Okay. So.
Gurooooohhh!
Terrakion.
Wow, it looks pretty lame.
Spoken of in legend, this Pokemon used its phenomenal power to destroy a castle in its effort to protect Pokemon.
But not Team Plasma’s castle?
Oh hey a delibird! That’s actually cool!
It carries food all day long.
When someone is lost in the
mountains, it shares that food.
I don’t know why, but they’re one of those pokemon I’m fond of. Maybe it’s because they’re a gimmick pokemon with a single move that can still do interesting things because they can learn TMs.
I can see the plea in my Pokemon’s eyes. To fight! And to win!
Why are they pleading about that?
Ooh, that is a pretty, pretty arcanine.
I can see the plea in my Pokemon’s eyes. They’re saying, “Get back up! I’m OK!”
This is starting to get really unsettling.
Yep! I can understand my Pokemon’s feelings by looking into their eyes.
It’s interesting how your pokemon’s feelings are exactly what’s most convenient for you.
The very end of the maze of walls and ledges and balance beams is a narrow path with a greatball at the end. How amazingly anticlimatic. Now for the cave.
Giant Chasm, apparently.
SNEASEL!
Takes quite a while to actually catch. You know, if they’re going to make L40+ pokemon a major feature of a chunk of the game, they need to either redo the catching algorithms or give out a better ball.
A smart and sneaky Pokemon, it makes its opponents flinch by suddenly showing the claws hidden in its paws.
I’d like to raise one, but I don’t think they can really stand up well by this stage of the game. If I’d been raising it the whole time and giving it extra levels it might work, but not now. Some other time, though – I’d really like to see how they work now that they can actually use moves of their type.
Piloswine. Huh, it goes right in.
With its excellent sense of smell, it’s even able to find mushrooms that are buried under frozen ground.
And hey, there’s some Plasma guys who continue to look astoundingly like Team Aqua. I’m surprised, wasn’t I supposed to move the crustle in the other cave?
How long does “wait until everyone else arrives” mean, exactly?
Wait don’t tell me they’re a roadblock.
The area past here is important! The people heading to Route 21 are definitely important, but we have an important role as well!
Jesus Christ I’m being roadblocked by the enemy team I just swore to take down.
Fine, back to the other cave.
Crus chul!
Aw, and it makes the cutest little sound!
And attacks me! Ingratitawwww its cry is just so cute.
It’s L42, so I’m not quite sure why they bothered making this an official battle.
So, crustle.
When its boulder is broken
in battles for territory, it feels
unsure and begins to weaken.
Yay, new pokemon!
The Colress Machine broke…
Holy shit that is a terrible machine. And apparently that means this entire thing was a one-off. There will be no more boulder pokemon in my way. The subplot was introduced just so it could happen a second time and be forgotten.
Who is plotting this mess?
Okay, so I step out and the camera pans over so I can see the boat.
And fucking Failry just followed me out of the cave. What were you even doing?
Gary: You found them! I knew you could do it!
I will not be won over. Your flattery sounds patronizing, Failry.
But… How do we get in?
Especially when you yourself are such an idiot.
???: Hold up!
You’re not N because N doesn’t talk like that, so I don’t care.
Suddenly the screen goes black.
A heavy gangplank fell with a solid thud…
What, there wasn’t space to just animate that? You spent too much time on endless filler dialogue or something?
And fuck, it’s Marlon.
Marlon: Eh, this should do it!
Gary: I thought you weren’t going to fight Team Plasma?
That’s what was going on? I thought he was just wandering around being random. He didn’t seem willing to even commit to the idea of not fighting.
Marlon: Hey, friends! Team Plasma’s not botherin’ me.
I’m glad you have such a fine moral compass.
They could be up to no good for reals, and… It’s not my style to go around decidin’ Team Plasma’s bad without thinkin’ ’bout it just ’cause everyone says so!
This message of restraint is undercut by the fact he’s talking about a group trying to destroy the world just ’cause.
But, eh, you’re havin’ trouble, so I’ve got to help out!
So you’re the kind of person who decides who’s right by encouraging the two sides to beat each other up and declaring the victor to be in the right.
That’s what I want to do!
Because you’re terrible.
Gary: Thanks…
I will assume that was said with sarcasm.
Marlon: Listen, ‘K. Believe in somethin’! Searchin’ for stolen Pokemon is fine! Keepin’ Unova from bein’ iced over’s fine too! It’s all good. But think ’bout why you’re doin’ that.
…because like you just said it’s good to do?
The strength of your beliefs is what gives you and your Pokemon power!
I want a list of what actually does and does not power up pokemon, there are just way too many options at this point.
Then he turns around to look behind him.
I made some noise, so some people came out!
He turns back. Hey, be careful, ‘K!
Oddly, he runs into the cave instead of jumping into the ocean.
Anyway, Marlon, while your retreat is cowardly and irresponsible, at least you aren’t killstealing. I continue to feel nothing but apathy for you.
Gary: What was that?! That guy sure doesn’t follow through!
I maintain my cowardly theory is the better one.
Well, I guess he was being kind in his own way…
Helpful. The word you’re looking for is helpful, as in, he objectively did a thing which has aided us.
