Last time on Pokemon Black, I considered my team for the League.
I’ve swapped my woobat for archeops, though I’m suspicious of your claims it’s a good choice. My archen was a complete drain on my team – it would usually go second, and whatever attack hit would put it below half heath, so…
But archeops seems fast enough to get the first move and isn’t getting knocked down so easily. Maybe it’ll work.
Vullaby. Dark/flying? …Diapered Pokemon? That’s particularly odd given the area and therefore level it’s showing up at.
Its wings are too tiny to allow it to fly. As the time approaches for it to evolve, it discards the bones it was wearing.
It lures prey close by dancing and waving its arm caps, which resemble Poke Balls, in a swaying motion.
…Why would pokemon be lured by pokeballs? Or if it’s humans, why would they be so dumb? I mean, okay, I’m clicking on “item balls” and running into it, but I’m not clicking on dancing item balls.
Ooh, just found a dawn stone.
And now some guy’s handing me a dusk stone for talking to him.
Oh, that evolves lampent! Useful.
…and we reach the end of the road only for Litwick to evolve into just that. It doesn’t look particularly ghosty at this point.
This ominous Pokémon is feared. Through cities it wanders, searching for the spirits of the fallen.
And hm, doesn’t look like it learns anything good after this point except curse, which I never use.
Chandelure. Okay, looks a bit sillier, but does look more ghosty.
It absorbs a spirit, which it then burns. By waving the flames on its arms, it puts its foes into a hypnotic trance.
Awesome. So I have a pokemon powered by soul-eating.
Anyway, that was a very short path. The road to Victory Road is supposed to be almost as much of a slog as Victory Road itself.
Huh. Well, that’s a lot prettier than usual. It does feel kind of uninteractive, though – the little stream can’t be surfed on. But very, very pretty. And it’s nice to get big dramatic speeches for each door.
And now I’ve reached Victory Road itself.
Durant. I’m betting bug/steel. It goes politely into the pokeball.
They attack in groups, covering themselves in steel armor to protect themselves from Heatmor.
…I don’t think being steel-type is going to help much against something that has heat in its name.
It seems like this time, the cave is in a mountain with lots of exits. Also, you can slide down the sides like a super version of ledge jumping. It’s demonstrated by a pair of trainers – one jumps, the other is too scared.
And there’s a heatmor now.
It breathes through a hole in its tail while it burns with an internal fire. Durant are its prey.
See, a flaming anteater totally makes sense as the predator of steel ants. It’s just when you say that they became steel-type to protect against flaming anteaters that things break down.
Deino. I think it’s dragon/dark. Yep.
It tends to bite everything, and it is not a picky eater. Approaching it carelessly is dangerous.
I bet you could construct a league-ready team just out of these guys. They’re about as high level as my team. I just ran into a meinfoo that was two levels behind mine.
Since a broken tusk will not grow back, they diligently sharpen their tusks on river rocks after they’ve been fighting.
Uh, Nintendo does understand that sharpening is a matter of removing material to create a sharper edge? And that it increases the likelihood of a break? Is there a translation issue here?
And now I’m up to where the scared kid is. But I can’t push them over the edge myself…
Anyway. There’s a way down to open up a shortcut, which should be useful for when I have to leave to heal my pokemon and return, but, part of the slog of Victory Road is not being able to do that easily.
Huh, a woobat just showed up. And it’s L42. Catching it seems like too much effort, though.
…there’s the guy in doctor clothes. Because the shortcut alone didn’t make it easy enough.
I am a Doctor, he informs me, and I cry a single bitter tear for all the times I’ve tried to explain the capitalization rule for professor. You wouldn’t say “a Doctor” now would you? I asked. Damn you, Nintendo. Damn you to hell.
After he’s healed my pokemon, he says, I aim to be the best Doctor in the world! But first, I intend to become the best Trainer in the world! I’m starting to feel bad I let him near my pokemon, I don’t think actual accredited medical schools let people in if they write it Doctor.
I’d also like to take a minute to point out the juxtaposition. People regularly claim that trainer is capitalized because unlike similar words it’s a title, and my pleas and rants that it’s obviously not being used as a title go unheard. So here we have proof – it’s used in exactly the same way as the word doctor, which you do not capitalize unless it’s going in front of someone’s name.
A dust cloud appears and for once I actually manage to get to it. Then I get an everstone. Because I totally wanted one of those.
