Right then, into the cave! The cave that turns out to defy physics, as exiting from one of the rooms of impossibly twisty currents midway in somehow puts you in front of the entrance to the cave and makes you walk back to try again.
I’m actually a little annoyed by the currents. Don’t know precisely why. I think it’s a combination of them being long with few turns and few ways back, so kind of the opposite of the arrow puzzles in setup, and the fact the currents I remember from the first game functioned as actually currents that just swept you downstream rather than going all over the place here.
But anyway, at last I find my way to some lava. Then I go down and down and down to find the tiny room at the bottom.
Ugh… says Archie, who has somehow beaten me there.
…actually wait, that makes total sense, doesn’t it. He’s the water guy, this place is totally accessible by water. Wow, game. For once, NPCs beating the player to a location is utterly reasonable!
Ahahaha! responds Maxie. You could read this as normal gloating, but I think the best one would be for it t be a mad, desperate giggle-screech, a clue to us that things are even more wrong than they appear. Because you know, cultists like Aqua being unhinged is just expected, but for real horror, you want your rational self-interest people who insist this is all understandable and those other people were just superstitious scaremongers to start cracking up.
How pathetic you appear now. The fool, Archie.
That’s not exactly what we’re presented with, but try reading that in a tone of barely-contained hysteria. Doesn’t that add so much?
Ugh! Arghhh…
Meanwhile, Archie seems less “oh my god we’re all going to die” and more “Aw, I wanted to wake a god monster first! Now I’ll just look like a copycat…”
M-Maxie…you…!
“You knew this was my plan first! I’m telling!”
Throughout this, super boring dull-color Groudon is just hanging out in the lava, chilling as much as one can given the whole lava thing.
I head forward.
Maxie then does a good head-back cackle-laugh. His grin is enormous. Fuhahaha! Just as I predicted.
L-little scamp… says Archie.
Even I, the great Maxie,
Can I just say how super annoying it is how the game keeps trying to work their names into every possible line? Every game the writing gets worse.
have found myself wishing for something I cannot justify.
Huh. Where’s this going?
And the illogical desire that I harbored was to have you present here at this moment.
And that’s why so much fanfic!
But, presumably he says all this to the boy character too. Why no fanfic with him? Especially with all the Archie subtext meaning we’ve got other evidence he’s into guys.
Hahaha… And now that fool’s wish has come true.
Incidentally, hsi expression here is less “sexy bad boy” and more “teacher who hates his job and just got the power to light children on fire”. He wanted me here for murderings.
Fantastic! Nothing could please me more!
Basically, the text is shippy, the expression makes it clear it’s not.
I suppose I should make introductions… I present to you my incomparable partner, who will assist Team Magma in driving humanity forward to its next level!
And it’s time for a spikybox: The super-ancient Pokemon…Groudon! Behold! This great form slumbering in defiance of even the boiling lava surrounding it!
You know what annoys me? I could’ve gotten both the games and whatever preorder bonus, but I figured they’d just be the same so whatever. And yet clearly they actually did change a decent amount of dialogue. I’m pretty sure Archie’s line isn’t going to be “Wow look at how strong this water pokemon is to be able to nap half submerged in water!”
… says Archie, suggesting that whatever line he does give, it can’t actually match up to lava nap and he is resentful of how much better Maxie’s side is.
So long have I waited for this day… Immeasurably long! This foolish world has held back humanity’s progress out of misguided idealism regarding the coexistence of humans and Pokemon. But this ancient creature can bring that to its rightful end, creating a new land upon which humanity may stride freely forward.
You know – as helpful as pokemon are to the player, you probably could make the argument that we’d do better if we weren’t up against superpowered animals. The humans of the pokemon world spend a lot of time talking about how important it is to respect nature, but it’s usually stuff like the whismur where not respecting nature leads to a bunch of screaming balls flinging themselves at you or grimer where polluting means mobile piles of poison try to eat your kids.
So yeah, Maxie’s plan seems evil but pragmatic while Aqua are just crazypants.
Now that I have at last obtained the power of Primal Groudon! Maxie finishes with a spikybox. Then he turns back to us. Mostly to me.
And now, you are the final obstacle remaining between me and my goals.
Sort of? But you have a god pokemon right there, so it’d be really dumb to challenge me to a regular pokemon battle to decide who gets Groudon rather than using Groudon to crush me. Just saying!
