A lot of stuff that really glances in the direction of saying pokemon are friends who matter, then utterly fails to bring that across. Also where we learn that physical beauty means not looking like a thief, even if you’re in thieving clothes.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13798203/1/First-Base
This is basically a realistic fiction between two strangers with a thin gloss of fantasy terms. It’s apparently a gift fic so possibly it’s someone’s OCs in particular.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13798529/1/Pecha-Berry-Love
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym. That also applies words like “mom” and “dad” – if they’re being used as a person’s name, they’re capitalized, if they’re not, they’re not.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13798562/1/Yellow-goes-to-school
Capitalize your title properly.
Your first chapter needs to have some sort of hook to it to make people want to keep reading. This is just Yellow being not too interested in going to school, incredibly trivial chatter about what she’ll wear, and her drawing a picture.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13798676/1/The-Galra-Region
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym. That also applies words like “mom” and “dad” – if they’re being used as a person’s name, they’re capitalized, if they’re not, they’re not.
[XxXxXxXx
Outside on a telephone line, are some Pidgey.
“WHAAAAAAAAAT!” The two shocked voices cry out, making the Pidgey fly away from the loud noise.
XxXxXxXx]
This is the kind of thing that’s a visual gag. It’s sometimes possible to get something similar to work in text, but you need more than just literally describing the visual gag’s setup.
It’s “okay”, four letters.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13798893/1/Friends-Until-The-End-Indego-League
It’s spelled “Indigo”
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym. That also applies words like “mom” and “dad” – if they’re being used as a person’s name, they’re capitalized, if they’re not, they’re not.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
Given Sabrina’s a first generation gym leader who gets multiple episodes in the anime, it’s not really a good idea to reuse the name for your OC.
[The guard cursed, and fired his weapon. Pichu stopped the bullet with a well timed Thundershock]
Really do not think that would work.
[Viridian city]
As both these words are part of the place’s name, both are capitalized.
[Entering in her information, and one horrible selfie later, Sabrina was a fully fledged Pokemon trainer. Scooping up her things, she paused. If the government did ever find out then she was screwed. Could she even challenge gym leaders, let alone become a Pokemon Master? Sabrina pushed those doubts deep into her subconscious.]
This is an interesting idea that’s badly undercut by the fact you skipped explaining why she can’t register legitimately and needs to use a forged ID and pokedex in the first place.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13799086/1/Rose-of-Rondelands
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13799243/1/Visit-from-the-future
Capitalize your title properly.
[Meanwhile, Serena was having her own freakout. If Ash had a kid, did that mean. . .did she and Ash get married in the future?! (here’s a hint: NO.)
Not writing in Clemont and Bonnie’s reaction, but, like, meh. I’m tired and have no idea why I’m writing this so late. Anyway, moving on.]
Knowing you’re doing a sloppy job of it isn’t the same thing as something actually being funny.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13799775/1/Alola-Teenage-Years
[As he rushes to the enterance doors, he checks his watch. Almost chocking on his malasada]
Spellcheck, and it’s choking not chocking. You should not have this many problems in your opening lines.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13799861/1/Lamb-and-the-Knife
Not reviewing this but just want to say reading it is a trip. I complain a lot about characters being pretty self-centered, especially when interacting with pokemon, but holy shit, I do not think I’ve ever seen anything like this before.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13799865/1/Side-by-side
Capitalize your title properly.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym. That also applies words like “mom” and “dad” – if they’re being used as a person’s name, they’re capitalized, if they’re not, they’re not.
This is vague to an almost comical degree. You don’t go into any meaningful detail – not who they are, not what they actually did, not even really how they feel about each other. Just “there were adventures of some sort and I’m super in love for some reason”.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13799894/1/Adjustments
[Sebastions wont]
Sebastion’s, won’t.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym. That also applies words like “mom” and “dad” – if they’re being used as a person’s name, they’re capitalized, if they’re not, they’re not.
[ My fourteenth birthday was 13 days ago, I had received my Trainer’s license and became eligible to receive a Pokemon.]
Trainers start at ten.
Write out numbers with letters.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
[I’m sorry Oliver]
Your character’s named Sebastion, and that’s the name he uses just a few lines later.
