Why is he so particular about it? Once you die, everything will be gone…

Whoa lady I’m just talking to NPCs because it’s what you do, I don’t have any answers for whatever creepy depressing thing is happening.

You know what, let’s talk claydol and baltoy for a bit instead.To sum up the pokedex entries on Bulbapedia:

Baltoy moves while/by spinning around on its one foot and sleeps balanced on it. Some Baltoy have been seen spinning on their heads. It resembles a top.

Primitive wall paintings depicting this Pokémon living among people were discovered in some ancient ruins. It has been depicted in murals adorning the walls of a once-bustling city in an ancient age.

This conflicts – murals aren’t primitive wall paintings. Also, while “some ancient ruins” could mean one ruin or many, the second one says it’s only a particular ruin. If we assume this wasn’t someone not knowing mural isn’t a perfect synonym for any wall painting, then this means that there are a couple examples of primitive wall paintings of baltoy, but they’re only depicted in more advanced ancient cultures once.

In either case, what appears to be noteworthy is that it was living with the people, suggesting this was rare at that point in time.

It is said that Baltoy coexisted with humans in ancient times.

This further emphasizes that.

It is a rare Pokémon that was discovered in ancient ruins.

This doesn’t mean it’s only found in ruins, but does raise the possibility.

As soon as it spots others of its kind, Baltoy congregates with them and then begins crying noisily in unison. 

This is just weird.

So – found in ruins of ancient human areas, functions like a toy people would make, resembles a crude person.

Also, weird behavior pattern of grouping for no clear purpose.

This sure seems like a good case for baltoy being human-made clay figures somehow given life.

Now let’s consider claydol. Let’s also take a look at the freakish thing.

This Pokémon moves about while levitating. A Claydol sleeps while hovering in midair. Its arms are separate from its body. They are kept floating by the Pokémon’s manipulation of psychic power.

That doesn’t sound like something human-made, does it? We don’t usually intend our dolls to hold their body parts together with their own mysterious psychic powers. The figure doesn’t particularly look human, either – it’s not outside the realm of possibility, but it’s pretty abstract for some ancient civilization.

Claydol are said to be dolls of mud made by primitive humans and brought to life by exposure to a mysterious ray. Claydol is an enigma that appeared from a clay statue made by an ancient civilization dating back 20,000 years. 

The entry for Sapphire is a lot firmer about exactly what happened, but both agree that claydol itself is the cosmic ray one.

This Pokémon shoots beams from both its hands.

Finally – does this sound like something safe to have around in your bustling ancient city? Why would you make that?

So – I think we can make sense of this if we assume that the claydol’s “birth” was the mysterious ray, then they made baby baltoy that could evolve into them, and those baby baltoy then ran around the area, but I don’t think that’s a very good explanation despite being the best fit.

Again:

Point is, fanfic is needed here.

… Back to the game.

Okay, I loot the TM by the (future) grave right in front of the guy and he doesn’t seem to care. It’s shadow ball?

And…this is the top of the tower? Uh…

Oh, if I go back down there’s another way.

Oh right this is where vulpix is! God, I love vulpix. I had a box of shiny ones I was giving out.

At the time of its birth, Vulpix has one white tail. The tail separates into six if this Pokémon receives plenty of love from its trainer. The six tails become magnificently curled.

Shiny vulpix is and evolves into the impossibly gorgeous

Also meditite’s around.

Meditite undertakes rigorous mental training deep in the mountains. However, whenever it meditates, this Pokémon always loses its concentration and focus. As a result, its training never ends.

Now tentacool’s evolving!

Tentacruel has large red orbs on its head. The orbs glow before lashing the vicinity with a harsh ultrasonic blast. This Pokémon’s outburst creates rough waves around it.

The camera angles on top of Mt Pyre are great. You’re this tiny speck among mist and graves. Also, apparently looting is now okay now that you’re outside and/or no one can see you, so light up bopping antenna are go.

And then a new and even more impressive camera angle at the top.

Well, I need to dump my tentacruel off either way, so.. let’s do my full team for this!

L38 Saurius
L40 Irin
L33 Raiden
L32 Judgement
L37 Silver
L30 Flare

Went back and forth about the best sixth pokemon, but castform is just so fitting for all this that it beat out my actual starter and the god dragon proof of my awesomeness.

…hey, let’s lead with Flare! That won’t go terribly or anything!

The first grunt claims to have met Lucki at our previous dormant volcano fight. This is why making sure people are arrested after their defeat is so important, Lucki. He has a L36 koffing. Flare eats his sitrus berry, but makes it through pretty okay, then he knocks out the next one’s L33 numel in two hits, with it flinching away its only turn. The L35 mightyena who follows does better, nearly fainting him, but then wastes its second turn on scary face when it was already outspeeding Flare. Stupid dumb AI.

