Pokemon Moon Day 50

So, with no sign of lunatone, let’s go see how Guzma’s doing.

It’s good for kids to experience their own journeys, but running away without even a word to your parents is another thing entirely. I tried to set that boy of mine straight, but when I did, I was the one who got beat…

Truly, Sun/Moon is really hitting dysfunctional family relationships well.


Guzma: You little brat! I don’t know what you think you’re doing here, but I actually needed to talk to you.

Guzma is a delight.

Guzma: Get your rear over to the Hau’oli City Beachfront!

And he’s gone again. What, nothing about whatever the fuck was going on with you and Lusamine?

Well, he can’t tell me what to do, I’m going to go poke everywhere else first! To the far room!

Welcome to… … … I’m sorry, but… are you Bonnibel? says I guess his mom. Grandmom? Because she’s got white hair and the guy complaining about Guzma running away without a word to his parents is still brown-haired.

I am/You know me?

From my son.

Okay, so either the mother is much older than the father or the game just doesn’t have a good selection of older women models and anyone who’s not slim and vaguely MILFy to the assumed audience gets bumped all the way to grandmothery white.

Guzma has actually come home a few times since…all that. And he told me to give you this if you ever came by.

Swagger TM. Okay, so either Guzma really expected me to hunt down his home and figured I’d inevitably show up, or he really wanted to give me something but couldn’t work himself up to doing it personally, so he just hoped it’d happen somehow.

It was always one of his favorite TMs. He won so many trophies when he entered battle competitions with the Pokemon that he’d taught to use Swagger.

It’s cute when characters have particular TMs that fit their style.

Cutscene over, she teleports a couple steps back the trophies. Really, the cutscene integration is just garbage ever since they switched to 3D models.

I know that there were a lot of rumors flying around, saying that our Guzma was up to no good and doing terrible things…but I know it was all just lies.

I guess in the sense I don’t think he ever actually accomplished anything…?

To the beach now!

Guzma: So you showed up…

Is this just some weird test where you’re trying to see if I have the minimal level of caring to show up when you ask? I realize there’s presumably no therapists on the islands, but Lillie managed to leave quite easily and there must be therapists somewhere. Or maybe that’s because she’s not native/has a ton of money? Hm. Kukui sure seems obsessed with the fact he visited Kanto that one time. Maybe Alolans are largely stuck here.

Guzma: Well, Bonnibel, it’s time to battle your boy!

I don’t think this is going to help, shouty friend.

Here I come/Wait a minute…

What did you think I asked you to come here for?!

I actually wasn’t sure it’d be a battle, a heart to heart, or possibly some other thing I had to deal with, all of which would likely still be ending in a battle when done, but more importantly, that’s not what I meant.

But fine then. Here I come I guess.

Guzma: This is to make up for when I had to disband Team Skull!

I never told you to do that and frankly I’m offended you think I’d want you to. It’s not like they were a threat to god-owning dittochild.

Guzma: Just so you know, I’ll never change!

You didn’t force a battle when you thought I wasn’t ready, you pathetic loser.

Guzma: Wanna see what destruction looks like? Here it is in human form–it’s your boy Guzma!

And he actually does quite well! In part that’s because his pokemon have mysteriously jumped in power yet again to the sixties, but there’s some decent AI here, and it’s only through the magic of SAVE powers that I can get anywhere (use cosmic power until sucker punch runs out, then use now-tanky moonbat to beat the following ariados…) I have to redo my team to get rid of weaker ones (else aridos fell-needles them and then becomes unstoppable) and add in some affection bullshit to ensure my salazzle survives the scizor’s hit to get off her flamethrower.

Moreover, despite my cheaty bullshit, Guzma takes the loss well.

You again? How come I can’t crush you?!

Bonnibel’s highest stat is HP is why.

And my metang evolves!

A linkage of two Metagon, this Pokemon can perform any calculation in a flash by utilizing parallel processing in its four brains.

Back to the overworld…

Guzma: Guzma! What is wrong with you?!