[I knew I was being a brat but imagine visualizing your adventure for years, then suddenly what was arguably the most important piece goes terribly wrong. All the top-ranked trainers in the world’s starters were their strongest Pokemon. It was the leader of the team and the Pokemon a Trainer bonded with most.]
It’s hard for me to possibly care less about someone who thinks “bonding” involves deciding on a pokemon you’ve never met just because you like the look of it. If it’s such a big deal, why is the pokemon’s actual personality completely irrelevant to this asshole?
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13800113/1/High-School-Never-Ends
The creator of My Immortal actually wrote something. Instead of stealing that something, actually make your own damn trollfic.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13800283/1/Beach-Interrupted
Write out numbers with letters.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym. That also applies words like “mom” and “dad” – if they’re being used as a person’s name, they’re capitalized, if they’re not, they’re not.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13800335/1/Trinkets
Huh, contest and trying to put things into numbers? Let’s see…
Plot: 1/5
This really doesn’t start or end or have any middle. It seems to be going for slice of life, but those generally aren’t literally a random chunk of someone’s day. He’s fishing because it’s a nice day. He runs into someone because they’re there. They talk. The ending about him discovering he’s lost his key is the only part of this that seems like it belongs as part of a narrative, and it’s not set up in any way as part of that narrative – like, if he wasn’t thinking about this possibility because he was secure that he was a generally utilitarian person who wouldn’t have anything for the little magpie-keychain to grab, but then whoops he did have that one fancy key. Right now it both comes out of nowhere and yet at the same time isn’t at all a twist because it’s a keychain pokemon that steals keys.
Characters: 2/5
I don’t dislike them, but like with the (lack of) plot, there’s a lot of them just existing rather than a particular purpose to it.
[Additionally, this is a small backstory for a character in my other story The Calling of a Trainer.]
Sorry, but this really, really shows. This really feels like you’re going “hey, let me introduce you to X” rather than actually making a story where they serve a purpose.
[“Hm? Me? Oh no, I’m a steel savant,” came her distracted reply.
“Savant?”
Emily looked at him in shock as if realizing something bad. “Oh! I was not supposed to say that! Please, please don’t tell anyone!”
Alec studied the girl whose eyes were starting to well up. “Alrigh’, I’ll keep it to meself. What are ya though?”
She hesitated, but seemed to decide that an explanation was warranted, “Savants are trainers that can only trainer a single type of pokemon. I can only train steel type pokemon, but I can train them better than any normal trainer could. Your poliwhirl would never listen to me though, even if you told him to. We’re supposed to have the ‘blood of legendaries,'” she finger quoted the phrase with a roll of her eyes. “It’s really just as much of a curse as it is a blessing.”]
And this in particular is incredibly clunky.
First, if it’s such a big deal, why is it coming out so easily? Being distracted doesn’t cut it – she must be used to identifying herself like this for that to be her default behavior that she has to consciously remember not to in some circumstances. So it’s really clear that this is happening because you wanted this secret out but didn’t have much space.
Second, there’s no clue why it’s a big deal. She thinks nobody should know, but he has no idea what she’s even talking about and doesn’t care even when she explains the term, which makes it hard to believe it’d much matter if he tells someone else, since they probably don’t know/care. The only thing I can think of that kind of fits this behavior is that there’s a couple people who, for no explained reasons, hate savants so much that they’ll hunt them down if they hear so much as a whisper, and in that case, it seems like she should probably directly say that there’s people who will kill her if he mentions this to a friend who mentions it to a friend who gets overheard by one of them.
Third – seriously, there’s no clue why it’s a big deal! You introduce this thing but give no context for why it matters. This is clearly supposed to be important exposition and you’ve paused everything to give it, yet you’re not actually saying the part that’d give context to why this is happening. Does blood of the legendaries mean they’re considered not true humans? Do people meaningfully care about that, given that since the very beginning of canon we’ve had psychic humans running around? Or is it spilled blood and their ancestors were supposedly fighting legendaries, and that’s got some people treating them as demons? There are many interesting directions for this, but nothing is not interesting.
[I can only train steel type pokemon, but I can train them better than any normal trainer could. Your poliwhirl would never listen to me though, even if you told him to.]
