Okay, finally entering the boulder. Down another elevator, and now there’s a room full of grunts who really don’t seem to care I’m invading their base.
I’ll leave my fate to Lysandre, but I’m worried about tomorrow.
So what you’re saying is that now we’re doing just the cult angle. Anyone else?
I’ve been saved by Lysandre’s support…
Come on now.
The Pokemon attached to the stones on Route 10 are an energy source for using the ultimate weapon.
Okay, so they’re definitely currently attached and presumably not dead yet.
How about you scientists, what do you have to say? Anything good, scientist guy?
We’re absorbing energy from the mysterious tree.
Wait, what mysterious tree? Did I miss something? The only big tree I remember…
Oh, the fairy mushroomed one. That’s the one, isn’t it.
But that’s it. There isn’t a Pokemon anywhere near here.
But the other grunt just said you were using pokemon.
Hey, women scientists! How about you?
All systems are go for the ultimate weapon.
Why are you telling a random kid who got into your base this.
All we have to do is charge it using every bit of that thing’s power.
How do you know how much power it has?
Everyone in the whole world must be happy before any one person can be happy.
I don’t like where this is going.
But the world is too big, and there are too many people and pokemon, so there isn’t enough happiness to go around…
Wait, what? I was thinking this was some fucked up empathy based thing, but no, you think happiness is a finite good and you’ve got to murder other people so there’s more for you? What the hell.
Well, on to Holocausthair. Also, somehow Alt-me has appeared.
The ultimate weapon’s flower has finally bloomed above the soil. Don’t you find its beauty captivating?
It is very shiny and colorful, I must admit.
As we speak, it draws its energy from the Legendary Pokemon.
“The other pokemon we just plan to drain for the evulz.”
Serena!
Please stop trying to bond with the little girl, creep.
I apologize that the weapon ws unearthed even after you chose correctly in the lab.
What does he say if you push the other button? Because what would make sense is for him to think I’m on his side in that case.
But conflicting egos drive this world–things don’t always go the way you want!
At which point, utterly unprompted, Alt-me weights in with, Ultimate weapon? We won’t let you use it!
Holocausthair continues.
Even though resources, space and energy on this planet are limited, the number of people and Pokemon has increased to an unsustainable level.
Okay, first off, why wasn’t anyone saying that before?
Second, game, game, game, you can’t show us a utopia and then be all “wait by the way overpopulation and dwindling resources!”
Whether it’s money or energy, the ones who steal are the ones who win in this world.
“I was hoping I could tap into that narrative power by stealing the energy earlier.”
So what? That doesn’t give you the right to destroy everyone except the few that Team Flare chooses!
More to the point, if that’s your issue, why are you picking your select out of the rich who want to be richer? I mean, if you’re going to wipe the rest of us out, you could at least choose survivors who aren’t actively opposed to your entire philosophy. I’d like my death to be to someone competent at least.
So, tell me. The Mega Ring, did you share it?
I’ll have you know I bitched heartily about that.
Also, then I stopped using it because apparently it’s overclocking pokemon and seems similar to sucking their energy out with a holocaustbeam and I’d have handed it over to poor Alt-me if the game had mechanics for such except that I’m pretty sure it’s just flat out bad.
That’s different! We did compete to see who got it, but…
The we here is you.
When there is only one of something, it can’t be shared.
But I could in fact hand it to Alt-me. And he could then hand it back! I mean, I get the point you’re trying to make, but the mega ring is just some dumb gimmick. It is totally shareable.
Also, I’m not clear on if it’s actually a limited resource thing here because there’s definitely more than one mega ring and people are just handing out the other stones.
When something can’t be shared, it will be fought over.
For god’s sake, I lost to him the first time and he wouldn’t take the hint. Yes, we literally “fought over” it but this game is allergic to proper rivals so it was an entirely amicable affair.
This is a good idea, but it just doesn’t work that well when I have so little control over things. More than last game, though, so, I guess they’re moving toward this whole RPG thing being functional. Maybe next time they’ll give my character the lines and not have to have my opposite sex doppelganger say it.
And when something is fought over, some must survive without it.
It’s a damn trinket!
Seriously, this game has certainly been heavily on the consumerist side, but there’s been no sign of limited resources or deprivation of any kind. The narrative of this game has been about money and distribution, not resources themselves.
In fact, I’m not sure there’s been a non-utopia since the first set of games. I can’t remember any mention of pollution in the second gen and every game after that has been about how very pretty it all is and people living together with pokemon who are so totally their equals despite not qualifying as people.
The only way to create a world where people live in beauty, a world without conflict or theft, is to reduce the number of living things.
