“Farla, you may hate my story but that does not mean I’ll change something I put my heart and soul into just for you.”
DawnHikariLoverA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/10990918/
you don’t have to be so mean wow this Is a story for fun really…………..
DawnHikariLoverWe not all perfect so calm down in your review this website for fun you analyze me like we in school. THIS IS FOR FUN DANG, this story I write personal from my heart and your review hurts my feelings :/
Wow thanks for helping me out with this, you are awesome. English isn’t my first language so this stuff is hard. Thanks for this, I will look through this all and fix it. Do you mind helping me out occasionally with other chapters? I mean your criticism is really helpful, and I would love it if you could take a look at other chapters.
Thanks and Kind Regards,
CrazyMonkey
I noticed that you’ve reviewed a lot of Pokémon stories — hopefully I got that capitalization right — and I must say, your reviews are pretty harsh.
But I still agree with you.
I’ve made so many large mistakes when I first started writing because a lot of people encouraged me. Then, I realized that my grammar was actually really horrible a few years later. I couldn’t write a book with that kind of habit, so I tried to change by reading guides and good books on Wattpad.
Honestly, I prefer getting harsh criticism from authors whether they’re good or average writers because that’s what snaps me out of my arrogance.
Thank you for being one of the people that opened my eyes into writing for real. Ignore the haters — even if it hurts them, they must learn from the criticism to become better writers.
I’m not a good writer, but hopefully I learned my lesson.
Blazing Sonic
https://www.fanfiction.net/u/1283958/
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Subject: obvious troll is obvious
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/10989833/
You fail. You contradict yourself for starters about capitalization (yes, you DO have to
capitalize a pokemon’s name because it is their name), then you go in circles about the
dialogue, and then in the last two paragraphs, you act like the story is done. It is the
first chapter, you moron. There’s really no plot in the first chapter of a story that
will have multiple chapters. Also, new speaker doesn’t mean new paragraph. Do you see
that in books? Not really. I’ve seen your page. You’re one of those really pathetic
trolls who want attention. Must suck being alone on that pedestal of arrogance. Do
something more productive with your time.
There’s a difference between critiquing and being a whiny shit about every little thing
wrong as though you’re autistic. Also, if you’re going to correct someone, try being
correct yourself. It works wonders when making a point and shows you know what you’re
talking about.
Thanks for the review. It helps more than hurts. Especially when people see your review
as well as how blatantly stupid you are. Thanks for the laugh, you uneducated,
self-imported twit.
—————–
To remind everyone, this is the guy who said he was basing the character on his son.
MochanaDragonA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/10992708/
Thank you for your review of my story. I understand you may not like it, and I am fine with that. I will try to work on my punctuation. Also, I am working on a Pokemon story in a normal region. As for my region, I wanted to mix things up a bit. In addition, when I wrote: “For life, huh?” She spoke those words.
Another thing about my region, in the short summary it did say that my region is different, and that later something will uncover a mystery about it. So please, before hating, check the description.
Please don’t post this elsewhere.
Thank you,
MochanaDragon
Wait a minute, what am I saying? Am I really trying to tailor my stories to a reviewer who I don’t even know? Farla, you may hate my story but that does not mean I’ll change something I put my heart and soul into just for you. I enjoy writing about my region. And I enjoy that it’s different. Thank you for the review that made me feel like trash, Farla, but please, if you don’t like my story, don’t read it. And don’t come back.SumRandomPerson12
https://www.fanfiction.net/u/4354145/
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Subject: Repsonse
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/10992508/
I never once said that that was what it was for, and you shouldn’t assume that I was
trying to come off that way. This is my style of writing, and it might be different to
yours, but this is how I am comfortable writing.
If you don’t like my writing, or just wrote this because you didn’t like the pairing
(yeah, some people are like that), then just leave. No-one asked or forced you to read
this.
I don’t dictate your writing, so don’t do the same for me. Okay? Okay.
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DevanorA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/10990447/
Thank you for the feedback. This is a lot to take in, more specifically about paragraphs and capitalizing, as I thought pokémon and their species were supposed to be capitalized. I’ll try to keep all this in mind.
Congratulations.
Thanks for the grammar corrections! I’ll get to fixing the errors later in the day (it’s pretty early and I feel that if I review them right it will do me no justice… :’) I do really appreciate it, and have a good day!