Fourth, this. This is so game mechanics. Not “I get along with” not “I can understand better”, but “I get a leveling/stat boost on that kind, because that’s all that matters since that’s what the game focuses on”. And the fact that other pokemon will refuse her so strongly that they’ll disobey their own trainer’s orders just to make sure they don’t do anything she says – that seems like it should indicate a much bigger issue where all other pokemon (which is almost every pokemon she’ll encounter) actively hate her rather than just “I can’t use them in battle and have to be a monotype trainer”.
Also – [Savants are trainers that can only trainer a single type of pokemon] That should be “only train”.
Detail: 3/5 Vivid but not adding up that well.
[As Alec walked from his small home in Pastoria with his faithful poliwhirl, Jet, hopping beside him, he dreamed about all the pokemon he would catch in these pristine conditions. A plump goldeen would bring in a nice paycheck due to how popular the fish was at fancy restaurants. He didn’t understand the trend. Weren’t rich people supposed to eat barboach eggs or margarco? Why did they have to get all infatuated with common folk food? It just made things more expensive for his family.]
This is definitely an issue people should be aware of, but it seems very weird for Alec to be editorializing. If they’re getting their goldeen from catching them, it isn’t actually making things more expensive for his family. The cost/effort to catch a goldeen remains the same for him. On a personal scale, this is giving him the additional option of selling it in addition to eating it, not changing it from one to another.
The problem here would be incentives. If originally goldeen was cheaper than unhealthy food so he was eating his catch and not buying food, but now it makes more sense to sell it and buy a pallet of ramen, that’s an issue, but it’s only an issue because of broader crushing poverty. Or if the increased demand has led to overfishing and now he can’t catch the goldeen he used to eat, or catches them rarely enough that he has no choice but to sell the one a week he catches so he can afford food for the week.
Or it could be a symptom of a larger problem, where he’s benefiting from being able to sell the goldeen, but he’s also hurting because he can’t afford other staple goods he used to buy because they’re trendy, in which case he should be listing the other formerly common folk foods that he resents them for driving up the price of.
But in itself, being able to sell his catch for more money should not be worsening his expenses.
Language: 4/5 Detail was worked in without getting annoying, nothing was confusing, but god I hate written out accents like that and
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
Overall: 10/20
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13800477/1/A-Cinderella-Story
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
[ That’s right. She is a thief. With her innocent look of brunette hair and blue eyes, she really doesn’t look like the kind of person who would steal anything. But by the look of her clothes, everyone can notice that she’s poor.
Her clothes look like dirty rags and her hair is dirty too.]
So she does look exactly like the kind of person who would steal.
[“But mom…we don’t have money to buy anything.” May said. “No food…no water…no shelter.”
She’s right. They don’t have a shelter. They live in a small broken-down shack with no resources to survive.]
A shack they live in is in fact shelter. Also, if they’re living in a time with kings, they are probably not living in a time where the only way to get water is to buy it at the store.
When used as a name, like you’re doing here, it’s capitalized “Mom”.
[“Your Majesty.”
Drew and Andrew looked to the guard. “Yes?” Andrew asked.
“The thief struck again.” The guard said.
“Again? That thief needs to be stopped.]
Speaking of kings, they have better things to do with their time than this.
[ Thief? She sure doesn’t look like a thief. She looked…beautiful. You know, minus the ragged clothes and dirty skin.]
You seem to be very unclear on the concept of what a thief looks like, and also have some really fucked up ideas about beauty being some sort of proof of goodness.
WTF.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13800588/1/You-can-Call-him-Agent-P
In this case, you should capitalize all the words in your title.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym. That also applies words like “mom” and “dad” – if they’re being used as a person’s name, they’re capitalized, if they’re not, they’re not.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13800758/1/story-ideas
[By the way, this is impotent if you want to know about the backstory of Pokemon as a whole in my fanatic.]
You mean “important” and “fanfic”.
Write out numbers with letters.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym. That also applies words like “mom” and “dad” – if they’re being used as a person’s name, they’re capitalized, if they’re not, they’re not.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
The start of a sentence needs to be capitalized.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13800958/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-Black-and-White-Rosa-s-Adventure
Your title should really be something relevant to the actual story you’re telling, not just that its setting will be rehashing the games.
Opening your story with a character waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and to be honest, it’s so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if I hadn’t seen it, very literally here, thousands upon thousands of times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some other, interesting point. Bare minimum, just start with her saying to her mother that she won’t get lost and that she memorized the map and then jump to her getting horribly lost.