It behooves me to use every tool at my disposal to eliminate you.
So, Groudon?!
Indeed! Even Mega Evolution!
nooooooooo use Groudon!
Do not delude yourself that you and your Pokemon are the only ones capable of it.
Well, if someone whose goal is to kill all pokemon is capable of mega evolution, I guess it doesn’t make much sense to say Lucki’s incapable of it.
But technically, Maxie may intend to spare his own pokemon, so it’s not certain yet.
I must apologize for making you wait through our encounters at Mt. Chimney and Mt. Pyre without treating you to this sight.
I’m glad you recognize that was wrong of you. Some failrivals don’t.
Brace yourself for my ultimate attack!
for god’s sake though Maxie you have a god pokemon right behind you
I guess the idea is that it’s still sleeping so he hasn’t actually finished getting it, but he could at least try to wake it and then say that oh well he’ll have to crush me with his regular team.
Haha, Lucki just blinks at him when the camera switches to her.
He leads with a L41 mightyena. Somehow, we’re all standing on lava now. You know, they should have environmental hazard effects! Like lava burns you and takes off HP each turn unless it’s a fire type. And maybe fire types take double damage on water? And so on.
Raiden beats the mightyena easily, by the way. I switch to Flare for the weezing that follows. It promptly explodes. It was already burned, but that still wasn’t enough to save Flare, but the fact he’s at high affection let him keep a HP and then he ate his sitrus berry so yeah, he’s fine, he can take a crobat.
He cannot take a crobat.
Latios! Show Maxie I’m cooler than him!
Ah, and now a L43 camerupt. That’s slightly higher level than my now L41 precious latios. Also, it’s mega evolving. And yet, a single luster purge takes off half its HP. It does to a good chunk of damage on its one turn, but…pretty underwhelming, Maxie.
You’ve really done it, child. You’ve shown a power that exceeds that of the great Maxie!
…you’re taking this creepily well.
Hah… Hah… Hahhh…
Gonna reveal all you were doing was delaying until Groudon woke up and now it’s real battle time?
… Ah. Aha… Fuhahaha… Kahahahaha! GAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Splendid, he finishes, as the camera switches to stare at Lucki. Just splendid, my young Trainer. No, it is more than that! I should be calling you my young hero!
And yet, your expression.
I mean, just look at this.
Believing until the very end that a world where humanity and Pokemon coexist must be the best…
Honestly, not sure you’re thinking clearly on this.
As a pokemon trainer, I personally benefit from pokemon existing, regardless of if I support actual equality or not. The current system lets me become a rock star with these guys! No successful pokemon trainer would support you unless you add that you’re only going to be screwing over most pokemon and enough will remain for pokemon training to continue. Even then, without dangerous monsters making even simple travel impossible, pokemon training might lose some of its luster. I mean, we do still have and train horses, but it’s now quite niche.
Rejecting my ideals without a second thought…
Could also be done because I’m pro-status-quo. My dad’s a gym leader and we’re presumably wealthy. And I’m on track to be champion. Sure, for all the people with non-pokemon jobs, more human-controlled land could theoretically improve their lives, but me? The current situation could only get better if I owned your precious god monster.
And so, here I am!
Yes, watching you struggle desperately to halt the beginning of the world’s end…
Also, now you seem to be admitting this isn’t going to improve most people’s lives either. Massive disruption is generally bad even if we assume Groudon isn’t going to be a hundred percent fatal.
You are undoubtedly a hero!
That is definitely an opinion other people hold about me! And it’s probably an opinion Lucki herself believes. That she heroically focuses on problems that benefit her personally is just coincidence.
But remember that battle we just had, Maxie? Even you can use mega evolution, and yet did I mega evolve any of mine?
He ignores me in favor of spinning around to contemplate Groudon. So noble… And yet. I will not yield! I will not bend! My ideals will not be shaken!
Uh…good? I’m not sure why they would be. You already knew I opposed you. Nothing’s changed.
My dream for the world’s next step forward will never change! I will use the Red Orb to awaken Groudon, revert it to its primal form, and put an end to all else!
Dammit Maxie if that’s all it takes why didn’t you do it earlier?
Wait! Maxie!
It’s Tabitabi!
Buh?! Tabitha?
Do stop that now… Please! Maxie!
Et tu, Tabitabi?
