Faba: Here we are, you two. This is Aether Paradise.

Aether Paradise is a facility created for the conservation of Pokemon. It has been outfitted with all the latest technology for this purpose.

I’m concerned by why you need the latest technology for this. I mean, generally you conserve by just letting stuff keep going the way it used to. When you need really high tech to keep things going the way it used to, that suggests things are completely fucked.

Downstairs, our teams work on developing new Poke Balls and more. Yes, all for the sake of Pokemon conservation. Though you will not be able to use any of your Poke Balls within Aether Paradise. A jamming signal is broadcast throughout the facility to prevent them from functioning.

AND YET, my adorable seal isn’t out and following me around. WHY. WHAT IS EVEN THE POINT OF POKEBALL JAMMING IF IT DOESN’T FORCE THE GAME TO LET MY EXISTING POKEMON OUT.

What’s more interesting is what this suggests about the fact I can’t catch pokemon during trials. I haven’t tried yet. I’ll have to see if it gives some message saying Bonnibel refuses or if it actually doesn’t work suggesting they have smaller devices there that they switch on and off.

???: Excuse me, Mr. Faba…

Faba: Yes, excuse you! What is the meaning of that form of address? I have a title for a reason! How else will anyone know how important I am?

???: Yes… Branch Manager Faba…

Faba: Now, I must go speak with the president about our conservation efforts on Akala…

You should mention that your underlings are subcontracting out their survey work!

Show these children around, and then take them to meet the president as well.

???: Phew…

And then, without actually introducing herself, her nametag switches to Wicke upon bowing.

Welcome to Aether Paradise, Bonnibel and Hau. My name is Wicke.

Nice to meet you/Alola!

Bonnibel is Kantonian, not Alolan. Stop trying to make this happen, game.

Hau then freaks out at the fact she knows their names.

Wicke: One of our employees told me about your meeting on Akala Island.

Was that the grunt we met during the slowpoke fight? But Hau wasn’t there for that.

And of course I heard who you helped protect the Pokemon there, too, young Mr. Hau.

When?

The cutscene proceeds to drag us about on a tour. She asks if we’re doing the trial.

I suppose… You must be around 11, then?

Yeah, I am/How’d you know?

Not really how but why is more what I’m getting at. The game opens with people saying a lot of stuff that seems to have meaning to them but they don’t explain. We know it’s specifically eleven year olds who are supposed to do the sacred battle. Can only eleven year olds do the journey? If Bonnibel had gotten here at twelve, would everyone have shrugged and said shame but it’s too late?

Hau: Yeah, I took the first chance I had to join in the island challenge once I turned 11! ‘Cause someday, I really want to be able to beat my gramps…but he’s way too strong!

How did Hau get off the island, even? We had a fight with the guy to leave. Is this going with the idea that they have more than one team and use an easier one on newbies?

Anyway, so that sorta answers my question – eleven is the “first chance” so presumably later is fine, and maybe it’s just that we’re both such bobbleheads that we can’t possibly be older than eleven.

Wicke: How…how lovely for you.

Yeah, you sure sound enthused.

I suppose all children must yearn to take a journey of their own choosing when they get to be about your age. Though you’re hardly just children anymore. Trainers are like parents to their children!

Huh. I wonder how this connects to “no time is allowed to pass” and the fact I heard an adult Red is in this game. Are we allowing change and development? Or is this coming from the mouth of evil people and actually responsibility and environmentalism is the enemy?

We then go up to a place full of trees.

Aether Paradise is a safe haven for all Pokemon.

“…Except grimer and trubbish, because fuck them.”

Seriously, though – a number of pokemon are the byproducts of pollution and habitat destruction. And it’s not like this is just a handwavy magic thing – there are various species in our world whose natural habitat are the new areas created by humans, and who would have a limited or nonexistent range if the world went back to the way it was before us. There’s fighting between animal conservationists and animal rehabbers over resource use, because the animals most likely to be found and brought in are those that are common or even invasive.

For this reason, the use of Poke Balls is strictly forbidden within the conservation area.

Safe haven = no capture? But also pokemon just love getting stuffed in pokeballs and attack you because it’s so fun.

Hau is hopping up and down in delight at this.

