Okay, so. Let’s battle, unknown guy who’s probably related to Team Plasma but frankly looks more like a Team Aqua member!

Hm. It looked like the herdier was attacking them like a guard dog, corralling them, but now it’s backing into a corner. Also, why don’t its owners know its gender so I can talk about it properly?

Herdier: Yaarrrp…
Gary: That cry! You found it! What a relief!

I have honest to god never, in my life, which was full of animal problems, seen anyone respond to hearing a missing animal cry with anything but increased anxiety and trying to zero in on it. “Cat? Cat?” I call. The cat meows somewhere. “Cat?!” Because if the animal was okay, it would be coming toward you. And that’s before we get into animals making sounds that are also distressed.

I mean, yeah, there’s a degree of relief in that maybe you can do something, but you’re busy trying to do that instead of babbling about it being a relief.

OK, I’ll go call its Trainer, so you stay here with it!

And if I ever found someone who reacted by walking in the other way because whatever, it’s fine, I would start planning how to steal any animal they had as soon as the current crisis was over, but first I would be screaming bloody murder at them to get back over here now or I’ll fucking kill them. What if something’s wrong? What if whatever’s happened will need more than one person to deal with right now, or if they need to bring actual help, and not just some other person? Do you know how awful it is to be standing somewhere unable to help but unable to leave to get someone or something needed because you don’t want to, or even can’t, leave the animal alone again?

???: Tch… You little pest! I’m a member of a group that strikes fear into the hearts of those who stand before it: Team Plasma! Ever heard of it?

Have I ever!

That’s right! We’re the righteous group that tried to conquer Unova two years back in order to liberate Pokemon! Whatever… Fools will never understand us… Still… First I get lost chasing Herdier… and now some nosy kid caught me!

I’m still not clear what I actually caught you doing. Walking toward a dog? Obviously people here are fine with massive tresspassing and catching random pokemon.

All of this is your fault! Take this!

And they throw a pokeball at me, which is actually an itemball. Apparently it holds the frustration TM. This is probably meant to be showing (again) that Team Plasma is secretly evil and full of pokemon abusers, but doesn’t it make more sense to think that it’s what they think someone like me would want? And I mean, they seem to be right on the money with that, because I apparently immediately grabbed it, popped it open, and read which TM it was as soon as I got it.

OK! I’ll use this opportunity to retreat for now!

And they actually run right past my lazy, distracted ass. You stupid avatar, I don’t even like that TM!

The herdier seems appreciative I at least made the other person go away, even if I am incompetent. Yup, that’s a dog all right. Yap! Bwoof!

Owner: Herdier! What made you come all the way back here?

It seems like-

Well, at any rate, I’m super grateful for your help, you two!

But not grateful enough to shut up long enough for me to explain.

Gary: You’re awfully calm about this!

As I ranted earlier, you’re the one who was way too calm about a possibly hurt animal.

Your Pokemon might have been gone for good! Take better care of it!

And he runs off in a huff.

Owner: Hm… I wonder if something happened to him…

Nah, he’s just annoying.

It’s like he’s afraid of losing Pokemon…

…the rest of you aren’t? You’re a nation of assholes then.

Come on, Herdier! Everyone’s waiting! Let’s go home!

I’m going to go catch more pokemon now, kay?

Suckrat. Guess I need to catch one eventually.

Extremely cautious, one of them will always be on the lookout, but it won’t notice a foe coming from behind.

That’s not what cautious means. Also, that’s exactly why meerkats have multiple lookouts.

Psyduck.

When headaches stimulate its brain cells, which are usually inactive, it can use a mysterious power.

How does something this evolve, I mean really.

Well, onto my team anyway. I was regretting not getting a chance to play with one in Blue.

Riolu. Finally. Can I just say that I really think the stated probabilities are totally off? I fought a dozen pidove to find it.

It’s actually pretty tough to get in a pokeball. I was down to three, and it broke out of two while paralyzed. Luckily it’s an obliging sort in other ways, and it kept using endure, so I could get it down to a single hitpoint.

It uses the shapes of auras, which change according to emotion, to communicate with others.

What does this mean in practice? No clue. Still, now I’ve got a decent chunk of a team. I don’t want to use the same pokemon I did last time, which I guess will mean a lot of not using the newer pokemon from the looks of things.

Okay, let’s go back to see the owner and see if he’ll cough up some reward or whatever.

Owner: Thanks! It’s all thanks to you and your Pokemon!

No, it’s pretty much just me. My pokemon’s contribution was to keep wild pokemon off me while I looked.

You’re really great! Hey, is that it? Did Alder train you?

THIS FUCKING GAME

Talking to the wife produces You and your Pokemon found Herdier! Great! so I guess she’s only allowed to restate what he says or something.

Talking again to the owner, This ranch started when a fence was made to protect Pokemon!

Seriously, Japan, do you raise your programmers in sealed rooms or something? Don’t you even let them watch Ghibli films or something?

Well, whatever. I’m done here now. Let’s run around the grass outside for a bit.

Sewaddle, and much earlier in the game than before! Shame I already raised it.

Since this Pokemon makes its own clothes out of leaves, it is a popular mascot for fashion designers.

I thought it was dressed by the adults of its species.

Sunkern! I remember these suck, and anyway I already have a grass type and also it’s a stone evolution.

It suddenly falls out of the sky in the morning. Knowing it’s weak, it simply feeds until it evolves.

…what?

Going on, this asshole hiker blocks my way.

Come on! A kid without a single Gym Badge continuing on past here?

How the fuck do you expect kids to get badges if you won’t let us to the gyms? You’re going on the list.

Battle with the Trainers and Pokemon in this are, then battle some more!

Firstly, did already. Secondly, that’s not going to get me a gym badge now is it?

So I guess it’s back to Alder. I’m going to sleep on it, and then maybe find some alcohol.

Current team:
Riolu L6
Psyduck L6
Mareep L10
Azurill L9
Snivy L12
Pidove L7

Pidove is just there because I don’t have any sixth pokemon yet.