Sunday Carapaces Part 55 (3 reviews, 7 stories)

5/30-6/14

Halfway through June already! Due to there just being a big stretch of nothing, admittedly.

Black Pebble War (Dirk (OCs, Roxy, Calliope, Jake, Jane, Condesce, WQ))

I love how you describe Derse as well as the tension Dirk has for almost all of this in always being just beyond reach of people – waking up means he’s finally close enough to others to meet them in person, but they’re not humans and rapidly turning into his enemies so he can’t go down to them, and has to pretend to ignore them when he finally begins traveling. And all the actual humans are still asleep, so even though he can sit next to them they’re a universe away.

Interlude 1: Conspire (Doc Scratch (SS))

This does not seem to have anything much to do with Homestuck.

Music Team Session (OCs)

Way too self-referential for me, but it does involve sburb.

Twelve Year Old Whiskey (Crowbar (Roxy, Itchy))

“Roxy.” You say in a low voice

That should be “Roxy,” you say in a low voice because if there’s a speech tag referring to how the sentence was said, it’s treated as if it’s all part of the same sentence.

You have the surface aspects of Roxy’s character just sitting there without context. Roxy drank a lot, but she also grew up in a post-apocalyptic waterworld left with scarce food and copious alcohol supplies by the mother she never met, which presumably had something to do with it. Roxy drinks a lot when raised by Crowbar who was teaching her not to do that because….?

Building on that, there’s really no existing connection between the two characters (they don’t share personality traits, have an existing relationship in canon, or map into the existing parent/child relationship) but you don’t develop one either to fill the space. Crowbar’s just there thinking about being responsible, Roxy’s just there being drunk.

Or in other words, it’s the same problem as usual. People want to write crack stuff but for some reason hate the idea of committing to it being crack and just ignore all the problems instead in favor of bland shit.

Morning routines (Three of the interchangeable morass that makes up the PS/Homestuck crossoverfic.)

They asked me not to review, right? I’m pretty sure.

Anyway, it’s three guys and they get up in the morning to be fluffily OOC. It isn’t porn, because if it was porn, it’d make sense.

Doubt- Misc. Information [Sburb Glitch FAQ Guest Chapter]

More sburb-related stuff.

The Punk In The Shades (DD (CD, Dirk))

all coming together in some tiny automaton beating up some other tiny automaton.

Tiny’s a surprising adjective here. Equius didn’t make miniature robots in the first place, and a hallmark of steampunk is stuff generally can’t be made too small because it’s all analogue and powered by pistons and gears.

“Um, Mr. Dignitary, there’s been a problem.” He says.

This should be “Um, Mr. Dignitary, there’s been a problem,” he says.because if there’s a speech tag referring to how the sentence was said, it’s treated as if it’s all part of the same sentence.

Also mister Double Diamonds! should probably have the mister capitalized as well, since it’s just a spelled out version of Mr, you’re still using it the same way as a title here.

“Don’t be so stiff, kid. Dignitary is a title, not a name. Call me whatever you want – Double D, Diamonds, something like that. Just not Dee Dee, I ain’t no little girl.”

This seems more like something Slick would say. Someone with the title of Draconian Dignitary who obsesses over having backup outfits seems reasonably in favor of stiffness.

You swing your head around and spot him; he’s up on some metal cylinder in the corner of the room nearest you.

You’re really using a ridiculous number of semicolons.

“That was a nice date,” Strider says. “We should do it again sometime, handsome.” He leans down, plants some comedian-style kiss on your lips. Probably thinks it’s going to make you mad, and he’s right. You try and force him off of you but he just rolls right off, gets to his feet, starts limping away. Your body aches and you can’t follow him.

This is a weird ending. It seems as if DD is injured/stunned enough at the moment that Dirk has a free hit that could’ve killed him, and just saying he couldn’t manage a fatal hit without explaining why isn’t enough, especially when they both have a short breather before this happens and they’re surrounded by metal bits that’d make a perfectly decent weapon. If they crashed into the more typical fruit stand or anywhere that reasonably wouldn’t have a weapon in reach, Dirk went for whatever weapon he carries only to realize he’d lost it in the fall, then did this instead, the sequence of events would be pretty clear. As it is, Dirk seems to do this just because you think it’d be a better ending, even though it doesn’t make much sense.

I like the leadup to it, though – undercity to trap by Dirk to flying through the air and DD managing to regain some control works well. But if this is meant to be a complete story, you really need a bit more context to the plot, like Dirk saying what his grievances are exactly in this AU.

Dirk (OCs, Roxy, Calliope, Jake, Jane, Condesce, WQ)
Doc Scratch (SS)
OCs
Crowbar (Roxy, Itchy)
Three of the interchangeable morass that makes up the PS/Homestuck crossoverfic.
DD (CD, Dirk)

So one or zero of six, depending on if the sburb music team thing had any female members who were viewpoint characters.

Got down to page 935! That’s actual progress, which confuses and scares me. If I can manage to do reviewing during the rest of the week, there might actually be more.

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