1/The-Good-The-Bad-The-Zorua

You should really not need a speech key. This kind of thing should be largely clear from context, and also, you really don’t need to have a special set of formatting for something like the news.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Stop capitalizing random words in your sentences.

Write out numbers with letters.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13788325/1/Shiny-and-Mew-WMark

[ANOTHER MEW!? Why is it blue? ]

Okay, when you see another human, you probably don’t say “it”. You’d say them or he/she. Pokemon seeing other pokemon should act similarly, and that’s especially true when it’s a pokemon of the same species.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

It’s okay, four letters.

Write out numbers with letters.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13788331/1/Fake-Smile-A-Contestshipping-Tale

This does not seem to have anything much to do with pokemon

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13788366/1/Through-Trial-and-Benefit-A-Pok%C3%A9mon-Adventure

[I also decided to make this an isekai just to add some spice to the Pokémon World. And what’s a isekai without a harem, right?]

… Something I would’ve been more interested in reading than a harem one is what.

I won’t say it’s not a popular choice with a segment of fandom, but it’s hardly “spice” when you’re doing the same thing as hundreds of others, and given you go on to say that yes, it will follow the contrived formula of those hundreds of other, you must get that too.

[“…”= Conversation Out loud

‘…’= Thoughts on the Inside]

It’s really best not to use single quotes for thoughts. It’s far too close to speech and even gets used to mark speech at times. Just italics is fine.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13788485/1/Gur%C4%93

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

This feels like it’s pretty generic opposite-pair legendaries childishly yelling at each other. Reshiram and Zekrom are an interesting pair because of the ideological angle (true vs ideals) and, even more interesting, the way the story we’re told claims that they were once a single creature and it was humans who created the situation that made truth and ideals incompatible with each other, so Arceus complaining about them dragging humans into their fight when they exist because humans fought so hard they created the two of them really does not make it sound like you’re going to be doing a good job of using the characters.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13788675/1/Prism-Amourshipping

[Ash and Serena were always told they would meet their soulmate when they were older, not when they were six, and so no one believed them. Regions apart with no way to contact each other, a journey was their only hope of reuniting.]

Okay, so the fact this comes up a lot in soulmate variations suggests there’s some appeal I just don’t get, but – you create a world where there’s objective evidence of precisely when true love kicks in (and that true love exists in the first place) but society does not in any way adjust to deal with that? The reason people would say this kind of thing to six year olds is because soulmates with magic proof aren’t real in our world.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13788797/1/The-Wonderful-World-of-Pok%C3%A9Girls

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

[ They even serve some people that they know, like Delia Ketchum, Professor Kukui, and Kahuna Hala and Hau.]

Why did you bold just “Delia” here?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Skip to toolbar