Wow, I don’t think I’ve gotten a review this harsh in a while. I’ll be honest, you do raise some valid points. The “pure-of-heart” speech thing is a load of nonsense, I know, but it’s the only way I could think of that a) the Pokémon could communicate with the girl, and b) it wouldn’t then be able to communicate with the zoo staff. As for why it couldn’t write or read maps, it’s pretty hard to write when you have paws, and I guess its trainer just didn’t think map-reading would come in handy.
I’ll admit, I do use semicolons far too often. I was even marked down for it in my English A-levels. It’s an unfortunate quirk of my writing style. I’ll try to curb my usage of them in future.
I think I can explain the issue with the bars: they’d only purchased the Arcanine very recently, within the last few days. Since they’d never had an Arcanine before, they didn’t have a special enclosure for one, and Team Rocket had pressured them into making the purchase before they could build one. So they put it in a temporary enclosure while they had a special one built, and they hoped that would be enough to hold it, or at the very least that it wouldn’t try escaping. I hope that’s a sufficient explanation.
Your first point, however, I disagree with. Species names are capitalized in literally every other form of Pokémon media, including the games themselves, so that’s evidently how it’s supposed to be. Maybe it is grammatically incorrect, but if it is, you should take that point up with Nintendo and Game Freak, not yours truly.
I appreciate the criticism though, it’s always good to know how I can better myself and my writing. I’ll try and patch up those holes over the next couple of chapters.
Thank you for the feedback, and thank you again for putting my story in your collection of decent pokémon literature. I feel so honoured!
I put Green on Mount Silver for exactly the reason you probably think I did (feminism, and to derail the blatant Red-supremacy of the Pokémon community). Her team consists of an electabuzz, a magmar, a jynx, a gengar, a machamp and Mewtwo, if you or all the people who read your blog are curious.
I know how rare proper drabbles are, too, so I’m glad to do my bit to increase their numbers.
Got it.
Thanks for taking your time to read another one of my stories!
Don’t ask for OCs. Make up what OCs your story actually needs to fit whatever purpose you need them for. (Fair enough, however, I’m already having trouble coming up with personality traits for team members. Plus, if people like a story, they naturally want to be involved. I’m giving them an opportunity.
Opening your story with a character waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and to be honest, it’s so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if I hadn’t seen it, very literally here, hundreds upon hundreds of times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some other, interesting point. (I am basing this off my Y play through, so I’m keeping some little bits the same. Start a new game in X or Y and see for yourself.)
[“Cool, I’m Lillian, nice to kiss-date-meet you, yeah, that!” Lillian internally kicked herself for her stupidity.] (1. Exaggeration on my part. 2. First time using a girl for a protagonist, things will be kind of stupid at first. I said that in the summary.
People don’t actually do this.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. (I see Pokémon as a taxonomic kingdom. Fenniken was being used as the name at that point.)
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts. (this is actual legitimate help. Thank you.)
[So, recap, Lillian chose a Fenniken, thought she killed Shauna’s Chespin, and has a crush.]
Or even quicker: nothing happened. First chapters are supposed to show what your story is about. Is the answer supposed to be nothing?
(establishes starter, shows that fenniken is going to be a powerful asset, love interest.)
[And, is Lysander talking about the Ultimate Weapon, or the legendary manifestation of death?]
Who gives a damn when he plans to use both? (changing it up so there are two teams, one using the weapon to stop Flare, Flare has the same plan.
Palkiawing87
https://www.fanfiction.net/u/6298585/
Reply link: https://www.fanfiction.net/pm2/post.php?rid=134685412#new
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Subject: Out of the blue.
Hello there! I was just scrolling through some stories and saw you had reviewed every
single one with the same exact criticisms.
Now, I’m not trying to be mean or anything- most of what you say is right- but when it
comes to the whole capitalization of Pokemon or Pikachu, you are wrong.
I’m not the type of person to say such things without giving evidence, so here you go:
1) In the Pokemon games themselves, the characters never lowercase Pokemon names. Even
the Pokedex descriptions don’t, and they were programmed by the inhabitants of the
Pokemon universe. I would think that people living in a place full of Pokemon would know
whether or not to capitalize those names.
2) When a new Pokemon anime episode comes out, there is a company that will subtitle it
for every person who doesn’t speak Japanese. When these subtitles are released, names of
Pokemon are capitalized. This is consistent even with random wild Pokemon who mean
nothing at all.
Again, I’m not trying to be mean here. I understand the angle you are coming from, but
it’s not correct in a canonical sense. After all, this is fanfiction! It should follow
the rules that were set down from the original game and/or anime. Right?
