I head in to the rock store where the event flag is.
Bonnibel-Oliva here. This is Probopass. It watches the shop whenever I’m away. I know I asked you to meet me here, but there’s been a change of plans. Come meet me at the Ruins of Life past Memorial Hill, when you can.
See, a well-programmed game would’ve had her already be there when I checked it out first.
Ooh, now I have the choice of buying a fossil! I did like my archen, but I guess armor is one I didn’t try out much, so…
Oh, I can get both!
This Pokemon lived in primeval jungles. Few enemies would have been willing to square off against its heavily armored face, so it’s thought.
To all appearances flightless, it was able to glide down from tall treetops to snag its prey.
I also remember between the first and second that I should be aiming for a girl one, and end up having to reset a million times for a female archen.
On the way to the pokemon nursery, my yungoos finally evolves into a gumshoos!
It adores having Rattata and Raticate for dinner, but as it’s diurnal, it never encounters them. This Pokemon boasts incredible patience.
Uh. So it’s super patient but can’t manage to stay awake a second longer for its favorite meal, or figure out where they sleep and attack them there. Even if it can’t fit into rattata tunnels after evolving, raticate tunnels shouldn’t be a problem.
Even more curious is how it’s managing to defeat those raticate or even rattata. My yungoos has sucked since the moment I caught it, and yeah, I get that it’s this generation’s rattata, except there’s also literally rattata you can catch and that guy may be fragile but when he hits, the other pokemon go down. And it still has only bite as a decent attacking move, but Alolan rattata/raticate resist that, so what, does it tackle them to death?
Also, this gen sucks for running around trying to generate eggs, so off I go to the jungle.
Hey, pinsir! And I think I heard megas finally get entries like they’re actual pokemon, so I finally have incentive to give a damn about the stones too.
Or it could completely refuse to get into the pokeball until all my pokemon are dead.
Ooh, comfey. I really expected it to be part grass or at least part ghost given I fought one in the graveyard, but no, pure fairy. I’m not sure why they thought we needed two pure fairies with flowers.
Baths prepared with the flowers from its vine have a relaxing effect, so this Pokemon is a hit with many people.
And here’s an oranguru, who I guess is part psychic because bite works. Not sure if I should actually talk to that Aether guy once I catch it, though – seriously, do proper data gathering!
Also it summons a trumbeak for backup. Interesting. …less interesting and more annoying the second time. The third time? Pretty damn annoying.
Deep in the jungle, high in the lofty canopy, this Pokemon abides. On rare occasions, it shows up at the beach to match wits with Slowking.
And it’s normal/psychic. I’m kind of dubious about normal dual types – is this guy really more normal and less psychic than drowzee? It doesn’t seem very consistently implemented.
I swap it onto my team and learn it has an awful moveset: quash, taunt, stored power, psych up. I have little in the way of useful TMs, but it can learn brick break, so that gives me an option that isn’t stored power, even if it isn’t using the better attack stat. Actually kind of disappointed there – apes are strong and it’s part normal, which are generally pretty physical, why not shake up the usual psychic thing by making this a physical attacker?
Oh, my dewpider is evolving! Into araquanid, the only thing more difficult to type than “dewpider”.
Despite what its appearance suggests, it cares for others. If it finds vulnerable, weak pokemon, it protectively brings them into its water bubble.
Now, earlier there was much chatter about the contrast between this and Sun’s entry, namely:
It delivers headbutts with the water bubble on its head. Small Pokémon get sucked into the bubble, where they drown.
My reading is there’s no reason both can’t be true. People often consider “fish” a separate category of animal that doesn’t really count, so you can abstain from meat because you love animals and still chow down on fish. The water bubble around it functioning like a reverse diving bell suggests that this pokemon line breathes water but hunts on land, so perhaps its feelings are different and it protects cute fishies and similar pokemon, but mammals? I mean, they’re basically just food, right?
Or, if you really must have grimdark, well, the first entry doesn’t say those pokemon survive being helped into the water bubble, just that its motives for doing so are kind.
Bounsweet.
Although it’s too sugary for human consumption, Bounsweet’s sweat can be watered down into a juice with just the right amount of sweetness.
