Huh. The cave is pretty, but the puzzles are easy and there’s no wild pokemon. Also, why are there ice heals everywhere? Do people just take those anywhere it’s cold and then drop them?

Oh, and I just ran into some people in red. I try to backtrack and make sure I’ve seen everything in the cave, but cutscene triggered.

Greenbox shows up to ask if I’m cold. Yes, actually, the only sweater I’ve seen were those belly-baring horrors, so Serena’s in a t-shirt.

Is there something going on up ahead?

Kid, unless you’re controlled by some overlord with a top down view like mine, you should be able to see it a lot better than I do. I just see some red legs.

Ah, and now the screen’s moved. Two grunts and someone in red with blue hair. A bluenette, as we say in bad fanfic. Also, an abomasnow.

This Abomasnow is a fine specimen! It’s absolutely brimming with energy! The more we agitate it, the stronger its Snow Warning Ability becomes, making the snow fall even more furiously. Let’s catch it swiftly and get out of here.

Which is…wrong? I need canon to sit down one day and actually explain the ethics of good vs bad catching. It seems connected to upsetting the pokemon beforehand without using a pokemon of your own to attack it, as is proper.

Snowwww… says the abomasnow.

Hey! yells Greenbox. Hey, you Poke Ball thieves! What are you doing here?! Ah, so we’re going to avoid the excessive moralizing on capturing pokemon. Excellent.

What does it look like? says Bluenette, probably rolling her eyes behind her weirdo eye covers. We’re catching Pokemon. Why else would we have grabbed all of those Poke Balls?

“I mean, this is how you catch pokemon, right? You stand there gloating to weaken them, then throw the ball.”

It was all so we could catch powerful Pokemon like this Abomasnow. It’s full of potent energy!

“We’ll grind it up and sell it as frozen herbal energy drinks!”

Energy? Greenbox repeats. Credit where credit is due, he’s more on the ball than I am.

You’re not the brightest one, are you?

Well, Serena’s just standing here not saying anything, so I’m not sure why you’re sure we’re brighter. Unless keeping your mouth shut is just generally a good idea.

Whoever has the most Pokemon and the most energy will come out on top!

please don’t respond saying it’s really about friendship and not the pokemon

Lazy people who just wait for things to be handed to them don’t get to have these resources!

please please don’t respond saying it’s really about friendship and not the pokemon i don’t even care if it’s sort of true now come on no friendship speeches

Greenbox: But why is Team Flare amassing Pokemon, energy and money?

THANK YOU

I really didn’t think the games had it in them.

Powerful pokemon as an actual resource to be gathered! Pokemon battling being about more than how people feel about it! Yes! Wonderful!

It’s not just about liking pokemon to be more independent. Or even about being so utterly sick of this plot after the fifth gen.

But if pokemon power is based on personal goodness, how can we have any villains at all? Anyone legitimately evil will be defeated, and while I do think there’s room for people with good intentions, like N and, for a less effective attempt, Teams Aqua/Magma. And these are games about winning. Straight up friendship = power also leads to the whole mess that is GSC’s rival plot, where I get to spend the endgame as the boot stomping on my now-noble rival’s face, forever.

Honestly, while I actually can find this kind of thing really rewarding in other media, I tend to find it really troublesome in games, where most of the time I’ll be seeing NPCs who care so much more than I ever could and crushing them anyway.

To put it another way, why is Team Flare always trying to take everything for itself? Greenbox continues.

Allow me to spell it out for you! It’s so Team Flare–and only Team Flare–can survive! After all, why should we care about saving people who aren’t on our side?

Hm, so you’re not planning to actively wipe out everyone else, it’s just a thing that’d happen? Because I’d actually respect you guys more as villains if your gameplan was actually to kill everyone else so only you got to have the stuff.

Anyway, I don’t mind a healthy curiosity, but I’m afraid I just don’t have any more time for you.

Greenbox then turns to me. Don’t double battle or help, Greenbox, I can beat them myself.

Lady S… That’s right, Greenbox, LADY. Serena can kick their asses.

