Dec 18
Hey there new people. Cliff notes on how this works: regular text is a copy of the review left on the linked story, bold is a comment that’s only here, used to talk about general trends or other stuff like that, you can avoid these reviews appearing in your inbox by the complex process of telling me not to review you.
The Glorious Crackfic Wednesday
Chapter 1: what if two dies from alternate timelines put the same pin in at once (Die (Die, Snowman))
Nice to see Die and Die interaction. His stuttering uncertainty in talking works particularly well contrasted with it being someone who’s him – I usually see this sort of thing with more assertive characters.
Thriller seems more random, but this is pretty clearly labeled as crack, so.
Chapter 2: Snowman/Sleuth (Snowman (Sleuth, Slick))
Hm. I think it’s a bit overstated at the beginning – Slick and the Felt aren’t the only other people in the town and likely aren’t the sum total of her normal interactions, so When Sleuth ducked by her to open the door on the way out of the bar, she jumped aside out of surprise, almost expecting him to pull a knife. and such doesn’t really make sense as a general thing. If she was expecting Sleuth to be a lighter colored Slick her comments would make sense as an individual reaction instead.
The rest of it’s quite good at showing the character of all three of them, and the writing is clever – I particularly like He had given her his arm, sure, but it hadn’t been offered as such and more generally, that you avoided making the comparison end up just being in Sleuth’s favor but show that what she has with Slick is simply very different.
She closed the gap, kissed him experimentally, firm but passive, waiting for him to make the first move.
Wouldn’t that be the next move? And I’m not sure passive makes any sense there, although I think I see what you meant.
Chapter 3: Kanaya+Karkat, confrontation (Kanaya, Karkat)
Eh. There’s some clever lines in this and you describe well as usual, but it’s tiresome to see terms like moirail thrown around when there’s nothing particularly moirailish going on. This story is one kid complaining to another kid about their parents hooking up. Kanaya certainly isn’t doing Karkat’s wellbeing any favors here, if he’s meant to be keeping her reigned in he’s botched it epically, and they’re definitely not handling this better together than apart. Trying to frame it as a particular quadrant ends up just being distracting, the same way it’d be if you spent the whole time saying they were black for each other without them acting that way either.
Also, “… What?” Kanaya glared. “I let him out?! is confusingly worded, it makes it look like the dialogue should be attributed to Kanaya. Even just glared at him would probably clear it up.
Chapter 4: Jadesprite+Lord English, dress-up (English (Jadesprite))
If you’re going to write English like he’s the Doctor, and you then have him traveling with the Doctor, surely it requires fewer OOC contortions to just write the Doctor in his place?
This probably can be traced back to the whole steampunk AU. I wish fanon elements would stay where they made relative sense instead of inevitably getting into wider areas where they don’t have whatever underpinnings made them work.
Chapter 5: Spades Slick, pick-up lines (Karkat (Slick, Droog))
Kind of funny but mostly this is just any drunk character + repeating a comedian’s well-known sketch without doing much to make it about the characters in particular. The bits that do work, but they’re in the minority.
Chapter 6: HD/Bro, Sleuth finds out (PS (HD, Bro))
Your name is Problem Sleuth, and this is how you find out your sister
Sister is just really not a good real world translation of imaginary female double who presumably hooks up with the original at the end. It’s not like if they could possibly bang non-incestuously they’re required to be together, so what’s wrong with her being an ex-girlfriend?
You falter, because she has a point, even though she’s your little sister and as far as you’re concerned she’s still nine years old and only allowed to date boys who you’ve had the chance to interviewa extensively first. The fact that you yourself are in your late forties and she is closing in on forty herself has nothing to do with it.
…also I think people usually get over this kind of thing well before by the time they’re both around forty.
Chapter 7: Derse Agents, Earth AU (Jack (Droog))
Hm. I like your characterization here – they’re really not the same characters, but they hit the right notes to be who they might have been if they were human in different circumstances. Making it be specifically murdering kids seems like it’s oversimplifying things, though – if human!Jack is decent enough he doesn’t like killing kids, he’d probably be horrified about a lot more of what his Dersite version did than just that, and it seems more interesting to have nightmares about all of it, particularly the sweeping alien parts, than just the understandable bit that hit the main characters.
Chapter 8: Droog+Slick, Neurological Exam (Karkat (Slick, Droog, Aradia))
Droog was trashed, which was never anything to be missed, because Droog drunk was Droog without the same uptight manner that practically made him Droog.
I think that’s why this doesn’t seem to be particularly Droog-dealing-with-an-injury-when-drunk and more a comedy fic about some guy. People who are still serious and uptight when drunk are really funny versions of themselves, but just being standard drunk and dopey is something anyone can be.
Also, I’m not sure any survivable amount of alcohol would lead to someone confusing an old eye injury and a stroke. I mean, I’m sure someone somewhere has been that dumb, but it seems forced here.
Chapter 9: Spades Slick, Jack Noir nightmares (Karkat (Slick, Droog, Boxcars, Deuce, Aradia, Tavros, Sollux))
This is interesting. I like Karkat’s POV on it all, and it’s oddly lighthearted for the subject in a way that reminds me of Homestuck in general.
Chapter 10: Karkat, death at the hands of Jack Noir in context of Stabdads (Karkat (Jackspers, Slick))
Huh, weird. I’m not sure why this is some third timeline Jack that’s got the prototypings but is in Karkat’s session and also seems to have killed the rest of his gang, and furthermore seems to be in a world where the dreamers themselves function differently. But the aftermath of it and Slick trying to be nice is good regardless.
Die (Die, Snowman)
Snowman (Sleuth, Slick)
Kanaya, Karkat
English (Jadesprite)
Karkat (Slick, Droog)
PS (HD, Bro)
Jack (Droog)
Karkat (Slick, Droog, Aradia)
Karkat (Slick, Droog, Boxcars, Deuce, Aradia, Tavros, Sollux)
Karkat (Jackspers, Slick)
2 of 10.