Okay, I’m finding the avenue thing kind of addictive. I particularly like the antique store, even if all I’m getting right now are hard rocks.

Pokemon I download off Pokecheck produce trainers, so I just grabbed a bunch more pokemon from there.

Eevee, so I don’t need to bother running in circles there for another hour to catch the damn thing.

Thanks to its unstable genetic makeup, this special Pokémon conceals many different possible evolutions.

Vaporeon

Its cell composition is similar to water molecules. As a result, it can’t be seen when it melts away into water.

Jolteon

By storing electricity in its body, it can shoot its bristlelike fur like a barrage of missiles.

Flareon

Inhaled air is carried to its flame sac, headed, and exhaled as fire that reaches over 3,000 degrees F.


Espeon

Its fur is so sensitive, it can feel minute shifts in the air and predict the weather…and its foes’ thoughts.

Umbreon

When exposed to the moon’s aura, the rings on its body glow faintly and it’s filled with a mysterious power.

Leafeon

With cells similar to those of plants, it performs photosynthesis inside its body and creates pure air.

That’s…air isn’t a thing. You mean oxygen, don’t you?

Glaceon

It lowers its body heat to freeze its fur. The hairs then become like needles it can fire.

Because I’m not going to be raising any of these this game, so I might as well see their data.

Also:

Petilil

The leaves on its head grow right back even if they fall out. These bitter leaves refresh those who eat them.

Lilligant

The fragrance of the garland on its head has a relaxing effect, but taking care of it is very difficult.

Tepig

It loves to eat roasted berries, but sometimes it gets too excited and burns them to a crisp.

Oshawott

The scalchop on its stomach isn’t just used for battle–it can be used to break open hard berries as well.


But things are weird. For some reason the game doesn’t seem to register the female clerks are female. When people request a store like that and I send them, they just get upset and leave.

Okay, fine, I’ll go talk to the plot people now.

I heard that in Gear Station you can have Pokemon battles in the subway! So I came here to test my skills, and, what do you know…the Subway Bosses were here! Isn’t that amazing! I mean, they’re the strongest Trainers in Gear Station! And they said they’d battle if it’s two on two! This is an awesome opportunity! Would you battle with me?

Hm…Yeah, this is pretty much what I want out of the game. Okay, good rival.

Thanks! Oh! The name’s Nate!

…oh, yeah, you aren’t Failry, you’re the guy I was before I got annoyed and reset. Sorry, your terrible hair makes you all look alike.

Pokemon-fan synergy can create a combination that’s better than perfect!

Okay stop now before you annoy me.

So I’ll have you help me battle the Subway Bosses, then!

…kay.

Ingo: Having a battle in a place like this is a little irregular, but this must’ve happened for a reason. Battling in a different place will let me see different scenery, and I might learn something, too. Now, Emmet, if you have something to add, please!

Please don’t, Emmet.

Emmet: Follow the rules and drive safely! We’re headed for victory! All aboard!

It’s an easy victory. I barely have time to kill my partner’s pokemon.

They were really tough, even when they weren’t going all out!

Shut up, Failry Jr.

That’s the Subway Bosses for you! I want to get even stronger and battle the Subway Bosses when they’re giving it their all! Thanks, Farla! This is a token of my appreciation! Here!

It’s the Vs. Recorder.

He explains, then tells me he had fun and hopes to do it again and yeah whatever.

Okay, on to the rollercoaster. One person mentions that Elesa rebuilt her gym because that’s how she rolls. Sure.

This is a stupid fake puzzle. You have to step on a button to shift the track, but you can never go two different ways, it’s totally linear.

At the end I’m told she’s just left, so I guess she’s back in her gym.

Her gym is a stage. You walk forward, someone gets lit up by a spotlight, you beat them and the whole area lights up. Okay, it looks cool, but it’s no puzzle. It’s not even that long. Also, I don’t know, this just bugs me a little. I’m not much impressed with the whole model thing. I liked her better as a thrillseeker who was also doing modeling rather than it defining her.

I think I’m dumb enough to be beating the AI. I send out my psyduck, and the game uses pursuit and flame charge, unable to believe I’m not switching out the water type.

Okay, I’m going to grab my audino again, because magnemite really isn’t any good here.

L29 sigilyph
L27 koffing
L31 audino
L28 flaaffy
L26 psyduck
L29 servine

Welcome to the main stage! My beloved Pokemon and your Pokemon shall compete! We’re going to see whose star shines brightest!

That was nicely brief.

L30 emolga
L32 zebstrika
L30 flaaffy
L30 joltik

Now, you…you’re an even more wonderful Trainer than I expected. Your sweet fighting style swept me off my feet! Take this!

Fourth badge. Halfway there now…

If you have four badges, including this Bolt Badge, Pokemon up to Lv. 50, including traded Pokemon, will obey you. Also, here’s this move I like. Feel free to use it, um, if you want to.

What’s with the gym leaders getting all weird when they hand you TMs?

