Some extremely weird stabs at pokemon as thinking individuals today.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12338384/1/Boundless-Journey
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
This really does not seem like it’s got anything to do with Spark. Really, it’s barely got anything to do with pokemon – it’s just another iteration of the cliché people keep going for because mourning pets is a cheap substitute for depth.
Zero.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12338435/1/A-League-of-My-Own
Repost! Also, blocked.
One review, reiterating that this is a bad idea for a story.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12338614/1/Unwilling-Traveler
[My name is Darke Eon]
Nope.
Write out numbers with letters.
[ I don’t know why I did, maybe it was her magnetic aura, but I couldn’t not follow her. If I tried, then I would get a small headache until I continued following.]
Then they know exactly why they followed, don’t they?
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[“Ok. so, if you two are real, then I must be in the Pokéverse. If I am in the Pokéverse, then either you got bored, or I’m needed for something, and I get to go on an epic Pokémon journey.” I mumble to myself, causing Mira to giggle.
Arceus smiles again, before nodding. “We just need you to do one thing. Get strong. Make one of the greatest teams in the world so that when you are needed, you can be prepared. And rest assured, you will be needed. Now, is there anything you want before I send you off to your new life?”]
Your character is the worst kind of sue: the boring kind.
[Anyway, Professor Oak told me that Rey has a strong belief that Pokémon deserve just as much identity as us humans. He gave all of his Pokémon names and addresses every Pokémon by their gender. Samuel felt so moved by the boy’s feelings towards Pokémon that he began to even address Pokémon by their gender as ‘him’ and ‘her’ instead of ‘it’. I even personally met both Ash and Rey not too long as the two set off with another new Trainer from our own Sandgem Town. Now the three are traveling together. Yet I discovered what Samuel was speaking of with Rey’s impressions of Pokémon. I decided that I would try and emulate his thoughts and give all kinds of Pokémon more identity.”]
Except they’re still property and there’s nothing weird about deciding what pokemon you want without so much as saying hi to it, because who cares about their personality or feelings so long as your character gets a pokemon you like best?
[(“You can’t be serious! I’m going with HIM!? Why him? Can it be someone else?”) her seemingly desperate cries fall on ears that can’t understand what she is saying.
As I leave the Professor’s lab with my new Riolu safely in her Pokéball,]
God willing, she’ll murder this asshole.
Zero.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12338663/1/Bonds-Beyond-Friendship
Your chapter shouldn’t just be a thousand words of infodump with no actual story.
One.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12338675/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-Goldenrod
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[Those intentions…and the plan to turn all Pokémon into humans…therefore making Pokémon…
EXTINCT.]
Or they could just kill them. That’s generally the successful way of making things extinct.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
[“I want my old body back.” I pleaded it.
“I can’t give you that.” it riposted. ]
Proofread. And for god’s sake just use said.
[In Pokémon Red Blue and Yellow, there was a certain NPC you could find. It was a talking Charmeleon, saying he turned himself into a Pokémon using the power of science. So I thought: What if the opposite could happen?]
Maybe actually play the games if you want to do a fic about it.
Zero.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12338702/1/Pokemon-The-Lost-Files
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
So, starting in the middle of things instead of at the beginning is generally a great idea, except you appear to have started in the middle of something really boring. You don’t do much to explain who these people are or why I should care. They wake up, they meditate, they chat at each other in a way that doesn’t actually say much that’s interesting. You seem to think the fact your characters have magic powers is enough to carry an entire story, despite the fact the pokemon world is already stuffed full of magic powers and sticking them on somebody wearing pants isn’t that big of a change.
Zero.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12338748/1/Ash-the-Iron-Trainer-Alternate-Hoenn
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
Five.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12339155/1/Where-does-Meat-Come-From
[That’s my trainer, Ash. He was my companion for the past 3 years, training me from a simple Pichu and evolving me through love and hard work through the ranks. ]
[Ash was a great guy. He was strong willed, straightforward, and kind to everyone and everything he met. That’s how we met, actually. He found me by the side of a road after I escaped from the Pokemon breeder I was birthed by. I had received quite the beating from my previous master but managed to paralyze him with a weak discharge before running away. He was walking down the road from Pallet Town to meet Professor Oak in the Sinnoh region when he saw me fainted in the ditch. He picked me up and carried me with him the whole way to Professor Oak. Oak planned on giving him a starter Pokemon, but after I was revived and restored back to health, Ash decided he’d rather work hard to evolve me.]