If…
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AtriiwriterA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/10993835/
Lol yeah apparently I’ve still got a lot to learn on the fine points of writing. I appreciate the review as it gives me something that I can use to improve but I’m gonna need to really read through what you said. I’ve got to absorb the finer points for sure. I did have a feeling that a new speaker needed a new paragraph but wasn’t sure 100% so thanks for clearing that up. As to pokemon being capitalized that was because I wanted that é in there and my computer would only do it when capitalized, but I’ll work on that. Riolu is capitalized at the moment because that’s what Atrii is calling him for now. Again thanks for the review and the tips for improvment
Blue Phoenix 20thHello Farla and thank you for pointing out my mistakes and reviewing my story.
I really appreciate the review but um…it was kinda long and I’m kinda dumb and I didn’t really understand it. I use a lot of action tags in my dialogue instead of using “said” or stuff, but I’m still not quite sure what you were trying to say. Could you clarify for me? I’d like to know if I’m doing anything wrong, I’m a grammar worshipper.
Thanks!
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/10991630/Hey, word of advice, next time you leave a review criticizing someone, make sure you know what you’re talking about. I took a typing class a couple of years ago, and one thing they drilled into our heads is that you don’t always write out numbers with letters. As for the capitalization, you saying that I shouldn’t do it shouts out “Hello, I’m Farla, and I know absolutely nothing about Pokémon, and have never played a game, read official descriptions of the anime written by the creators or the subtitles, seen a Pokémon card, been to or seen any official events involving Pokémon, or read any trainers guides, walkthroughs, comics, novels, pamphlets, or manga chapters!” Because each and every one of those capitalize the word Pokémon and all of the species names like Pikachu and Charizard.
As for dialogue, it is in fact written as I put down, I had several college classes the past couple of years where we had to write dialogue, and had to buy and read a book about the rules for writing, and they all say you’re wrong, and that the way I did it was right. There is nothing incorrect about using stated. Then, for the age thing, notice I specifically had Dialga say “when he would eventually.” This was just them nipping it in the bud earlier. Also, it is not easier to say he has only been on his journey for a year. Ash specifically mentioned that it had been exactly one year since he had last been there when he came back from his badge, and the third movie mentioned that it had at least one more year since he started his journey. They weren’t resetting time itself, they were resetting things for him. His younger body hadn’t been touched by their powers.
Scene transitions are often written like I did in literature, and saying otherwise just makes you look ignorant. What do you mean it went to heck fast?
They’ll write harem Ash but swearing is very wrong.
You know, I didn’t think the harem thing had any connection to Mormonism but the heck thing makes me wonder. They’re often pretty uptight about swearing. And a quick check of the profile shows they hate homosexuality, have the copypasta thing about Jesus redirecting rape to nonbelievers and the guilt-trip fetus poem, so they’re definitely some branch of Christianity, just not the one where polygamy is the horrifying place the slippery slope will take us if we legalize gay marriage.
B-b-b-buizelA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/10989782/
Hey, thanks for the criticism, really do appreciate it. This is my first story and I’ve never had any real experience with story writing (unless you want to count assignments for school). Starting out as a writer, I feel that the reader should enjoy it as much as possible. Of course, I had a few grammatical mistakes as you pointed out, but I think that as long as the reader understands the story, spelling and grammatical errors shouldn’t be too much of a problem. I will fix the problems that you pointed out except for the one with capitalizing the pokemon names. I honestly think it’s fine like that, and it shouldn’t take away from the story. Also, the essays that we are assigned to write at my school are mostly ‘analyze this, interpret that’ assignment, so I’ve never really had any experience with dialogue. Whenever I do submit assignments that included dialogue, my teacher told me it looked fine as it is in the story, so I got used to writing conversations between characters like that. I also plan to edit the storyline so that it makes sense and won’t create any ‘Why didn’t so and so do this?’ moments. Thank you for correcting me and again I appreciate the suggestions. I have just finished writing the third chapter, but I had already I published it before taking a look at your review. I will correct the second and third chapters as soon as possible. I hope you are enjoying the story so far!
[[The plot of this really doesn’t make much sense. First the character says the person coming seems really strong and that she’s “typeless” which is another really bad sign. Then they figure out that the only thing of value she has is her giant murder sword. So why exactly are they engaging her? Banditry isn’t about being a random encounter to anybody who walks by. It’s a consideration of risk vs reward. Even if they win against her at all they’ll just get the one sword, and they’re pretty much guaranteed to get horribly maimed along the way. Even if the sword was awesome enough to be worth someone dying, bandits generally aren’t known for their strict discipline and loyalty, making it pretty hard to convince a group of people to attack on the basis the survivors would be happy with the sword.]]