Ookay, so yeah, he’s still on regular flipout mode, complete with spikeybox.

Guzma: This outcome hasn’t changed at all either!

Christ it’s Hala fuck off Hala, Guzma’s having a hard day.

Hala: Well played, Bonnibel!

Guzma: You came all this way here just to watch me lose, huh? Must be nice to be a lazy old island kahuna with nothing better to do…

Well said, Guzma.

Hala: What a high opinion of yourself you have. Ha! I just happened to see Bonnibel here, so I thought I would come over.

Guzma: You wanna get beat down, old man?

Hala: Oh, Guzma…when will you understand? Only when you respect your opponent’s skill will it bring out the best in you.

You…you just told him he had an inflated opinion of himself a few lines ago. No wonder he doesn’t understand your message. You don’t solve someone being defensive of their fragile ego by telling them they’re a fuckup. You don’t teach people to respect the skill of others by putting down their skill.

But then, don’t you know this already? Because from the sounds of it, it’s not much of a secret that Guzma goes off the deep end over being told he’s not good enough no matter how hard he tries and how well he does.

Hala: You miss the true meaning of battling. The goal is not to beat your opponent down, but for both Trainers to grow stronger!


Guzma: I don’t care what you say to me, yo. Beating people down is all I know!

Hala: But the battle I just saw seemed a bit different. While you may say you’re only interested in crushing your opponent, I sensed a desire to defeat Bonnibel deep in your heart.

I wonder if this made more sense in Japanese.

Guzma: What do you know, old man?!

Hala: If you continue on this path, you’ll never be able to defeat Bonnibel! Guzma, admit the worthiness of your opponents! Only then can you become even stronger than you already are! Allow yourself to know the people and Pokemon you encounter, and look deeply into your heart.

Guzma: You’re still trying to front like you’re my master, huh? I gave up on you a long time ago.

Hala: Bonnibel, allow me to handle this foolish young man.

Yeah because that evidently went so well before. And so great with all the other young men, like your son who abandoned his kid just to get away from you and Hau’s…everything.

Moreover…somewhat of a conflict of interest here, I think. Hau is, objectively, not a good trainer. We don’t know his father, but the fact he just cuts and runs without even the additional detail that he tried but couldn’t live up to the high standard people expected, suggests he was at least as bad and probably worse, possibly simply because he didn’t want to be a trainer in the first place.

Now, some people might react to their own kid/potential successor being ill suited by searching for a replacement, but given how Guzma’s dad talked, I really don’t get the impression Hala tried much at being a father figure to Guzma, and that bit about Guzma having to do the island challenge on hard mode because he lacked a ring…really all sounds like it adds up to a naturally talented kid who got no adult support the whole time.

Yet Guzma apparently did have an official connection with Hala, and that in turn points to a repeat of fucking Alder – someone supposedly hard at work building up new trainers, but everyone he’s in contact with seems worse off than before. Hala obviously wanted his son to be the next kahuna, and so much that even after losing the kid to the pressure, still doesn’t think that maybe raising Hau with the expectation of being kahuna next is a bad idea. And here’s Guzma, a prodigy who, mysteriously, was passed over for captainship. Guzma who, even as fucked up as he is, evidently had enough spare charisma to still become head of a sprawling team of disaffected kids who are shockingly loyal to him.

And then there’s his dad making it sure sound like “beating” is meant to be the same literal beating of people we do in our world, and we’re introduced to kahunas as the people in charge, the people who run their island and handle problems…so this wasn’t a problem, then. Hala’s willing to criticize who Guzma (somewhat inevitably) turns into, but had no problem with it happening in the first place.

Hala: I will make a fine Trainer out of him yet, or I’m not an island kahuna!

…I suppose it all depends on what you mean by “fine”. Not likely to rock the boat any longer? Not likely to get in your way?

A well-trained trainer. Someone who just wants to better themselves, knowing that’s the most they can accomplish, that it’s true, they really were unworthy of the rest and won’t make a fuss any longer. And no longer shouting anything embarrassing where the tourists might hear!

