Last time, Team Plasma attacked in a flying ship that shoots supercold ice energy out of a giant cannon! And now I get to fight them!

Huh, so there’s Plasma people, but I can walk right by them to get to the pokecenter, where it changes to the usual happy music. That really kills any tension, you know?

Although the people inside do have their dialogue change to reflect the cold! Somewhat.

Wh-what in the world? Why is the city covered in ice? Oh! Your Medal Box… The sky-blue color is as refreshing as a clear fall day! That paint is for Trainee-rank medalists only!

You don’t have any higher priorities right now, random pokecenter guy?

I mean, I get that they kept his dialogue because they didn’t want you to be locked out of one of the relevant NPCs. Only the color of your stupid medal box? From the looks of it he’s not even evaluating the box, that presumably happens back in the medal building. He’s just there to report any color changes that happen if you actually get evaluated and move up a rank. But for some reason, not hearing that it’s now deep blue or whatever is too important to be missed during this short interlude of actual plot.

Right then, back out! Time for battle!

…or time for talking to people who’ve already battled.

Team Plasma: That old guy won’t hold back even if his opponent is a young girl.

Why should he? Grow a damn spine, girl.

Team Plasma: I lost. I didn’t stand a chance… I can’t believe Haxorus blasted me all the way over here!

You’re on my list, Drayden.

Finally!

Team Plasma: Pokemon are pawns! They’re a means to an end.

You need to shout a bit louder, I’m not sure people on the far edge of Unova heard you.

That’s what I was taught!

…wait, do you mean taught by Team Plasma, or taught before?

Don’t think about it too much, it’s easier that way!

It’s like the game’s mocking me.

He opens with a L48 watchog. You know, if that’s the sort of thing Team Plasma has, they should be wearing down Drayden. In fact, when did he even heal his pokemon? We just battled.

Team Plasma: How can this be? Is this the kind of power Pokemon have when they’re not treated like objects?

Unless the majority of trainers on this continent also treat their pokemon like objects, I’m going to go with no, because you’re clearly in the upper tier of trainers, levelwise.

Please tell me there’s more people for me to fight.

I manage to find another, but she just seems irritated by me.

The next one says something about how I’m shaking, and whether it’s fear or cold, it’s good. Which actually raises a good point – they could outfit their people in coldweather gear, to have an extra advantage when going up against an iced population. They don’t need to beat my pokemon. If they need to, they can wait out until the cold takes its toll on me. That’s totally something an evil team should do.

Ooh, and now Zinzolin. He seems to have appeared because the grunt mentioned remembering being told to check out the gym.

Zinzolin: Oh, for crying out loud… I didn’t expect to have to fight hampered by the cold like this.

HOW COULD YOU NOT HAVE!

Well, no matter! The fact that I’m shivering means I’m truly alive!

Yeah, it’s when that stops that you’re in real trouble.

He opens with a L50 crygonal. Come on, I just beat a gym leader with pokemon this strong, I want more than this.

…and his L52 weavile just critical-hit two of my pokemon into fainting in a row.

Now his crygonal is using light screen when faced with my escalavier. Hard mode’s competent AI in action.

Zinzolin: You’re a strong Trainer. You definitely are adept at handling Pokemon.

How hard is it to not use a special defense raising move against an obviously physical attacker?

I believe I’ll take my leave, simply because I can’t stand this cold. But…imagine this… A Unova region…completely…covered…in…ice. To achieve that splendor, we’ll do whatever it takes to obtain the DNA Splicers.

You know, not to complain about how awesome this ice is, but this plot seems incoherent even by the low standards I hold pokemon games to. I thought you were using the weapon for a goal, not that destroying the world was your goal.

Drayden: You’re even better than I hoped. Thanks to you, we drove them off. I’m grateful to your Pokemon, also.

“In a secondary sort of way.”

After all that, the least I can do is heal them with this medicine.

There’s a pokemon center right over there. Can’t you give me/them anything meaningful?

…apparently not, just the heal.

Wait here a moment. I’ll be right back.

He walks into his gym, then immediately out.

Harrumph… That’s a new record for making it there and back.

No, game, that wasn’t such a funny joke you needed to waste my time on it.

Look, Farla! These are the DNA Splicers!

Uh…

If you say so.

This is what they were after! We’re really fortunate Team Plasma didn’t get their hands on them!