[Someone under the covers groaned and pushed them off, revealing a ten year old girl with long Dark-Brown hair that reached her waist and Dark-Blue eyes. Her name was Rosa. And today was the day she’d get her own Pokémon and go on a journey.
Rosa rubbed her eyes and yawned before she walked over to her closet and got out of her White and Pink Pyjamas and changed into her travelling clothes.]
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym. That also applies words like “mom” and “dad” – if they’re being used as a person’s name, they’re capitalized, if they’re not, they’re not.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
[(Linebreak)]
I realize FFN will strip out some linebreaks, but there’s still plenty of options that are less awful than literally writing “linebreak”. Even (l) or something would be nicer.
[Rosa ran towards where she heard the cry and soon found Snivy trapped in a web along with a Patrat, Deerling, Pansage and Woobat.
“Oh no!” Rosa said, worried. “Don’t worry! I’ll get you down from there!”
The Nuvema Town girl went over to help Snivy, but was soon halted by an Electro Ball.
“What was that?!” Rosa asked in shock.
She gasped when she saw a Galvantula crawling down the web.
“Galvantula, leave them alone!” Rosa demanded with a glare.]
I mean, it sure sounds like this isn’t a “leave them alone” so much as “predator’s gotta eat” kind of situation. Does she think predatory pokemon should all just die?
Also, don’t abuse epithets. Is the fact she’s from Nuvema Town at all relevant right now? Then don’t bring it up. Use Rosa’s name, the pronoun “she”, or some other description that actually has to do with what’s going on. (Plus, it doesn’t sound like she’s really a Nuvema Town girl given even after reading a map she still got completely lost trying to find the professor and doesn’t seem to recognize a single place. That kind of thing screams newcomer.)
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13801255/1/Gijinkaverse-Conquerors
Hey.
So this appears to be several AUs off regular canon, and the main point is characters chatting about what girl versions of various pokemon are like. As such, there really isn’t much I can say.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13801304/1/Of-Mews-and-Men
Also would like to point to this hilarious little number, in which completely everything about Mewtwo and also Fuji for some reason is changed instead of just making a new legendary clone.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13801787/1/Emerald-Knights-A-Pokemon-Sword-Story
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym. That also applies words like “mom” and “dad” – if they’re being used as a person’s name, they’re capitalized, if they’re not, they’re not.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
It’s “okay”, four letters.
[“Ungh…I’m OK Ruby!” he insisted.
“I can see you are. Well done, mate!” Ruby said approvingly, “Now wrap this up with Dragon Pulse!”]
Having pokemon talk introduces a lot of problems, starting with, if they can talk why do they have the same stupid nicknames trainers always give their pokemon instead of their own names like any other person? And how you said this pokemon was a gift from someone else, even though, given he can talk, he should have been allowed to decide that sort of thing for himself.
[“Why is she using a Mamoswine? Surely Dawn knows that it’s weak against Fire types!” she commented, “Bryce will roast that thing alive!”
“Yeah, but I think Mamoswine can learn Rock attacks, can’t it?” Emerald asked thoughtfully]
If you want to have a chunk of your story be people discussing strategy, you have to put some effort into actually thinking up decent strategy that goes deeper than “did you know the ice type is weak to fire?” and “did you know this pokemon can use this type of move?”. This is like people commenting on a football match to inform the reader that football takes place on a field and the winning team is the one with the bigger score.
Even if what you’re trying to communicate is that they aren’t very good at it, that’s better gotten across by them struggling to remember something more complex, rather than perfectly reciting incredibly basic facts. For example, being unsure if mamoswine was an ice type, mistaking it for ice/rock rather than ice/ground, or thinking that because it was ice/ground it was a bad decision because ground moves can’t hit flying types and being shocked to see that it had rock moves.
[“N-no m-miss. I-it’s not th-that at all.” he said, speaking in a voice that made him sound perpetually upset and worried all the time, “I’m j-just scared, is all. I-I’ve n-never been a trainer’s P-Pokémon before. I d-don’t know what it’ll be like…”
Sapphire could see the Sobble’s concerns. It must be nerve-racking for some Pokémon to be given to a trainer like this with no idea on what said trainer will be like. Sapphire cradled the Sobble gently as if he was her own baby.
