Last time,

Now to leave Slateport.

The camera instead pans to someone with grey/blue hair telling someone with green hair, Hey! That’s Lisia and Ali doing a shoot over there!


Are you serious?! says the excitable green-hair. Lisia! Let’s go!


And they run off, but the cutscene continues following them as they go crowd around here.

And she’s got an altaria. HM. HM I SAY. HM.

Hiiiiii, ev-er-y-bo-dy! Lisia here! Me and my Altaria, Ali, have come to Slateport City’s Contest Spectacular Hall for a bit of FUN!


Ali-li-li!


Well then, watch me as I dive right in again today!


Yeaaahhhh! enthuses grey/blue hair.

Dazzling, dizzying, doldrums defying! coos Lisia, spinning.

Mindlessly, the crowd entones, Dazzling! Dizzying! Dazzling! Dizzying!


ALL HAIL.

Anyway, her outfit is pretty ridiculous but it’s proper idol/contest sort of ridiculous and she’s wearing shorts under the frills around her waist so pretty okay on balance.

Plus she’s obviously got mind control abilities and that’s always a plus.

START! screams one of the crowd.

Lissi! Scout me to be your next boyfriend!


Lisia! Aliii!


She shrugs this off because it’s probably the background noise of her daily life. All righty! I’m going to bring another fantastic Trainer into the wild world of contesting! Eenie…meenie…miney…


And she sees me. I didn’t even notice I’d gone over there.

You there, watching me with that baffled expression on your face! Hi! Have you never joined in a contest? That’s just what I want to hear! Then let’s get this show on the road! This is the Trainer I’m gonna scout today!


This is amusing. Also, I preserve the game’s capitalization when transcribing, so apparently even they can’t keep the Contest/contest thing straight.

And her name is…


Lucki!


Know it and fear.

When I took a good look, I cold easily see that Lucki is a powerful Trainer, with several Badges of her own already! Lucki! You can enjoy Contest Spectaculars at the Pokemon Contest Hall right here. Now listen up, because I don’t just want to see you making your Pokemon strong. I want to see you bringing out a whole new brilliant side of them to show off! So here you go! Take these! This is a Contest Pass, which is the first thing that anyone needs to take part in a Contest Spectacular! And this one is a Pokeblock Kit, which will let you make Pokeblocks for your Pokemon out of Berries!


Lucki’s story begins today! Yep! And this chapter should be titled… “A Sudden Encounter! Miraculous Contest Scouting!” That’s what I’d call it! Now, everybody out there watching… You’d better expect great things from Lucki, because I do! That’s it for today’s Lisia’s Miraculous Contest Scouting! See you all next time!


Al-tariiii!


The crowd claps thrice.

Lissi, you’re so cute!


She ignores this in favor of saying to me, If you feel up for it, try your hand in a contest for me, OK? Tee-hee!


So…is this meant to distract me from my real goals?

I follow her inside.

Oh! Lucki! Thanks for playing along back there! I guess it was quite the shock, huh? But don’t mind that! Contests really are fantastic, you know! I’m suuure you’ll get hooked on them!


…

Well. This is Lucki, so let’s go show off rather than save the world. I approach the counter.

Ohhh! Lucki! Could it be? Oh, could it, could it? Are you really going to try a contest for me?! Oooh! I’m happier than a Gloom with a Sun Stone! Ah! I know! This chapter of your story should definitely be called… “My Big Beginning! A Heart-Pounding Contest Debut!” That’s what I’m calling it! Ohhh, but if you’re gonna take the stage, you’ve gotta come here with me first!


And I follow her off into a dressing room. Oh dear.

So! If you’re taking on a Contest Spectacular, there’s something you hafta have from me! Tee hee… I know it’s sudden. Sorry! Truth is… You’re actually the 100th Trainer that I’ve scouted, Lucki! That’s a really big deal, you know! It’s gotta be fate! Right? Tee hee! I think you’re just the Trainer I’ve been looking for! Oopsies! So-o-o-orry! Got a little carried away.She music notes. But, um, the point was… Would you like to…? Well, do you think…? Um, wanna wear this for your contest debut?


