“Fifth, I am aware my writing in this story is quite tedious and redundant. In this story my writing is as such because this story is being told from the mind of Aurora. There is little to no narrator involved in this story. Aurora just thinks this way, and I, as well as you if you’ll follow this story, should notice it change as the story continues.”
ClairePuffA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/10984551/
The capitalization was because I’ve had to add words from Pokemon to Microsoft Word’s dictionary. I’ll try to fix those soon.
As for Dawn’s actions, this story is based on things I’ve experienced in my life. Dawn strikes me as a person who puts excessive amounts of blame on herself. Knowing that what you did was unintelligent, and that you’ve let other people down, is a very powerful negative feeling.
In my opinion, Dawn wouldn’t cope well with the feeling that she’s let her pokemon down. Maybe she wouldn’t commit suicide, but quite a bit of my writing tends to be me experimenting with different characters in different situations. Also, I feel that if Dawn knew there was nothing she could have done, she would simply fight harder, but that may be a difference in how you and I interpret her character.
Thank you very much for the review!
ChaoticTrainerHello! First of all, thank you very much for the explaination but I don’t understand what you meant with the ‘Hello’ and other dialogue tips, could you maybe re-explaining again? Of course, you definitely don’t need to but I’d really appreciate it if it would help my writing in anyway! Have a pleasant day.
-Sab (Grunt in a million)
Thank you for the review and sorry I’m not currently up to standards as I am only 14 and still currently a work in progress writer I will take this into account but I cannot promise that it will be in effect until the 3rd episode going up sometime next week but still thankyou for your suggestions and I will try to improve
Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realise the correct way of writing was wrong. Please continue while I make notes.
Any words that are capitalized are capitalized because that’s the way it was when I got it from bulbapedia.
About the Pokémon capitalization, it’s that way because I use it as their name. Actually, it is proper to capitalize Pokémon because it’s a proper noun.
I’m dividing the paragraph because I don’t want to have one big collection of words. I know that can get annoying to read it like that. At least I think so, that’s why I do it. I’m taking artistic license on the paragraphs to make it easier on the reader.
Yes, most of this is from the game. That was the point. Another thing, the story is nowhere near finished yet and I’ve just begun. Did you honestly think that the whole story was gonna be me copying the game dialogue? No, that’s not what I intend to do. It was like that for the first chapter, to get the point across.
Also, I will go back and check because I know a new paragraph starts when there’s a different speaker. I will make sure I fix that if that is true.
I’ll take what I deem correct, but that forum of yours is actually hilarious.
Haters gonna hate. I honestly do not understand why you would go through the trouble of picking out and running down so many things from my story. If I was asking for flames, which I’m not, they could go to the fiery bowels of hell. I have been writing this story for years and, as odd as this may sound to you, it’s not meant to make sense in our world. It’s only supposed to make sense in the main character’s world. Also, for the record, there are thousands of other people who capitalize the Pokemon when writing about them, even if they are not using that Pokemon’s name. Did you just happen to hate on my story, or have you done this to countless other users? But thank you kindly for reviewing and mentioning various passages from the first chapter in your review. I can see you’ve taken the time to at the very least read the first chapter, which if you could stomach that must mean you liked it, or you were reading it to see where it was going. Either way, the fact you read the entire chapter and wrote me such a long review means so much to me. So thank you, kind hater.
Thank you for your advice
rageousmaximusA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/11003428/
i’m very sorry but its my first fanfic and this is my prologue. you have a good review and you know, the new chapters are going to be slightly longer. I have improved though. And my downfall is paragraphing so i’m sorry for that. I will try better next time and this was 175 words but my next chapter will be 375 words. it will slowly increase as im busy at school and other things.
I’m sorry. My spell check wants me to capitalize them. I’ll go through and edit. I’m already revising my prologue. Don’t worry.
Gijinka-LucarioThank you for your critique! I think that might be a good idea. What I could do is maybe just start off where my OC is about to transfer to the Pokemon world and then that’s where the beginning would be. In my opinion I do think it’s best to have a tiny little backstory for the beginning, but I guess that all depends. I can get to work on it by the time I’m prepared to get back to concentrating on my story.
Anyway, hopefully tomorrow I’ll finish and update it. And please stick around so you can give me more feedback so I can improve on my writings and such if you’d like to, cause that would be great!
I do appreciate more in-depth reviews like this. So thank you.
I’ll look into what you’ve pointed out here and try to apply it to the chapter in-question.
And I’m sorry there were so many problems for you to point out. I’m afraid the finer points of English always confused me to a degree. It doesn’t help that I don’t have anyone to Beta-read for me and I feel that working by drafts doesn’t do much for me unless I have a proof-reader (which is what Beta-reading essentially is).
In any case, thank you for your detailed review.
~Gamerfan
slayer911A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/11004793/
Did you come all this way to criticize my experience in writing or are you just trying to annoy me , if your one of those extreme flame haters then I suggest you NOT to read my stories . If you think it is THAT bad then why don’t you leave and go read some one else’s story or just write you own . The only reason I write is for MY OWN interest and my friends . You got a problem , then f**k off .
Okay first off, I think I’m fine with my punctuation but oh well I can work on it.
Next, I have read actual books from the franchise and they do capitalize species’ names so I’m doing the same thing. Deal with it. I can capitalize what I want.
Next, I think it’s actually pretty retarded that people send off TEN year olds into the world without a care. Honestly, they’re too young so I changed the age to something a little bit more reasonable.
Another thing is that I’d like to remain faithful to my own team in Alpha Sapphire. Don’t like it? That’s not my problem. If you choose to keep reading the story, you’d notice that a different Pokemon of hers is a much more constant presence in the story. Her aptitude for ghost types is going to become important later on. And while yes, she could’ve done those things, she did actually need to have her parents’ approval in Johto to get a Pokemon but she obviously didn’t have that there. Deal with it. This is my story, so I can do it my way.