Wicke: We keep Pokemon that have been targeted by Team Skull here… And we also try to support Pokemon that need a little extra protection.

What happens if Team Skull legally catches those pokemon? Do you steal them? Does pokemon abuse get your trainer license revoked, so all captures don’t count? What happens if pokemon just want to be protected from regular trainers beating them up?

Like Corsola, for example. They are quite terribly overhunted by a Pokemon called Toxapex.

I bet that’s what mine evolves into! Also, how many corsola does each one eat? Because they can’t be that common, it took forever for a mareanie to show up!

This is also where animals-but-sapient gets weird. They’re protecting a prey species from predation. If they do too good of a job, will they switch to protecting a predator species from starvation?

Wicke: I hope you don’t mind if I read a passage from my Pokedex.

The camera then slides over to a smiling corsola.

“Toxapex… Toxapex crawls along the ocean floor on its 12 legs. It leaves a trail of Corsola bits scattered in its wake.”

Hau: Yeah. My gramps is always saying that nature’s got its cruel side, sure as it gives us blessings. But can the Aether Foundation really protect all the Pokemon that’re out there?

Wicke: Nature does have its own balance, of course. It can be difficult to judge just how much we humans should try to affect that, can’t it?

Hau: That’s pretty amazing! The Aether Foundation seems awesome.

…that’s not a valid reply to what she said, Hau.

Hau: But why’d you bother setting up a branch in a place like Alola?

Did you not hear what she just said about corsola.

Wicke: I couldn’t say…

YOU JUST DID.

It’s hard to know for sure what our president is thinking sometimes.

So, something fishy is up, despite the fact a perfectly valid reason was just given.

Honestly, I’ve spent this whole time waiting for the other shoe to drop. To their credit, I am honestly baffled by where this is going. Team Plasma was so obviously fucked up from the start that their surprise endgame reveal was that not every last one of them was an asshole. If this one ends up being that a good conservation organization was hijacked for some other purpose but is still basically good and doing good things…

Don’t answer that one, guys. I don’t want to know, okay?

If you’d like to meet President Lusamine, she should be here in the conservation area now.

Okay… Talking to Hau, he says something about pokemon being “done in by” Team Skull, so they’re killing pokemon for sure then?

Time to start walking!

Oh, there’s some grimer! So they are getting their habitat provided…? I mean, they look happy on the grass, but it’s hard to believe manicured park is ideal grimer habitat.

Regional variants… It can all seem a bit complicated, but think about it like this… If you visit a tropical region, you get a tan, right? Isn’t it something like that?

A) No. No, it is not.
B) Bonnibel doesn’t tan actually.

Continuing, I hit a cutscene.

…It’s somebody who looks rather like Lillie. And I know something is up about Lillie’s mom…

???: My sweet Pokemon… I promise I’ll keep you safe… I’ll protect you with my love… Ah… You must be Bonnibel and Hau. Welcome to Aether Paradise. The Aether Foundation’s own private island. I am the president of the foundation. But please, just call me Lusamine. I’m so glad we got to meet. I’m glad there are people like you, who travel the islands to learn more about Pokemon…

You, uh, you do know I learn by beating them up and stuffing them into boxes, right?

But there are also those unfortunate people who harm Pokemon for their own selfish reasons or even for profit. And that is why I am here. I will be like a mother to all of these poor Pokemon and shower them with love. Even Pokemon from distant worlds

…?!

, far from the Alola region, are worthy of my love.

You’re kinda weird, lady.

Hau is impressed, but we’ve established there is nothing that doesn’t impress Hau. I could probably distract him with a rubber band. HOW DOES IT STRETCH????????

I don’t know how you do all this! You’re like, not even that much older than us!

Lusamine: Oh, you sweet boy! I’m already over 40!

While normally I would make some sort of crack about how Hau had the moment of self-awareness needed to know the only thing you can say about a woman’s age is how very young she must be, Lusamine is absolutely an anime schoolgirl and it makes me uncomfortable.

Hau then spikebox screams Wait, WHAT?! and RUDE, HAU, RUDE.

Lusamine takes it well, with just an Oh, you! but she’s probably plotting his death.