Yes I am definitely the safer choice and absolutely not genocidal.

I don’t know what their goal is, but I’m sure they’re planning something wicked.

Right. Which I’m not! Totally.

Ooh, ninja!

Shadow Triad:

Only one of you, though.

As we suspected… The hiding place was in the Gym. Well thought out. If Drayden isn’t there, we can’t get in.

Not sure how much sense that makes. I mean, without a gym leader, forcing your way in shouldn’t be too difficult. Plus, you could always plant someone as an undertrainer – I don’t think they really have any sort of strict vetting process – or else subvert one of the trainers, that shouldn’t even be hard given he has the poor people balancing on a fast-moving statue above a pit. Or go in, hide, wait for him to leave, then get it.

Or just ninjastab him to death before he can mess with his pokemon.

No, really, why even have ninjas if ninjastabbing doesn’t work? How did ninjas even become a thing in a world that apparently always lets people have enough time to release their pokemon? A slight psychological advantage of having unexpected pokemon battles is really not worth the effort of learning to turn invisible at will.

If he is there, he’s the strongest guard we could possibly face.

You don’t actually have to pokemon battle with everyone. Hasn’t anyone told you about guns? Guns are awesome.

Also, wouldn’t Douchy and the rest be tougher?

It also explains why the Pokemon Gym was remodeled.

OMG THERE’S SECRET TREASURE IN EVERY GYM

brb guys gotta raid the rest of them

Whatever. The DNA Splicers are in our hands now.

Uh, do you mean you ninjagrabbed it as soon as it was out in the open? Because if so, couldn’t you have ninjagrabbed it in the gym the same way? Drayden’s right here, if he can’t stop you now he couldn’t then.

Drayden: It’s beyond my imagination to think you’d use one of the Seven Sages to find out where the splicers were!

That’s the problem you have? Aren’t you paying attention?! That’s the sole coherent piece of this plan! What’s so unthinkable about using them to find out about the splicers, they’re all working for the same group!

Shadow Triad: Now you know, then. We will accomplish our goals, no matter what the cost.

But there was no cost, except maybe to Zinzolin’s pride, and he didn’t seem too bugged by that either.

I guess part of the problem here is I don’t get what’s special about the sages. They seem to be set up like they’re important and mystical, but they’re treated with barely more narrative respect than Jesse and James. They’re weak, whiny trainers who spend most of their time not fighting you. There seemed to be something about them picking N, but then the whole subplot fell apart as Plasma turned out to not have any legitimate backing, just a kid they’d lied to to make him someone who’d use the legendary like they wanted.

We don’t have the ability to captivate the hearts of others like Lord N does.

Aw. I like you! You’re all ninja and stuff. You don’t make sense but it’s not like the rest does, and at least you look cool while doing it.

(Also, why was N so good at that? He really doesn’t seem to get people at all.)

Instead, we will bend people to our will with brute force.

YES!

Two years was a surprisingly long wait.

The other two ninjas ninjappear. Then they all run off.

Drayden: If they’ve been stolen from us, we’ll just have to take them back!

And he runs off in a different direction than the main two.

Drayden: They don’t seem to be in this area. However, they can hide their presence, so be on guard as you look!

If they can hide what’s the point of looking?

Okay, continuing to Route 9, there’s some melting ice.

I guess Team Plasma fired off a few blasts on their way, and in a little while it’ll be completely gone while Opelucid will look more like this – I mean, in theory, in practice I assume it’ll stay like this until I hit the next plot flag. Anyway, it’s just enough to block some areas off because I can’t get the right slide angle. I guess that’s why the game told me to go here first, though I’m not sure why Iris knew that.

There’s a bunch of tough guys here, including one who tries to force me into his gang and then another two who go on about their deep friendship.

It’s all really jarring, actually.

And that’s it for the route, or at least the bits I can access.

When you’ve crossed all of the bridges in Unova, something really cool will appear! If I spread this rumor, I wonder if it’ll become an urban legend…

Only if you don’t add that you’re trying to make it an urban legend, you idiot.

So, is this some sort of clue or just a bit of fluff?

Some Trainers take a Pokemon called Rotom into the storeroom of Shopping Mall Nine. I wonder what they’re doing…

That sounds more promising.

Halt! The Tubeline Bridge is currently undergoing a test to see how many people it can hold! That’s right! I can’t let any more people in right now!

THIS IS STUPID