So, I beat Magma with only two of my team fainted. Time to chase them! That’s my god monster, after all.

I decide I’ll do this with Latios, since I haven’t used him. And I got a wondertrade torchic, so I’m raising that.

Torchic sticks with its Trainer, following behind with unsteady steps. This Pokémon breathes fire of over 1,800 degrees Fahrenheit, including fireballs that leave the foe scorched black.

Also, just noticed there’s staru here, so I catch one.

Staryu’s center section has an organ called the core that shines bright red. If you go to a beach toward the end of summer, the glowing cores of these Pokémon look like the stars in the sky.

Oh hey, my duskull’s evolving!

Dusclops’s body is completely hollow—there is nothing at all inside. It is said that its body is like a black hole. This Pokémon will absorb anything into its body, but nothing will ever come back out.

As is torchic.

Combusken toughens up its legs and thighs by running through fields and mountains. This Pokémon’s legs possess both speed and power, enabling it to dole out 10 kicks in one second.

Back to surfing!

While swimming, I noticed that some Pokemon attack, and some just watch. I guess Pokemon have personalities of their own.

That this is a revelation says a lot about how pokemon are viewed, doesn’t it?

I’m getting chilly… I’ve been in the water too long… I wish I could ride a Pokemon like you…

Lucki doesn’t care that this kid will drown of hypothermia soon. She just continues on.

I wander a bit, then remember I’d have to retrace my steps anyway since I don’t have dive, so I just speed through.

In Mossdeep, I get the quash TM at a pokemart. It doesn’t seem like it’s usable in the main game. Is it successful in competitive battling?

There’s some guy who says he’s a secret base expert and he’s waiting for a secret base to appear behind the locked door in his house. Is this yet another weird thing that’s supposed to line up with later content that actually will never get released or what?

I’d heard from my mates in Lilycove that a herd of Wailmer has disappeared. I wonder what went down over there.

Considering there was a Team Magma grunt standing right in front of them giving commands, your mates are apparently dropping acid or something.

I get a super rod which, he specifies, can catch pokemon from the sea floor. So I guess the idea is that relicanth is actually that deep?

Also there’s some huge building north of town with no door. I don’t remember that.

Ooh, there’s actually kind of a puzzle in the gym! You can try to dodge around the trainers to trigger the pathways to change. I’m still going to battle them, but I’ll dodge them first.

Shuppet evolves.

Banette generates energy for laying strong curses by sticking pins into its own body. This Pokémon was originally a pitiful plush doll that was thrown away.

I fight the Starmie That Would Not Die (And Had Way Too Much Luck With Confusion) but with luck and two max revives for Latios, I eventually win.

I then finish the puzzle accidentally, without making sure I did every area. Going back and forth a few times, it looks like I did manage to get everyone… (and maybe that’s what triggered it?) But really annoying it locks you out of every path but the gym leaders’, especially when it’s such a cute mechanic.

I heal but decide to keep my current team on the basis that Latios is a legendary, if not a god legendary. Let’s see how he does.

Heh heh heh… Were you surprised? says the boy as Tee hee hee… Were you surprised? says the girl.

That there are two Gym Leaders? they chorus. We’re twins! Nope, should’ve just had your shared surname on the gym if this was supposed to be a shock.

We don’t need to talk because… says the boy.

…we can each tell… says the girl.

…what the other is thinking…

…all in our minds!

Not really sure the relevance of this.

This combination of ours…

Can you beat it?

Battle is pretty meh, honestly. Latios attacks, Lunatone wastes its move fainting the second slot pokemon, Solrock insists on wasting time with solar beam on Latios for some reason.

They use two hyper potions on Lunatone, so after it finishes refreshing the light screen and all it finally starts attacking Latios, but Latios just uses recover and finishes it off.

I mean, they’re only L45. A bunch of the other trainers had a single pokemon in the low forties, and that’s basically the same thing as here, it’s just you’re doing two of them at once.

I suppose Latios’ type may have helped, since evidently they had no good moves against him. And they did manage to faint the rest of my team. But I could probably have won with Latios alone, even without them soaking moves.

It can’t be helped. You’ve won…

…so take this in recognition! finishes the girl.

The Mind Badge has the power to make all Pokemon up to Level 80, including those you’ve received from other people, obey you! says the boy.

It also enables Pokemon to use the HM move called Dive! says the girl. More relevant, though I don’t think I’ll be repeating the whole search everywhere for all the things bit like I did in the originals. That took forever and was incredibly boring. So much sea. So many tentacool.

And take this, too! says the boy. Calm Mind…

…comes from relaxing your mind and concentrating, finishes the girl.

Pokemon’s Sp. Atk and…

…Pokemon’s Sp. Def…

…will be heightened by this move! the boy finishes.

It’s a perfect move for Psychic-type Pokemon! adds the girl.

Looks like the bond between you and your Pokemon is far stronger than the bond we share as twins… But you’ll go on from here to form even more bonds! That’s the future I see for you!

There may be a harsh ordeal ahead for you and your Pokemon… the girl continues. Haha, my pokemon maybe. Not for me! But that’s all right! You and your Pokemon aren’t alone! You have each other! So, basically yeah, they’re alone. That’s why we want you to face whatever troubles may come your way head-on and full of courage!

Can do!

And oh there’s a cutscene when I go outside and looks like the genocide beam going into the sky? Are we going to be rescuing the pokemon batteries or will this game just gloss over the starting genocide of the genocide beam?

Okay, so all the people are gathered around Steven, since they can tell by his shiny hair that he’s more important than they are. Fun fact, they are an even split between men and women.

Wha–whaaa-whaaaat?! yells Bald Guy.