…another dust cloud. This one’s a poison gem? Huh. Looks like it’s a one-use item to boost a poison attack. Not sure if that’s too useful. Not sure how a rock can have the “essence of poison” either. Or how it’s consumed in the process.
A bit more, and that’s it. I’ve reached the League.
There’s a bit of branching paths, so I guess it’s sort of a maze, but it’s on the level of something you’d see in the third dungeon or so, not the final one.
After healing, I backtrack a bit. There’s another cave opening blocked by a metal ball that apparently strength can’t move. At the very top, there’s someone who says it looks like there’s a item at the bottom.
But it’s such a long way! Do you have the courage?
Well, since I healed at the entrance to the actual elite four, I’m pretty sure I can just fly back.
YES. Wild Charge TM. But it looks like I missed the actual item the person meant. So, fly back to the League, then again.
And it’s a nugget. Eh, guess that’s okay. And the entrance to another cave section. Oh, is the idea for me to walk back up through here? Well, okay. My meinfoo still hasn’t even evolved.
Finally, my eelektrik hits L44 and learns thunderbolt. Evolution time.
Eelektross. It looks rather lamprey-like.
They crawl out of the ocean using their arms. They will attack prey on shore and immediately drag it into the ocean.
Not sure how much sense that makes given they’re also supposed to be levitating…
And now I also found the dragon claw HM. Huh, and now I’m back in the regular area, so I’ll just fly.
The store doesn’t sell any herbal medicines, for some reason. I mean, it made a degree of sense when they were introduced, but now that they’ve been here for a while, surely everyone knows revival herbs are a better idea than revives? Unless you’re trying to keep the pokemon happy, and in that case you shouldn’t be letting them faint.
Well, let’s save and try a suicide run through the elites to get a look at things!
Huh, it looks like I can go in any order? That’s different.
I enter what turns out to be the red carpety fiery room. Okay, that’s just too show-off, it doesn’t look right, it just looks like it’s there because the designers can finally do that on the engine.
He says he’s Grimsley, and mentions that someone’s already been through here. He sure is casual about seeing a cult leader with a legendary in tow explaining he’s there to stop all pokemon trainers.
L48 krookodile oooh, he’s not a fighting type trainer, he’s a dark type one.
That took out Eelektross, Maka, Meinfoo, and almost knocked out Chandelure.
Now I’m in one that looks like an old book ruined library. So, ghost types.
She talks about how N’s inspired her to write. I’m starting to think none of these people take things seriously.
She has a similar set of L48s and a L50.
When I win, she apologizes to her pokemon. Then she says that stories about people and pokemon are more interesting than ones just about pokemon or just about people. That seems like a matter of taste. I enjoy stories just about pokemon, and outside the fandom, just about people.
Did poorly in the battle – four of my pokemon fainted, and the fifth almost did.
The next area is mechanized and looks like a wresting ring. So, fighting?
Yep. This is the Marshal guy mentioned ages ago.
In order to master the art of fighting, I’m training under my mentor, Alder.
Ooh, so I hate you too.
Archeops sweeps him.
Hm. Then the last one is all yellow, but I float there, so… And the gym leader’s napping. So, psychic?
I…I just won.
Okay, I did have a pretty good anti-psychic set. But still.
I guess the problem is that they don’t get stronger. Unless you have a major type weakness, if you’re strong enough to beat one you’re strong enough to beat all of them, as long as you have enough healing items to repair your team between battles.
She tells me to go to the champion now.
I still have 40 regular revives, a ragecandybar, 6 full heals, piles of individual status healing, 4 full restores, a bunch of pp recovery things, 3 max revives, 7 max potions, 15 revival herbs, 7 rare candies, 16 hyper potions, 4 lemonades, 2 fresh waters. Plus a full set of berries, because I haven’t been using them. Hm, my archeops might appreciate the sitrus berry. Right now it’s got the lucky egg.
And I wasn’t even trying that hard. I even spammed revival herbs a bunch of times because I was too lazy to walk back, and other times when I was trying to raise a pokemon and wanted it to get a chunk of the experience for winning, and I only used the amulet coin intermittently, and I didn’t buy any new items before coming here, and I still have a ton of extremely pricey sellable items, AND my current money is 280,773. And this after I blew lots of money buying pokeballs just to get a good stock of premierballs. And of course since I wasn’t saving, I couldn’t save before the different people, get a feel for their team, then reset so I wasn’t going in blind, let alone make sure I found the easy type ones first so I’d be higher level for the harder ones.
