So, I’ve gained access to the main city area. Some person is now explaining I should say “Alola” when greeting new people.

But…I saw a ledyba in the first area when I played the first time, but haven’t since. I didn’t want to grind too long then, but now I think I’ll head back and run around for a bit.

Spinarak! Not what I was going for, but sure.

You’ve cleared your first big step, pal! Zzz-zzt! Keep on filling up that Melemele Pokedex!

…this really, really seems like it would’ve made sense if I hadn’t already been here and caught a bunch of pokemon.

Some fishermen weave its sturdy thread into nets to catch fish Pokemon.

But does spinarak? There are fishing spiders, after all.

Ah, my brother just caught one. So, probably ledyba aren’t a nighttime thing. I must’ve been playing in the very early morning by then.

Alright, back to where I’m supposed to be. Hau drags me into a shop that’s somehow running a rotomdex promotion despite the fact only a handful exist. It’s a pokefinder…which does nothing to let you find pokemon but does allow pictures.

Then some guy wants to examine ten different kinds of pokemon, which I’ve done…and he hands me ten ultra balls? I just got five greatballs from the teacher. Why am I getting handed something like this so soon?

When I exit, Lillie returns. She compliments Rotom for having the camera, which is nice of her. Then it takes our pictures. Lillie looks distressed, as usual.

I can check out a gap some idiot karatechopped in a cement wall, and there’s a pikachu standing around I can take pictures of. And…that’s it. I can’t catch it or interact with it.

And there’s more grass, so I’ll check that out.

ABRA! I guess that’s what the ultraballs are for…although again, this does seem too easy.

It can teleport itself to safety while it’s asleep, but when it wakes, it doesn’t know where it is, so it panics.

Huh. Abra usually come off as so chill…

Oh, Alolan grimer!

And now Metapod is evolving!

When attacked by other Pokemon, it defends itself by scattering its poisonous scales and fluttering its wings. I’d think it scatters them by fluttering its wings, but I guess those things are somehow unrelated…?

And instead of confusion, butterfree now learns gust. I mean, I guess that makes more sense, but then again, didn’t they also make gust normal-type?

Alolan grimer turns out to be poison/dark. Why is everything dark type now?

The crystals on Grimer’s body are lumps of toxins. If one falls off, lethal poisons leak out. Its body looks as smooth and drippy as ever, so I guess that’s the “teeth” in the mouth. I’ll swap it for butterfree.

Further on, Lillie is outside a clothing store. She asks if I pick my clothes or my mom does. I think my mom does, especially since my hat looks so different from the rest of my outfit – that really seems like the sort of thing someone would do if they had no real interest in fashion but did have a favorite hat they wore regardless.

I…I’ve always just worn the clothes that my mother wanted me to wear.

The mom who’s so nonexistent currently you’re sleeping in a pokemon lab.

I don’t really know what kind of thing would suit me…

I think the whole “blindingly white” thing you have going on works pretty well!

She then gives me a makeup kit, explaining that for once, it was the friendly NPC who triggered one of those “you’re the one millionth customer” bits of RPG luck. That’s a cute twist.

I don’t seem able to interact with the new items, though – either I have to collect stuff to put in them, or I can only do it when changing my whole outfit. WELL. We’re right here, let’s find out.

Ah, so I can! After cycling through my options, I end up with yellow eyes and blue lipstick, because after all, that’s the first thing I tried so it makes sense the first thing Bonnibel would try when given cosmetics for the first time is the most unnatural and eye-searing option.

I buy some outfits too but her regular shirt is cuter than any of the others.

Onward, I find someone who wants a drifloon (…and does the cringy “I’m a hot woman, but as a woman I know I’ll soon be an ugly hag once I turn twenty-five, beauty is so fleeting!” bit) and then some people are chatting about how Team Skull is just bored idiot children who can’t do anything right. Not really selling them as a challenge, game.

Ah, grimer has “poison touch” instead of “poison point”. That makes sense given grimer aren’t very spikey. On the other hand, it’s weird we have two almost identical abilities (and really, why wouldn’t touching a grimer have similar effects to being touched by one?)

Running around in the grass, I find three abra in a row. Look, abra are supposed to be rare. If they’re easy to find, than chucking pokeballs until you get lucky isn’t that hard, and further undermines the fact I was just handed ultraballs.

