Awakening was just plain bad. This game was hilariously bad. Improvement?

Fire Emblem Fates is actually a set of three games, but it’s not a Pokemon scam; they are genuinely different games with completely different campaigns. They are all sold separately (with the third being DLC, which I think you can’t get legally anymore now that the 3DS eShop is shuttered) I presume because they still needed money even after Awakening sold like hotcakes. They all share the same engine and core mechanics, so I’ll discuss those first before we get into the Gordian knot that is the plot.

The good: The gameplay is a massive improvement on Awakening and fixes all of my biggest complaints. Pair-up mechanics are now deterministic instead of random, and also work a bit differently — adjacent characters always provide follow-up attacks, while paired-up characters cannot make follow-up attacks but always perform a block every 5 hits. Enemies can now also take advantage of pair-up, and paired-up units block enemy dual strikes. This works way, way better and provides more considerations for strategic trade-offs: Leaving characters unpaired helps them kill enemies faster but also leaves them vulnerable to enemy dual strikes, while pairing up becomes necessary for wall units to survive enemy onslaughts. This also does interesting things with ranged attacks, as supporting attackers will provide a dual strike even if they couldn’t normally reach the enemy. (Enemies love abusing this to let heavy melee units hit you from behind walls, so you have to be really careful.) You really have to think about everyone as a team and not just individually, which is very fitting for a wargame.

I do think it gets a bit overwhelming, though. The game throws so many enemies at you that it’s hard enough to keep track of individuals let alone tag-teams. There were many, many times where I thought I calculated that I could survive one enemy’s attack, but forgot that other enemies were in range to tag-team, resulting in a lot more damage than I bargained for. It probably would have been hard to redo the enemy highlight feature to account for tag-team possibilities as well, but I would have really appreciated it.

Reclassing also works exactly how I wanted it done in Awakening: Levels remain the same after reclassing, and if you’re past the threshold to learn a skill, you just learn it on your next level up. This puts an upper bound on character strength once again while drastically reducing the amount of grinding required to get base class skills. (You can still get infinite levels if you really want to thanks to an item that raises the level cap, but it costs a fortune and isn’t really necessary.) Furthermore, characters have been pared down to only one alternate class (including the avatar), but they can now reclass into the main class of their spouse as well. I support this because it’s simpler and gives characters more of a unique identity.

Speaking of that, this is the game that introduced personal skills! Yes, finally, after fourteen games, they figured out how to make characters unique in their character-focused RPG. Every character has a unique personal skill with a special effect. Unfortunately, they’re not at all balanced and vary wildly in usefulness, but that’s par for the course with FE characters. (Also, the effects of Bushido and Chivalry should be swapped, that would have made way more sense.)

The weapon triangle has also been expanded to include bows, tomes, and to round things out, a new “thrown weapon” category. Every weapon now has a fire/water/grass… sorry, red/blue/green aspect that matches up with the others exactly how you’d expect. So swords are red, axes are green, and spears are blue; but now tomes are red, bows are green, and thrown weapons are blue as well, forming their own secondary triangle. The two triangles interact with each other as well, so you get interesting interactions like spearmen being good mage-killers while pegasi are even more screwed against bows now.

The reason they did this is because the two warring kingdoms are actual different cultures now, each with similar but different weapons. The Japanese game devs finally looked around and realized, “Hey, why are we making games about Europe instead of our own culture?” so the new kingdom is Japanese-inspired and fights with katanas, clubs, naginatas, scrolls, yumi, and shuriken. (I approve of this because cultural diversity is cool and east Asian aesthetics are superior to European aesthetics, sorry that’s just fact.) They slot into the same spots in the weapon triangle as their European counterparts, with the gimmick being that they typically have worse accuracy but provide stat bonuses. Additionally, some advanced weapons don’t have cultural counterparts; killer weapons are European only, while the “reverse weapon triangle” weapons are Japanese exclusives. I like that this provides each culture’s armory with something unique, rather than everything being the same but with slightly different stats.

Another interesting consequence of the culture split is that classes are now split across cultures too, requiring that every culture has a counterpart for every role. This required creating surprisingly few classes from whole cloth, as FE already has lots of very similar classes that make sense to split. Myrmidons (reskinned as samurai) and mercenaries are now on opposite sides; priests are reskinned as miko while troubadours provide healing for Europe; Japan gets pegasi while Europe gets wyverns. I like this a lot, because it gives these redundant classes stronger identities. (Also, thieves got the axe, which, good riddance. The archetype is now filled by archers for Europe and ninja for Japan, both of whom remain useful outside of opening chests.)