The right style does wonders, you know. And, Hau, your style is a bit wanting, hm? I’ll have to take you out sometime and help you pick a smashing outfit.

And Lillie expressed deep-seated issues about being able to buy clothes, so, yeah.

Hau: L-like what you wear?

That really doesn’t follow, Hau.

I don’t think anyone else could pull off that kind of look! Except maybe Lillie…

Ah, so it’s just a clumsy setup to bring up this connection.

Lusamine doesn’t say anything to the mention of Lillie, so either good self-control or Lillie isn’t the name she knew her by, though she does seem to be suspicious. She says, Oh, don’t you worry. You just leave everything to me. Trust me–children would all be much happier if they’d only listen to the adults around them.

OH SNAP IT’S THE WHOLE ARGUMENT FOR WHY POKEMON MUST OBEY TRAINERS GETTING USED ON A TRAINER.

Then there’s some shaking like it’s under attack. We cut to the pokemon, where we see all of them looking around anxiously except the Alolan meowth, who is rocking its standard IDGAF eyes.

Wicke uses her tremorsense to identify that it’s from the lower floors, only for a hole to rip open right in the sky above us. That leaked image people were connecting to Lillie appears.

Lusamine: Did you come…from another world?

It brrrs.

Hau: Miss Lusamine, stand back! That thing’s…not right!

Ms. Lusamine, Hau. Ms. This is no time for rudeness.

Lusamine: You poor creature…

Rotom chimes in to say it’s never seen a pokemon like this and omg are we really gonna fight? Rotom, you’ve seen practically no pokemon. I know out of universe, the ultrabeasts are this huge new deal, but there have been some weird, weird pokemon by now and Moon has so far failed to justify why these are different than usual.

Hau: Bonnibel. Can you distract that thing? I’ve gotta get Miss Lusamine outta here…

MS. Lusamine is an adult, Hau, she can take care of herself.

While I am super interested, I’m also pissed off by the railroading and I have the option of just running around ignoring this, so I do. Apparently this was forseen by the developers and they have the NPCs say new things about what they’re seeing, rather than just making it so the jellyfish thing attacks me when I run past it. The one time a lazy cutscene leash would’ve been appropriate!

It’s listed as ??? and it’s got an aura like a totem pokemon.

Attempting a pokeball gets a message I can’t even try because conservation area. Definitely going to see if the message matches a trial area. Then it runs away.

Lusamine: So, it’s true… I still need that Pokemon.

My guess is Nebby has the ability to prevent ??? from bolting.

I need to get it back.

Yup. Nebby.

Hau: What? Miss Lusamine, did you say something?

Jesus christ Hau pay attention.

Lusamine: That creature we just saw was undoubtedly an Ultra Beast… An unknown being from another dimension that suddenly appears from the Ultra Wormhole… It looked like it was suffering… Like it pained it to be in this strange place…

She then thanks us. Wicke says nothing about how very, very weird this all was.

Lusamine: I will have to start preparing the foundation for our newest and perhaps greatest duty yet: the protection of the Ultra Beasts!

We’re then cutscene dragged out. Wicke gives Hau food and me the psychic TM, showing she knows us well. I am then forced onto the boat, where I sit as Hau babbles about how super awesome the whole world is and wormhole and wow wow and then he starts stuffing food into his face.

He then asks to battle.

Sure/Why?

Oh game, why do you put me in such difficult positions? Obviously I’m up for a battle, no questions asked…but when you say I CAN ask a question, then yeah, I am curious what brought this on and what’s going on inside Hau’s head. So Why?

Hau: I want my Pokemon to get a deep breath of this fresh new air!

You could just let them out.

The asshole then heals my pokemon and the battle starts. He has only three pokemon. Judging you so damn hard, Hau.

Of course, he has a fully evolved L28 raichu and I just sent out a L23 wimpod who got oneshot, but still. I ultimately win through a combination of poison and all my healing items. I should probably start using that exp share…

I then attempt to sneak past the event flag.

Lillie: Bonnibel! It’s been a while since I last saw you around.

Hanging out with your enemies, sorry.

But weren’t you supposed to meet with the professor in Malie Garden?

noooooooooo lillie not you too when will the roadblocks end