Also, there’s another pokecenter here. How many pokecenters are there?

Above, there’s either the same tauros who’s mad again or another tauros. Hala is there but doesn’t seem to be accomplishing much, so, another roadblock.

Going on, I find the captain guy who popped up at the school’s house. Ilima apparently studied in Kalos and possibly other regions too. And also there’s a drifloon next to a bed, dish, and bone. So, is that the drifloon’s, or is there another pokemon…?

Inside another building: I’m busy thinking about what kind of city we should make our Hau’oli into. It’s got to be convenient for the people living here. And for the Pokemon living here, too!

There’s a policeman outside, too. In this city, we’re proud to live together with Pokemon, and that’s why we have so many patches of tall grass right here in the city.

This is an interesting point – in the original games, finding pokemon actually within the confines of the city sections was quite strange and usually involved something weird going on, be it a burned out mansion or catching grimer when you tried fishing. It was only recently that there was any area combining grass and a built up location.

He goes on to say that Ilima is in charge of the gates and the grass, so captains, like gym leaders, have some nebulous social responsibilities beyond just being tough trainers.

A little beyond is Hau again, who directs me to the shop to eat with my pokemon. Looks like you can’t just stuff your pokemon to happiness, because eating one makes them completely full. Also, you can’t select feeding all of them at once, so if you want to treat your pokemon as equally precious, you have to go through the menu six times. Also also, they don’t actually animate my adorable pokemon chowing down on whatever a marsala is.

Then there’s some machamps on what sure looks like a tiled ground but the guy claims is bulldozed ground ready for a new building. I’ve seen nothing but machamps, actually – I’m not sure what to make of this. Maybe it’s just power creep – the originals had machop as workers, then machoke, and now we’re doing machamps as standard. But given these guys are trade evolutions and trade evolutions require some deliberate manipulation to get, it’s very at odds with the otherwise consistent talk about pokemon as treasured partners who aren’t valued just for their physical might. Or maybe they are valued for that, they’re just seen to have more uses than simple battles.

Inside the police station: I don’t know how it is in other regions, but things are pretty peaceful here in Alola. If you do anything too bad, after all, you’ll bring the wrath of the guardians down upon you. Well, that’s good for you guys but not really the best for a power fantasy about beating up all the people.

Well, to the pier, where Team Skull was said to hand out. And…here they are, telling Ilima who’s best at pokemon to hand over his pokemon.

Ilima: Oh! You, from the Trainers’ School! Already made your way to Hau’oli, hmmm? he says, completely ignoring these losers as makes perfect sense.

What, what?! Why you trying to act hard when we’re already hard as bone out here, homie? says one grunt, flailing like a child trying to copy a music video.

I do like to go up against competent people, but crushing stupid people is also satisfying, so this works.

Oh my… How terrifying… Ilima manages to choke out between snickers, I assume. He then asks me, random child who just went to the trainer’s school, to handle it, which again, is perfectly reasonable. Oh, but he’s taking the other. HOW FUCKING DARE YOU KILLSTEALER.

I attempt to talk to the other grunt but he ignores me, so I guess I only get one. And that one loser has only one pokemon, a L8 zubat.

Ilima: I must admit, I’ve been wondering about you since I saw you at the Trainers’ School. Professor Kukui brought you along, and you and your Pokemon seemed to defeat our teacher so effortlessly! Very well then! Allow me to see if you’re ready for my trial!

Battle?

Yes! He’s going on about his pokemon being magnificent.

…he’s got a L9 yungoos. Alrighty, my L8 yungoos, let’s see who’s best.

…we’re both just leering at each other. Leer/leer, leer/leer…now we tackle each other. Mine is in the red, his still in the green. I wonder if they set the opponent’s pokemon to be EV trained? I’ll swap in Grimer. And nope, one hit took off more than half of Grimer’s HP. Pikipek? Even worse. Geeze. Popplio? Okay, just barely above half, so I can take a second hit, then a potion…ARG NOW HE USED A POTION.

Alright, finally down. The experience gets Popplio to L11 and Pikipek to L10. Now for the smeargle…who knows leafage, as I should’ve seen coming. Thankfully that was the urn I was healing Popplio on, so swap to my rattata…and more than half damage, right. Quick attack and then die, sorry Rattata! Okay, how about Pichu…and apparenly Smeargle is extremely fast. Hm. Grimer? Poison gas? And healed. Pound? Ah, and poison touch kicked in and took off the last bit.

