Last time, I was forced out of Meteor Falls early.

Today, I return!

Solrock is a new species of Pokemon that is said to have fallen from space. It floats in air and moves silently. In battle, this Pokemon releases intensely bright light.


How do people actually tell what’s a new pokemon and what’s an undiscovered one? Also, I don’t know if I like so many pokemon having that as their backstory. It was fun when it was just clefairy.

Meteor Falls is extra gorgeous this generation. I really love how deep the water is.

Anyway, that’s about it as far as I can tell, so let’s backtrack to get some ash and then fine, I’ll go with Brendan.

This girl just said fairy type pokemon are flammable what. What.

Okay Brendan now. And we teleport to Mauville, which I’m pretty sure involves going past the cablecar that takes us up. Why?

Up ahead here is Mt. Chimney, huh?


Yes, game. I do have a functioning memory.

That’s the place those nut jobs at Meteor Falls were talking about going to. Be careful, Lucki. It might get dangerous around here.


haaaaaaaaate you

And now I backtrack.

Okay, up above Magma and Aqua are fighting with poochyena, as is custom.

I really wish they’d let the two have properly themed teams. You can just explain them being able to beat Aqua by there being way more of Magma in Rubyverse.

As I continue, a trio of Magma grunts blocks Archie’s way. Get out of my blasted way, ye scurvy Team Magma knaves!


I would like to point out that sailors accusing land people of being scurvy is always kind of funny.

Or face a keelhauling!


Again, Archie, LAND.

Another less ridiculous member does note that Oh no… Team Magma outnumbers us! We can’t keep up with them! which makes sense if I’m right and Aqua is a doomsday cult intending to kill all humans. Makes recruiting hard, The two battlers there prevent my continuing, because I can’t just beat them both and move past. Back to Dubious Grasp of Seafaring Terms Man. Apparently I can just skip through here. On to Mr. Too Good To Wear A Hood.

Hyahyahya?! It’s you! You’re the one who tried to interrupt me, Tabitha, at Meteor Falls! D-d-do you intend to get in my way once more?


It’s interesting how the game seems to be proceeding exactly as if Brendan hadn’t been there.

Unngh! You’re really… really, really, really, really, really, really… really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really… And now spikyboxed: reeeallllyyyyy… …an obnoxious child, aren’t you?! Ahh… Ahh…


And suddenly creepy face with red eyes:I will…crush you. So that you…never get in my way…again.


Okay, but I already fought you and you were super easy. Even assuming that you’ve leveled significantly, you had only two pokemon you loser.

Protip: if you can’t win without having your pokemon self-destruct and also you have less pokemon than your opponent, you should just throw your stupid failure of a boss battle self off the bridge now.

I knew you would be strong. What a shame, though! The Meteorite we got from Professor Whoever is already in our Boss’ s hands!


You know what’d be interesting? Building their teams to be stally nuisances. They’re too weak to win but they take forever to put down. Maybe some shuckle, maybe just using dig/dive a lot, lot of defense boosting moves, some healing, bit of accuracy messing. Sandshrew with sand veil would be very fitting!

Who’s the Boss, you ask? Ah, yes, yes, right this way!


What I’m getting at is he’s doing a really terrible job of delaying anyone who isn’t trying to transcribe his repetitive dialogue.

Oh, I do hope that you can be shown Team Magma’s true power! Ahya! Ahyahyahyahya!


And so I run over this glass bridge. How long has this been here? Is it a viewing platform they’ve appropriated? Did they build it on the spot because by god they were going to do this with style?

Oh, sorry, Maxie, you were trying to say something?

The power contained in the Meteorite… If we merge the explosive energy contained within the planet’s core with the Meteorite’s power…


Hm. You know, the idea that a meteor – a chunk of planetary matter that isn’t of this planet – is key to the plan further suggests that there’s an otherworldly component to Groudon’s nature. Perhaps this is a chunk of the doomed planet, or perhaps simply bringing in a third outside force, even a minor one, can be used to weaken the native force of Kyogre enough for Groudon to tear more land from the depths.

Then he turns and notices me.

I remember those eyes. And the indomitable will that seems to burn behind them. Ahhh. Now I recall. You are the one who defied us at Slateport’s Oceanic Museum. And, your presence here tells me that you have defeated Tabitha. 


“I mean, not that it’s a surprise or anything. Just that it obviously happened.”

Yes, I see now that the stirring of interest I felt was not misplaced.


“If only I can get you to join me, I’ll finally have one underling who can actually do their damn job!”