Volt Switch lets the Pokemon switch with a different Pokemon after attacking. Of course, if you don’t have another Pokemon in your party, you can’t switch.

My surviving team is just a full HP paralyzed audino and a half-health paralyzed servine. FRIENDSHIP.

Okay, leaving.

Wait! Please walk with us.

What?

And now people are cheering me. Oh, Nintendo, so close and yet so far. I don’t want masses of people cheering my name, especially not on a runway of all things. I just want to beat the shit out of things. Is this like your movie star thing, all kids want to be a model or something?

A shining example of a Trainer… Since that’s what you are, you should be able to collect all the Gym Badges and reach the Pokemon League! Then, you and your Pokemon will shine even brighter!

Once again, my name is the only one in the gym. I’m starting to feel like in this game, I’m the rival – I show up places first, but my story is subordinate to the other guy.

So, can I leave in both directions or only one? Let’s see…

Huh, Failry and some Plasma grunts. I’ll try the other exit first.

Nope, elevator’s still broken.

Back I go.

Gary: Hold it! What are you guys up to here anyway?

The two grunts in the front exchange a look.

Team Plasma: Nothing… We’re just standing here.

Jeez, Failry, it’s a free country. Stop jumping them over nothing.

So what did we do to you that you’re bothering us with questions?

Gary: you didn’t do anything. Not to me, at least…

Really? But you can’t shut up about how they’re thieving thieves who thieve.

But I can never forgive Pokemon thieves like you!

See?

Just to let you know… You’re about to feel my rage!

But seriously, who thought this was the plotline we needed? God, it’s making the plot of last game look so good in comparison. I may have hated their decision about Bianca’s plot, but it was executed with competence. And Cheren had a perfectly reasonable arc of his own that only went screwy at the end.

Team Plasma: Yeesh… Trainers sure are unruly these days. Is that it? You’re mistaking your Pokemon’s strength for your own?

Oh good god don’t tell me we’re about to get a lecture on how that’s not true too.

I couldn’t care less about a runt like you, but I don’t like being messed with!

It is can be battle tiem nao?

Gary: Farla! Cover me!

No, YOU can cover ME! By which I mean just get the hell out of my way.

Can I fight the one on the edge?

Team Plasma: You’ve got some nerve for a little brat!

And…easy battle. One pokemon that’s below the level of any of the gym leader’s pokemon.

Team Plasma: If we keep going on like this, it’ll end up like it did two years ago!

You mean, epicly?

Okay, fine, you also lost, but we all have to make sacrifices for the greater good.

Team Plasma: I’m next!

Jumping me before I have a chance to do anything? Good team!

I stole this Pokemon two years ago, and I’ve been training it ever since! It’s tough!

First, I get it, this game takes place two years later, you don’t have to mention two years every five seconds. Second, my pokemon are already getting to L30 and I’ve only been playing for a few hours.

…it’s a L29 trubbish. Seriously?

You know what else I wish? I wish they’d really embraced the stolen pokemon aesthetic and had these guys have all sorts of pokemon, instead of the new pokemon versions of Team Rocket.

Team Plasma: You’ve got to be kidding!

Hey, I’m not the one who just claimed some weak pokemon was the result of two years intensive training.

And I bullied it so much over the last two years to toughen it up, too!

Oh, it’s an aesop that only love and care raise strong pokemon? Except that working them into unconsciousness obviously works fine too, or I wouldn’t be winning all the time.

Team Plasma: We give up! I can’t believe we lost to two kids!

You mention two years ago every five seconds, but can’t remember that part of the plot?

Just because you’re strong, I’ll tell you this… We, Team Plasma, are searching for something… When we find it, that’s when our secret weapon will be able to use its true power! Farewell!

I liked it better when it was N dropping these sort of hints.

Huh, this time the screen fades and they disappear instead of running past me. Thank god.

Then the music gets all sad nostalgic.

Gary: Five years ago… Team Plasma stole my little sister’s Purrloin.

…so not only are you annoying about this, but you’re appropriating someone else’s rage?

It had been given to her as a present.

Remember, nothing says “no seriously they’re equals” like being property that can be given as a gift.

I was only a little kid… I couldn’t do anything…

Yeah I’d feel more sympathetic if this was the only time you’d intruded on me with this and you weren’t my rival. Well, is the plot over at least, can we move on?

So… So that’s why I have to get stronger!

So that’s a no, then.

I wonder if the endgame will involve him losing and needing me to rescue his pokemon? It’s about the only satisfactory thing I can think of for this plot.

Good work! I knew you had good instincts!

Shut up, Failry. I don’t need to be told I’m a good sidekick.

Well then…

Not sure why the music’s still slow and all? Me neither, we’re clearly done with the reminiscing.

Then Failry heals my pokemon. Gary: Listen up! You fill up that Pokedex. Keep getting stronger and stronger, and back me up!

Now I want to not do any of that just out of spite.

I’ll be counting on you from here on out, too!

Arg. But at least he finally goes away after that.