Last time,

I walk out of the gym.

Spikybox of hate: Out of the way! Move it! shouts probably the same Team Magma grunt as last time as he runs.

Wait! Pleeeaaase! calls one of the standard hunchbacked scientists. Team Magma, you are just not very threatening if that’s people’s reaction to theft. Don’t take those parts! And he toddles off after the guy. Listen, when you’re done mugging people for stuff, they’re supposed to be cowering. They’re supposed to be grateful you leave. How hard is villainry? Do you need a checklist or something?

I head after to see that the scientist guy apparently got winded walking a whole street in one go and is now just standing around.

Oh, you there! You’re that fantastic Trainer who helped me in Petalburg Woods! Help me! I was robbed by Team Magma! I have to get the Devon Parts back! If I don’t…I’m going to be in serious trouble…


In retrospect, no one seems to be actually worried about what Team Magma might be doing with the stuff, it’s just that it’s corporate property and what if they fire you over losing it and oh geeze pretty please come back with it!

Anyway, outside the cave is the old sailor guy saying his wingull was stolen. Yeah yeah.

I enter and find the poor grunt.

What? Are you coming? Come and get some, then!


Grah, keelhaul it all!


Did they just copy Sapphire’s translation here? Why would Magma use that term?

This hostage Pokemon turned out to be worthless! he seethes in spikyhate box. And to think I made a getaway…into this tunnel to nowhere! And you! Now you’re here to battle me. Really?


You know, I’m still not clear what stealing the pokemon was supposed to do beyond make yet another person chase you. Pokemon don’t make for good hostages, what with them being the very things we use to fight each other.

His poochyena has apparently had a busy day and is now L13. The way other people’s pokemon sometimes level up as fast as yours and sometimes don’t really doesn’t make sense, but who cares, mine’s L13 too! Poochyena battle!!!

…I use thunder fang. He uses sand attack. I use thunder fang again. It misses. He uses howl. I use thunder fang again. It misses. He uses odor sleuth. I use thunder fang again. It hits. Battle over.

Oh, failAI.

Ugh! Uhhn ugh! Is this the end of my evil deeds?!


If this is your best attempt at evil, maybe it’s for the best. I guess points for stealing that guy’s pokemon for no tactical benefit whatsoever?

This is plain not right… The boss told me this would be a slick-and-easy job to pull.


Maybe the boss didn’t realize you were incompetent. Or maybe he did, but he underestimated just how incompetent.

I mean, among other things, there’s a giant X on the sign as you run toward the tunnel saying it’s not done yet.

All I had to do was steal some parts from Devon. Tch! You want ’em back that badly, then take ’em!


And I just let him walk off. The old sailor guy comes to collect his wingull, then I go to bring back the parts.

The scientist guy gives me a measly greatball and takes me up to see the president, who’s very grateful I helped them out so much.

There’s a favor I’d like to ask of a reliable Trainer like you.


Yeah, that’s gratitude for you.

Now I want you to know I’m a president you can trust. I’d never be so mean as to ask a favor for nothing in return. Here, give me your PokeNav Plus for a moment.


And I get the BuzzNav app, whatever that is. Oh, he’s explaining.

The function I just added to your PokeNav Plus is called BuzzNav. because we’re still doing the thing where the narration tells me and then the character tells me. It is an indispensible tool for any Trainer who is traveling out in the world. Use it, and you’ll be able to get the latest news from around the region and from your own friends, anytime and anyplace. Now let me get to the important issue of what it is I need you to do… I want to ask you to deliver this Letter to a man named Steven.


Let’s all take a moment to understand that yes, Letter is now a thing we’ll be seeing capitalized in fanfic.

You’ll find him in Dewford.


He explains that we’ll need to go across the sea, so he’ll ask the guy we just helped to take us instead of the guy doing it because we saved him. Plot threads seem to be tangling, PLUS this means I didn’t earn the boat ride, this other guy gave it to me so I could do something for him.

I try messing with his stuff but I can’t steal his stones and the rest of the stuff doesn’t even have flavor text. It’s really annoying, I keep seeing open pages on desks but no one programmed anything in to interact with.

I go down, verifying in the process that everyone who works at Devon save the secretary in the front is male, and out the door to find Brendan.

Hey, Lucki. How’s your Pokedex? Completed any entries yet? Mine pretty much rules. I went on a Pokemon-catching frenzy in Petalburg Woods until I ran out of Poke Balls! Oh yeah, I passed by Mr. Briney in Petalburg Woods. I bet he was on his way home to his cottage on Route 104.


God, the game thinks I’m stupid.

I guess you wouldn’t know, since you just moved here and all, but they say that old guy used to be an amazing sailor!


I GET IT GOD.


Okay, before I go, I have CUT and I have the badge, so let’s get that stuff.

The building by the tunnel is no longer has a guy standing there, so I can go in and hear the bit about how the digging was harming the animals by being too loud. Thinking about it now, that doesn’t make a lot of sense given whismur are literally soundproof.