Well, the champion’s area is very pretty. There just isn’t that hard-won sense of accomplishment to go with it.
Oh, hi N! …and Douchy McFlamehair. You look strangely not bitten in half.
N: It’s over! Never again will Pokemon be made to suffer or be held captive by humans. It’s all thanks to my friend, Zekrom! You may have the title of Champion… But you can’t stop me with just a title. Your soft heart has left you weak.
Wait. What? Where did that come from? N, you’re the bleeding heart here.
Years ago, you lost your Pokemon, your partner, to sickness. In order to forget the pain in your heart, you wandered Unova… Who knows how long it’s been since you’ve had to fight with your full strength? I actually kind of like that about you, though. As a trainer who far outmatches the Champion, I shall issue an order across Unova: Trainers of the world, free your Pokemon!
Alder: I beg you! Separating people from Pokemon… Do anything but that!
The humane thing to do is to say you’ll kill him instead, N! Just tell Zekrom to eat him. He’ll die happy and then you can get back to issuing your order.
N: You and I both put our beliefs on the line and fought with all our strength.
Indeed you did, N.
While I don’t agree with the idea that caring about your pokemon means victory, it’s clear people like Douchy McFlamehair do. So by winning, N has proven to him and the other people in the region that he cares more about pokemon than anyone else, which in turn grants him legitimacy according to their own rules. You can’t ignore that just because the result isn’t what you wanted!
Do not say another word.
::::D Finally, blessed silence from Douchy McFlamehair.
Then N notices me! Yay!
…I’ve been waiting. In the future I envisioned, you obtained a stone. And, indeed, you have. That Light Stone… Zekrom is responding to it.
This is not a suitable place for the legendary dragons!
Oh, N, I love you even more that you didn’t use that horrible “legendary Dragon-type Pokemon” mouthful everyone else insists on.
From the ground, rise up! The castle of Team Plasma! Surround the Pokemon League!
What has just appeared is Team Plasma’s castle.
No, I got that part. I meant EVERYTHING ELSE ABOUT WHAT JUST HAPPENED.
The king’s words will resound from the heights to all below. You must come to the castle, as well. Everything will be decided there.
Can’t I just say I agree now?
Whether Pokemon will be liberated from people, or whether Pokemon and people will live together…
But I’m not fighting for that! Pokemon liberation, all the way!
We will see whose belief is stronger… And our result will change the world.
No, N, I have/will be getting the truth dragon, not the ideal one. I’m not about believing real hard, I’m about what’s true and what isn’t. And what you say is true! We’re totally in agreement here.
N leaves. Douchy McFlamehair still doesn’t have a smug comment. Cheren shows up.
Cheren: Mr. Alder, you’re a wreck. It’s not fitting for the Champion.
Cheren I am trying super hard not to hate you but when you’re nice to Douchy it makes that very hard.
Alder: You did well to get this far.
Yeah, about that, what the hell was the rest of the league doing?
Cheren: Somehow, I beat the Pokemon League, but it wasn’t easy.
Alder: Er… I have to congratulate you.
JESUS CHRIST I’M STANDING RIGHT HERE YOU FUCKERS
Cheren: I became stronger because I understood what I want to do.
Cheren, I don’t care.
God, it’s like the designers think I’m just here to watch their pet characters interact.
Farla! Tell N this…
No, I’m telling him to make his dragon eat you all.
Some people grow stronger by being with Pokemon.
How hard is it to understand that N is not concerned about people here. You know, for people who won’t shut up about how mutual the relationship is, it sure is telling all your arguments in favor of it revolve around what humans get.
My Pokemon and I are proof. Together, we learned and became stronger.
Alder: I… I lost. I should have been able to demonstrate the bond between me and my Pokemon. That would have shown the brat the worthlessness of his outrageous dreams.
God, I hate you. I really do.
Seriously, do the designers think this is sympathetic? N won by your own metric, and you’re insulting him after the fact and still trying to say he’s wrong.
So, his convictions were the real thing…
Pretty sure that his bond with pokemon is the real thing too, Douchy.
Nah, me ‘n N are buddies.
The ones who change the world are always the ones who pursued their dreams.
So why are we anti-change?
Farla, I ask this of you.
Unless it’s killing you, no.
Even if Pokemon and people are separated, nothing good will come of it. Please let him know that!
Sorry, I’m the truth hero. And I haven’t seen any evidence that what you say is true.