How long were you planning this, Lisia?

She’s dressed me in a pink version of her outfit.

S-s-s-so… So CUUUUUUTE! Oh wow! It’s PERFECT for you!

Yes. Suspicious.

Eeeee! I just can’t wait! Your first time on a live contest stage, Lucki! It’s gonna be so, so, so AWESOME! I’m not gonna blink for even a second! Phew! You look so fantastic in that outfit that I’m about to lose it here! You have to wear this Contest Costume! It’ll be perfect for the contest. Promise! I’ll be cheering for you!


Well, of the pokemon I have on me, only my ralts and nincada have two matching moves. Nincada’s got the best moves (ralts has two one-star ones! worthless thing), so I feed it enough pokeblocks to max its coolness. I mean, Lisia thinks I’m going to do a great job, I can’t screw this up.

And I win. Of course I do!

Lucki! Wow! Gratz! I watched it all! You were great! “I Really Did It! A Star Is Born!” That’s what I’m calling it!


So wait, maybe contests are like a pyramid scheme where she gets a cut of the advertising money because she scouted me.

Lucki! You’ve gotta keep up this pace and just go as far as you can go! Become a real contest star! If you could have as much fun with Contest Spectaculars as me, I’d be happy as Slugma on a sunny day! You could become a massive star! I’ve got a good feeling about you!


I try talking to her of my own volition.

Lucki! ‘Sup?


I can ask to battle her. Hm.

What? A battle? Oooh… Truth is, I’m not all that hot at battles… But don’t you worry! Maybe I’ll get to take you on in a contest someday!


>.>


I started in contests because I wanted to show people that there’s this whole other amazing side to Pokemon, more than what you see in battles or whatever. Pokemon are about more than strength. You can raise ’em to be beautiful, or you can raise ’em to be tough as nails. They grow and change, trying as hard as they can to live up to their Trainer’s feelings. I want the whole world to get it about all the other cool aspects of raising Pokemon! That’s why Ali and I set out to become stars! When you’re a star, and everyone starts following you, then they naturally start wanting to know more about contests, too. Am I right? See, that’s why I started thinking that a Trainer shouldn’t just depend on Pokemon. The Trainer’s gotta be just as cute, or just as cool, to stand alongside their awesome Pokemon! Oopsies! Sorry again! I probably went on too much…


See, that sounds nice, but it’s not like what we do to dogs over beauty pageants is all that much better than dogfighting. If the existing masses shift their interest to contests, they’ll go about it with the same disregard for the pokemon’s wellbeing, and pretty soon we’ll have poochyena whose eyes fall out of their heads when jostled. Or for something more relevant to the country of origin, these abominations.

But hey, what does Lucki care? Let’s see how far Nincada can take me.

I’m ambushed by the pokemon breeder who needed inspiration, who gives me Cosplay Pikachu – no real explanation for that. Cosplay Pikachu is a pikachu that “likes” wearing costumes. That poor creature. It seems to mostly have cool moves although it comes with plenty of points in everything. I max its coolness and go to change costumes from the pink thing to whatever the one for cool contests is.

Oh, you’ve come with Cosplay Pikachu! Do you think your Pikachu wants to change costumes?


Why are you talking like we’re thinking about the pokemon and not what’ll help me win?

Also apparently changing costumes changes moves known.

 

I win again.

Eek! That’s so coooooo! Gratz on making it to Super Rank, Lucki! Looks like we’ve reached the next chapter in your story! I’m calling it… “Is This a Dream? Am I a Future Contest Star?” Ahhhh, it’s so marvelous! I’m sure you’re on the path to contest stardom! You’ll be a star, Lucki!


I’m given the choice to say Thanks! or I don’t think so… While my impulse is the second, Lucki would absolutely pick the first.

Of course! There’s something captivating about your performance on stage. I bet you’ll have an army of fans in no time! Watch out!