Hm. What makes more sense is that the whismur are the only things left. They stopped the drilling in the hopes the original pokemon inhabitants would return. Maybe whismur are sort of like the animal answer to, say, blackberries, rapidly colonizing disturbed areas when their original inhabitants disappear.

Getting into the other area next to the tunnel (how did they get there when they don’t have pokemon that can cut the trees and don’t sound like they’ve gotten a badge?) the girl says upon defeat, Awww, I’ll never become an elegant Trainer like Roxanne this way!


Elegant. Not “powerful” or “skilled” or “respected” or even “talented”. “I’ll never be attractive in my trainer skills.”

…I’m going to the boat.

The guy is appreciative, but also clearly doing this so you can deliver the letter more than because you want to go yourself.

Exploring the tag, I find one man who says, There’s a lot to be said for living on a small island, in harmony with my Pokemon and my family. But are you in harmony, or is it just life is peaceful from your point of view?

His wife, meanwhile, says she moved from her hometown to be there, much like my avatar’s own mother moved due to her husband’s job. I don’t believe we’ll ever see the reverse, although in fairness, I think it all comes back to the women not having jobs in the first place and not specifically the belief women should put their careers second to their husband’s.

Also I get an old rod from some other guy. Fishing time!

…I can’t fish from the side of the pier. Really?

Okay, now I’ve fished up some poor magikarp.

Magikarp is a pathetic excuse for a Pokemon that is only capable of flopping and splashing. This behavior prompted scientists to undertake research into it.

People are so mean to magikarp.

There’s a cave. Inside, a hiker gives me flash, so it’s about to be a dark cave I guess.

At the bottom there’s a bunch of people staring at a mural.

A mural covers the entire wall. The painting depicts the life of people and creatures that look like Pokemon.

For some reason, I can’t find any pictures online of this – even the youtube videos just have the people speeding by. Anyway, it looks cool.

The people tell me that one enemy team or the other was here, as they are evidently red/blue colorblind and also have generally poor memories so they can’t recall the name those people loudly identified themselves with. They also tell me they’re not getting out of line to let me through the opening, but are fine letting me walk past them to examine the mural.

I really hate these sorts of blocks. We start off with some sketching idiot, and now they’ve added in another one.

Anyway, it looks like I’m supposed to fight the gym leader.

Current team:
L17 surskit
L14 ralts
L14 ralts
L14 shroomish
L16 makuhita
L10 nincada

I again kick some off for my starter and thunderdog. Thunderdog shall lead as she’s the lowest level.

Advice guy in the gym warns me to keep normal types away from fighting types. Sure, no problem, I don’t even have any of those! That is definitely the thing I needed to be warned about after the game made sure I’d get a dark type.

First gym trainer is a battle girl. As Act mentioned…

Ugh.

Still, at least she’s doing something, which is more than can be said for almost everyone else we’ve encountered so far.

She has a meditite, which uses meditate until I faint it.

Apparently this gym’s puzzle is that there’s switches that turn on lights to illuminate the path you take, then plunge back into darkness when you step off and have to actually navigate. Not particularly difficult, but a good second-gym level of challenge. (And a lot less tedious than the original wander around in a maze.)

The final battle girl again defeats herself with meditate. At least she has two pokemon and the other’s a machop, so she gives me slight difficulty on the way to the inevitable.

My treecko evolves!

Grovyle wants to learn the move Fury Cutter.


Why?! Why would you want to learn that?

However, Grovyle already knows four moves. Should a move be deleted and replaced with Fury Cutter?


You know what, fine. Fine. You can have your terrible move. I mean, currently you have both pound and pound + moving first in battle, so why not.

The leaves growing out of Grovyle’s body are convenient for camoflaging it from enemies in the forest. This Pokemon is a master at climbing trees in jungles.


Well, on to Brawly, possibly the worst of the pun names, He’s busy doing squats.

Current team:

L14 poochyena
L16 grovyle
L17 surskit

Also some other losers I guess.
L14 ralts
L14 shroomish
L16 makuhita

Let’s do this!

I’m Brawly! Dewford’s Gym Leader! I’ve been churned in the rough waves of these parts… And I’ve grown tough using the cave at the outskirts of this town as my training ground, as well as using the equipment in this Gym. So you want to challenge me? Let me see what you’re made of!


The first is a L14 machop who faints my poor thunderdoggy. I follow with Grovyle. Brawly used a potion, I used a mega drain and win anyway. Then he sends out a L16 makuhita, and I still win anyway.

OK, you’ve got me. Take this Gym Badge! Hmm… You know what? I think you can make full use of this, too. I’m sure this will help your Pokemon bulk up muscle!


And he gives me the useless TM I don’t care about.

I can see your talent becoming a giant wave that causes a storm of astonishment with Trainers one day! I look forward to the day when I can surf your giant wave!

You know what might’ve been interesting? Dual-typed gyms. He is clearly super into water.

By the way, have you been to Granite Cave?


YES GAME. YES I HAVE. YOU STOPPED ME FROM CONTINUING UNTIL I DID THIS, REMEMBER?

He tells me where the place I just was is and how it has stuff like that stuff I just saw and god game learn to let me say I know this already.

Bah, I’m going back for my berries. Steven can wait.