“You don’t have to be scared, mate.” she cooed softly, “I’ll take very good care of you and be the best trainer I can. You’ll see that it’s nothing to be worried about.”
“W-well, O-OK…if you s-say so.” Sobble said, appreciating the blue-haired girl’s kind gesture.]
“I don’t want to do this!” “Well I’m doing it anyway but don’t worry, your feelings are wrong!” “Wow, so kind!”
Seriously, just don’t write talking pokemon if this is what comes out.
[“So girls, what are you going to call your new Pokémon?” Ruby asked, “I mean you don’t have to, of course, I just thought I’d ask.”
“I know nicknames are your thing, but I wanna nickname my Pokémon too as it’ll be fun to give them names!” Emerald piped, “And I know just what to call you, little guy.”
She stroked Grookey’s head affectionately.
“My favourite movie of all time is Disney’s Tarzan and since your kind evolves into a gorilla-like Pokémon, I’ll name you after one of the gorillas in the movie.” Emerald explained, “Let’s see…how about I call you Kerchak?” she asked.
“I’d have just called him Tarzan myself.” Ruby joked.
“I like that name!” Kerchak said happily, “Kerchak sounds like a cool name! I’ll take it!”
“Awesome!” the green-coloured twin cried happily.
“As for you, I know it’s a really bad pun but sometimes puns for names can really work.” Sapphire said, looking down at Sobble as she cradled him in her arms, “From what I’ve read, your final form is known as the “Secret Agent” Pokémon…and it even looks like one…so how about I call you James Pond?” she suggested.
Ruby and Emerald snickered.
“You’re not serious, Sapph!” Ruby chuckled.
“What, you think “Bubble-07″ would sound any less corny?” Sapphire retorted, “What do you think little guy?” she asked, looking at Sobble.
“I honestly th-think it s-sounds k-kinda cool.” James Pond said gloomily, “I’ll be h-happy with that name i-if you are.”
“So James Pond you shall be.” Sapphire said happily, “And I won’t have you two making fun of him for it.” she added, glowering at her sisters.
“No, of course not. If he’s happy with that name, we won’t judge.” Ruby said kindly.]
“So your pokemon are standing right there but you’re the only ones who need to decide if you think nicknames are a good idea!”
“Yup! And of course they’re currently nameless, because otherwise there might be one tiny scrap of them we don’t totally own! They talk only to tell us we’re awesome and kind, not to have any personhood of their own!”
“Whatever stupid joke names we feel like giving them, they’ll compliment us for!”
“Also, I’m a kind person for not making fun of a pokemon for my sister picking a stupid name! Next up, being told I’m a kind person for not currently kicking that pokemon, so amazing of me!”
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13802060/1/Ransei-Reborn
Write out numbers with letters.
[it’s triggers]
“It’s” means “it is”. “Its” is possessive.
Don’t switch between third and first person. Commit to one.
[sommething ]
Spellcheck.
This is much too short for a first chapter. Look at your summary – you say this is a person getting reborn into Ransei. Your first chapter ends with them finding out they’ve been reborn (and they haven’t even worked out the Ransei part yet) rather than getting any further than the summary already told people. And it’s not like you introduced any twists about that which the summary didn’t cover, this is a bog standard character dies and is reborn setup.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13802328/1/Leon-s-Fluffy-Cape
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym. That also applies words like “mom” and “dad” – if they’re being used as a person’s name, they’re capitalized, if they’re not, they’re not.
[ I swear to Arceus ]
You can’t just sub in a pokemon word into Christianity. If you mean God, say God. If you’re trying to actually do something with the idea of legendary worship, actually think about what that would mean and also pick a legendary people know and care about rather than a prehistoric religion everyone even in that region’s forgotten.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13802505/1/I-think-I-like-you
Capitalize your title properly.
Write out numbers with letters.
[Pallet town]
Both words are part of the place’s name, so both are capitalized.
[” So Ash how long are you in Kanto ”? Dawn asked]
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13802681/1/1-000-Ways-to-Die-in-The-Wild-Area-A-Collection-of-Memoirs
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym. That also applies words like “mom” and “dad” – if they’re being used as a person’s name, they’re capitalized, if they’re not, they’re not.