If you’re going to completely change the characters, don’t pretend they’re the same people.
Write out numbers with letters.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
[The Miltank, on the other hand, were unintelligent and seemed to only exist to graze, have children, and produce milk for the farmers. To the Tauras, Miltank were nothing more than machines, producing both children and trade-able goods but possessing no intelligence or feelings.]
I am really baffled by why you’d make a story about how oh my god meat is people and pause to say that by the way, the girls are just mindless idiots.
[Two other Tauras were locked in a small cage in the back of the barn. Their beastial moo’s held no meaning other than pure terror.]
[“I know, honey, but once it’s their turn, I make it quick and painless. Trust me, I don’t like hurting them any more than you do, but it’s what we need to do.”]
Then he wouldn’t have brought them in to watch, would he. It really wouldn’t have been hard to write this in a way that made sense, you know.
Also, spellcheck.
Zero.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12339163/1/Solar-and-Lunar-Induction
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Write out numbers with letters.
[The female, Sun, was quite gorgeous, despite the fact that she was only 11.]
There is something horribly wrong with you.
Zero.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12339217/1/Alolan-Vulpix-Ash
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Write out numbers with letters.
[He had several pokemon from each of the regions he visited. From Kanto he had his starter pokemon Pikachu, Charizard, Bulbasaur, Kingler, Muk, and 30 Tauros. From the Orange Islands, he had Snorlax. From Johto he had Heracross, Bayleaf, Quilava, Totodile, Shiny Noctowl, and Donphan. From Hoenn he had Swellow, Sceptile, Corphish, Torkoal, and Glalie. From Sinnoh he had Staraptor, Torterra, Infernape, Buizel, Gliscor, and Gible. From Unova were Unfezant, Leavanny, Boldore, Palpitoad, Scraggy, Oshawott, Tepig, Snivy, and Krookodile. Finally from Kalos he had Talonflame, Noivern, Goodra, and Hawlucha. There were also the pokemon he had released or left elsewhere to train like Butterfree, Pidgeot, Squirtle, Haunter, Primeape, Lapras, Larvitar, and Greninja, so they weren’t there.]
You didn’t need to list every pokemon, and you definitely didn’t need to list every human character afterward.
[“Ah good, your awake.” he said. “You should be proud. You will be the first human to be turned into a pokemon. Then you will work for us in Team Rocket. ]
I see they’re continuing to not go the route of giving superpowers to people actually loyal to them.
“Your” is possessive, “you’re” is short for “you are”.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
A big point is made about Ash being turned into a girl vulpix so there’s also some unadmitted kink thing going on here.
Four.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12339241/1/Epica-Alola
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
Zero.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12339357/1/The-Meow-Agency
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
Write out numbers with letters.
A chapter should involve something happening, not just be a list of characters.
Two, criticizing it.
This completes the 27th.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12339476/1/How-Arceus-REALLY-Created-the-World
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
One.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12339910/1/You-fell-from-the-Stars
Capitalize your title properly.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Ludicrous all-caps screaming doesn’t go well with seriousness.
Three – someone saying it’s stolen and the author throwing a fit about how this is the only Looker/Anabel fic in existence because obviously you can’t just PM them to ask what they mean.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12340053/1/One-chance-left
Capitalize your title properly.
{{{Writer notes
Here is some info that you need to know before reading!
“Speech”
“”Telepathy””
{{{Writer’s Notes}}}
}}}
Of all the horrible versions of this I’ve seen, this is the worst idea so far.
Write out numbers with letters.
Stop capitalizing random words.
This is gibberish.
Zero.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12340057/1/Rescue-Me
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[First they stole Pokémon, then decapitating slowpokes]
I feel like you weren’t paying very much attention.
Write out numbers with letters.
