Pokemon Moon Day 47

To the mart and a sidequest I’d forgotten about!

…Hold on a second there, pal. You look to me like a kid…buuut I can tell just by looking at you that

Bonnibel keeps smiling, fearless and terrible, daring him to try something.

you’re a pretty decent Trainer, the man recovers.

Sure, I’m just a part-time worker now, pounding away at the register with a smile on my face, but once I was a Trainer, traveling around on my island challenge, too. I even made a pretty fair name for myself. Kagetora the Eevee User, that was me. But then I got a wife, and then I had a kid… Now I face a new trial called a mortgage. And I work here to prepare me for the most grand trial of all: old age and retirement! …But never mind all that. Look, here’s something I’d like to ask an able young Trainer like you to do for me. Back in my heyday, there were these eight older Trainers I was always trying to beat. They all used Pokemon that evolve from Eevee. How would you feel about taking them on?

So, eight people who are older than you are, and my only info about their power level is they’re able to beat some dumbass who doesn’t realize evolved pokemon are the better choice even when repeatedly losing to eight different people who all have an evolved version of his pokemon.

Yeah. I think I can handle this.

If you say that Kagetora sent you, I’m sure they’ll agree to a battle.

And who haven’t even kept up battling since then! Wow, game. Wow.

If you can beat them all for me, I’ll have something to give you. It’ll be worth it.

Given that I’ll have just proven I can beat you up with ease, yeah, I bet it will.

So just ask me if you want to know more about any of ’em.

I’m assuming this is just info about types or whatever, but let’s see.

Oh! Actually lore tidbits.

The Vaporeon User, Polly… They called her the Wild Whirlpool of Alola. She was a cool drink of water, all right. A bikini-clad beauty who beat all the boys. Her Vaporeon’s Hydro Pump could blast through solid steel plating… She was from Melemele originally, and I think she trained to be a teacher… It’s been thirty years since I last saw her, but I hope that’ll be enough to find her.

Alright, so I’ll check the school, then I guess wander around Melemele.

The fiery magician, brimming with life… Chad the Flareon User. His temper burned as hot as any flame, and he was always quick to find a fight. His Flareon’s fire attacks were relentless, going after opponents like a living thing. I know he always stayed at the Tide Song Hotel back in those days… It’s been thirty years since I last saw him, but I hope that’ll be enough to find him.

Presumably Tide Song Hotel, given there’s no other info. Which in turn means Polly’s probably at the school.

Oh yes. The electrifying ball of energy that was Jane the Jolteon User… She looked like a lovely young Lass, but beneath that sweet face was the heart of a tyrant… Her Jolteon slammed into opponents like a bolt of lightning from a blue sky… Last I heard, she was working somewhere on Ula’ula Island… It’s been thirty years since I last saw her, but I hope that’ll be enough to find her.

So on the one hand, hey, looks like it’s shaping up to be an even gender split. On the other, both girls so far are “she was totes hot but surprise twist she was a good trainer”.

Ula’Ula’s the one with the observatory, right? And there was electricity there, so I’ll try that.

The Espeon User, Ishaan… The sun itself was charmed by his sweet looks. His Espeon danced past enemy attacks, letting them slide right off it like some kinda miracle. Ishaan worked at the Geothermal Power Plant back in those days, but now… It’s been thirty years since I last saw him, but I hope that’ll be enough to find him.

Ah, a boy getting called pretty! Still very different in tone than the two girls’ ones, though, but better than nothing.

The immortal ruler of the night… Braiden the Umbreon User. The rumors say that he died once and came back to life. Everyone was afraid of him.

First your police don’t work and now this. Are your islands built primarily on lead?

Also huh, pattern’s broken. Two girls in a row next?

His Umbreon gave off its horrifying aura all the time and never let up… He used to hold some kind of ceremony in the cemetery on Melemele Island every night… It’s been thirty years since I last saw him, but I hope that’ll be enough to find him.

Miss Absolute Zero… Rea the Glaceon User. That cool beauty seemed to have a soul of ice when she mercilessly pursued her opponents. Even time froze around her Glaceon! I know that she originally came from some small village on Melemele Island… It’s been thirty years since I last saw her, but I hope that’ll be enough to find her.

A goddess of beauty in full bloom… Linnea the Leafeon User. She was a world-famous model and a powerful Grass-Type Pokemon user. When her Leafeon cried out, even withered and dead trees burst into bloom once more.