You just don’t understand! What Groudon will bring about upon awakening is an end to the world!
Humph, replies Maxie. Did you think I had not noticed? That I had somehow failed to realize you were after my spot? Such a sad development indeed. To be betrayed by my number two… In the end, there is only one being upon which I can depend! Now, Groudon! Absorb all of the power resting in this Red Orb, and reclaim yourself! Revert to your primal form! This is the time to take back the great Evolution you lost in the ancient past! Reclaim the possibility you once held!
Augh… You… says Archie, who’s still just standing there like a dope.
Groudon does the whole dramatic lengthy wakeup and shoots to the surface.
Gahahahaha! At last… AT LAST! I’ve finally done it!!! A new world for human evolution will be born!!! We shall stride forward!
So we’re now 2/2 fire themed villains who can mega evolve pokemon but are also planning to wipe them out.
Ohh… What have you done… Boss… What…
Casual Friday Magma, were you so busy casual fridaying it up that you didn’t notice this was the thing he was always planning on doing?
Then someone calls Maxie on his phone. Pretty impressive he’s got reception in here. Hm? A message from our members outside? What is it? So the sun has turned mercilessly fierce in its heat. I should expect so. That is what I have long– No, what WE have long wished for. What?! The heat is greater than simulations predicted?
Maxie, you’re supposed to allow for some error. Did you seriously calculate that it’d be just barely survivable if your simulations were right and figure that was good enough?
Anyway, there’s a return of the glorious doombell music.
It will be a risk to our own safety if it continues?! That cannot be…
SIMULATIONS, Maxie. It means you were making an educated guess.
It has only just awoken… Where is it getting so much power from?
Hm. Okay, two theories:
1) Last time it was here, Kyogre was awake and weakening it. The simulation’s predictions were based on the last situation, where both legendaries were active.
2) If Kyogre is the correct world heart and humans have been damaging nature, they’ve been weakening Kyogre. Doubly so if humans (and perhaps all life) only exist because of Groudon’s corruption and weaken Kyogre the way parasites do.
Ooh, the fossil pokemon!
What if the extinct fossil pokemon were Groudon’s first attempt at infecting Kyogre/the planet, and killed off in the initial conflict. That’s why so many are rock/water and all are part rock.
And how much more will it gain when it does undergo Primal Reversion… C-continue your readings! Then report back!
Casual Friday uncasually heads up. Boss?! Maxie?! Just what’s happening on the surface?!
Seconds ago, you were explaining we’d all die. Now you’re confused we’re all gonna die?
All that matters is… That I have used the Red Orb to awaken Groudon. And now… I will transform this planet into a land ideal for humanity. Go Maxie! Hold fast to your crazy.
Hey, Maxie, says Archie. Looks like we underestimated the power of the super-ancient Pokemon… The power of Primal Reversion…
But you were already trying to stop him.
Apparently everybody else notices this plot hole because their heads produce exclamation marks.
What…did you say?
Primal Groudon brings about an “end”, all right. But you don’t get to choose what end. It’s gonna drive every living thing on this planet to its death! The only thing waiting for us is despair. A despair we can’t even run from. A despair that’s gonna crush humanity.
This is such a great metaphor for global warming, isn’t it.
You blasted fool… And it’s all happening ’cause you were cocky enough to think you could control the super-ancient Pokemon’s power!
Whoa whoa whoa. Now, Maxie is absolutely a total fuckup, but at no point did he claim that or even attempt to do it. He woke up Groudon, it shot to the surface to do its thing, and he was all “EXACTLY AS PLANNED :D”
Now, the part where Maxie’s simulations do not appear to have any margin of error, and also how dubious those simulations probably were given how long ago Groudon’s last appearance was and what data were you guys even using and so forth – we can absolutely criticize him for that. But his actual Groudon plan worked perfectly. He absolutely accomplished what he set out to do, he just made a mistake in calculating it was a good idea.
It’s like if you murder bunnies so you’ll win the lottery. The fact it doesn’t make you win the lottery doesn’t say anything negative about your skills in building the Bunnycrusher 3000, you know?
Point is, this is actually all happening because Maxie hates nature.
So the information we received from the Weather Institute was true…
…Uh. Guys. Am I the only one who remembers how this guy rushed in here about a minute ago on the basis he thought what he’d learned at the Institute was true? Because he clearly doesn’t, and none of you are reacting, and long story short I think we’re being poisoned by the gases given off by the lava pit we’re standing next to and maybe we could continue this conversation somewhere that is’t a tiny enclosed room at the bottom of a cave system.