Okay, scraped out another win there.

And he catches himself from complimenting just me and rephrases to include my pokemon.

As I head off, Lillie arrives. Hi again!

Oh, I’m glad to see a familiar face. I always get lost so quickly… I can’t figure out the roads here… I can’t even buy my own clothes…

You worry me, Lillie.

But you… You’re moving on to your first trial? You’re going to Verdant Cavern?

I guess.

I read something in an old book once. It said that the island challenges were once a journey made to prove yourself and gain the strength to battle against the guardian deities of Alola.

…why did they want to do this?

Like Tapu Koko… The people in Iki Town said that Tapu Koko loves Pokemon battles, didn’t they?

So maybe they only help people if people are strong enough to battle with a certain level of proficiency, even if they’re still far stronger?

If we could meet Tapu Koko once more, do you think we would find the answer to why it saved you and Nebby that day, Bonnibel?

Nebby chimes in loudly saying who knows what.

Bonnibel… Good luck on your first trial. I will hope it goes well for you.

A step further, and Rotomdex is saying it seems something it didn’t want to see again. Either it’s very scared of that Tauros or very mad at Hala. I continue and hala claims he got the tauros calmed down “again” so, same one. He suggests more petting. I am an immortal blob of pixels, so yeah, sure! The tauros seems pleased, but then runs off. Hala gives chase.

I continue. A man warns me of rustling grass – apparently the new mechanic is that such pokemon drop items. Also, instead of sneaking up on them, as soon as you enter they sprint at you.

Makuhita!

Their daily routine consists of training together first thing in the morning, eating and napping in the afternoon, and then more training afterward.

Drowzee! Who is spamming hypnosis like mad. Good job, Drowzee, that is as it should be.

It finds really fun dreams tasty. When it makes friends with people, it may show them the most delicious dreams it’s ever eaten.

It’s weird that drowzee are eat their cake and have it types – you’d think eating would mean consuming, but it seems it just stores them up.

Ah, and here’s a smeargle.

It draws symbols all over the place to mark its territory. In towns with many Smeargle, the walls are covered in graffiti.

And now a delibird is upset about something berries? What are delibird even doing here? And Team Skull is here throwing a tantrum that the berries are for pokemon and not them. As I approach, they attempt to challenge me, only for the guy they’re menacing to tell me that he couldn’t care less and that I can keep doing what I was already doing.

Yo, we’re standing right here! At least act a little bit afraid or something, y’know?

Yeah, it does worry me a bit that they seem to rank somewhere below the preschoolers and they’re the main enemy. But they did just challenge me to a double battle…or, no, just one? Jeeze, you guys suck.

L10 drowzee. And now my rattata is L10 too, so it’s finally learned bite.

I’m handed a berry and then told to take whatever berries I run across. There’s a pile under the palm, which apparently is an oran tree. Below are several plots of tilled earth, and they even have what looks like a composting area like the last game, but I can’t seem to interact with them.

I seem to be heading in the right direction, so let’s go the other way. To the cemetary! A gastly appears almost immediately, but Rattata’s bite knocks it out. Let’s try that again.

Although Gastly is barely visible, when it’s near, a faint sweet smell lingers.

Zubat!

When exposed to sunlight, they suffer burns. The frequency of their ultrasonic waves can differ slightly from colony to colony.

Ooh, two factoids in one!

So, first off apparently using zubat in daytime battles is abuse. And the colony bit suggests they’re largely breeding within the colony and geneflow is restricted, OR that the wavelengths they use are a cultural teaching they pick up from their parents or those around them.

Drifloon!

If for some reason its body bursts, its soul spills out with a screaming sound.

Oookay, so I think we can confirm that Sun isn’t the only one with grimdark pokedex entries.

I try leveling and cuddling my pichu a whole lot and it still won’t evolve. Maybe it’s because it fainted a bunch of times…baby pokemon are basically glass.

I continue the way I’m supposed to and find Hau again, who leads me into yet another pokecenter. What’s with these people? He then tells me about how Verdant Cavern is a place sacred to Tapu Koko.

You aren’t even allowed to go into it unless you’re on your island challenge.

