Jan 27remorsful fanfic writerA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12337391/

Actually, I never turned the game off. Hence why I didn’t say I turned off the game.
And technically it is a money trap, as Magikarp can be caught anywhere.

Jan 27Disbanded CrowA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12336290/

Yeah, s’fair enough, you win this round. I swear, one of these days I’ll write a Pokémon fanfiction that you don’t dislike. ;P

Jan 27SilverrsparkNot gonna lie, that kinda stung. But then again, it does suck when somebody makes a valid critique about something you’re proud of. However, I am not upset. I would actually like to thank you for not pulling any punches. After all, you can’t get any better if somebody doesn’t point out your flaws. It’s people like you who drive others to improve and I appreciate that.

Jan 27YeelimsoA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12337826/

Thank you for pointing that out. I’ll try my best to fix my mistakes. Thank you again ^^
I’m bad at writing but I enjoy it so it makes me happy to know that there is at least someone who reads it and gives me their opnion.

Jan 27bloodyrosethornsA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12336830/

Not quite, though it was amusing back then.

Thank you for taking the time to read it and for leaving a review either way~

Jan 28darkdragonempireA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12340347/

Thank you for your review. Allow me to explain a few things.

1) They do have a monetary system, however the society itself is a closely knit one. They can’t simply leave because news does travel and the family basically has a giant sign over their heads for this. As later described, he was the Head Priest for the village (which has one of the largest temples to Arceus in it, which is what draws people to it. There are laws in the world dictating the size of people living in it which makes it different between a city and village, and her village doesn’t have enough people living in it yet to be considered a city though its still growing. That is something I have yet to address in the story, but was planning on explaining at a later date). There is a larger nation, and that is Ashis, however people will know them on sight and they will recieve the same treatment. Besides that, this is their home. They’re not going to just leave. The tribes still try to cling to their own individual beliefs however, which is why they still refer to themselves as tribes even though they have a higher form of government now, put in place so that Tamers will not cause massive wars anymore.

2) The mark is “still required” because it is basically a religious symbol. In this society there are times when such things will be removed (as it was with her father, also described later) where basically they carve the skin off to remove the symbol. That is only for people who commit terrible crimes, and she did not do that. As later stated in the chapter “A child is not their father”.

3) The reason some words are capitalized is because I’m going off of in game spelling, since this fan fiction is based on the games. As such, since Pokemon names are capitalized in it, regardless, I capitalized them. I may consider redoing this in the future, but it is a bit of a habit at this point.

4) Skins may not be the right word. They use the hides of pokemon, and yes, I’m aware how it works. While pokemon are treated specially in the story, the people will hunt and kill them just like pokemon will hunt and kill each other for food. There are religious reasons for doing this, and such pokemon hunted are called “unholy” so that people can kill them. There are other ways to call a pokemon unholy and kill it, but doing so with no reason is considered a crime punishable by death. That is why they say that the “skins were gifted to them”. Though I did mean the pokemon Tauros. (this was mostly addressed in chapter)

5) Humans are still alive because Pokemon are generally very compasionate creatures (at least in my mind). The Pokemon is afraid to come into human camps because even in this region, Zoroark and Zorua use their illusions to hide and escape from people and other pokemon (this was addressed in chapter). Its not that its scared that she’ll do something, its that this young Zorua has never been so close to other people and pokemon. The reason this one is in town is because (as she speculates and later discovers), something had happened to the Zoroark that was its mother and it had no choice but to come into town in search of food after a day or so.

6) She would ask it to leave. That’s all they can do. She’s more worried about getting in trouble for letting it eat too many or trying to move it. Its not a crime to touch pokemon, but they don’t do it without the Pokemon’s permission as most pokemon are wild.

7) Again, they can hunt Pokemon, and often do. However, the Pokemon has to be deemed “unholy” before it can be killed even for food. So because of that the people grow crops. As later stated in the chapter, sometimes pokemon help people prepare to plant crops or other various deeds (not mentioned, but often in exchange for something like food or such).

8) In their society children are married at young ages. She’s more or less just spouting what she’s heard from other, older girls in that marrying age range who want to marry higher into society. I can see however where it can be confusing for her age. I may either change her age or change the wording.

9) Again, laws dictate her village isn’t quite that large. In the region of Ashis, villages have to grow substantially before they become towns. Once they hit town status they gain more trading and business and grow rapidly. Cities are absolutely massive and are considered hubs of cultural mixes. Another reason her village hasn’t quite grown is because her tribe is still fighting against the laws and don’t want to lose what little of their culture they have left (which isn’t much, they’re already pretty main stream with Ashis). That’s part of the reason the temple is so large. The capital city wants to force Jas to become a town for the fertile farm land in the area. They want it as a resource. This would be explained in a later chapter.