Cue spiky hate box.

Hmph! Good luck waiting for me to be your fan!


Chaz! says Lisia.

It’s some boring guy in a boring outfit.

Who is this supposed to be, Lisia? I’m meat to be your one and only rival! He turns to me, showing off his boring, boring front. Now look here. Maybe you don’t know this, but me and Lisia are the most famous rivals in the contest world! When we debuted together back in Lilycove, we stood at the top of the lighthouse and swore that we would both do our best to win! We talked the whole night, till dawn!


That’s…that’s not really a “rival” thing, Chaz.

Well, actually, we talked for about 40 minutes, but it was still amazing.


Not helping your case.

Come on, Chaz! she says. How many times do I have to tell you that there are no rivals in contests? It’s not that kind of competition!


Gonna have to go with Chaz on this on, though.

It’s the combination of the Trainer and his or her Pokemon that–


What’s wrong with being rivals? Chaz interrupts. It makes it more fun for the people watching us. Don’t try to deny it! When people think of you, they think of me. And the other way around!


She turns away. When they think of me, they should think of Ali…


So she really does think this is a better way to treat pokemon, and even in her niche she can’t even get her fans to care. That’s depressing.

But really, wasn’t this doomed from the start? She keeps saying contests aren’t about competition, and I think you could argue that’s sort of true – people would rather go see four people all give great performances than one. They don’t have to be about winning. But they are a performance, which means that by definition, most people can’t do themselves. You’re having fun showing off for a crowd.

Battling, though, is something that only takes two trainers. One, if you’re going up against wild pokemon. And given the whole thing about needing pokemon to explore, battling ability can mean getting to go new places or saving other people in trouble. Contests are just far too specific. Maybe if they were about more than just looking attractive to the crowd…you could have other shows of ability and trials that could have a greater focus on training and practical skill.

Chaz doesn’t care either. He just turns to me and says, You get it now, newbie? Sorry that you got your hopes up and all, but Lisia’s real rival will always be ME.


Chaz, she dressed me. And very obviously did not dress you. I don’t think there’s any overlap here.

Maybe this is more ambiguous if you’re playing a boy, but yeah. She made me a pink clone of herself.

There’s no room for you in our dramatic story of success and glory!

She made me a pink clone of herself. And he runs off, probably to burn incense at his hidden shrine to her.

Oh, that Chaz! He never listens! Don’t mind him, Lucki. I’m not interested in rivals or stuff like that. I just want everyone to have fun together and enjoy Contest Spectaculars!


I try talking to her again. I get the option to ask about Ali.

Some people say that “Ali” sounds like a girl’s name, but my Ali is definitely a boy! I always think Ali’s the cutest, but there’s more to him than that. When it comes to contests, Ali really shines! We’re been doing our best together ever since he was a Swablu. I hope we’ll be partners forever!


Then I ask about Chaz.

About Chaz… He’s a Trainer who made his debut in the contest world the same day I did. He’s definitely a bit, um, unique… But he works hard at what he does.


On to the next contest. Another easy victory. I’m again told to go meet Lisia.

Ahem… Aaah, aah, aah. And Lisia music-notes. There’s no jamming my feelings for you. (music note) I’ll show you the appeal of my love. (music note)


She gets an exclamation mark over her head, like it’s a total coincidence she was singing that while waiting for me. Oh! Lucki! I was just sneaking in a little rehearsal! I want to shine as an idol, so when I have free time, I get some practice in! But I was forgetting something more important! You’ve finally made it! You’ve won a Hyper Rank contest! Wow! Fantastic! You’re totally on fire, Lucki! “You Can Always Count on Me! The Glittering Life of an Idol!” That’s what I’l call this chapter! Don’t you think that’s perfect, Ali?


Li! Ali-trrriii!


Oooh! I almost forgot to tell you! I’m sure you’ll blast right through the next rank, too, Lucki! The other contestants will be tough… It’s Master Rank, you know! You’ve gotta give your Pokemon plenty of Pokeblocks so their condition is just perfect, and think of the perfect set of moves to use together!