Then he gives me three revives. They’re handing out all sorts of late-game stuff, aren’t they?

Other people want me to catch a spearow…haven’t seen any, oddly, and a cutiefly.

Outside is another pile of berries. This time, a new crab pokemon is feeding on them…but my grimer poisons it and it faints. Then a spearow attacks!

Farmers whose fields are troubled by bug Pokemon appreciate Spearow for its vigorous appetite and look after it.

Interesting! So spearow are strictly insectivores and don’t mess with the plants. (Although, given they attacked Nebby and Pikachu, maybe they’re more generally carnivorous. Something that ate both bugs and rats would be even more appreciated, after all.)

Now to trade for a machop!

With its superhuman strength, it’s able to throw a hundred people all at the same time. Its strength comes from lifting Graveler every day.

…pretty sure that’s a pokedex entry they used already.

Growlithe!

It looks cute, but when you approach another Trainer’s Growlithe, it will bark at you and bite.

Huh. Growlithe generally seems like a domestic dog, but this is more the behavior of a wolf – habituated to its owner, but still functionally wild when encountering anything else. I guess that does make sense given growlithe are found wild.

Cutiefly!

Myriads of Cutiefly flutter above the heads of people who have auras resembling those of flowers.

It’s bug/fairy, a pretty obvious type combination we should’ve seen more of.

Also, I finally enter the pokemon cuddling app with my grimer, and wow, you just mush your hand into its body and it wiggles around as the goop flows between your fingers. It’s really happy about it, too! I can just hold my hand there and it’s thrilled.

I finally approach the trial thing. I have to fight a measly three pokemon in their dens, plus some totem pokemon. I can’t catch anything, which is the only real issue. Looks gorgeous, though.

The final pokemon keeps running between its dens, and then suddenly, Team Skull! They ask if I remember them and of course I say no, who are they? Then I beat them up, and they freak out and say I’m super badass, and then…they decide to help me get that last pokemon by aggressively dancing at the other two den entrances.

Ooh, it’s raticate now…looks like it got stung in the face by angry bees.

Right, so I’m done. The guy overseeing everything doesn’t even care an enemy team is running around in here with me, he just says sure, head through. And in front of me is a sparkling thing that’s presumably holding the z-crystal I don’t actually care about.

You feel a piercing gaze that seems to cut right through you…but from where?

I’m asked if I really want to take the crystal, and apparently not doing so and backing off is enough to pacify the gazer. But now I’m gonna take it. What will appear?!

…another be-stung raticate. It’s glowing and all, but it’s still L12 so…

Ooh, but it can call for more pokemon! Now there’s a L10 rattata. And, for some reason, I’m not able to send out a second pokemon of my own. My own rattata beats the other one, then is fainted. I order Grimer to poison it, but it eats a berry. Poison again! And then, Popplio finishes it off.

Ilima is impressed. For you to be able to defeat the Totem Pokemon that I had trained up to such a powerful state… …you mean L12? Seriously?

He explains it’s the normal-type crystal, so I should give it to a pokemon with a normal-type move, then do a dumb pose. Or I could not do that.

Then he explains totem pokemon, by which I mean he repeats what we already saw. He does mention the calling for reinforcements thing and how it’s not seen elsewhere. Perhaps Pokemon in Alola are simply more inclined to help one another? Well, island animals can be a lot better at cooperation. Then he hands me greatballs and says to catch the pokemon I find here. But is there anything I want?

I re-fight a bunch of rattata, and one does the calling for help thing so I guess that’s not just for totem pokemon. And there’s random encounters now too. A diglett appears. It also calls for help but to no avail. And then, once it’s in the red, it breaks out of the pokeball and calls for help one last time, and a stronger one shows up! There is nothing worse than a pair of pokemon both using accuracy-dropping moves on you. And then, when I beat the weaker one, it immediately calls for help again and a new one appears. It’s weird that this cave got so much more difficult after I defeated the official trial.

Finally, one gets in the ball.

Alolan diglett, it turns out, is ground/steel.

Its golden hairs function as sensors. It pokes them out of its burrow to monitor its surroundings.

My pichu goes up a level. She still won’t evolve.

Current team:

L18 pichu
L11 rattata
L12 grimer
L11 yungoos
L11 pikipek
L14 popplio