Huh, possibly a connection there to phantump and trevenant having dead wood chunks that are also leafed out. Maybe grass typing is about making even otherwise inert wood behave as if still alive.

She used to always stay at the Hano Grand Resort when she was between gigs… It’s been thirty years since I last saw her, but I hope that’ll be enough to find her.

The queen of Fairy Pokemon… Yes, Sakura the Sylveon User. That pure young maiden was adored by Fairy-type Pokemon, who saw her as a queen. Even wild beasts were captivated when her Sylveon appeared before them… I heard that she was a descendent of the nomadic seafolk… That’s the best hint I can give you to find her.

Well then. So on the one hand, my that was a pile of misogyny. On the other, hey, more women than men, that’s rare! I wonder if the eeveelution set are considered really girly in Japan?

Alright, let’s try it. To the school!

You’re not one of the students, are you? What do you want from an old cleaning lady?

Are you the Vaporeon User?/It’s nothing.

Huh. So is this going to be about how all the cool kids who beat the guy before had their dreams crash and burn, or what?

…Well, yes, I suppose I am. What’s that? Kagetora sent you to battle me? I don’t mind. But no complains out of you for having to take on this bent old woman!

I forgot to heal up but it doesn’t matter, it’s just one L55 vaporeon.

Every rain cloud has its end… And no one can win against time’s march. Now I’m retired from training, and I spend my days with Vaporeon cleaning these windows.

See, this is talking like she had a long life as a trainer and then recently switched to this, but that wasn’t his description. His was that she’d been trained as a teacher…and apparently that came to nothing.

And it wasn’t just that she said she wanted to be a teacher, although her working as a janitor cleaning up after the job she wanted would be depressing enough. No, from the description she actually got the education she needed, she fulfilled the criteria needed…and she still never got the job. Why? I’d guess because there are only so many teachers they need. They have a low population and, given the piles of Skull kiddos, it looks like schooling is optional on top of that.

Which in turn would suggest the core issue is there’s very little in the way of skilled jobs around here. There aren’t teaching jobs because the kids don’t need education because there aren’t other jobs either.

But how is that boy Kagetora doing? Is he well?

He’s been nursing a grudge against you for no reason for thirty years, rather than consider the fact that maybe what he should be angry about is that he’s working as a cashier at forty because your economy is a disaster.

Speaking of, I run into some other guy outside a door who also challenges me and says he’s been studying here for thirty years. He has two pokemon, one L55, one L56. They both spam close combat, though, and that and some revive spamming of my own brings me to victory.

Upon this victory, he says this must be why he’s failed to graduate for three decades. And, of course, that means he’s over the magic number – even if he succeeds tomorrow, he’s far too old to get to do any other trainer things.

I decide that charging around blindly is possibly getting a bit dumb, and heal up.

Then I enter…the forbidden room.

Welcome to the Trainers’ School! I’m the principal. What an honor for me and the school! To think that our teachings would not only give rise to a captain but to a League Champion!

Less than enthusiastic about you taking credit here.

Despite your lofty accomplishments, though, I’d hazard that you still don’t know everything that the Trainer School has to teach you, eh?

Listen buddy, just because Nebby’s basically spun glass as far as legendary powerhouses go means nothing. Soon I will have bound your very gods to my service, as well as the cthuloid monsters from beyond reality. Don’t think I won’t feed you to them at the slightest provocation.

Then allow me to give you a special, expert lesson from the principal herself!

Three whole pokemon! Of the lofty L57s!

It’s tough, but Null is really quite good.

Just as the saying goes, even the fool may give the wise man good counsel if he listens. I may have lost, but heed my advice and use this. It is one of my favorite items.

King’s rock? Okay… Kind of past the point I really need that.

She explains it sometimes causes flinching.

And that’s the end of what I can teach you. I’m glad I was able to meet you here.

…that. That an item does what it says in the item description.

Look, I’m not even that great at this. I ducked over to Bulbapedia mid-battle to see if tailwind was boosting speed or keeping the speed stat the same but making it so my team’s moves were set to first priority (important as gyroball’s power is speed-based and because half my team is low level and very slow, so a minor speed boost might still end with them going second). So most of my frustration and resultant death threats are because this is a whole lot of words about basically nothing. This was a speedbump challenge early on and then I never came back.