A p-p-p-pillar of light! Ap-p-p-eared from the sea! replies Not Very Distinctive Woman. Also, apparently it makes everyone stutter. Interesting side effect, that.

That direction… Is that the direction of Route 128? asks Schoolgirl I Think. Thank you for not stuttering, it’s even more annoying to transcribe than it is stupid to read.

Whoa! Dude! Seriously, dude! adds Schoolboy.

Heeeeeeeeeh… This is the end of the world… says Old Guy, no doubt hearing the ominous bell ringing that’s replaced the normal soundtrack. It’s some quality ominous bell ringing, I must say.

Skitty! Don’t worry! Calm down! says Fashionable Lady.

Skidddddy! Skitty replies, which is probably something like How fucking stupid do you think I am?

The scene then jumps to some other people standing on a ring of sand, staring into the pulsing water int he center.

Whoa… That was, like, a total shocker…

Not sure why this was so important to add to the cutscene?

What the heck was that? That big fat pillar of light!

Seriously not sure. I mean, even if I ignore the part where that was directly shown, and so doesn’t need to be told, there’s the part where the previous cutscene just had everyone discuss there being a pillar of light.

It totally came out of here, didn’t it?

Ah, it’s that I’m very stupid so they couldn’t just point out the location, they have to first remind me of the subject at hand.

Aw, Steven sees me and runs over. That’s quite right, Steven, I am primary protagonist for this enterprise. I’m glad you understand that, unlike some flame-haired dragon chow I could mention.

Lucki! I heard from little Liza and Tate that you visited their Gym.

…how? I literally just walked out of the place. Did they send out a telepathic message? Is it that every time they win they’re upset and call you for a pep talk, or did you say you wanted to see me if I showed up so they told you because it was me, or are you actually stalking me and that sounded like a plausible excuse?

I was thinking of trying to catch you while you were in the area, but then this happened… … We should talk.

About your dad’s genocide beam? Yeah. Yeah that might be a good idea. What the hell, Steven. Genocide beam.

Let’s go to my place.

Cookies will not help with the genocide beam, just saying.

Ah… Yes… I suppose I should welcome you to my home. Please forgive the rather sparse decor… Now, where to begin…

At the genocide beam.

Let us take a moment to understand what is happening to our world right now.

GENOCIDE BEAM

That rumbling that shook the earth just now… The eardrum-rupturing explosion we heard… They are proof that a seal, which was long hidden deep undersea, has been undone at last.

Yes yes I know. About your dad having the genocide beam, though.

The super-ancient Pokemon that has been sealed deep beneath Route 128 since ancient times… It slept until now in the Seafloor Cavern. The entrace to that cavern was sealed by the power of a certain Pokemon, all in an effort to keep any human or Pokemon from ever breaching it.

Right and I totally plan to take advantage of that in exactly the way everyone feared, BUT. Genocide beam, your dad’s involvement.

But now it appears that the scheming of that terrible team has undone the seal.

BECAUSE YOUR DAD HAD THE GENOCIDE BEAM STEVEN SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING

There is no doubt they intend to revive the super-ancient Pokemon.

THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST MALICIOUS THING YOU COULD USE THE GENOCIDE BEAM FOR BECAUSE WHAT IT’S ACTUALLY FOR IS GENOCIDE, STEVEN. THEY ARE REALLY NOT THE BIGGEST ISSUE. COUGH UP YOUR EXPLANATION ALREADY.

And once they do so, it seems they hope to make its power their own.

Which really isn’t unreasonable! First, that’s basically all people do with pokemon, right? Second, what they want it to do and what it wants to do aren’t all that different – really, the bigger problem is whatever math error made them think this was a good idea for humans. They probably didn’t carry the one or something. If you assume volcanos are good for humanity, Groudon is absolutely a good idea.

Lucki… If that team obtains the power of the super-ancient Pokemon, it will upset the balance of nature in this world.

Right. That’s the whole idea. But you know what else upsets stuff? GENOCIDE BEAM.

A crisis unlike any other before it will befall every living thing on this planet.

Really. Unlike, say, GENOCIDE BEAM.

GENOCIDE BEAM, STEVEN.

I plan to do everything in my power to quell this situation. That is my duty. But there is a limit to what I can do with my power alone… That is why I am asking for your help. I have great faith in your abilities. Lend me your strength to help put a halt to these Team’s mad ambitions! With you and I and our Pokemon all working together, we will overcome this disasterous turn of events.

See, I’m not even bugged by how he’s pretty much saying he’ll be killstealing like mad. Hey, it’s a serious situation, we can’t be fooling around and even if either of us could win, like say me and how I could win, even just being slowed down might be bad!

What’s important is that Steven has identified me as the hero rather than ignoring me to chat with failrivals or lecturing me on how much better he is or lecturing failrivals on how much better than anybody he is or not even knowing who I am. What a good NPC!

Needs to explain the genocide beam thing though.

I don’t think it is out of the question. I will entrust you with this.

And it’s the Dive HM.

If you use Dive, you will be able to dive to the ocean floor with your Pokemon. And take this so you can stay with your Pokemon even in the depths of the ocean…

Scuba gear! At last an explanation for how dive is actually supposed to work.

If you were to use DIVE in the CORRECT STRETCH OF WATER ALONG ROUTE 128… I believe you should be able to reach the entrace to the SEAFLOOR CAVERN.

Steven you’ve been great and that’s some of the less condescending bluetext so I’ll let it slide but you’d better not keep repeating that with slightly different wording.

I will join you when I finish my duties. Please do what you can to stop Team Aqua and Team Magma until then.

Like that, yeah. Thanks!

I am trusting you to do this for me!

And with that, the ominous music returns to normal, and outside everyone is hanging out chilling and saying what they did when I first arrived. Would’ve liked to keep the tension.