Considering we can eat sugar straight, I doubt there’s anything too sugary for us. Too sweet, though, is possible if it’s a different chemical causing the taste.
And finally, pinsir.
One solid blow from its horns is enough to split apart a large tree. Its greatest rival in Alola is Vikavolt.
Meanwhile charizard melt boulders, which really puts tree-splitting into perspective, doesn’t it. It’s weird how all over the place the entries are.
Well, the plan was to quickly catch some things so my pokemon were a bit higher level for the battle. That’s worked out somewhat.
Current team:
L20 brionne
L22 water spider
L19 oranguru
L19 bounsweet
L24 mudbray
L22 cubone
And I hit a cutscene instead. Aether people are attacking Team Skull, demanding they Give back that Pokemon!
Lo-o-ow? wonders the slowpoke in question.
The grunts explain they intend to sell it for money instead.
Lo-o-ow? says this creature which, honestly, may well not be sentient.
A ??? says to stand strong, then the Aether grunt complains they always say that and never help.
Why, I am Aether Foundation’s last line of defense!
Aether Foundation’s last line of defense is apparently lazy.
What would become of the foundation if something were to happen to me now?
I really, really wish the writers would keep in mind the basic mechanics of the world when writing. In universe, fights make you stronger. Anyone whose job it is to be strong is expected to fight all the time.
Fight in my stead, child, and rout these Team Skull ruffians.
So just to be clear, are we only doing this because the slowpoke already has an owner who called dibs on the tail, or is this actual concern for the pokemon?
I will bestow honor upon you, if you do!
Question retracted. Let’s do this!
I win – though the raticate does beat two of my pokemon thanks to its speed.
Lo-o-ow? says the baffled slowpoke.
I’d like to reward you by showing you something truly astounding. Once you have finished your grand trial, come to Hano Grand Resort and I will take you to see a wonderous place.
It’s your secret base, isn’t it.
The regular Aether grunt also thanks me. I’m so glad there are nice young Trainers like you around.
Indeed, especially given you guys functionally don’t have police.
My rotom then says it likes the lady, presumably the ???.
Another ??? pops up as I approach the ruins.
So you’re the one Gladion was talking about?
Is this about the thing where I walked into his room and wandered around poking stuff?
…Hmph. You don’t look like anything special to me.
I’ll have you know I am a champion at wandering around poking stuff.
This is apparently Plumeria, who just got through a tragic accident with some exploding dye.
I help keep Team Skull together. I’m like a big sister to all these numskulls. You have realize what idiots all those guys are, right?
That does seem like how a big sister would talk about those idiots.
But don’t you think some dummies are cute in their dumbness? You know what I mean, right? You picking on my cute, dumb brothers and sisters is really annoying me!
Everything about this is so precious. Also, she has a golbat! Will it be evolving?
My dragon-hearted mudbray ends up saving the day there, as most of my pokemon can’t handle flying or poison and hidden power hits golbat neutrally. And then her adorable lizard is tough, but has a double weakness to ground.
As I suicidally keep walking toward the ruins with a nearly dead team, I trigger yet another cutscene. This time, it’s the professor and Lillie!
Burnet: Lillie got lost again, so I brought her here to you.
I’m not complaining but I’m not totally sure I get the connection there.
She couldn’t even find her way to the Tide Song Hotel on her own!
Um…maybe I could give her my rotom? I don’t really need a map that badly, and I’m sure the regular pokedex works fine for collecting info.
She said she saw Team Skull and tried to avoid them. That’s why she got lost.
Aw, poor Lillie. But that’s all the more reason she should be back in town and not out here!
Burnet then runs off because her husband is battling shirtless in a mask and she doesn’t want to miss it.
That Masked Royal… What do you think he looks like under that mask, anyway?
I’m going to assume she’s just trolling them here.
Lillie: I came here for Nebby.
OH! Right. Sorry, Lillie, completely forgot with all the pokemon catching I’ve been doing.
Though…as you saw, I didn’t come here myself so much as I was brought here with the professor’s help…
That’s fine.
Oh! Look at poor Bounsweet. Let me heal it for you, won’t you?