[Arceus, help that poor woman,]
While someone who specializes in legendaries would at least plausibly know about Arceus, this is like an archaeologst swearing by Horus. And Doylistly, this is a big red flag for a fic that’s focused on the legendaries to have an author who’s repeating mistaken and poorly thought out fanon – really doesn’t make it seem like you’ve going to be handling any of the other legendaries in a good or interesting manner either.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13803036/1/Pokemon-Honor-and-Pride
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym. That also applies words like “mom” and “dad” – if they’re being used as a person’s name, they’re capitalized, if they’re not, they’re not.
[thier]
Spellcheck.
[‘Thinking’]
Don’t use ‘ for thoughts. It’s too close to ” and even sometimes used instead of double quotes for speech, so it makes it look like the thoughts are being spoken aloud. You can generally get the fact it’s a person’s thoughts across from context, and if you’re worried that’s not enough, something like italics works better.
[Hello there trainers, welcome to the world of Pokemon. My name is Mimosa, but call me Professor. This world is inhabited by creatures called Pokemon! For some people, Pokemon are pets. Others use them for fights. ]
You really do not need to repeat the opening of the games like this. Assume people are already familiar with it and get to what’s new about your story in particular.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13803232/1/Growth-of-Gratitude
[Limes]
I realize that the fact they don’t allow you to select the option for for straight up porn on this site, but if you look at the ratings, “limes” refers to stuff that’s M and “lemons” would be MA. Hugging, even a [passionate clasp] that makes flowers bloom, isn’t a lime.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym. That also applies words like “mom” and “dad” – if they’re being used as a person’s name, they’re capitalized, if they’re not, they’re not.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13803301/1/RENA-Origins
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
[Happy little sylveon, that could only mean…]
I don’t think there’s anything gained from the character not explaining what she realized here. Right now, it just seems like she runs for no reason and then the entire rest of the chapter happens before you get to saying that oh yeah, it’s a memory wipe situation, at which point there’s no real time to process it. Her escape attempt would be a lot more suspenseful it you establish the stakes before she tries rather than after it’s failed.
[The only way to ensure everyone was safe was to eliminate her, but without killing her. ]
Similarly, it would be a good idea to explain why she’s so important and what exactly is going on here, because right now you’re just asserting she is, somehow, rather than giving a convincing reason to believe that.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13803433/1/Wings-The-Rewrite
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym. That also applies words like “mom” and “dad” – if they’re being used as a person’s name, they’re capitalized, if they’re not, they’re not.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
[ But then an unusual sight in the mirror caught her attention.
“Huh…?” She span around, squinting. “Hey, wow!
Jumping down from the little steps, Sparky finally found her trainer. “Miss Holly, I didn’t know you could fly!”
But weirdly enough, Holly did not respond.
“Does it take a lot of concentration to fly like that?” Sparky prompted again.
Still no response.]
I think this works really well. We’re in her head and she doesn’t have any idea what she’s seeing, but it’s pretty clear what’s happened, and then it’s confirmed when she gets another pokemon to see.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13803455/1/The-Next-Journey
Your title really should be less generic. Of course it’s a journey – what, besides that, is special about yours in particular?
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym. That also applies words like “mom” and “dad” – if they’re being used as a person’s name, they’re capitalized, if they’re not, they’re not.
[“Pikachu! Thunderbolt!” Ash commanded as he swung his right arm toward his Dragonite. The trainer from Pallet Town was busy training his Pokémon for future Pokémon World Championships battles. ]
I feel like maybe training to use something better than thunderbolt on a dragonite might be a better use of his time.
[He always wore an open blue vest with yellow outlines over his white shirt, and his shorts were a dark shade of blue. ]
Look, the fact he keeps the same outfit day in and day out is an animation/character design thing. Saying he actually has single set of clothing that’s glued to him for all eternity raises a lot of questions instead of doing the intended job of helping people picture the character.
[His hair was raven-shaped]
I do not think you meant shaped, and just say black – not only is Ash not the sort to embellish, but animals as comparisons just raises questions about if ravens even exist.
[“Chuuu!,”]
Stray comma.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13803858/1/Black-N-White-Wings
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon or fairy, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard or sylveon. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym. That also applies words like “mom” and “dad” – if they’re being used as a person’s name, they’re capitalized, if they’re not, they’re not.