There’s been no conflict or theft! You’re just insane! Also, the surroundings have been consistently gorgeous throughout the game. Even your murderflower is beautiful!
What about Pokemon? asks Alt-me. Yeah, why not hook up some people to power your gun instead?
This is apparently a great response because Holocausthair responds with an ellipsis.
Why…are you crying? Alt-me looks so disturbed.
Pokemon… Shall no longer exist.
Okay, so your master plan is wipe most people out so the remainder can die because all your civilization relies on pokemon. Got it.
Pokemon are wonderful beings. Humans have worked with Pokemon, and we have helped each other flourish. But precisely because of that, they will inevitably become tools for war and theft!
“And that’s just icky so I’d rather we all used guns instead.”
Also wouldn’t it be more productive to just kill all the humans and leave all the pokemon?
Enough of this. You want to stop the ultimate weapon, and I refuse to do so. So, I will keep you busy for just a moment…
He’s fighting me again. Dammit, Serena, just aim for his head already.
But no, we have to pokemon battle instead, as if we aren’t in a time crunch or anything.
The strength to protect, huh? But what are you really protecting? A tomorrow that will only end up being worse than today?
Considering how awesome today is, I’m okay with that.
You’re as strong as ever. But… It’s too late!
See! I told you to stop fooling around and just kill him. You are such a failure at murder, Serena.
There’s no hope for you now! Go down to the lowest floor, and see for yourself!
Alt-me, who just stood around being useless and not using his ninjafrog to murder Holocausthair’s face or damage the equipment or anything at all really, shouts, It’s not over until it’s over! Lady S! Let’s look for the Legendary Pokemon! Trainers are protected by Pokemon, but they protect Pokemon, too, right?
Not really and also that comma really doesn’t look right.
Also also, come on just kill him already.
Look! That’s the entrance to the lower floors over there!
Okay, so I can now see the tree and it’s just a tiny white tree I’m pretty sure I never encountered, I guess fairytree is unrelated.
As I try to hurry down, Alt-me remembers how his legs work and triggers another cutscene telling me to hurry. At least then he figures out how to follow me instead of cutscene teleporting.
And below is cueballhead and some Flare person.
Scratch: I’m afraid we’re going to have to ask you to turn back. The Legendary Pokemon IS at the end of this chamber, after all.
You’re going to kill me with it, why are you pretending you can threaten me with anything?
Why did you tell them that?! Who would even do something like that?! shrieks the Flare grunt in horror at just how stupid this person they’ve been standing next to is. I like you, Flare grunt.
Battle’s pretty easy because for some reason all they want to do is attack Alt-me’s pokemon, so the only damage I take was when his was knocked out in the first blow and by his flareon using a damage-everyone move.
Grunt: You might be strong, but your teamwork is still a bit lacking!
That’s putting it mildly.
Cueballhead also adds, Searching deep in Kalos’ mountains for the Legendary Pokemon was backbreaking work. It sounds like something fun. There’s really not been much of the way of dungeons in this.
Oh hey, also I can talk to Alt-me while he follows.
I get what Lysandre is trying to say, but what he wants to do is so wrong!
Also it’s just generally baseless because you live in a utopia.
Oh hey now he’s just shouting it as we run because the guy who wrote that wanted to be sure everyone read it.
Next set.
Even if things are just as we heard, I can’t believe they’re sending smart guys like us to run off some little “Rattata” that wandered in, says a grunt.
I’m not opposed to this in principle, but as in last game, it really shouldn’t be happening after I’m acknowledged as being super important. Acceptable for random grunts if I’ve just stumbled on their base and they don’t realize I’m the same kid that wiped out the last one, but these guys are clearly being put to stop us. Holocausthair is creepy invested in Serena, if he’s ordering these guys stop me, I can’t see them not knowing who we are.
The other one just says they’re going to win and The Trainers moving on to the next level will be Team Flare! which doesn’t make sense, it’s not like they weren’t allowed on the different levels before, they were sent to this particular level to stop me, not to determine which of us earns the right to go somewhere else.
Fucking Alt-me hits me with lava plume again.
Admin: Yes, I lost. But no matter. Lysandre is the one who will take care of things.
How many times do I have to beat him for it to take?
Then the grunt repeats that.
Talking to him again, he asks if the money he spent to join wasn’t a waste. Well, no, if you blow up the world money’s worthless either way.
Arg now Pinkie’s cutsceneing at me, probably to tell me I need to hurry.
Lady S! Calem!
Alt-me: Shauna?! What are you doing here?
