Last time, tutorial over with? Let’s go catch some pokemon!

???: You there, Trainer!

Oh god, please be someone new.

NO IT’S FUCKING DOUCHY MCFLAMEHAIR

My name is Alder! I’m a Trainer with a keen interest in the world. One of my goals is to tell people about how wonderful it is to walk toward the future together with Pokemon.

And then he jumps down from the cliff, but he lives.

And you are?

No one to concern yourself with.

…
…
Hmph! So you’re Farla from Aspertia City!

Oh god and now he’s circling me. I swear he just sniffed my hair. Go awaaaay.

Your Snivy is a fine-looking Pokemon. But, you’re not exactly a seasoned Trainer yet…

At least he’s equal opportunity about trying to crush the spirits of potential competitors, unless he abandons me for my male rival again.

Indeed! I’ll train you a little! Follow me!

noooooooooooooooo

Haha! My avatar doesn’t have to follow him yet.

Okay, so actually, not nearly as bad an introduction as last time. If this wasn’t a sequel and I hadn’t already sworn to feed the fucker to my dragon, he might even manage to come off as cool, even if he does look to be part of the tutorial section. But this is a sequel, I already know who he is and last game already revolved way, way too much around him, and when it didn’t, he was doing his level best to make it revolve around my rival. In short: Fuck. This. Guy.

Talking to the last guy on the route first…

Hey, you know about ledge jumping?

Will you accept that I do?

Oh… I guess you would know you can jump off these little ledges.

MOTHERFUCKER

Okay, onward.

Douchy is waiting for me in the next town, but I manage to get inside the pokecenter without alerting him. Let’s see if I can sneak past.

Nope.

Alder: Oh, that’s right! Farla, are your Pokemon well?

Just healed them, Douchy, don’t need the lecture.

Your Pokemon are always doing their best for you, the Trainer, so you must always be kind to them!

I can already feel people gearing up to point this line out to me as proof that the pokemon/trainer relationship is one of equals. They do their best to support you unquestioningly, and in return, you aren’t a dick to them! Look at how kind I am! After using them for personal gain and getting them hurt in the process, I make sure to heal them, for free, sacrificing entire seconds of my valuable time for their wellbeing.

My house is just a little farther.

I hate you.

Stop by the Pokemon Center first if you’d like!

I’m telling you, I did. Game, you know full well I did.

So anyway, now I’m in Floccesy Town. Prophecy Flocks Here. Cool. Actually, you know what would be cooler? If there were xatu flocks and that’s what it was talking about.

Let’s check out some non-Douchy homes.

As they wandered in search of Pokemon, people began making homes in more places. This ranch used to be a grassy meadow. It’s now become a place where people and Pokemon have homes together.

Holy shit, Nintendo.

Look, I know a lot of people in Japan don’t understand the whole “nature” thing because they’ve never seen ground not covered in concrete, but not one of the people working on the game caught this? Not one of them understands that animals have homes of their own, and that when you start building you’re generally kicking them out?

In the morning, my Pokemon come to wake me up when they’re hungry. At night, my Pokemon get tired from playing and take up the whole bed!

See, what you’re describing there? A pet. Not a friend. You don’t demand your friends only eat when you hand them something.

There’s also this old clock tower, which Nintendo decided should be in an elevated area so I can’t even walk up to it properly.

Further on, Douchy waits.

Alder: Hey, this way! Shall we start training? By the way…why are you holding two Town Maps? … Oh ho! It’s your friend’s Town Map, is it? Your friend is the one with the Tepig, isn’t he?

Oh poor Gary, he jumped you too?

It just so happens, he was training his Pokemon on Route 20… Well, if that’s the case, you should go give him the Town Map first!

So I’m free? Hey, why’d you leave him alone and not me? What prompted that and how can I get in on it?

Just follow this road. It goes to Route 20!

There’s only one road.

Douchy has now taken up station at what I guess is the entrance to his house and won’t let me by. Further on, an old guy says pokemon attack you at a ranch. Okay. There’s a car inside a building and you can see tire marks on the road leading up to it, which is cool.

And first regular trainer battle now! Complete with the eye explanation.

Do any girls get pants? My avatar is actually relatively modest in her clothing choices, it seems.

And Snivy’s learned vine whip.