This really isn’t much of a story. It’s just snippets of game event references which she has completely predictable feelings about.
Zero.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12340250/1/Cruise-to-Lose
spoilerz
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12340295/1/Lucario-s-Mistress
Another repost! Weird it’s only happening as the month ends.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12340319/1/The-Gathering
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
One, crit!
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12340347/1/Tamers-of-Ashis
[With her father’s disgrace to the tribe, they were rather lucky people let them stay here at all. ]
[and the man who owned the orchard was well known for paying decent wages to his workers ]
Alright, so wages sure sounds like they have some sort of monetary system, which in turn suggests they’re past the point of a single tribe living in isolation and her family should be able to travel around within a larger nation of some kind.
[ Her eyes, like her father’s had been, were a dark violet color, yet another reason people in her tribe didn’t like her]
Yeah, that’s definitely a mark against her from my viewpoint.
[ A single red tattoo adorned her arm, a marking given to those of an important bloodline.
Though her father was now hated, she was still required to wear the mark in the shape of Arceus’s symbol. ]
…see, the thing about tattoos is that isn’t not about being “still required” so much as “that is never coming off regardless of people’s opinions”.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[She wore simple skin cloth, gifted to the village from the Tauros that lived in great herds to their north. ]
…is there some reason they can’t just use plant fibers? Or, if they’re going to trade, trade for fur as opposed to wearing the skins of people?
[and she wore skinned leggings]
So, if you are going to insist on wearing skins, you don’t want to wear anything tight because they shrink if they get wet.
[Pokemon weren’t tools of war here, but rather in her home region of Ashis, they were thought of as beings that had far surpassed humanity. Humans lived with Pokemon in their villages, allowing them to come and go as they pleased, but never touching them without permission. ]
So how are humans still alive?
For some reason, this zorua is scared to eat a berry, but if humans aren’t allowed to do anything to stop pokemon, how can they have crops at all? There’s more than one zorua in the world.
[She frowned, wondering if it hadn’t had its fill before, and if it was still hungry. She’d probably get into trouble if she let it eat too many, but she didn’t want to offend the little thing either. ]
What is she supposed to do? If it insists on eating, you said no one is allowed to do anything to them, including touching or trying to keep them out of an area.
[The winter was going to be a harsh one, and killing a pokemon was considered a crime even in the most dire of situations unless it was deemed “unholy” by the priests of Arceus. They needed all the food the village could get.]
Okay, so pokemon are sacred higher beings, and they have trading relationships with the as sovereign nations, and also the only thing stopping them from eating pokemon is the priesthood.
I assume there is some version of this that lays out the situation in a way that doesn’t sound inconstant verging on impossible, but you really should’ve worked more on getting that across.
[The tallest of the two was more handsome, in most girl’s opinions, not that she actually cared for gossiping or flirting like the other children her age. ]
The way you keep framing everything in these terms is really bizarre given she is ten. You don’t have to talk about how this prepubescent kid is prettier than all the others her age or not interested in dating, because this shouldn’t be an issue for any of them.
[The two were probably extremely unhappy with having to do work at all, since they were both from the richer district of the village where all the finer imports from other tribes could be found.]
…villages are small. If they’ve got segregated areas, an idle class, and have a significant trading presence, they’re a town if not an outright city.
[“Why is there a Pokemon following you?” he asked.]
Why is everyone acting like pokemon appearing is some strange, amazing thing?
Pokemon and people mutually avoiding each other is certainly a setup that could work for a non-trainer society, but it’s not what you described.
[ The streets were wide, because stalls selling various goods lined every street, including those of the poorer district that her family usually lived. That district was right up against the forest to their east, which looped around to their west as well. The richer district however rose high above until it reached the temple, which sat at the pentacle of the village on a tall hill.
A cliff ran along the back of the temple, giving it a view of the great plains and roaring rivers that stretched out towards the mountains to the north, snow capped at every time of year. The forest rimmed three sides of the rather small village]
…so there are huge streets built for the tons of shops selling things, but also it’s a small village? Who are they selling to, then?