If there was more here, maybe divided up so that a new, more advanced lesson unlocks with each trial, or a new floor with multiple lessons at each kahuna, or maybe just something that’d let you ask for more info on whatever moves/abilities you encountered so when you see something new you could come back here, then this place could’ve mattered. I don’t know why they hate having the game loop around – with each game, they act like we’re supposed to have more and more investment in the world, but they make it more and more of a straight line.

The actual pokemon battle engine is ridiculously complex. We could have battles featuring weather heavily – I see that, in addition to all the abilities that tie into it, sandstorm now boosts the special defense of rock types in general, and impacts other moves too. Or really, any strategy, even just simple stuff like teams built to showcase one stat. Maybe a bunch of double battles to show off certain synergies. Maybe it so it has to be done with particular school pokemon if the ban against large teams really is about trying to keep us from leveling too fast, it’d probably work better that way anyway so there’s no chance of being so overleveled you faint everyone before they can show off the mechanic.

And it’s not like they completely hate the idea of learning battles – we do get extra-tough trainers with particular gimmicks scattered around the routes, but there really weren’t many of those and there are a whole lot of weird mechanics.

Or talk about the non-battling parts of things! Maybe drop clues about where/how to find ally-only pokemon? Some reason to come back here, some reason to think it mattered – and really, just not getting railroaded into it when it’s being helpful would’ve done wonders.

I talk to the principal again, to express my concerns.

If I can defeat her, then that will mean that our school’s principal is stronger than a Champion. And even if I lose, we can still boast that we’re the school who helped create a Champion. Oh, it’s too good! It’s just too good! Ho ho ho! I can’t wipe this stupid grin off my face! ! Urk. Nothing. I didn’t say anything.

As it is, I just hate the place and everyone in it now.


  1. This sounds like the saddest quest ever in a game otherwise making bank on nostalgia.

    And I agree about them not showing off the battle features. That super expensive tm for a new this generation move, aurora veil? It’s a combined lightscreen/reflect that only works in hail and they went to lengths to make it one of the showiest moves in the game. Gee if only there was a way besides idly trawling bulbapedia to know alolavulpix has a hidden ability to start hail when they enter the field. I don’t really think its common knowledge that regular vulpix has drought hidden ability except maybe that its one of the op ones.

    And I looked up umbreon on bulbapedia because I was like wtf when was umbreon anywhere near that dark? It’s not, I mean, obviously, it’s a friendship evolution. But its dex entires are weird, several say it secretes poison from its skin, several say it evolved from the moon’s power, and there are like 2 that say when its rings glow it scares people. I think that cashier dude is afriad of umbreon.

    1. CrazyEd says:
      Just because you’re a creepy goth kid who hangs out in cemetaries doesn’t mean you can’t be the bestest buddies with your creepy glowing pokemon that secretes poison. If anything, I’d imagine that’s precisely the kind of person who’d be friendship-evolving eevees at night time.

    2. Farla says:

      Well, it’s a dark pokemon, so…yeah. Umbreon’s had toxic sweat since the start.

      What’s really weird is that plenty of the moves don’t even explain themselves properly. Like venom drench apparently only works on poisoned pokemon, but it doesn’t say that, and a bunch of the new abilities are only half explained as well. There’s a huge weight of existing complexity in the game engine, then this generation added a bunch more that were too complex to even give a decent summary of, and yet they do nothing with their multi-level school to fix this.

  2. CrazyEd says:
    The Vaporeon User, Polly

    Pff, is it a bad thing that I just imagined the player character going around the entire island showing people a sepia-toned picture of a bikini-clad and asking anyone if this woman taught them social studies in the fourth grade?

    To be fair, the moment she heard about someone doing that, she’d probably come and find you, if only to get you to stop, don’t you think?

    she was totes hot but surprise twist she was a good trainer

    Eeeeh. I read Polly more as “she was totes hot also btw she was a good trainer” and Jane as “she was totes cute but surprise twist the cutest one was actually the most relentlessly brutal”. That’s… sorta not quite the same, I guess?

    On the other hand, it sounds more like this dude thought Ishann’s espeon was prettier than Ishann, so there’s that. Whatever “that” is.

    Two girls in a row next?

    Huh, what do you know, there were. Interestingly, the male-female generation split is 1/2 for Gen 1, 2/0 for Gen 2, 0/2 for Gen 4, and 0/1 for Gen 5. I wonder if they did that on purpose. It seems like they were naming them in order of their pokemon’s numbering rather than just boy-girl order, for sure.

    my that was a pile of misogyny

    Blame the fairy-type for this. They went with personalities that suited the cultural associations of each type, and in the previous generation, they introduced an eevee with a type that could charitably be described as “disney princesses”. Fairy types are all pretty pink and frilly and more than one of them have natural ribbon-like adornments. There are less than a half-dozen n0n-legendary fairy types that couldn’t be confused for plushies if they stayed still enough.