Hala: I hope that can be considered penance for the wrongs he and Team Skull have committed.

Or you could consider what about your culture and economy led to half the younger population simultaneously screaming FUCK IT ALL.

Or, you know, why the biggest thing your evil criminal team of children did was run away from home and fortify a town of their own for self-defense against the rest of you.

Guzma: Tch!

Pretty much.

Haha: Oh ho ho! The two of us will go many places together! And we will meet more people and Pokemon who will enrich our lives.

And, blessedly, he leaves. But he’s confident he’s got Guzma, so of course…

Guzma: Master…

He then turns to Bonnibel.

Guzma: I ain’t never gonna ask you to forgive me, so don’t get it twisted–this is no apology! But shut up and take this! I got it for my first ever victory, and it’s always been like my lucky charm!

people need to stop giving me their treasured things

…and it’s a dawn stone. People really need to stop giving me non-unique items they treasure, because now it’s just there, in the pile. Guzma has lost something precious to him, and to me, I already can’t tell the difference between it and any other disposable stone. And at least with Lillie’s pokedoll, I didn’t have others already. If dawn stones weren’t plentiful and free, this could’ve meant something when I evolved a pokemon with it, but as is…

Guzma: Who knows what the Alolan winds will bring?

The further dissolution of everything. Bonnibel is the harbinger, Guzma.

She comes from Kanto, and she brings Kanto in her every step. While most trainers have but a single precious pokemon friend, she packs box after box with her conquests all in the name of filling a pokedex. A pokemon league springs up just ahead of her, and she sits in the champion’s chair, so that Alola’s league is baptised without ever getting an Alolan champion. And next, she’ll tear your very gods from their thrones, brought down to being the pets of a child. In ten years, the description of the tapu will be the same as that of your ninetales – haha, people once thought this was something special, this once meant something to them, but now, now we know better, don’t we?

Guzma: Next time we meet, I’m counting on you to test how strong I’ve gotten.

It won’t save you. Nothing will.

…I’ve been putting it off. Time to tear down their gods.

I don’t know. Can it make it worse? Maybe there wasn’t much worth saving in the first place.

Tapu Koko…it goes down easy.

Zzzrt! You registered a Land Spirit Pokemon!

There, see? It’s just a pokemon now.

It’s electric/fairy. Made of known components. Not even a unique type combination.

It confuses its enemies by flying too quickly for the eye to follow. it has a hair-trigger temper but forgets what made it angry an instant later.

There. No deep mystery to its actions, just a simple-minded beast too full of emotion to even remember what upset it. Nothing worthy of handing down judgement, no reason to wonder at its actions and seek to divine their sacred meaning. There is nothing sacred here now.

You reached out and touched the statue… There is no reaction from the statue…

And there never will be again.


  1. someone says:
    Or you could consider what about your culture and economy led to half the younger population simultaneously screaming FUCK IT ALL.

    … Art imitates life?

  2. illhousen says:

    So, what I’m getting out of it is that the loss of Lillie to standard trainer philosophy made our dittochild go from kinda psychotic but at least nominally trying to blend in to full Chara mode.

    I take it gods stand for knives here.

  3. Koby says:
    You’ve ruined the entire Trial System – nobody else will ever face the Tapu again. Singlehandedly, Bonnibel has reduced Alola to the status of every other region – where Trainers will face only the equivalent of Gym Leaders, and never again independent Pokemon who battle only those they choose, under their own power. But maybe it’s all because of what Kukui did; by beginning to destroy the traditions of Alola, he opened the gate to others. And seeing the natives abandon their heritage, seeing the disastrous state of Alola, the Tapu have withdrawn their power from the land, joining the only one they perceive as worthy.
    Either that, or Bonnibel is Pizarro, Cortez and Leopold II of Belgium combined. Colonialism ho!

  4. Septentrion says:

    In ten years, the description of the tapu will be the same as that of your ninetales – haha, people once thought this was something special, this once meant something to them, but now, now we know better, don’t we?

    The sequel to this play-through is needed.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Skip to toolbar