The last big change is that weapons are now unbreakable, as in Gaiden. To prevent you from simply always using your strongest weapon, weapon tiers now have unique gimmicks, with higher tiers typically having significant downsides to offset their higher might. So steel weapons weigh you down, silver weapons debuff you after use, and legendary weapons halve your attack power for your next attack. I appreciate the idea of giving us more tactical considerations than just “use biggest number”, but I think they badly overcorrected with the stronger weapons’ downsides. It’s rarely worth using anything higher than steel, and most players will default to iron, which has no downsides. This is especially true thanks to forging, which allows you to make weapons that are as strong as the next tier without the downside.

I also liked the DLC this time! It’s focused on memorable maps as well as gameplay gimmicks from the previous games, which are deeper and more enjoyable throwbacks than “Here are your favorite characters as lobotomized zombies.” Ballasticians were hilariously broken but also hilariously fun, just as they were in Shadow Dragon.

Those are a lot of good things! So why do I still hate this game?

Take a wild guess.

After realizing that sex sells with Awakening, they decided to make the sequel even hornier. Most classes now dress like they’ve wandered out of a porn set, and the custom outfits are even worse. I will give them credit for being more evenhanded with the sexiness this time — male dark mages are actually sexy and enemy fighters now wear thongs…

…but for most classes, the disparity remains:

But even if the porniness was egalitarian, the fact remains that this is not supposed to be a porn game. How am I supposed to take a scene of the protagonist crying over her dead friend seriously when she can’t figure out how to wear pants? How am I supposed to take any of the battles seriously when there is a character literally fighting in her underwear? Character design and art style create an atmosphere that informs the rest of the work, they’re not something you can just tack on with no thought. You can have a serious narrative or you can have a silly porn romp, but you have to pick one.

At least there’s no dragon loli this time! There are just regular lolis.

This girl would like to inform you that she is an adult, thank you very much, and it’s totally cool if you want to impregnate her. Ignore the fact that she literally only comes up to your waist in cutscenes. She’s also your little sister, but don’t let that stop you!

Oh yes, the incest kink is here in full force now. I think it’s time to finally tell you the plot: This time, instead of staying in the dignified deuteragonist lane, the avatar is the main character who the entire world revolves around. You’ve lived your whole life raised as a royal of Europe Nohr, only to discover you’re actually a royal of Japan Hoshido who was kidnapped as a baby. This gives you not one but two large families of royal siblings, but we still have to let the player bang anyone they want, that’s obviously non-negotiable. How do they solve this? Easy: You’re not blood siblings. The writers have never heard of the Westermarck effect, so this is the only excuse siblings need to get into each others’ pants.

Camilla: OK, I’m all packed, Corrin. Are you ready for our hot-spring vacation?
Corrin: Um… I’m actually having second thoughts about the whole thing, Camilla.
Camilla: You’re still hung up on what other people will think—is that it?
Corrin: Yes, but it’s more than that.
Camilla: Well, why don’t we just get married? Nobody would bat an eyelash at two newlyweds going on a honeymoon.
Corrin: What?! How do you think people’s eyelashes would respond to a brother marrying his sister?
Camilla: Oh, please. We’re not blood related. And everyone knows that.
Corrin: But…we’ve lived as brother and sister for so long. And everyone knows THAT, too.
Camilla: You know, I’ve always been a bit sad that we’re not actually related. But if we got married, we would be!
Corrin: Camilla, are you even listening to yourself?
Camilla: So, is that a no?
Corrin: I…I think it has to be a no, right? Even though there is a part of me that wants to say yes…
Camilla: There is? Let’s build on that! Look, what’s the hang-up? You don’t find me attractive?
Corrin: Gods…I had hoped to avoid ever having this conversation…
Camilla: So that’s it, then. You find me hideous.
Corrin: Camilla, no! It’s just the opposite, I’m afraid. Growing up with a stunningly attractive sister…who’s not ACTUALLY my sister… It was confusing, to say the least. And now that we’re adults of no blood relation…
Camilla: Oh, Corrin. I never knew you felt that way!
Corrin: Exactly.
Camilla: But don’t you see? There’s no reason to hide our love any longer. I’ll say it again: we are not related. There’s no taboo preventing us from marrying. We’re just like…childhood sweethearts who have finally come of age.
Corrin: … … All right.
Camilla: What?!
Corrin: Let’s do it, Camilla. Let’s ignore the dissenters and get married.
Camilla: Are you sure, Corrin? I don’t want to feel as though I’ve pushed you into this…
Corrin: No. I’m certain. Thanks to you, I won’t have to live with regret any longer. You’ve shown me that being an adult means being true to yourself. I love that about you…and I love you.
Camilla: I love you too, Corrin. Let’s stay together forever.
Corrin: Once the war is over, we can travel wherever we like. Even to the hot spring you’ve been wanting to visit for so long.
Camilla: Wait, we still don’t get to go right now?