Hmph. You show true promise. Fine. I will attempt to educate you. Thousands of years ago, there lived a most powerful being that was said to be capable of creating new lands on the planet. The power which we in Team Magma seek– This power, which can expand the available landmass, belongs to a legendary and super-ancient Pokemon.


Kind of getting redundant here.

Though now it slumbers, having lost the source of its power and been trapped in a deep sleep.


New theory: all the extra blather is what the intern in charge of proofreading spent their time on instead.

So what is it that we must do to awaken this slumbering giant? Our research led us here, to Mt. Chimney. Yes, here…to this very Meteorite. If we create the right conditions, we should find ourselves able to alter this Meteorite’s qualities. Yes, even into a Mega Stone.


I’m not seeing how that’s actually a solution. It’s lost its power. You need to give it that back, not turn it into a different pokemon.

Even into a Key Stone. And here, at Mt. Chimney– Hmph. I should not say too much. That is the end of today’s lesson. Now then. I believe it is time we begin. The time for the purge has come. I do believe that I made myself quite clear when were were last in Slateport. I warned you that any fool standing in our way would be met without mercy! I will bury you by my own hand. I hope you appreciate this honor!


Wow, that went south fast. He seemed like he was trying to convince her to join him, now he’s going to shove Lucki into the lava.

Huh, his battling image is less wrinkly. Different designer?

Okay, so! Pulled out my legitimate team for this.

L25 Flare(oran)
L27 grovyle(oran)
L26 Tryke(oran)
L25 Silver(oran)
L27 mightyena(oran)
L18 numel(no oran, you aren’t fighting)

Oh god he’s only got three pokemon and he’s leading with a L25 mightyena. I was planning to run Flare into the ground and then use Silver or Tryke-not-yet-renamed-Raiden but it looks like Flare may be able to win this on his lonesome.

Okay nope, Flare just kicked himself to death. Good play, Mightyena. Alright, Tryke-not-yet-renamed-Raiden, your turn!

Haha, a camerupt next. Nope, not switching. L27. Tryke-not-yet-renamed-Raiden wastes his turn on confusion and is then fainted. Next up, Silver! Water pulse does not quite take the camerupt down, but then it wastes its turn boosting its special defense. Not enough to survive another water pulse, though.

Final pokemon’s a L25 golbat. Welp, battle’s done. Ice beam it until it stops twitching, Silver.

This team actually is doing a better stall job than the guy whose job it was to give his boss time to work. Confusion is great.

Haha, Maxie completely freaks out, then regains composure.

Ugh. You are…quite capable… I fell behind, but only by an inch…


Oh? So you repulsed the great Maxie in battle. Haha… You never fail to entertain me! An excellent start! This time, permit me to unleash my full strength! Once you’ve tasted my Pokemon’s Mega Evolved power, you will say good-bye to your last shred of hope!


Oh wow really? Awesome!

…there’s a ringing sound.

Hm? Yes, it’s me. … Oh? Then it is Mt. Pyre. I understand. I will come at once.

GAME. GAME, pokemon battles are what you do. You can’t act like I just got a sudden reprieve when you’re snatching away what I came here for.

He turns back to me but only to say, I am sorry to cut our battle short, but I’m afraid I must excuse myself. Such rudeness demands reparation. Take this Meteorite with my apologies. You may do with it what you like.  He nods to me. And I will not again forget the face of the Trainer who managed to thwart me in battle!


…well, he’s so polite about it I don’t even feel that murderous.

If only he was way stronger, though. If I’d come through that by the skin of my teeth, the mega evolutions would’ve come off as really intimidating. As it is, I have three of five pokemon remaining and that’s after deliberately deciding to fight badly for RP gratification.

Anyway, Maxie trots off and then Archie, who again, clearly blind, does not manage to see him while running up to meet me.

Huh? If it ain’t that little scamp! But blast that Maxie! He just escaped us! And he just left behind the Meteorite that he’s been crazy about finding? Can’t be–!


So what are you saying. Are you saying I’m secretly in cahoots with him? That he gave me the meteorite for safekeeping while I covered his escape?

Could he have found out where the real orbs are hidden?!

What does it take to get a little suspicion here?!

That sneaky little scientific so-and-so! 


You can tell Archie really misses actual swear words.

I’m always left watching his bony backside run two steps ahead of me!


Now, if Maxie similarly comments on Archie’s ass, they may well have the most subtext of any game pair.

Anyway he then turns and stalks away, thinking about watching Maxie’s ass.