Did they say only Team Flare will survive? These people have a few screws loose…

Dammit, Greenbox, you were seeming intelligent for a bit there.

But Bluenette is well and truly sick of us: You two–hurry up and send these kids packing!

To which “these kids” get exclamation marks as if they’re surprised. I guess Serena just zones out while I transcribe.

And we conclude our opening cutscene with a spikyboxed Let’s go! Team Flare! This is the trademark pose of Team Flare! It’s the very definition of fashionable!

You know, I wonder if they literally had someone trademark it. That’d be worth tracking, given that I presumably can’t get a conviction just on the basis Holocausthead is creepy and owns a cafe that’s connected to the team. If he trademarked it officially, then he wouldn’t be able to deny his involvement.

Mawile just hit L50! Which I guess means I’ll have to kick her off my team a while.

And victory.

I may have lost… I may have lost, but… Isn’t this winter wonderland beautiful?

Well, yes, but I suspect Serena may be more concerned about the cold.

Almost as beautiful as the Team Flare pose…

Uh huh.

Incidentally I’ve had the dousing machine out this whole time, and now I can finally ignore them in favor of seeking out what it’s pointing at.

And hey, a random pokemon just attacked me! At last! It’s just a haunter, though. And I can talk to the abomasnow too, although it just says its name again.

Okay, bluenette scientist? admin? whoever, you’ve been patient. Let’s fight.

Hmm… You’re more powerful than you look. I wonder how much energy there is inside you.

Apparently she’s Mable, with blue lipstick. I will call you Vriska 2, Mable.

And Vriska 2 has a L48 houndoom. Not bad. Unfortunately, she doesn’t have anything else.

Hrmph! I’ve got no patience for losing. Let’s get out of here!

And they leave. Greenbox heads over to me, having killstolen one of the two grunts.

Doesn’t battling with Team Flare scare you, Lady S? I’ll admit it scares me. I don’t like battling them…

More for me, then!

But we managed to protect Abomasnow by pitching in there.

Really didn’t need you.

I know I’m the reserved type, and I’m OK with that, but it’s important to be bold when necessary.

This is actually a good philosophy, but just, go be bold somewhere I’m not, okay? I’ve got this.

Mamoswine doesn’t have to worry about Abomasnow anymore, and that’s what matters. All’s well that ends well!

Well, that is nice, although I’m kind of confused why it couldn’t just come help the abomasnow, or wait for someone to try to ride in and run in here.

And in return, the abomasnow has just given me an abomasnow crest for digivolution. That’s very nice. Serena helped it, it gives her a reward instead of hopping into the pokeball.

Treverant’s moveset has gotten interesting. It now knows a two turn autohit move that makes it disappear for the first. So, leech seed, burn, phantom force. Works well.

And my clauncher’s evolving! Into. Uh. Clawitzer. That sure is a thing.

Their enormous claws launch cannonballs of water powerful enough to pierce tanker hulls.
Now to finish the rest of the area. There’s a battle girl who talks lovingly of her pupil, who turns out to be a medicham, and actually does give my now pretty weak team a good pounding. Upon defeat, she suggests I fight her instead.

Then I descend deeper, and find a sliding puzzle that can’t be solved with the standard lines and am rewarded with Frost Breath, which sounds interesting. Let’s see what it does.

The user blows its cold breath on the target. This attack always results in a critical hit.

Its power is 60, so effectively 120, plus I think critical hits have some secondary advantages about bypassing stat changes or something? On the other hand, its accuracy is only 90, and the PP is 10, which is rather strict. None of my current team can learn it anyway.

Hey, finally ran into another pokemon! Cryogonal. Shame I’m down to two pokemon that are both in the red (and weak to ice). Well, that’s what revive is for.

You know, maybe I should try that out. I never did last generation because I was raising for evolution.

They are born in snow clouds. They use chains made of ice crystals to capture prey.

It’s a pure ice type, still. Hey, are there any ice/fairy pokemon?

Well, guess I’m done here.

Outside, the mamoswine and concerned guy are gone. What, no accolades?

Well, I’m going to call it a night. Tomorrow Serena will ride another pokemon.