[fascinated with seeing a Pokemon riding upon the girl’s shoulder like a domesticated pet.]
Except they don’t have pets, because the only things that could be them are pokemon in the first place.
[Her mother had pulled out one of her old, finer dresses, a pretty hide that had been colored a vibrant red color. It had a dark black sash and the fringes around the neck and skirt were longer and more pronounced. Her white leggings and brown shoes had been traded for black versions, and her brother had taken the time to braid red jewels into her hair as her mother gave her a simple black choker with a ruby red stone in it.]
This is really getting ridiculously sueish. She, the ten year old you said is shorter than average, fits the dress her adult mother had that just happens to be the right color and then they have a pile of jewels to add.
This all really seems like it’s built around making your character special over coherent worldbuilding.
I’m assuming the fact the fic goes on and on about her appearance is because the author’s treating her as the generic teen self insert.
Zero.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12340715/1/A-Flame-s-Will
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.
[“You bloody human!” I growled at the door. I then ran up to it and began scratching at the base of the door like a maniac.]
The thing here is, if there’s mutual hate, there’s the problem that pokemon are pretty dangerous. You can kick a big dog if it’s too submissive to fight back and you can kick a tiny puppy if it’s too weak to fight back, but you can’t kick a big dog that hates your guts or it’ll dig those out of you pretty quick. And if these pokemon are more in the tiny puppy weight class, well, what’s the point of saying they’re pokemon if they’re not magic super animals but just actual puppies with some red dye?
[Despite many attempts to escape, it’s futile. Surrounding the large yard stretches an overwhelming metal fence; no possible way through, over or under.]
How is there no way under? The yard itself is covered in grass, which means they could dig. And they’re fire pokemon – a thick stone wall could be a problem, but fire’s strong against metal. Even if, somehow, they’re too weak to melt straight through, foxes are good climbers so they’d just have to melt enough that it’s not smooth.
There’s a reason pokemon are generally kept in pokeballs, basically.
Besides if it’s just straightforward antagonism you miss out on the psychological aspects and those are the best part.
Zero.
Also, I believe this marks the end of January 27th.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12340782/1/The-Bonds-Between-Us
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[ Unfortunately, when it came time to delver the greatly anticipated child, the process proved too much for the lady to bear. And much to the grief of all, she did not make it through.]
I like how mother’s existence doesn’t actually matter one way or the other to the events of the story but you just had to make sure she died in childbirth anyway, because why pass up the chance to remove female characters in the more trite and dismissive way possible?
[Some Back Story
(A.K.A: Synopsis leading up to current events.)]
If something is too boring to bother reading as an actual story, it’s also too boring to cram a synopsis into the middle of an actual story. Just jump to the part where things are actually going on.
Write out numbers with letters.
[And that was how it all got started.]
I’m amazed you wrote this as the final line of your chapter and it didn’t occur to you that if all those words were about before anything had happened, maybe they shouldn’t be there.
Zero.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12340819/1/Pokemon-Adventures
There are just shy of ten thousand stories just on this site in this category with “pokemon” in their title. “New” features in almost two thousand. There are over six hundred “chronicles”, more if you include misspellings, even more with “begins” and “beginning”, and even more “Character Name”‘s whatever. There are a thousand with “legend”. There are two thousand with “journey”, seventeen hundred with “story”, three hundred fifty with “quest”, and almost three thousand with “adventure”. The different region names appear another thousand or two times. “Saga”, “region” and “champion” come in around a few hundred. In sum, you should try to choose an original title that has to do with your story in particular, not something that indicates it’s yet another story about a pokemon trainer.
Write out numbers with letters.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Opening your story with a character waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and to be honest, it’s so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if I hadn’t seen it, very literally here, thousands upon thousands of times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some other, interesting point.
It’s “okay”, four letters.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
If people wanted a transcript of the game, they’d just play the game.
Two, both crit and one directly telling them to go to my forum.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12340936/1/Pokemon-mystery-dungeon-explores-of-shadows
Write out numbers with letters.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
“Its” is the possessive form. “It’s” means “it is” only.
Sentences always end in punctuation, not just sometimes.
Zero.