Alright, let’s get a gym badge. Presumably electric, maybe steel if the game wants to do something differentish.

Current team:
Fletchinder L34
Braixen L32
Amaura L29
Tyrunt L31
Litleo L31
Honedge L32

Hey wait, does this mean we’re having two male gym leaders in a row?

Advice guy: What’s cookin’, good lookin’? Does that change for the male player character? My future Champ, back for more! So wait, this is the same guy every time? But in the other ones, he sounded like he was a native of that city. Anyway, electric, quiz gym.

Construction worker guy: The shining Prism Tower is like a lighthouse for poeple’s minds… It may look like a waste of energy, but it’s important. But also, it’s a waste of energy.

Another person notes that electric types don’t have many weaknesses. This is true.

Quiz show, apparently. First question: a pikachu’s silhouette. Jesus christ, game. What happens if I get it wrong? Good, just a battle. I will fight all the people.

The stunfisk is beating up my team. I really can’t handle ground types, so this might actually be difficult. I only really beat it because the idiot used camouflage while my fletchinder was out.

What happens if I talk to the same guy again? I wouldn’t be surprised if you answered wrong on purpose, just to battle more. The game knows me well.

Well, time to go heal. I think I’ll change Serena into a more respectable outfit. Striped blue tank top and dark jeans.

Okay, so following showing me a silhouette of the most iconic pokemon, I get one of the first pokemon encountered this game’s silhouette. Third is actually mildly difficult, since it’s one of the monkeys, but if you’re really confused you can just go check your pokedex.

Could it be that you did not choose Pansage as an answer so much as you chose me to battle with? Okay, game, if you knew, you could’ve made the questions a little harder!

Ah, that’s a bit better. Next one is three butterfly/moth silhouettes and you have to identify which one of them it is.

Up top!

Oh! Thank you again for coming. Allow me to introduce myself…

Then his sister runs up. This is the Gym Leader of Lumiose City, Clemont! You’d better watch out! My brother’s strong! As strong as you’d expect a Lumiose City Gym Leader to be, got it?

He pushes her aside. Bonnie! How many times do I have to remind you… It’s not my own strength that matters, nor any other Trainer’s. None of us would be here if it weren’t for our Pokemon.

You are doing so much better at BW’s plot than BW!

I know, I know! she says. Anyway, I hope you two have an awesome battle!

He turns to me. She’s right about that, at least. let’s both do our best in battle. Then crazy devices pop out of his back.

Three pokemon. Still?

L35 emolga. Promply volt switches itself out.
L35 magneton
L37 heliodisk

And with the use of two revives I win the second time. The problem is the predictability – emolga, volt tackle, then magneton. So I have my tyrunt open, it digs on the first turn, almost knock it out, then keep doing that while the gym leader burns through his hyper potions on every other turn. The heliodisk is more of a problem, but I whittle it down with the rest of my pokemon, and then it’s just a matter of beating the emolga. I finish with tyrunt at a sliver of health, but I’m the victor!

M-my brother…You lost?

Oh Bonnie… When will you learn there’s no shame in losing? That doesn’t sound like a winner’s attitude there. I’m glad whenever I get to learn something enw thanks to strong challengers like this girl here. Now, to the victor go the spoils! This Voltage Badge belongs to you! If you have Voltage Badge, you will be seen as a friend and equal by any Pokemon up to Lv. 70. And here. Take this TM as well…

Cue Bonnie: Oh, I know! I know this one! It’s TM24! That’s Thunderbolt! Thank god, now my helioptile might be useable.

It has a power of 90, and its accuracy is 100 percent! You know, I’m not saying I want a return to the original days of having no clue what any move meant, but it’d be nice for people to be slightly less exact in regular conversation.

Arghhh! Bonnie, you–! … … … Then sudden spikybox: The future is now, thanks to science! Behold the machine that gives: Technical Machines! …I just wanted to be able to say it, OK? At least once. Look, I’m not… It’s not like I’m just trying to make myself stronger or… … … … All I’m trying to do is enjoy every day to the fullest with my Pokemon, while doing the science that I love with my inventing.