And huh, apparently there’s another pokemon found just in this area?

…it’s chimecho, isn’t it. I thought I heard a bell-like sound from the hidden pokemon I startled. And it’s super rare and annoying to find, isn’t it.

Ah, there we go.

Chimecho makes its cries echo inside its hollow body. When this Pokemon becomes enraged, its cries result in ultrasonic waves that have the power to knock foes flying.

Okay, back to fighting. I give Flare a sitrus berry to hold again, and with its help he makes it through the next guy’s mightyena but not golbat. Raiden! …and now you’re poisoned. Huh.

Cutscene time.

Oh, even the orbs have Groudon’s one looking weird.

Hmph… So it was you… I’m sorry I had to postpone my defeat of you at Mt. Chimney. And now, I am sorry that I have to postpone it once more.

What? How dare you. And you call yourself a boss.

I cannot afford to waste even a single second now.

But you’re being all rational okay I can’t be mad.

For the Red Orb which has long been enshrined here at Mt. Pyre… Now belongs to me, the great Maxie!

Aw, but the teams picking the opposite color orb was my favorite thing about them! It left it ambiguous if the plan was absolutely a bad idea or if they’d just screwed it up.

Courtney.

“Terrify the child with your poor understanding of how to convincingly puppet a human skeleon.”

…Ha. Someone’s a little sore about this!

You must see to it that our dear visitor is not neglected due to my inability to battle now… Maxie coninues. I have to say, after he made it clear he was totally going to murder us when he was done, this all seems way more sinister and not just the usual hamming it up. Do be so kind as to battle her with the full measure of your strength…and crush this girl so that she will never again for a single moment dream of defying our team!

Maxie, can I just say I really, really appreciate the part where you recognize me as a problem and hate that. You wouldn’t believe how horrible the enemy teams of some regions are.

Fufufu… With this Red Orb in my possession, I have no need for the power of the Meteorite to awaken the beast from the deep! All that I need now is a way to reach the place where it sleeps… The only task remaining is obtaining the submaarine being constructed in Slateport!

Also, it’s okay that you’re monologuing because you think I’m about to be dealt with. It’d be one thing if you were all “can’t battle gotta go” and were just going to leave me to my own devices, but no, you’re expecting your subordinate to maim or kill me, so sure, not much I’d be able t do about the whole submarine thing.

We move out at once, team! Our next destination…Slateport City!

Although if I recall correctly you also strongarmed that old couple, so they could talk. Either Courtney is supposed to kill them when she’s done with me or you’re just betting it’ll take them longer to walk down the steps to tell anyone than it’ll take you and your entire group to get to Slateport and steal something.

Maxie then powerwalks by Lucki, who for some reason actually moves aside. Dammit, Lucki, we could’ve taken him.

… elaborates Courtney, clearly not impressed.

…Analyzing. …Hah. (music note)

Absol is first up, against a L38 camerupt. One night slash and it’s nearly dead.

…and that’s it?!

…Funny. (music note) says Courtney. It damn well isn’t!

…Again? That’s unanticipated.

FUCKING GET MORE POKEMON YOU IDIOT

…I knew it.

THEN WHY DIDN’T YOU GET MORE POKEMON YOU IDIOT

You…are interesting! …Haha. (music note)

NO YOU’RE JUST AN IDIOT

I’m looking forward to…

Getting more pokemon?

I’m looking forward to…

Getting lots more pokemon who are also higher level?

When we…can meet again.

With more pokemon?

And she just walks off god dammit Courtney you even got a whole speech from Maxie talking you up.

Aye, me, what disaster… rambles the old guy, so yeah, Maxie was right, it’ll be days before they manage to make their way down to tell anyone at this rate, who cares if you tell them exactly where you’re going to strike and what your target is. The Red Orb… Stolen from our safekeeping… How were you actually safekeeping it though? It’s just sitting here and you don’t seem to do anything to prevent people from grabbing it.

The Red Orb and Blue Orb must never be separated, the old woman explains. They belong together… Mmm… I will entrust the remaining Blue Ord to you, young one. Seriously does no one grasp “safekeeping” here?

…and then I watch a cutscene of my avatar doing that instead of getting to do it myself, because…? I do like how the screen flashes a scary red when she picks it up, though.

And I beg you… Chase after those thieves and take back their orb! That wretched leader of theirs… I’m sure he said they were headed for Slateport City next…

The clues are all getting blue-text too. Come on, game. Even if you do think I’m this stupid, you know there’s no actual time limit, so I’d stumble over them sooner or later.