More Dec 18th

Chapter 11: Droog+Slick, birthday (Droog (Deuce, Slick))

’m glad you’re both here now!” Deuce winked at Droog, who had gone very still, and hopped out of his seat. “Because I got you both stuff!”
“Why?” Slick’s teeth were grinding; Droog could hear it. He put his head in his hands.
“Because it’s Tuesday!” Droog was impressed at the little guy’s cover. Although only a little; Deuce did have a history of legitimately celebrating days of the week. Boxcars had once received a thirty pack of socks from him because it was Thursday.

This is hilarious and all seems so terribly them.

Chapter 12: Genderbent Slick, Miracle of Life continuation (femSlick (PS, Karkat))

You write babies well. Slick, less so – this really feels like it’s original fiction slice of life. It’s well done for that.

Chapter 13: Tavros+Eridan, dance-off (Tavros (Eridan, Vriska, John, Kanaya, Aradia, Karkat, Dave, Terezi, Gamzee))

Eridan Ampora stared at his moirail, down his stupidly long nose, from behind those stupid clunky black frames, and Tavros glared right back up at him, for once totally confident in something, namely: that he was right.

Moirails really, really should not be used as the catchall term for any relationship that doesn’t involve fucking.

Also switching w for v as Eridan’s quirk doesn’t work, either double the letters and let people decide how it sounds or write the dialogue normally.

Chapter 14: Karkat, finding Slick’s Terrier Fancy (Karkat (Slick))

Kind of disappointing to see Slick giving such a coherent explanation for the magazines but otherwise all of this is hilarious, particularly his textbook destroying rage.

Chapter 15: Droog/Slick, genderbent Droog (femDD (Snowman, Slick))

Snowman’s always hated that your name’s Diamonds. She’s always hated you for a lot of reasons, really, but she always brings the damn name thing up.

I really can’t see this.

Her lip-liner doesn’t quite match the shade of her lipstick, you notice, and you sneer. “So, Pretty Name, you bring the rest of the goonies with you?”

Seriously, no.

Chapter 16: Crowbar/Die, Karaoke Night (Stitch (Sawbuck, Cans, Doze, Clover, Die, Crowbar, Fin, Trace))

Eh. These are completely OCs here, but you’ve stuck them in a short fic style that only works by playing off a reader’s familiarity with a character.

I care increasingly little about Felt fics because this is what it’s turned into. It’s pretty inevitable when they have so little character that people would want to add things to them, but in short order that turns into writing characters based entirely on the new traits and yet expecting people to care the way they would about a character that’s already known.

I blame tumblr squee culture for this. Not that this wasn’t an issue before, but it encourages the instant back and forth injoke even further and no one’s yet learned that those are things only funny at that point in time to those handful of people involved.

Chapter 17: Midnight Crew, Heist (Deuce (Slick, Droog, Boxcars))

“I think it’s there business to figure it out,” Boxcars chuckles

Their, and also don’t try to use stuff like “chuckles” or “laughs” as a speech tag, speech tags are only when you’re describing the way the dialogue was said.

Anyway, this was cute, and I like CD’s wobbling train of thought.

Chapter 18: Slick/Inspector, Droog/Ace, blind date (Droog (Slick, AD, PI))

“That guy wanna fight or somethin’?”
Droog opened his mouth to correct Slick, but then paused. “Yes,” he concluded. “Yes I think he does want to fight, Slick. How about you two go into the alley out back and have a nice, honest fistfight?”

::::D

Droog nods, sips his martini, and they look at each other for a minute. It’s the most awkward pause Droog can remember having for a long time – usually he would either leave or shoot the other person, but in this case neither is really an option. Well, leaving is.
But for some reason he doesn’t really want to leave.

D:::: Arg, you were so close to giving Droog an actual reason for liking to be around PI. PI is saner than the rest of the group, he complimented Droog’s thinking, and then you fall back on saying Droog just likes the guy because despite all the things about him that Droog doesn’t like.

Why I hate this pairing example three thousand.

Chapter 19: Mobsterswitch: The Beginning (DD (SS, HD, CD, PS, PI, AD))

I do want to note that this is the very beginning of mobsterswitched

It started out so well.

I like how very competent and Crew-like they are here as detectives, and “You’ll never take us alive!” Delinquent screamed, flipping the table over and hunkering down behind it.
“Oh,” you say, locking eyes with Pernicious Innovator. And then you smiled. “Happily, that’s not a requirement.” yes, perfect.

Grammar is particularly bad here, though, most notably the fact half is written in one tense and half the other.

I wonder if, without this, the woobieshit OOC train would just have hitched itself to something else. Even before this fics are already trying to flip the power differentials to make Slick a woobie. But would we still have kawaii yaois slavefic without this? The world may never know.

Chapter 20: Slick/Sleuth, Poor Communication (PS (SS))

Hm. Not sure what it is about this, they just seem off. I guess maybe it’s just hard to believe Sleuth would expect Slick to be a sympathetic ear in the first place, or would consider Slick saying he doesn’t care (and after offering to stab the guy for Sleuth) as being a huge dick – if he was that sensitive he’d probably have run into problems with the relationship long before now. And the resolution seems somewhat rushed, with Slick immediately apologizing in his own way, though that’s probably more an issue of length.

Droog (Deuce, Slick)
femSlick (PS, Karkat)
Tavros (Eridan, Vriska, John, Kanaya, Aradia, Karkat, Dave, Terezi, Gamzee)
Karkat (Slick)
femDD (Snowman, Slick)
Stitch (Sawbuck, Cans, Doze, Clover, Die, Crowbar, Fin, Trace)
Deuce (Slick, Droog, Boxcars)
Droog (Slick, AD, PI)
DD (SS, HD, CD, PS, PI, AD)
PS (SS)

So…two genderbents out of ten.