“Or I guess you could just be handed an already raised pokemon for that.”

But I’m not worried! I know you can do it, Lucki! And, um… If you… When you… If you win all the contests up through Master Rank… Then what would you think about you and me maybe–


Chaz and a machoke carrying a box run in.

Heeey! Lisia! I know you’ve been pining away fro me, but Chaz is on the scene at last!


Mach, mach! agrees the machoke. Or disagrees, it does kind of look unimpressed about all this.

Oh. Chaz. And Macherie. Hear the excitement in Lisia’s voice. Also, so, girl machoke? Anyway, she turns away. I don’t think anyone would say I’ve been “pining”… And could you have picked a worse time to interrupt?


What would I be interrupting? Nothing worth anything is going on till I’m here! I’m your MVP! Never mind that anyway. Look, Macherie brought lunch again today,


How much do you people eat that’s a storage box.

so come and join me for a nice, private–


The machoke startles. Mah! 


S/he runs over to offer the box. Macherie! Cherie! (music note)


Aa…ali…


Maaach! (music note) Maaach! (music note)


Hahaha! Macherie, you scamp! You’ve got a crush a mile wide on Ali! See? Even our Pokemon have good chemistry! We’re a perfect pair! It’s written in the stars. Destined to be…the ultimate rivals…Chaz and Lisia!


He turns to me.


And YOU! Here you are again, trying to steal my spot as rival. Getting in our way! So you happened to win Hyper Rank, and you’re not as hopeless as I figured. Sure it’s pretty impressive, and I… I should congratulate you on it… But still! Don’t dream you’re ever gonna beat ME!


Chaz! Lisia chastises. Look, the contest has brought us all together, which is pretty lucky for us. Can you just drop all this talk of winning and losing? Make the most of being here and doing our best! Am I right? Right! Let’s all have fun!


And so the scene ends, but I have the option of continuing to talk. My options are to ask what she meant to say or ask about Macherie, and I am super interested in if their pokemon are in love or if it’s a one-sided thing like with Chaz, so let’s go there first.

Oh, Macherie? Well, Chaz says they met on a dark and rainy night. Macherie was a Machop back then, and someone had just left her there in a box… That’s the box she always carries around with her, you see? I guess it’s her fond memento of the moment she and Chaz first met.


That’s very touching but I can’t get over the fact it’s a flimsy cardboard packing box and there’s no way it could last that long. Maybe it hasn’t been very long? It’s always been unclear how fast pokemon grow.

Anyway, I ask about what she was trying to say.

Ah! Um…well… How about I tell you after you win all five Master Rank contests, Lucki? See, I…um… Tee hee! Nothing! Never mind! You’ll have to win to find out!


Well, I can do the coolness one, though it’s a bit close.

Lucki! You did it! You did it! You won your first Master Rank contest! Eeeee! It’s truly incredible! That’s it! I can’t wait! I’ve got to do it! “Wait for Me! Everyone’s Idol Contest Star!” That’s right! You’re going to take Master Rank by storm, Lucki! It’s only a matter of time, I know it! That Striking Chronicles you used in the Contest Spectacular… I couldn’t tear my eyes away! Ohhhh! That’s it! I’ve got to work even harder! If we do our best, we may stand on stage together someday! See you later!


Anyway, this seems like as far as I can get for now.

I try to exit, but some old guy ambushes me. Ah! You there! Could you spare a moment? More fetch quest? He leads me upstairs to portraits of ribbons. My unnatural pikachu occupies one.

The portrait here upon this wall… It is of your Pokemon, who just managed to win its way through the Master Rank, is it not? Splendid! You see, I am the curator of the Lilycove Museum. This portrait of your Pokemon… Such life… Such vitality… I would love to have such a masterpiece in our museum’s collection as well. Please come visit us to view it in the museum proper. I look forward to seeing your continued contest success!


That was a lot of typing, so let’s end for the day.