Last time, Failry’s stupid plot finally wrapped up.

From here, the only remaining way takes me off the boat. So I guess I have to go somewhere else? Hopefully Failry will just stay and be depressed somewhere I don’t have to deal with him.

Oh hey, cave. Is this where the final showdown is?

Really linear cave, too…

And in the second area the pools of water are frozen!

Here we go, it’s Ghetsis!

Ghetsis: The Giant Chasm! This is the spot where Kyurem’s power resonates.

So Colress’ whole evil spiel about science and stuff was really just basically “pick your location to maximize power”?

Here, Kyurem can use the full extent of its power and easily cover all of Unova in ice!

Excellent.

He paces a bit.

Kyurem, come!

And there’s snow across the screen, then white, then a bigger looking Kyurem.

Haaahraaan!

You sound perky.

Ghetsis: I have a memory that has continued to haunt me. Just one. That unpleasant look in your eyes reminds me of it. That aside, this is my gift to you to show my respect for making it this far. I’ll freeze you solid right here so you can watch my glorious ascent!

And we get a spiky dialogue box: Kyurem! Glaciate!

Then Haahraa!

And…uh, it’s actually happening?

Kyurem’s glowing and glowing and now there’s ice and now the ice is circling me and now it’s shooting at me-

And something else has intervened and melted all the ice! N?

Ghetsis: So you came… The freak without a human heart…

You know, for someone harping on N you sure do suck at decent insults.

N!

N! Hugs!

He’s riding on Zekrom. He hops off.

N: Zekrom told me Kyurem is suffering! I can’t allow selfish humans to make Pokemon suffer! And I like Unova.

Aw, N, you’re adorable!

It’s the place that taught me how to live as a human… It’s the place that made me notice the harmony between Pokemon and humans living together…

Let’s not go too far, N, I am fickle and murderous.

I will protect the Pokemon and humans who live here!

And spiky Zekrom box: Bazzazzazzash!

Ghetsis: Excellent! That was a moving expression of your determination! So the education I provided to make you king wasn’t a complete waste, then!

Ghetsis is hilarious. Is there dad Ghetsis humor fic around? There should be.

But I still haven’t forgotten that even though I was kind enough to find you when you were living in the forest with Pokemon, and take you in, and care for you, in the end you were selfish and disrupted my plans. I was supposed to use your abilities to rule Unova! But I’ll forgive you for that as well. Zekrom, which you were kind enough to bring me, can shatter ice!

This undoubtedly reads much smoother in White.

Now you’ve saved me the work of searching for it! Well, actually, I knew you’d appear if we fired ice missiles into Opelucid City and you noticed the change!

Ghetsis, you’re really rambly and incoherent. I guess the script writers are as sick of this as me?

N: That’s an ugly formula! It won’t work!

Ghetsis: Oh, but it will! If I use these! The DNA Splicers!

Actually can’t N just chat with whatever the resulting pokemon is and still win?

Now the DNA splicer is a round thing. That splits apart into a spiral like an unwound orange then forms into a cube then into a triangle then the original spike.

Then the ice on Kyurem breaks and it has…like, plug-tentacles? I don’t know. And it attacks Zekrom with beams from those which turn Zekrom into another round thing that’s now a different color.

N: ?!

Or, what he said.

Z-Zekrom!

Aw, N! I hope we get Zekrom back for you instead of me just catching the fused result and keeping it.

Kyurem! Absorb Zekrom! Use Absofusion!

Does Kyurem actually have all these weird moves or is this just Ghetsis making stuff up to sound more impressive?

And then it absorbs the black ball in another cutscene, then a long transformation, and now it’s bulkier and two colored with one white wing and one black and some blue crystal-looking stuff jutting from its body.

N: …!

Exactly.

I never would have believed that Pokemon could fuse together…

…what? There’s like five that do that to evolve.

That there was a formula like this…

I mean off the top of my head, the first generation alone has dugtrio, magneton, weezing…

Ghetsis: You fool… Last time, I was going to use you to capture people’s hearts and minds to rule them! But this time, I’m simply going to use overwhelming power and rule with an iron fist!

If you were fine doing that why didn’t you just steal all pokemon out of the PCs? That’d have given you overwhelming power right there.

Do you understand? If you had simply become king, Unova would have remained beautiful!

What I like about Ghetsis is his continual and unrelenting dickery. Is there any point to continuing to try to make N miserable? No, but he’s going to do it anyway.

Come now, Trainer. This time no one will save you!

I’m not sure why I can’t use my pokemon.

So…is Reshy going to show up next?

But to make things more interesting, I’ll give you a chance.

Oh pokemon battle time then. So, no Reshy.

Let’s see if you can stop THIS Kyurem!

And then a ? pops up over his head.

What’s this? Your Poke Balls are trembling.

oh fuck no game don’t do this

Could your Pokemon be shaking with rage? No! That’s not possible!

I wish.

Simple tools don’t have emotion or thought!

Ghetsis a major part of your plan last game hinged on the idea you could manipulate N by exposing him to abused pokemon because they would talk to him about how sad they were.

Come! Challenge Kyurem! Just so you know, catching it is impossible!

Because you’ve already caught it or something?

My cane emits signals that disrupt the function of all Poke Balls!

Eh, okay.

And I regain control. Let’s talk to N!

N: It’s faint, but I can hear my friend. I can hear Zekrom’s voice. It says they can be separated again! I beg you! Please save my friend!

Aw. N, I was already going to do that! Don’t worry!

And all of Unova’s Pokemon and humans…

…will most of them be acceptable? How about all pokemon, some humans?