(Confession Scene)
Camilla: We’re a real family now. And I love my family more than anything.

[…]

Corrin: I was so sad when I first found out we aren’t truly brother and sister… I was always so proud to be the little sister of the finest prince there ever was.
Xander: Thank you, Corrin. I am honored by your kind words. Though, to be honest, I feel the exact opposite in one respect.
Corrin: Oh?
Xander: I am overjoyed that we are not brother and sister.
Corrin: Y-you are? But why?! I guess I wasn’t a very good sister…
Xander: Please don’t misunderstand me. I meant that in the best way possible.
Corrin: What way is that?
Xander: You said just now that I taught you about courage and about the sword. But…I wish to teach you about much more than that. I wish to teach you about love. That’s why I bought this for you.
Corrin: Is that a r-ring?!
Xander: Dearest Corrin. You are the most precious person in the world to me. Would you do me the honor of being my wife?
Corrin: Your wife?! Xander, are you sure? What will the others say…
Xander: Let them say what they will. I wish to protect you for the rest of my days. I don’t see you as a sibling any longer, but as a woman… One who I adore. Please say you’ll stay by my side, now and forever.
Corrin: Xander… Of course I’ll marry you. I’m so happy. I don’t know what to say! But everyone will be so surprised. They may even object at first…
Xander: Worry not. In the end, I’m certain everyone will understand. After all, our marriage won’t only benefit our future happiness… I believe it will also have a positive effect on our beloved kingdom as well.

(Xander are you planning to legalize incest???)

But wait! What if I want to bang my Hoshidan siblings? Well, actually they’re not related to you either. Sure, the story is entirely about choosing between blood and adoptive family, but why let something like “core themes” get in the way of the writers’ kinks.

How do they reveal this? Surely they don’t just drop a major plot twist in the middle of a support conversation — oh no they totally do.

Sakura: You were more than I’d hoped for! From the moment you returned, I loved you instantly. Just…n-not as my brother.
Corrin: Huh?! What are you saying?
Sakura: The real reason I found it so hard to talk to you at first is because…I love you! I mean—look at me now! I’ve told you how I feel, and I still can’t stop talking.
Corrin: Sakura… I appreciate your feelings, but we…
Sakura: I know what you’re going to say. That we’re half-siblings. But…what if we weren’t?
Corrin: What do you mean?
Sakura: After you returned to Hoshido, Mother gave me a letter. She said I should read it if I ever started worrying about the one I loved. At the time, I didn’t understand, but… Mother had almost prophetic powers. She must have known how I felt.
Corrin: What did the letter say?
Sakura: It was sh-shocking! It said that we’re not blood related…not even a tiny bit.
Corrin: But you and Ryoma and the others… you’re all King Sumeragi’s children…
Sakura: That’s right…but you’re not his son. Your mother, Queen Mikoto, came to Hoshido to ask my father for help. She brought along a baby—you. My father knew you weren’t his son… but he loved Queen Mikoto, so he raised you as his own. He really did love you.
Corrin: King Sumeragi…must have cared for me a lot to raise me as his own. But if it’s not him, then…who is my real father?
Sakura: I’m sorry, but Mother didn’t say anything about that in her letter.
Corrin: Oh…
Sakura: I’m s-sorry. It was selfish of me to tell you all this for my own benefit.
Corrin: Don’t apologize, Sakura. I’m relieved to learn the truth. As shocking as it is to find out we’re not blood related, it makes me happy.
Sakura: It d-does?
Corrin: It does. After all…I love you too. Why do you think I offered to help you with conversation practice? It was just an excuse to spend more time with you.
Sakura: Oh, Corrin! I’m so h-happy!
Corrin: Since we’re not siblings, we shouldn’t hide our feelings anymore. It may be hard, but we’ll cross that bridge together. I promise to protect you.

Everyone always secretly wants to bang their siblings their whole life and are only held back by the knowledge they’re blood related, right? We can just mention that casually and everyone will understand because it’s a very normal thing.

(There is also a character who turns out to be your actual blood cousin, who you can also impregnate, but the last game established cousin marriage doesn’t even register to these writers so that’s hardly surprising. She’s also the adoptive sibling of the Hoshidan royal family, but of course they can bang her too after revealing they secretly always wanted to bang her. Of course.)

Oh, and was Yarne not kinky enough for you? Don’t worry, we have not one but two new furries, both of whom are even kinkier:

Kaden: But…Felicia…is there something you could do for me?
Felicia: Anything! What is it?
Kaden: Would you brush me?
Felicia: Teehee. Of course I will, darling.
Kaden: Yaaay! Ooh! That’s the spot! And scratch a little. Hoo boy!

