Whose Power?

Hm. I found the writing of this extremely dense – it’s quite consistent, so I assume you intended that, but it’s still a struggle to get through, and at a lot of points it seems like you’re choosing the most obscure word over the one that actually fits.

[Father had been the hardest seedling to encourage.]

This metaphor seems off to me. I’d expect the focus to be on getting the seed to sprout in the first place.

[I had first caught sight of you in the light of the setting sun that had illuminated the ruined idyllic field, the sun’s stark orange augmented by dying flames and turning the world into a spectrum of gradations of orange and gray, Your nondescriptly-clad figure had been sprawled motionless at the edge where field met forest with blood staining the grass black around you, the only soul in my sight.]

I’m assuming that [gray, Your] is supposed to be the point the two sentences are broken up and the comma should be a period, but even with that this is too long. You’re piling on way too much description. There’s a point it stops being vivid and and becomes a jumble, and some of it’s nonsensical – the field can be formerly idyllic, or it can be currently ruined, but both at once don’t work for this. You should also split these up more. And some of it’s redundant/badly stretching the word meanings, like [a spectrum of gradations of orange and gray]. You could also use more commas, particularly if you want to keep having lengthy sentences. Also, the way you arrange information isn’t particularly good – the ideas aren’t grouped together clearly, they’re just sort of tossed around.

The specifics here really aren’t my forte. I can tell things are off but it’s harder for me to pinpoint quite where the problem is and the best way of putting it. I’d suggest finding someone who does read this style of writing regularly and has a better education on the mechanical aspects than I do to look your writing over.

[But then you had awoken during the awkward middle where I could have either fled and left you none the wiser or stayed and helped.]

The person wakes up while the narrator hasn’t decided to help them or not. The decision doesn’t seem like it was awkward before the person woke up, and what is it the middle of? It seems like the thrust of this is that it’s a crucial/transition point for the decision, and the narrator might have chosen otherwise if the person hadn’t woken up.

[there had been a paid residency available to a ‘zwariowany burak,’ as the rumor-mill went ]

Including words from another language is really annoying. Generally, just use the translation. If you absolutely must include it, put the translation right after it.

[She said that the colloquial was crazed cheap idiot ]

Colloquial is an adjective, and I have no idea what you meant to say.

[Marek added another pair of hands to the ascending water-mill and nearly lost a hand ]

Also, it’s a good idea not to reuse the same word within a sentence.

[I had argued to the rest of my family (with you out of earshot and in my own tongue) that having a noble in our debt would be an unheard of accomplishment and enormous socio-economic boost, using your amnesia and possibly fatal wound as the final two anchoring points to why you wouldn’t suddenly leave. And as why you wouldn’t leave after you were healed, both physically and mentally, I attributed that to the famed ‘noble honor’ that never let a debt go unpaid. Okay, maybe that had been the straw that broke the stubborn camel’s back, but nevertheless you weren’t going anywhere anytime soon. ]

I can follow this up to the part about not wanting him to leave at all. They want him to reward them, not just stick around to continue gracing them with his presence, but the narrator’s talking as if it’s impossible for the guy to heal, thank them, leave and send a reward back, and as if him being stuck there due to injury is somehow a boon to them.

Also, stuff like “socio-economic” and other bits sound jarringly modern.

[as my Father]

It’s only capitalized when used as a name. Otherwise, it’s just “father”.

I don’t think I can really follow the plot – I assume it’d make more sense if I knew the fandom.

From what I understand, he finds a guy who he thinks is a noble but is really a monster, they travel together for a while, then when his family is killed by another monster it kills the second monster. Then for some reason he wanders around alone starving for the next year and somehow everything is the guy’s fault, and he goes to commit suicide but the guy shows up again and now I think he’s about to go kill himself again? And he insists that there’s something going on with the guy controlling him for some purpose, but that’s never fully explained.

The monsters are creepy and the way you have the plot build over time works, but the end is just a jumble to me.