Um, Lillie, that’s my only uninjured pokemon. Programmers really weren’t thinking this through, were they.
Within these ruins waits the guardian deity of Akala Island… This is Tapu Lele’s ruin.
About that, why are they ruins in the first place? What’s with that?
Nebby chirps in delight.
Lillie: You! I know you tried to drag me along to the Ruins of Conflict on Melemele Island, too… Why are these ruins important to you? What do the guardians mean to you? Just think what would have happened to you if Bonnibel hadn’t been there back then…
Oliva then appears, saying she’s seen Lillie around before.
Lillie: Oh! Yes, my name is Lillie. I work as Professor Kukui’s assistant. And this is Bonnibel.
Olivia: Oh! Sorry, I never even asked your name before, did I? Tapu Lele summoned me here to clean up the ruins. Bonnibel…thanks for getting to know the people and Pokemon of Alola.
Why are we jumping topics like this?
Ah, Lillie’s walking to the side so I guess it’s battle time.
Only three pokemon…
She leads with a L26 nosepass, whose electric moves make a good counter to my brionne, but I can swap in my cubone without issue – and it’d have had issue with grass types too. Better than nothing, but not exactly a strong strategy.
That’s followed by a L26 boldore. Come on, that could’ve been fully evolved. Really, so could the last one – we know you have a probopass. Her final is…L27. Really now. It’s a lycanroc and does look really freaky, but whatever it is, it goes down to fighting and ground moves like any other rock type. It’s speedy, at least, but…
Diamonds only sparkle after coal is pushed to its absolute limit.
This is true but conversely coal isn’t really the same thing as rock types, you know? But I can see the girly-girl/gemstone connection they’re going for, and I do appreciate an attempt to tie her into her chosen type rather than the randomized feel of so many gym leaders.
Olivia then does the standard pose explanation, but this time a lot more sexualized, and Lillie is staring with great interest.
Goddamn it she just said the rock types are rugged and strong So nothing like me at all! I guess opposites really do attract. jesus christ fuck you too writers.
Nebby then starts chirping.
Lillie: You look very pleased, don’t you?
Olivia: By the way, Lillie, this might be a weird question, but.. Why even come to the Ruins of Life if you’re not a Trainer?
You guys are really not very good at pretending to view pokemon as equals, are you.
Lillie: Oh. Because of Nebby. It’s not originally from here, and I want to help it get back to its home… But I don’t have any idea how to do that… It seems fond of the ruins for some reason, so I keep visiting them and hoping that maybe I will find some clue to help it…
Olivia, instead of praising how good a relationship this is, says: You certainly don’t see Pokemon like that every day. Tapu Lele may be called the guardian deity of our island, but it can also run wild at times. Regular Pokemon normally avoid the guardians at all costs… Unless they are strong enough to face the tapu themselves, that is.
Pew? replies Nebby, confused that foolhardy pokemon supposedly don’t exist.
Olivia: Wait, that can’t be right… I think your journey will hold many surprises. And I hope it holds many joys. I’ll take you back to town, Lillie.
Oh come on, they’re right here why not go in?
Olivia: You’re doing everything you can for your partner, even though you’re not a Trainer. I like that kind of person, so I can’t help but give you a hand! So eventual praise. Worrying that it’s so unbelievable, though.
Hau then runs up as we head out. Seriously, why can’t we keep going? Why are we going back? Hau then says a green guy told him to go to the same hotel. Wait, so that was a guy? Or is there another one? Olivia tells me to get going on the whim of some random stranger.
Lillie: Th…the Aether Foundation…? U-um! I think I’ll stay here. I’d like to see how Hau’s battle goes, too.
So yep. The people who attacked her.
Even though I hate to see Pokemon get hurt…
You need to get better at your lies, Lillie. We don’t immediately undercut our excuses, okay?
But I know that both of your Pokemon are dedicated to battling besides you two.
Hau promptly starts apologizing for not being as good as his grandfather but promising to do his best, and Olivia says she doesn’t care who he’s related to, and this is really not looking like the moral is moving toward “Hau realizes he doesn’t have to be a strong trainer”.
Tomorrow – investigating those assholes who harassed Lillie.