Huh, there’s an item on a raised area…oh, snow! Hm, then maybe snow would let me access the clock tower as well?

And I’ve found the ranch.

Wow, the flower animation here is terrible, they look like they’re longer than long grass but you can walk right on top like it’s painted on the ground.

An azurill has appeared. Man, that is an unhappy looking sprite.

It swings its large, nutrient-filled tail around to fight opponents bigger than itself.

I thought the tail was extra light and helped it float?

Azurill has such a weird moveset. It learns tail whip but has no physical moves…

Lillipup.

Though it is a very brave Pokemon, it’s also smart enough to check its foe’s strength and avoid battle.

There’s also some mareep playing that’s blocked by the ledge. Damn. I really like being able to wander around with pokemon.

Oh hey, rival just jumped me while my snivy’s nearly fainted. Good job, rival.

Oh! Nice! You’ve come here to toughen up! All right! Let’s see how much stronger you’ve become! Come at me!

Tepig is now L8. It’s his only pokemon, though. My azurill is surprisingly durable and takes it out at L5, with the help of a couple growls from my purrloin.

Gary: Not bad… You’re thinking about how to bring out your Pokemon’s strength. I should be able to count on you for backup! What are you doing here anyway? Huh? A Town Map?
Gary: Tch… She didn’t have to do that…

She didn’t do anything, I did!

Thanks to you, too.

You’re welcome. You did just jump me out of the blue like a proper rival.

We just left, and you’ve already helped me out.

And a bunch of other people run up, including a herdier.

???: I thought it was lively around here! You were having a Pokemon battle, huh? Isn’t it nice to be young!

Gary: Who are you?

???: Who am I? I’m the owner of this ranch! And this is my wife!

So apparently they don’t have shared property in marriages or anything in this universe.

Wife: After a Pokemon battle, you should heal your Pokemon’s HP, right? Here, I’ll give you this!

It’s another potion. I’ll be sure to hoard that.

It’s nice to have potions when you’re far away from a Pokemon Center.

Owner: By the way, you didn’t happen to see a Herdier around here, did you?

…behind you?

I can’t figure out where it went.

Really?

Our two Herdier

Oh.

are always together and this is the first time one has wandered off, so I’m a little worried…

Gary: You’re a little worried? Are you KIDDING me?! Your Pokemon might be lost forever! Whatever! I’ll look! Farla! Help out!

Shut up, Failry.

Owner: Why did he get so mad?

I don’t care if this is related to trauma or whatever, because I don’t care about that either. The game needs to learn I care about NPCs when it doesn’t try to force me.

I think it’s probably just playing somewhere in the ranch.
Wife: I wonder… By the way, dear, if your Pokemon get hurt, let me know. I’ll make them feel better for you!

So I see healer NPCs are still around. Seems like they’re mostly female, too.

Ooh, by going this way I can reach the wandering mareep! Hi mareeps, you’re cute.

Gary runs off further in, so I guess that’s the way to go. I’ll go the other way, then.

Okay, nothing much but mareep. Going to other way, Failry gives me a paralyze heal.

Still, Pokemon don’t just wander off on their own.

I don’t see why not.

In a worst-case scenario, it might be involved in some trouble!

Look, unless all this concern for your pokemon is because your current tepig is secretly a replacement for one you got killed by your own stupidity, I just don’t care.

Ooh, a mareep, finally! I’ve been fighting hordes of lillipup.

And now Snivy is paralyzed.

When cold weather increases static electricity, its wool doubles in size and the tip of its tail glows slightly.

Okay, and continuing…

Yawrp!

Did you hear that just now? I’ll check this area!

…so it’s not there but over here, I guess?

You go deeper in the grove and look!

And yeah, there’s some guy with the herdier. I’m gonna go heal, thanks.

Pidove!

This very forgetful Pokemon will wait for a new order from its Trainer even though it already has one.

I don’t know what Nintendo has against pigeons either.

And now my azurill has learned water gun, so I can replace splash.

Incidentally, the mareep keep using thunderwave. They use it, my pokemon’s paralyzed, then they use it another three times. Not just one time, but every time. I don’t recall the AI being this dumb before. Is this how they’ll be doing the challenge mode smarter AI, by just downgrading the regular one?