All right, I’m going in!
May today be the day Plasma discovers the miracles of bullets.
And he speeds away.
On the boat, I find Failry between two Plasma members.
Gary: Take care of that guy! He’s no problem for you, right?
None of them are, as you’d realize if you’d just get out of my way.
Team Plasma: You!
Well, at least someone knows who the actual player here is.
You must be friends of
god fucking
why are you doing this game
WHY
Smiley Swimsuit, that guy who lowered the gangplank!
See, this kind of thing has its place. But that place is the early to midgame. By late game, they know and fear me personally, and by the endgame, I am their greatest foe. Not “the friend of some guy”.
Aaargh! You even got the roadblock Crustle out of the way!
That doesn’t even make sense!
First off, Marlon clearly got here fine, and why wouldn’t he, all you did was block a cave exit, you’re still sitting in plain sight right off a shore in a populated area of ocean. Second, how can you even control crustle in the first place? Third, why do you think I did it if you’re not surprised by the other people showing up – Marlon clearly got here some other way!
Here I come! Plasmaaaa!
And what are you even motivated by at this point? It can’t be moeny or power because the world’s going to be too destroyed for you to make use of either. You’re no longer interested in helping pokemon either. So why are you throwing yourself into battle against me?
Team Plasma: Oh no! The hatch is still open!
…right.
And they run away.
Gary: OK! This time we’ll check out the ship!
Why didn’t we do that last time? I can’t even remember. See, if you weren’t dragging me places I’d know why I did or didn’t do someething.
When we were in Driftveil City, Zinzolin came from this direction!
And then he runs away to killsteal. I’ll go the other way to get fights of my own.
…okay, there’s a single Plasma grunt standing in the way of an open door, not reacting to me.
Zzz…
Zzz…
Oh don’t tell-
Looks like he’s asleep, the game informs me.
So much for that. Back to Failry, then.
Oh, there’s an open downward stair behind him, maybe I can sneak-
Nope. He turns to me immediately.
This is the place… OK! I’m going!
And he goes. What was the point of that? Then I’m dragged after him, just drag me the whole way if I don’t have a choice!
And some Plasma guys. Two, so double battle time?
Team Plasma: Who are you?
Gary: Just to let you know… You’re about to feel my rage!
You know, forget about which game character my dragon eats first. Whoever did had the bright idea here about the rival needs to die before any of them.
Dammit, his pokemon aren’t dying fast enough. L50 emboar manages to knock itself out in the process of attacking the first golbat, but then the L48 simipour won’t go down fast enough…
Team Plasma: Ugh! We have to tell the others.
Team Plasma: Oh no! We have to protect the switches!
Game, you knew both of them would be fought at once, there’s no excuse for this.
Gary: They didn’t have Purrloin with them!
Failry raises an inadvertant plot hole. Last game, they had lots of purrloins and liepards. This game says that’s one of the pokemon they like. Yet they’re not appearing, presumably because there’s only going to be one and it’s going to be his sister’s.
Barriers, huh… The Team Plasma member was saying… Oh, I got it. We should press the switches to deactivate the barriers! Farla! Let’s split up and look for them!
I hate the writers of this so, so much.
Attempting to run into the barrier makes my character bounce backward and gets the message Be careful! The barriers are electrified!
Below are…more Team Plasma guys with more Failry.
Gary: Again?!
You don’t get to complain when you’re part of the problem.
Team Plasma: Wait!
Arg if they start surrendering I will break someone’s head.
No need to be suspicious! This uniform is just a disguise. I’m ex-Team Plasma!
Marginally more tolerable, but speak fast.
What I am now is a spy, to guard against anything bad they might cook up.
Stellar job at that.
Actually, this should be added to the Overlord list. Have minions claim to be spies and dissidents when heroes break in.
It’d be a better idea to not have them claiming to be former members though, since that just begs the question of when they changed their mind and why. Hypothetically, “former” members might be loyal to the original conception of stealing pokemon to free them, exactly what Failry is so mad about.
Gary: It must be a hard job, keeping an eye on your former allies.
See, it’d work. Heroes are dumb like that.
Say, you don’t know anything about a Purrloin stolen in Aspertia, do you?
“Kid, do you have any idea how many pokemon we stole?”
S-sorry, but I don’t know anything about that…
Grow a spine!
Gary: That’s what I figured. I wouldn’t expect someone from a group bent on world domination to be all that quick on the uptake.
Wow rude.
Plus, you’re the stupid one. Nothing about that suggested the exPlasma was slow, they just flat out don’t know about your stupid sister’s pokemon! Why would they? It’s one single pokemon! It’s not like they made an announcement at the time about a specific pokemon in a specific city and told everyone to remember it in case some dumbass came yelling about it years later.
Oh… But I honestly wanted to save Pokemon…
Ignore him, he’s just a dick.
So…now there’s two other Plasma members running back and forth to either side of me, and doing the turn-in-place thing trainers do. So, are they on the lookout for non-fake Plasma grunts, or just blind to me and ready to attack?
Let’s talk to stuttery here first.
In this ship, the Plasma Frigate, you move around by using warp panels. Look sharp!
Right. Well, this looks to be long and full of Failry tedium.