[…]

Kaden: Orochi…I would curl up on your lap, nuzzle your arm, and purr. If only you’d have me.

[…]

Keaton: I like it when you brush my fur…but I’m NOT your pet. Whaddaya mean my tail is wagging?

[…]

Keaton: You are my greatest treasure of all, and you smell the nicest. Hope you’re ready to be really happy. From now on, I’m keeping you all to myself.

[…]

Kaden: Are you sure? If something’s bothering you, I’d be happy to help! I told you before, didn’t I? I’m your brother now! So if you ever need anything, just come to me, OK?
Mozu: But…that’s just it, Kaden. I can’t think of you as my brother anymore.
Kaden: What?! Why not?
Mozu: I’ve got…feelings for you.
Kaden: Wh-what?!
Mozu: You’re gentle and funny and kind. I couldn’t help falling for you. You’re everything I ever wanted in a man.
Kaden: R-really?
Mozu: I’m sorry. Maybe I shouldn’t have told you all that. It was selfish of me.
Kaden: No, no! I’m happy that you told me.
Mozu: You are?
Kaden: Yes. Because I love you, too, Mozu.
Mozu: Kaden…
Kaden: Truth is, I started feeling the same way as you. But since I was the one who suggested we be siblings, I couldn’t tell you. But now that you have, I have to ask you: Will you marry me?

The incest kink just doesn’t stop! Someone needed to give these writers a cold shower.

Case in point: While there’s no dragon loli, there is in fact another 1000-year-old loli in this game. This one suffers a magic curse that prevents her from aging but not from carrying a child to term. She’s half the height of other characters and has a voice like a squeaky mouse, but don’t worry, you can still tap that.

She’s also even more scantily clad than Tharja, because the artists know what you’re here for. (Still technically wearing more than Nowi, though.)

But don’t worry, the devs noticed you too, female fans! You liked Ricken, right? Have more (and younger) shotas!

Hayato: Aaaaaaah! Help! It’s a monster! Oh no…with my vision blurry from the tears, it’s even scarier! H-help! I need an adult!

[…]

Corrin: Thank you very much for the gift, but what’s the occasion?
Percy: Oh! Right! Um, I just wanted to tell you I like you a lot, Corrin!
Corrin: What?!
Percy: I always suspected I was the luckiest person in the world, but now I know it! After all, I got to meet you! So, how do you feel about me? Will you go out with me?
Corrin: I don’t think you’re the luckiest person in the world.
Percy: Huh?
Corrin: That honor is mine. I’m certain. To have someone like you care so deeply for me…
Percy: You mean—
Corrin: Of course. I’ll be yours if you’ll have me, Percy.
Percy: WOOHOO! Yay! Yeah-hah!
Corrin: Teehee. How about we go on our first date right now?
Percy: Sounds good to me!

(Confession Scene)
Percy: Oh, gosh, I really am lucky! I get to marry you AND ride a dragon every day! Can [my wyvern] sleep in our room?

All of these children can sire your children. The latter two are themselves second-generation, most of whom are now actual children, but we can’t let that stop the player from having unlimited sexual access to the cast.

Oh sorry, there is still one limit: No gay stuff. Well, some gay stuff. In their infinite magnanimity, the developers gave us two whole gay options! Both of them are creeps and the girl one is a Tharja clone (so, yandere). Hope you like those because you’re not getting anything else. (This despite another character being canonically bi, but she can only S-support men.) Oh, and if you gay marry you don’t get kids, because now is suddenly the time to impose realism on Incest ‘n’ Eugenics Simulator. It’s cool for us to make a character whose superpower is being a yaoi fangirl, though, right? (You think I’m joking but I’m not. Fun fact: it activates even when one of the two men is her father, because the incest train never stops!)

I haven’t even talked about how child characters are integrated yet. There’s no time travel this time but there is an alternate dimension where time passes faster, so now, after presumably putting the whole campaign on hold for 9 months, your soldiers pop out babies and just… leave them there. This includes Inigo, Severa, and Owain, who appear in this game and can now have kids of their own. You’d think they might have absent-parent-related trauma they wouldn’t want to inflict on their kids, but no. Unsurprisingly, all the kids are deeply messed up and hate their parents by the time they’re ready to be child soldiers. (Ryoma’s paralogue is particularly WTF — he basically gaslights his son his whole life and, in the Japanese script, physically abuses him. I do not want you to be king, Ryoma.)

This is so baffling and stupid I can only assume the kid mechanics were tacked on really late in development because it was popular. Nothing about it makes any sense, it makes all the characters look terrible, and the integration with the main plot is nonsensical. Why this.

…This is already so long and I haven’t even gotten to the main plot. It’s gonna be long, so see you next post.