This is…really not what I want from life. I don’t want to fight idiot kids. Gym leaders are supposed to be the best they are. They should have something resembling pride.

Outside, holoclip.

Sycamore: Hello there! I wanted to talk to you for a little bit. Could you come to Lysandre Cafe?

What.

Do you know where it is?

That is not the problem.

You can see if from outside the Pokemon Center right by Prism Tower.

THAT IS NOT THE PROBLEM.

It’s the red cafe.

YES THE OMINOUS ONE THAT’S OBVIOUSLY EVIL.

Just hop in a taxi if you can’t find it. Be seeing you soon!

So he’s either stupid or evil. Maybe both.

Huh, there’s a bunch of people in it now. The guy right by the door is talking about their grandman saying bad deeds don’t go unpunished. That sets an interesting tone.

Over here! says evil and/or stupid professor. I was just having a conversation with Lysandre about Mega Evolution.

Evil McFlamehair: I would like to congratulate you as well. Mega Evolution is something I, too, would like to be able to use.

Stupid/evil professor: Actually, Lysandre himself is of royal ancestry… He truly is a chosen one.

So, it that the direction this is going in? I can get behind some regicide.

Evil McFlamehair: True. I’m a descendant of the king’s younger brother. That being said, that story is 3,000 years old, so it might not be entirely reliable.

No, I’m fine with you having king’s blood. I hear that stuff’s good for things.

Evil/stupid professor: By the way, Serena… Do you know where the Holo Caster is made?

At least it lets me say that yes, everyone’s told me Evil McFlamehair invented it.

That’s right! They’re made in Lysandre’s lab.

Don’t fucking condescend to me, game

Lysandre is a great man. He supports Trainers and Pokemon research with some of the profit from the Holo Caster.

Evil McFlamehair: People can be divided into two groups. Those who give… And those who take… It’s just as how the Kalos’ region’s two Legendary Pokemon gave life and took life.

Interesting.

I want to be the kind of person who gives… But in this world, some foolish humans exist who would show their strength by taking what isn’t theirs.

“So I said to myself, I should kill everyone to solve this!”

…and okay yeah, spiky scream: They’re filth! so yes, batshit.

Long, long ago, the king of Kalos sought to take everything for his own, and he created a terrible weapon. Then the fire of destruction was unleashed… That is the legend that has been passed down. Kalos is beautiful now! There will be no foolish actions if the number of people and Pokemon do not increase.

“If they do, I murder everyone.”

That being said, the future isn’t decided. You can’t be sure each day will be like the one before. What the king of Kalos did was reprehensible, but…

why is everyone just standing there? they can hear this man talking right? why are they not running away?

I mean, seriously, from what he’s just said about the king, this is probably like saying “What Hitler did was reprehensible, but…” NOTHING GOOD WILL COME AFTER THAT

The ultimate weapon did manage to wash the world clean of that era’s filth.

See, was anyone expecting anything different? Exactly.

And then the creep gives Serena a king’s rock. I want a restraining order.

Thank you for listening. Take that as an apology for my taking up your time. And he finally leaves thank god.

Evil/stupid professor: What a passionate person.

Okay, Serena, sweetie, you need to start backing away. Are there police in this world?

He’s just like a blazing flame.

Failing that, we may need to go with my old standby of murder. X’s legendary looks prettier than Y, so I’m making a stab in the dark and assuming I’ll be getting the life-aligned legendary, but I have beaten people with all sorts of legendaries, I’m sure we can kill them with the Ghibli deer pokemon, don’t worry.

Perhaps his pride in his lineage is what makes him burn so intensely. That being said, what Lysandre says is only one way of looking at things…

Oh no you don’t. You’re not backpedaling from this. You’re singing the praises of pokeHitler, you don’t get off the hook by waffling about exactly how much you support genocide man.

It’s not necessarily the truth.

Genocide weapon isn’t necessarily the truth? Really! You are truly a reasonable man.

Serena!

Evil guy!