10) They’re not really avoiding each other. As later stated, an Absol often comes near the house that Sari lives in (her brother, like her father, can speak to pokemon). They’re simply considered equals and you wouldn’t try to force another human being to jump into battle for you, or do something they didn’t want to do. That’s the kind of relationship they have. This relationship was stressed several times in the chapter. They’re more surprised that a Pokemon is following her because of the Tamers and their role in society. Having a Pokemon follow one specific person around (especially one that rarely comes into contact with humans) is a huge tip off that something strange could be going on.

11) That’s why they’re surprised. Pokemon don’t simply allow themselves to act like pets, so people are surprised to see one doing it. Its a huge tip off about someone being a Tamer because pokemon seem to flock to them naturally. This was also going to be explained in greater detail at a later date.

12) Perhaps I should have worded this better. By “older and finer dresses” I was referring to one that she wore when she was younger. Her mother wasn’t always poor or basically cursed to be poor her whole life by her society. She even had enough social standing to marry her husband, who was once the high priest (this was explained in chapter somewhat). As for the color, I did pick it rather purposefully to be “perfect”, but I was going to explain when Sari leaves on her journey that is was a color that had always been her mother’s favorite. The jewels are costume jewelry. They’re not real.

13) The character herself is special, but as later explained, its only because she is the first Tamer Jas has seen in over 200 years. I get the feeling that you didn’t read the chapter all the way through, or perhaps that thoroughly because I explained some answers to some of your concerns already. I can’t say that I read much better though, I read too quickly. Once she reaches Hirageth, the capital city, you’ll find an entire army of Tamers from all over the massive cities and towns that cover Ashis. Just because not everyone has a Pokemon doesn’t make the ability that rare. Tamers are also considered holy and are called later in the chapter “gifts from Arceus”. As for why this is happening, I was going to explain more about that next chapter when it is done. I have spent many hours thinking about the world and how it was built. Remember that this is a completely different society that you can’t base your own, or any other pokemon world societies off of. Though it isn’t too far from Unova, the Tamers have kept the world away from Ashis, and Legendary Pokemon have helped. This is because of a prophecy that will be explained in the next chapter, but is has to do with Arceus saying that this place is “closest to how the world was in the beginning”, when Pokemon and people were equals and Trainers didn’t exist. The story itself is based loosely around the game Pokemon Conquest as well.

I didn’t want to explain absolutely everything about the world in a single ch

Jan 29Number448A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12333763/

Ok wow, that was quite vicious. I’ve never really edited my stories, or even read through them. I generally just type in the spot and hope, but I do agree with most of what you said, I should go through and edit it, which I will (hopefully, I never really remember and I’m already structuring the third chapter in my mind, which is set to deviate from the original draft) In terms of Pokémon though, I’ve always capitalised them because well, they are higher beings than us humans, above us in every aspect so they deserve the capital. (Plus, the game has always referred to them with a capital) the speech part I completely agree with, although your instructions are a little confusing (I’m an idiot, sshh) and finally we have paragraphing. My nemesis. To be honest, I’m quite proud I put in any paragraphs at all, I’ve never been able to grasp their use and most of the stories I’ve ever written don’t have paragraphs (like the draft chapters one and two were based off). [After looking up what convulated means I apologise for that, I always get carried away]. But seriously though, are you always this savage because wow.

Jan 29AnerianJamesThank you for the feedback. You brought up a lot of valid points, and I will do the best I can to fix those flaws. Thank you for reading what I have so far!

Jan 29SchoolgirlQA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12339910/

Hello Farla, I was almost tempted to thank you for taking your time and typing up this constructive review until I recognized the exact same review of yours on What Came Before =) I’m sure you wouldn’t mind me pasting over a word from PokemonFan35: “NOBODY HAS EVER SAID POKEMON IS THE EQUIVALENT OF ANIMALS. THE ENGLISH GRAMMAR RULES HAVE NEVER SAID YOU CAN’T CAPITALIZE POKEMON NAMES. IT MAKES YOU LOOK LAZY IF YOU DON’T.”
As for “ludicrous all-caps screaming”, would you mind telling that to J.wling and Khaled Hosseini and millions of authors and fanfic writers as well? I’ll happily delete them if you’ve convinced every single one of them =)
You are right about the title, it was a typo lol that I will change later.