    Of the pure fairy-type stage 1 pokemon introduced in Gen 5 (Comfey, Spritzee, Flabebe, and Swirlix), only Spritzee has the stats to stand up to a Butterfree. Aromatisse and Slurpuff are a bit better (they don’t suck compared to Butterfree, at least), but their 480 stat total puts them in the same place as Lopunny (who has a half-fighting mega evolution), and Ludicolo.

    It’s amazing that this is supposed to be the answer to dragon-type pokemon. The average fully evolved fairy-type has a stat lower 20 points lower than the overall dragon-type average (and nearly 100 points lower when fully evolved).

    But least there are pokemon like alolan ninetales (which is a slightly faster but lower attack ninetales) and gardevoir. Of course, alolan ninetales is ice/fairy, so it takes normal damage from dragon-types anyway because ice is weak against dragon, but hey.

    At least gardevoir is a great pokemon! Good for all your anti-dragon needs. They’ve got a stat total similar to fully evolved dragon-types, immunity to dragon attacks, a psychic half-typing, and a mega evolution that kicks them up 98 points over the fully evolved dragon-type average. Gardevoir makes a great addition to pretty much any team even if you’re not insanely worried about having to face the third rarest type in the game by numbers and probably the rarest by actual commonality!

    I really dislike the fairy-type. The pink frills and all the other typically female-coded guff they’re all covered in are their least problem, which is saying something. They’re like bug types you’re supposed to bring to the later game for some insane reason.

    this is talking like she had a long life as a trainer

    To be fair, the guy gave you information at least 30 years out of date. He may’ve just been straight up wrong. Maybe she was planning on becoming a teacher, but halfway through school decided that it wasn’t for her, or something? But if you want to be charitable, you could pretend that she recently retired from teaching, and took up the cleaning job just to get out of the house? It’s not really supported anywhere, but it’s not refuted anywhere either.

    they make it more and more of a straight line

    Funny, I always felt like Gen 1’s greatest strength was how well it funneled you to where you needed to be at just the right time, and thought that Gen 5’s layout made it pretty much impossible to keep the balance properly curved.

    ban against large teams […] to keep us from leveling too fast

    Wouldn’t this have the opposite effect? If you’re only training two pokemon equally, they’re getting 50% of the exp you generate. If you’ve got six, they’re only getting close to a quarter of that.

    1. Raven says:
      What really disappoints me about Fairy-types is that the creators didn’t take the opportunity to make them scary like they are in British folklore.  

      1. CrazyEd says:
        Eh, I don’t mind having a ton of cute pokemon, even if they all have to be pink or cream coloured. I just wish they weren’t as useless as they were cute.

      2. Farla says:

        You can’t, though.

        We’ve already got two scary types, dark and ghost, and they already cover a whole lot of the non-glittery fairy concepts – they stalk, they prank, they make illusions… Then there’s the piles and piles of other pokemon that also have elements of it, because pokemon share a ton of conceptual space with general nature spirits, with animals that are tied to fairy folklore, and with the really broad things-that-are-other-than-us-and-live-nearby thing. 

        As is, they definitely tried for more than cutsey. The ones made for the type have stuff like plague doctor masks and they all come with fangs. It’s just that the non-cutsey aspects of fairies are already there without needing the type attached to them, so there’s no much left.

    2. Farla says:

      Blame the fairy-type for this. 

      Well, no, I mean as a whole. The female set all get described as different harem flavors – the fiesty one, the deceptively cute one, the ice queen, the extra hot one, the gentle maiden. They’re all stereotypes, but the male ones exist as independent entities while the female ones are all about how other people view them.

      But if you want to be charitable, you could pretend that she recently retired from teaching, and took up the cleaning job just to get out of the house? It’s not really supported anywhere, but it’s not refuted anywhere either.

      Nah, she identifies herself as an old cleaning lady while a former teacher would assume you were talking to them in that capacity, and she says only that she retired from pokemon training. Plus we know that she was a teen thirty years ago and everyone else in the same age group is still on their original job, so really not old enough to have retired from her original job and then moved on to a new one. (And also, cleaning, especially for someone old, is likely the harder job than teaching. Scrubbing all day tires you out.)


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