Pinkie: I’m sorry…
Why are you apologizing you’re not fuckwit here who keeps hitting my t-rex.
I know… I’m just going to slow you down.
God fucking didn’t they get this out of their system with Bianca?
Blueface who is totally slowing me down already: …
And that’s it. Just dot dot dot. Not dot dot dot I can’t believe you’d think that but the dot dot dot of wow I can’t think of anything more to say.
Fuck you and fuck the writers.
Pinkie: But… But friends should stick together!
Aw, and she looks all upset.
Blueface: I’m sorry… I wasn’t thinking clearly, and I didn’t consider your feelings. Thank you for coming. Friends should stick together.
What? No! If she was actually slowing me down in any way but this stupid conversation, she shouldn’t be here because the fate of the world is at stake and feelings don’t matter for that. Conversely, there is no reason she couldn’t come because how is her standing there stopping me from kicking ass?
Blueface: Lady S, we’ll all stick together, right?
Actually I’d rather trade you two.
Oh hey, I get a choice. Naturally! or But… so I’m betting my choice doesn’t actually determine if she’ll stay. Anyway, yeah, giving it’s not harming the fate of the world, of course we should stick together!
It’s settled then! says stupid blueface stealing the credit after his dickery got us into this. Shauna, Lady S and I will go ahead. Stay close, OK?
That’s not even what I meant!
OK! Thank you! And a musical note oh this is just sad now.
Next group has a cueballhead saying the plan’s not done yet so they shouldn’t screw it up with mistakes now and a grunt babbling about how Flare has flair.
God dammit he fainted my t-rex with lava plume. And now he burned my next pokemon!
Admin: Lysandre is like the sun to us! He represents our hope!
I’m really sad he hasn’t explained that his plan is to kill them all too. That’s totally how I’d do it if my psychotic break made me think I needed to kill all humans – recruit people based on the ideals that I think are the cancer killing society, both because fuck them generally and because it means I’ll know where to aim the gun first for the culling.
We get to the bottom.
An electronic lock… Now what?
Man if only I had a giant rock t-rex maybe we wouldn’t have to worry about what locks doors may have had on them, or indeed if a given opening had once contained a door or not.
I’d use my ice longneck instead but you’d probably lava plume her again.
So, Pinkie? You had that weird super puzzle skill you demonstrated once and never again. Also that puzzle solvey thing but I’d rather you did it on your own merit.
This might help!
Damn. So, you’re contributing to our success, but only because of someone else’s work. I could’ve just been given it earlier and skipped her entire existence.
It’s a device that helps you when you’re stuck on a puzzle. Clemont gave it to me! An electronic lock and a puzzle are the same sort of thing, right?
In the sense that I’m supposed to actually get to solve them but the game’s more interested in cutscenes and shiny, absolutely.
But she’s just doing another music note, oblivious to my disgruntlement.
Ta daa! The lock opened! Another music note. Oh. And the device actually broke… What’s with this? That happened last game with the mysterious energy-giving thingy too. It’s a total opposite from the design policy of the original games that gave us a pokeflute you got for a plot problem but then could use the whole game anyway.
But hey, maybe it means we’ll run into another puzzle and she’ll actually have to solve it?
Not bad, Shauna! says Blueface, very impressed by her ability to cart someone’s device around and know to pull it out now. Well, Clemont was the one who made it. But you brought it here! For fuck’s sake game when I complain about things I usually think it was accidental on your part. So, I guess both of you are pretty great!
And so we’re reminded of the choice I talked about at the beginning: I either can be a competent girl, or I can have one competent girl NPC.
Anyway, he turns back to me. We’re finally here. Yes and kind of in a hurry. Remember that? You were shouting it at me a minute or two ago.
The Legendary Pokemon is inside. Let’s save it together!
How about you, Pinkie? Any thoughts?
The Kalos region.. I’m sure it’s gonna be OK! You two are amazing, after all! I know you can stop them! Dammit Pinkie have some pride.
Well, that was a thing.
Holocausthair had a pretty good villainous speech that was undercut by not matching much with his previous crazy or the setting in general. Also, the game’s nose-leading combined with its easiness meant I wasn’t too into the mega ring – the callout was a good one in theory.
Also, the fact beating people doesn’t actually accomplish anything has become really frustrating.
(You know, between the two it seems we really are moving toward a more JRPG-style story, and maybe next generation will finally manage it properly. Alt-me seems like he’s really a stand-in to deliver the main character’s dialogue.)
I don’t know why I didn’t expect the final Pinkie thing, honestly, but since I didn’t have time to numb myself to the inevitability it’s a trifle infuriating.