Jan 29Saria SkyeA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12340782/

I like how your review sounds like an angry girlfriend. I’m so sorry that my capitalization offends you so much that you wrote a whole freaking paragraph about it! Every time I’ve ever seen a Pokémon name or the word Pokémon – it was always, ALWAYS capitalized, especially in the games. So excuse me for not knowing. It’s even considered spelled wrong when I spell it like ‘pokemon’ on here! And why is it such a big deal anyway? We’re talking about fictional creatures in a fictional universe! I doubt Webster’s has an actual opinion on this!

Also the fact that her mother is not around is what drives her to leave her house in the first place! It’s part of how I wanted the character to develop. Besides, it’s not like this is an overused concept just by fan fiction writers. For example: pretty much every character in Naruto is missing one or both parents, Lucy Heartfilia would probably have never left her home if her mother was still around, and even people in Pokémon have this same concept. Ash doesn’t have a dad, Brock doesn’t have a mom, and so on.

I wrote some background information because I thought it might help things make more sense in my actual story. It’s not meant to be super interesting, it’s just informational. That’s all! I was planning on writing my character into the full anime, eventually, but unfortunately I don’t have time to just sit around and write stories all day, and writing the story up to this part is going to take a really long time! I have a life, and a job, and a husband that all take priority over this, which is probably why this is only the second story that I’ve ever posted! (Are you happy that I wrote ‘second’ instead of 2nd??)

I read your profile. Do you just get a kick out of posting bad reviews? I’ve read stories that are way worse than this, but I always try to say something positive while still giving constructive criticism. It’s just common courtesy! You didn’t even bother to say anything about the actual story. Did you even bother to read it?

This is something I do for me! I’m not looking for anyone’s approval, especially not yours! I write the kind of stories that I enjoy reading instead of expecting other people to write how I want them to! People put their personal thoughts and feelings into their stories, and were not professionals. The least you can do is say one nice thing about it, instead of just nitpicking about every single stupid detail! This is supposed to be fun, but it’s because of people like you that do nothing but flame, that take all the joy out of it!

I’m amazed that you think you’re so high and mighty that you can tell me how to write! Well I’m going to write how I want to write! And I’m not going to let people like you bully me into thinking that my work isn’t worth posting! So I’m going to keep capitalizing Pokémon names! I’m going to keep my chapters up here the way that they are! And if you don’t like it – GO READ SOMETHING ELSE!!

And if you want to repost this somewhere – you can fricken go for it!

Jan 29Number448A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12333763/

Alo, I don’t know how time zones work so sorry if this causes disruption but I would just like to say that I have done my best to edit Chapters one and two (and given chapter names). I tried to follow your advice as best I could and fixed the dialogue, any grammar mistakes and cut down on many of the longer sentances. I kept capitals for Pokémon for the specified reason in last message and didn’t even try to fix the paragraphing because as stated before they just confuse me and I don’t like them very much (to me, paragraphing was always a way of marking the passage of time, or defining an important event slash mini-cliff hanger). But anyway, I’ll cut to the point; thanks for the input, it was useful on many levels (also thanks for the brutal honesty; the only way I’ll learn) and because I inevitably failed at some point please feel free to completely and utterly decimate my integrity once again in the most merciless of ways. ありがとうございます、せんぱい。

Jan 29nitrocideA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12339155/

This was my first fanfiction so thank you for the review. I posted them out of order from my account on another site. The only points I have comments for are in regards to the miltank and Ash. Fanfiction changes certain elements of the anime/game/book’s story to make it better suit the author’s purposes. If you don’t like that, don’t read fanfiction. About the miltank, it was not meant to be sexist in any way. In fact, it was a comment both on slavery in the US (as I am from the US) and on sexism. It was not intended to be a stab against women and I am sorry you took it that way.

Jan 29SlaezziorA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12340939/

Thanks for the feedback.

Yeah, this is my first ever fanfic so it’s bound to not be perfect.

I’m not too sure about the capitalizing thing. I’ve seen many instances where the species name in general gets capitalized, and not when referring to a specific individual. Even Bulbapedia capitalizes every usage of a Pokemon name. But I’ll look into that to see if it’s worth changing.

Thank you for that input on the dialogue. I’ve always had difficulty with the formatting of that. I’ll make those changes.

No argument about Eevee being overused. I had actually had a think about which species to use, but where I’m going it simply won’t work if it isn’t an Eevee. So I’ll have to stick to the cliche for now.

I was trying to decide where to end the chapter, but I ultimately put it there because there’s about to be a tonal shift in the story. I know a lot of people dive right into the exciting stuff, but it will make it very difficult later in the story.

But any way, I appreciate the review.