What’s truly important is the time you spend with others! Treasure these moments spend traveling the Kalos region with your Pokemon!

“Because my buddy and I may just kill you all at any moment!”

Right. Let’s talk to the other patrons, who have still not called the police for some reason.

Team Flare are the red-suited saviors of the world!

…okay, that’s a pretty good reason.

Oh, Lysandre… I’ll have my 5,000,0000 saved soon…

Is he charging people to work for him? Maybe that’s for the suit.

Leaving, another damn holoclip, this time from greenbox.

Trevor: Hello. How have you been?

Front row seat for holocaustman exposition his issues. You?

I just wanted to let you know we’re all going to meet on Route 14. Please come and join us.

You took that well.

Okay, so let’s check out the art museum. And hm. Here, at long last, I’ve found my precious descriptive text, presumably because the graphics aren’t yet able to handle detailed paintings.

To try to use words to capture the beauty of a painting is like eating the menu instead of the meal. So maybe that was a close debate among the designers.

Also, it’s weird that they don’t just have the image pop up to fill the screen when you click on the painting.

They say a man of power at the time forced the artist to add the Mythical Pokemon Mew to spread the word of how great he was. Hm. So is Mew still considered a myth even now?

There’s also a bit with three of the regions – Sinnoh is defined by its battle frontier, Johto is full of legends and old history related to Pokemon and with Unova, we’re told Various kinds of Pokemon and people gathered in the region, so it’s like a universal melting pot. which is the origin of the name? Also, what a weird distinction.

Okay, Unova’s pathological refusal to shut up about how great different opinions are and how important it is to respect each other are fits the melting pot thing, but nothing else does. They don’t have any actual different opinions and in fact absolutely hate people who do anything at all to rock their boat. They’re like “tolerant” Christians who are okay with those gay people so long as they don’t act gay in public. Unova even has a separate set of pokemon, with the “various kinds” of other generations only showing up in the endgame.

Next place is one of the hotels, this one very fancy. I can’t stay unless I shell out a lot of money, but I can get a job there! Also, exploring is still possible, though it’s rather time consuming – so many tiles, so few people.

Someone else tells me how to do a skating trick. Okay.

Pokebattle! And now my wartortle’s evolving.

It crushes its foe under its heavy body to cause fainting. In a pinch, it will withdraw inside its shell.

And I guess I’ll be able to mega evolve her next.

I just used the sacred power of mega evolution to beat some mobster in an alley.

THIS IS AWESOME.

In the pokeball store, I can finally buy premier balls. Also, some kid gives me heal balls because he’s obsessed with round things. I sell those, the X-whatevers I’ve been picking up, and all the status healers I’ve found since berries work just as well, then buy a bunch of premier balls because they’re just really cool.

Now there’s a cafe of little kids talking about pokemon. Why is there a little girl behind the counter? Weird.

Berry cafe: When you drink Berry Juice with your Pokemon, you end up feeling energized, too! Huh, so I guess this is stat boosts? You should’ve seen the way my husband was frolicking about last night! You would have thought he was a teenager again! Um. I’m not sure how old Serena is, but I don’t think you should be telling her that.

The berry juices just seem to be altering EVs. Doesn’t seem to be any way to make berry juice the hit point recovery item, which is particularly weird since someone already gave me some, so it’s not like it doesn’t exist.

Hey, and now I can get into the stylish store. Super expensive and the best thing they have is the trenchcoat dress. No sign of a long dress for Serena.

I feel, like, totally fulfilled by just having my Pokemon by my side. A world without Pokemon? Pshaw! I can’t even imagine livin’ like that. So, reference to our world or last plot. Also, someone wants a pokemon with a veil ability.

HOLY SHIT I WENT INTO AN ELEVATOR AND WHEN I GOT OFF THE SCREEN FROZE AND THE MUSIC IS WRONG AND THIS CREEPY PERSON APPEARED BEHIND ME AND JUST STOOD THERE AND I CAN’T MOVE AND NOW THEY’RE GLIDING FORWARD OH GOD OH GOD

No, you’re not the one…

thank god please go away creepy person