They all had weapons and and the two in the front were resistant to basic sword attacks as rock or steel type. The only one who was weary of confrontation was the archer, who stands behind as part of his job. It is also important to note that they tried to intimidate her, not kill her. She was the first to attack. There was plenty of reasons why they thought they could confront a single person as a three man squad. They were just wrong.
It doesn’t require much loyalty to attack with a perceived advantage. It is also human nature to be loyal to those who you fight alongside with, which include small groups of bandit(although they won’t be as loyal to the larger organization).
[[Also doesn’t make sense he’d try to prove himself in a fight when he already lost.]]
He tends to magically thinking. His reasoning is that he can win through conviction and purpose.
Geoloseisma95A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/10986592/
There is something of a debate about the capitalization of Pokemon names, with people pulling in trademarks, common animal names (like wolf or mouse), and generic names (like Canis or Tyrannosaurus, which are capitalized) to argue over proper format. I had to make a decision whether to capitalize or not, and I based my decision on two factors: first, familiarity, as I most commonly see on Pokemon fan-pages and wikis that I visit that the names are capitalized; and second, the treatment of Pokemon names as proper nouns. They are used as the specific names of the Pokemon, and less often generally to refer to the group of animals as a whole. Consider this: “Go, pikachu, I choose you!” vs “Go, Pikachu, I choose you!”
Here, even though the animal is a pikachu (if you were to not treat it as a generic name), this specific pikachu’s name is “Pikachu.” It is the same as naming a dog “Dog.”
I spent little time writing the first chapter. I kept it brief so it would not consume much time to read, but I felt inclined to have it as the opening as a way of following the original storyline more accurately, especially because I always appreciated the opening when I first played through Black and White. It, to me, was a good way of introducing the player to N and Team Plasma without elaborating so early on. I hope you are not mistaken that this is the only chapter of the story; though progress is temporarily slow due to my current workload and other stressors, Wally’s Legacy will cover essentially all of the major events of Pokemon Black and Pokemon White.
Thank you for taking the time to read and critique my work. I encourage you to continue to provide input so I can improve my writing. I will take your criticism of the opening into consideration when I write the beginnings of future stories.
Here, even though the animal is a pikachu (if you were to not treat it as a generic name), this specific pikachu’s name is “Pikachu.” It is the same as naming a dog “Dog.”]…did you just stop reading at the first line of the paragraph?
https://www.fanfiction.net/topic/11834/55376155/1/#55376155 Capitalization.
[ It, to me, was a good way of introducing the player to N and Team Plasma without elaborating so early on.]
Yes, it was. And now we’re all introduced and don’t need to be again.
If you really want to keep the positioning, writing up another similar Team Plasma scene for your opening would be fine. But there’s nothing gained by showing us the same thing again. Even people who never play the game have heard word by word descriptions in other fanfic by now.
I shall keep my response brief since I’m on my tablet. First, why should we liken Pokemon names to, say, deer as opposed to generic names like Tyrannosaurus, which are always capitalized? There is no definitive answer to which is proper. Second, the intro is 488 words counting the brief opening before the actual chapter content. A thirty second read that includes fairly crucial information on a story primarily based on the games is not excessive, even if many fanfic readers have read similar. If you do not want to read events familiar from the stories, I would advise avoiding my work. I can respect your preference for original stories.Tyranosaurus *rex*, rex being the species (and so uncapitalized). Tyranosaurus is the genus. The generic form, tyranosaurids, is also not capitalized.
So yes, there is a reason and there is a definitive answer. Again: https://www.fanfiction.net/topic/11834/55376155/1/#55376155 The fact you are ignorant does not mean it’s unknown.
[ A thirty second read that includes fairly crucial information ]
Let me repeat: we all already know. It is not crucial information if we already know. If you insist on copying, I obviously cannot stop you, but don’t make up other excuses for it.
Ignorant? For someone at the top of my class, that is a first. My apologies that you take fanfiction so seriously. Anyway, I’ve researched you and learned that you are either incredibly narrow minded or just a troll. You behave arrogantly without definitive proof for your claims. Whether troll or not, I will not allow you to continue wasting my time. Find someone else to insult and bombard with your single mindedness. I will be blocking you. I hope you learn that Pokemon has not got a set of rules dictated by scholars after centuries of debate and hence is fairly open to interpretation. Enjoy your night.Figure this is a nice capstone for the day.
Modern Mormonism pretends the past does not exist, although it still teaches some weird things last time I checked. My very last Sunday school class was about the importance of dating within you own race. It has also done some pretty big recons about the Native Americans that happened since I went. It’s still rigid on the roles of women.