[N is the fairy prince, and he was on a journey. His father, the fairy king Ghetsis, was going to crown N as the new king of the fairies. However, Ghetsis wanted to liberate Pokémon from the fairies and N just didn’t want to follow into his father’s footsteps. Fairies and Pokémon belonged together!]
I am really baffled why you thought this makes any sense for N. Just make up your own character if you have your own character in mind.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13804502/1/Project-Original-2-and-Z-Journey-Edition
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym. That also applies words like “mom” and “dad” – if they’re being used as a person’s name, they’re capitalized, if they’re not, they’re not.
[I know there are a few stories revolving around Ash, typically ones about Ash getting a different starter, but I haven’t seen any of him getting an artificial Pokemon, so I thought it would be fun to see how his bond and character evolves over time with a Porygon at his side.]
Well, maybe.
There are actually a lot of artificial pokemon at this point. Even in the first gen, voltorb and electrode are said to be. Porygon being deliberately created is going further than that, but for that you’ve also got baltoy and golett, and possibly sigilyph.
Porygon’s unique in being coded, of course, so there’s the possible question of if people treat will consider that in particular to mean it’s an unfeeling machine…but the thing is fanfic has a big tendency to treat all pokemon as machines who only have enough feelings to flatter their trainer, and of course it’s all growing out of a videogame where they’re just pixels and any “bond” they seem to have is really just a bunch of code to give you that impression.
[As Ash continues on his journey, his bond with Porygon is taken into question: does Porygon respect him because of its coding, or is their bond genuine?]
So, that is a question, but another question would be, do people actually pay any attention to if any other pokemon’s bond/respect is genuine? What’s this being contrasted with?
And what you’ve got so far doesn’t really challenge the idea that all pokemon are basically robots. Ash is planning out his team like any videogame player, thinking in terms of stats and species. Personality only comes up when saying all pokemon of a species are identical – [Ash then planned on getting either a Pidgey from Route 1. They were easy to catch and proved to be loyal team members till the end. ] Given Ash doesn’t even say anything about earning that, it also sounds like it doesn’t even vary based on how you treat them, they’re just all “loyal” by virtue of being pidgey. Sounds a lot like a feathery meat robot whose supposed bond is just a matter of coding!
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
Write out numbers with letters.
[“Well, I do have something.” Professor Oak said, “It’s going to be different from any other Pokemon you’ve seen before. I was going to do some research on it, as this is a manmade Pokemon, but I think you’ll be able to handle it.]
Look, instead of yet another bad attempt to explain why Oak is out a starter, which is also just yet another rehash of the original, you could consider that the original original has Oak handing out the starter pokemon because he wants to see what happens if they’re trained. You could just have him offer up the porygon and Ash could willingly choose to take it because it’s cool and rare and exciting.
[This time, Porygon was prepared. It sent an electric shock toward Squirtle, who recoiled in pain after being hit by it. Ash recognized it as Thunderbolt. The move was pretty weak, having only as much power as a Thunder Shock, but was still enough to stop Squirtle’s attack and damage it.]
This is a really terrible way of describing it. Just say the move was weak, don’t make things incredibly confusing by saying it was like using a different move when if the porygon had used that different move it’d have been even weaker because moves don’t have a set amount of power but are a combination of their power and the pokemon’s.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13804646/1/The-Continuing-Adventures-of-Team-Wimpurr
Apparently a spin-off/sequel to something else, and I don’t even like PMD stuff.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13804781/1/Defeat-Equals-Friendship
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym. That also applies words like “mom” and “dad” – if they’re being used as a person’s name, they’re capitalized, if they’re not, they’re not.
[And besides, think of it like this: sometimes, when we kick a wild Pokémon’s butt, they want to join our team and be helpful to us. Maybe if we had beaten up Skuntank enough times, he would have wanted to be helpful to us. I decided to shorten the process by making him helpful to us now.]
This almost works but doesn’t quite land, especially when it’s in the context of what the police would think. Bringing up that there’s a chance of a pokemon having a change of heart each time you beat them up actually makes it seem less justifiable to jump to killing them and taking their skin for a rug.
I think a better rationale might be more like that there was nothing wrong with attacking him in the first place because there was a possibility he’d decide they were friends now and so it was a way of defusing the situation. And then, since it didn’t work, well, they couldn’t be expected to just let him go to plot revenge on them…