Boss Maxie! We’ll never get anywhere just standing around here like this!
Exactly, we’re going to die if we don’t get some fresh air soon.
There isn’t a moment to spare!
So stop use poison gases to talk and move it.
We must confirm the situation on the outside!
You can’t even understand what I’m saying, can you. Can any of you even understand each other by this point? Is that why this conversation is so disjointed?
Child! Casual Friday continues. You’re coming, too! Hurry up!
Yeah I’m totally up for leaving this deathtrap.
Everyone walks out, but Maxie spares a moment to stare into the bubbling lava.
Outside, the sky is now a beautiful gold.
This… This is not… says Maxie. What, it makes sense. Kyogre is dark blue, sky is light blue. Now it’s Groudon’s turn.
What… replies Casual Friday, still tripping balls from the fumes.
… elaborates Maxie. I… I wanted… I wanted to make… It was supposed to be a world where the human race would attain new heights.
And we will! We’re going to so super motivated now, what with the threat of death and all.
The next stage…of our development… It was all…for humanity’s future…
And when our descendants look back from their homes all across the stars, they’ll remember you, “That Stupid Fucker Who Made Earth Unlivable”.
Boss… Maxie…
“…wait, what? Whoa man.”
Archie, who I assume is just thinking over and over that thank god this happened before he tried to awaken Kyogre or he’d be the idiot everyone was yelling at, says, So this…is the power of the super-ancient Pokemon… This is how Groudon brings everything to an end…
Since you guys said Sapphire has a lot of talk of the sea of beginning, I guess this is supposed to be the counterpart but the stuff before was just about Groudon being literally desolating, no apocalyptic prophesy business.
All of us, people and Pokemon… Every living thing on this planet… Everything’s gonna die… OK, little scamp… We’re setting sail for Sootopolis.
What is this “we”?
That blasted Groudon is no doubt gonna get there ahead of us.It’ll be waiting for us deep in the Cave of Origin, there in Sootopolis… There’s a pool of energy there that folks say is needful for Primal Reversion.
“Primal reversion being that thing that last happened in prehistory, maybe. We know lots about it!”
There’s no doubt in my mind that Groudon will be racing to that cave,
Yes, but you’re Maxie’s counterpart, and we’ve just been through how you guys just don’t feel doubt regardless of if you’re actually wrong.
thirsting for that power…
Like, maybe Groudon’s just going there to try to head off Kyogre. Maybe all that business about using nature to power up is really more a matter of destroying those energies to prevent Kyogre from using them.
We got no choice but to go ourselves. We gotta do whatever we can to fight back!
And yet I noticed you just stood around like an idiot instead of tackling Maxie into the lava or something useful like that.
All right, Maxie! he says. You Team Magma blighters better come with us!
“I mean, sure, you’re ideologically opposed and I just saw you working hard at refusing to accept this was a bad idea, I’m sure you won’t finish rationalizing and then turn on us when we’re about to stop it because you’ve decided that the simulations can’t be wrong so it’s that Groudon isn’t in its super form yet but when it does somehow that’ll be better so backstabby time. You’re obviously great people to have along for this!”
We’re responsible for this mess. This ridiculous, impossible mess.
So, is Archie every going to get around to saying how much of this is his fault? Like, is this actually his plan that was supposed to be for Kyogre, and Maxie stole it?
It only makes sense for us all to step up and clean up after ourselves. Agreed?
Or from another point of view, everyone but me is incompetent and everything you do to make the world better screws it up, so you should stop doing things and stay here while I fix it.
Ngh… spits Maxie.
Let’s go. Boss Maxie…
And they walk away.
… says Archie. Hey, little scamp. Look, I’m supposed to be a grown-up, right? So let me say sorry for the way this has gone down. And…I’m sorry ’cause I’ve gotta ask you to pitch in with the cleanup. We need every hand on deck if we’re gonna do something about this mess…
Oh, I’m happy to help.
I definitely didn’t steal anybody’s masterball and definitely am just going to be showing up to stop this threat and not do anything to further destabilize the world just to benefit myself.
So…I’ll be waitin’ for you in Sootopolis.
Ahaha. Yes. Definitely not the real villain. See you there!