There was one lesson from when I was a kid that I now realize was subtly about polygamy. It was the story of Lot being with both the wife(and family) God killed and his new family in heaven.
That particular author doesn’t have a clear connection to Mormonism from what I can tell, other than “heck” which may be another denomination.
As I understand it, a number of sects split off from the main Mormonism movement and still practice polygamy.
Though I suspect that it’s more an individual thing. Either the author believes in polygamy despite the church officially banning it, or the author uses the standard “it’s fiction, don’t take it seriously” rebuke and simply doesn’t apply real life standards to fetish works.
The smaller sects probably don’t allow enough freedom to roam the internet and various media so I doubt they hang around the pokemon section of fanfiction. The smaller sects are also hyper racists.
Probably. I am not familiar with their workings, but isolating the members is a really common cult tactic, and those sects pretty much are cults.
As I said, personal fetish not tied to any specific doctrine is the likely reason for that fic.
I know that only the splinter groups are currently all gung-ho about it, but aren’t they more chill about its sinfulness compared to other sects that are more “ONE MAN AND ONE WOMAN! ONE! ONE OF EACH!” about it?
I can’t think of another sect that was more okay with one guy two wives than two wives zero guys. Most of them are arguing two wives leads to two wives and one guy (and possibly a dog) and that’s why gay people can’t marry.
I’m getting confused as to what you are saying. By “it’s sinfulness,” do you mean “polygamy’s sinfulness?” They mostly ignore the past or find very weird excuses for why the past is different.
I have not known Mormons to use use slippery slope when it come to gay marriage. Baby making is just very important, so they may be more tolerant of the idea of non-typical heterosexual arrangements(even multiple husbands).
Being alone on a pedestal of arrogance actually sounds like a lot of fun to me; I don’t why he’s telling you it must suck. How would he know?
“Also, new speaker doesn’t mean new paragraph. Do you see that in books? Not really.”
Oh wait.
Seriously though, that’s just baffling to me. Why not really? How do you “not really” start a new paragraph with a new speaker? Plus I can’t think of a single author who doesn’t do this, so I can’t even make my ‘they only own books by a lone pretentious author who does dialogue wrong on purpose and therefore can’t just check the nearest book’ excuse.
“Also, if you’re going to correct someone, try being correct yourself. It works wonders when making a point and shows you know what you’re talking about.”
I don’t even know where to begin with the sheer brilliance of that. It’s like genius satire, only it’s actually blatant hypocrisy! It sounds perfectly reasonable, but in context the sheer effrontery is jaw-dropping! Ten out of ten. Modern art.
“I don’t even know where to begin with the sheer brilliance of that. It’s
like genius satire, only it’s actually blatant hypocrisy! It sounds
perfectly reasonable, but in context the sheer effrontery is
jaw-dropping! Ten out of ten. Modern art.”
Clearly, you simply don’t understand the argument.
You see, that person is always correct. It’s an axiom and as such needs no proof.
Since Farla contradicts them, she is clearly wrong. Therefore, it is wrong for her to try to correct them as it would be going against the axiom, and such a thing is simply meaningless in their model of the world.
See? Perfectly sound logic.
A lot of people use it, actually.
Oh I’ve seen people do it before; I just consider that entire spiel to be a near-perfect example of its kind. Like finding a flawless gemstone, only it’s a completely twisted worldview expressed through the medium of words instead.
There’s just so much magnificence. He calls Farla self-imported!
That it is.
And clearly Farla imported herself from the realm of spite into this world.
Well, there’s two options. One is that given their writing ability, they don’t actually understand what I’m referring to. The other is that given their writing ability, they don’t actually read books.
“Congratulations.”
“Rational response followed by self-righteous rage” is the exact opposite of how it usually goes. I wonder if they had a friend tell them to be indignant or something?
I prefer to think that whenever there is a sudden shift in the behavior of Internet people, it’s evil/good twins taking over.
Picture it as them having the idea they “must” respond in a certain way, then stewing over the unfairness of having to do so and then exploding.
These puffs of rage are amazing as always. I’m taking a scientific writing course with a legendarily harsh instructor, and if some of these people heard what she says to the entire class criticizing various parts of people’s writing, including mine, I can only assume that the tantrums would be epic. (I hecked up subject-verb agreement. NO!!! SEPPUKU FOR MY FAMILY’S HONOR)
Don’t be silly, they’d just drop the course after the first day because she didn’t understand ~their style~ and anonymously give her terrible rankings on the internet.