Thank you for reviewing! It was a very long one, which was nice. :)
This was more the fault of my editing than anything else, I’m afraid. I tend to write on my phone, where I easily mix up the period and comma buttons, and I don’t have a beta reader, so I miss stuff. Thanks for that, though.
Mostly, the debate on whether to capitalize Pokémon and species names is a matter of personal preference. I believe that in most official pieces of writing – with the possible exception of the mangas – species names and the word Pokémon actually are highlighted.
It wasn’t actually meant to explore the premise a great deal. It was written like an entry on the original post on tumblr – short and sweet, dealing only with the meeting and leaving the end open. I wrote it so the reader could/would imagine what had happened afterwards themselves. One step out of twenty leaves lots of room for stopping, after all.
Thanks for taking the time to give such a long review, I think it’s one of the longest ones I’ve had on a story ever :) I hope I answered all your concerns.
I feel like whole tumblr what-if should’ve taught people there’s no point in writing a whole story if the only piece of it that matters is conveying an idea you don’t go anywhere else with. Sadly it seems to have gone in the opposite direction. One person writes it, another person rewrites it to be an actual story while still not having any real story.
Pokémon and Pichu all the time. I will try not to do it but it’s really hard for me.
As for the plot I was getting caps at me saying that they want the story soon so I wrote that. I will start the plot soon but it’s really hard since I have a dying fan xD To be honest he’s annoying!
This person has four stories, three of which are multi-chapter, and my review is the only one they have.
First off, and this is just my opinion, but yes, more characters from other people will help more than all characters from my own mind. I request O.C.’s from others because when you, as well as anyone else, just uses their own mind to come up with every character, they all have a similar aspect to them: no matter how different you try to make them, they’re going to look the same if you inspect them closely. If the author, me in this case, has others introduce their O.C.’s into the story, then the characters will not look the same. So, the more people I have bringing in their own O.C.’s, the better the story will go.
Second, I do write out my numbers with letters, while I may have missed one, I find it too hard to know every case when you can’t use the number, so I just always use letters.
Third, I know my grammar, especially when it comes to punctuation is not perfect. I am completely aware I use commas, semi-colons, colons, and triple-periods too much. No one is perfect, everyone has something they can improve on, and as I said earlier, punctuation is mine.
Next, when I said: “Maybe because it’s name is dog.” I didn’t capitalize it for a reason. I didn’t capitalize it because Aurora didn’t give it a name. Dog is just used in this case as the noun, not a name. It’s sort of a play on words, there has to be some humor in this story.
Fifth, I am aware my writing in this story is quite tedious and redundant. In this story my writing is as such because this story is being told from the mind of Aurora. There is little to no narrator involved in this story. Aurora just thinks this way, and I, as well as you if you’ll follow this story, should notice it change as the story continues.
Yes, proofreading is important. I looked through this story three times, but I should have had someone else read through it too.
Also, yes I am aware of paragraphing. This is something else I’ve been working on and will continue to progress.
Lastly, I sincerely appreciate that you looked through my story and pointed out everything that you could tell was wrong or could be better. You are probably aware, however, that this can make some people quite angry. When I first read your review, I felt similar, but then I looked at it again, and yes, your reviews help. Sadly, January ends tomorrow…
Incidentally, I’m thinking of setting up a forum thread for people to submit characters for any author to use. Will it be a good idea? Well, it can’t be a worse idea than the current format, and it’ll probably be hilarious.
Not quite sure what the standard character bio should be. Maybe I’ll do a modified version of the one at OC Analysis (they will be missed).
So:
Character Name:
Species:
If a trainer, what pokemon do they have?:
Brief background of character:
Strengths/Skills:
Weaknesses/Bad habits:
Distinctive features, if any:
Connections to canon characters (if any):
How does your character get on with those around him/her?:
What’s something unusual or unique about this character?:
Do they feature in any stories already?
What modifications do you suggest?
Defender31415A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/11005984/
First off, thanks for reviewing. I wasn’t sure I would even get a review!
Most of your points (like spelling out numbers and paragraph advice) are legitimate, and I will keep them in mind in the future. I disagree with a few of them, though.
1. Capitalizing Pokemon names: If you look at any books on Pokemon, you will always find species names capitalized. I grew up with a lot of Pokemon literature, and this was the way things were done. I’m used to it, so I copy that style.
2. The opening: Given that this is based off a LeafGreen Nuzlocke run, it’s kind of difficult to write a good opening, because the game has a bland opening. I promise things will get better.
3. My character’s age: Not every Pokemon trainer has to start a journey at age ten. I made my character twenty because that was my age when I began writing this story. I will give reasons later in the story for why he started his journey a decade late.
I hope this helps.
Defender31415
Happy to hear you enjoy Alex. He’s definitely not supposed to be a hero, he has to look out for himself first and foremost. If you’ve ever played The Witcher, think a kid Geralt. One thing he’s got to do is balance his own interests with his own moral integrity. If he were more unscrupulous, he might have taken the Admin’s pokemon and tossed them into a river or something. He’s willing to have his Pokemon directly attack people, though.
Also, I’m going to stick with capitalising species names. They’re easier to read that way, and species as a whole are still characters.
I know my grammar is bad I’m never used to writing stories. I just need practice with my grammar then I’ll be fine or writing dialogue. I just hope I can do better in the future.
Please Don’t Tell me How To Write My Fanfictions K? Thanks!
Well, I’d provide this link in the hopes that at least one person would read it and learn: http://www.springhole.net/writing/uselessly-vague-descriptions.htm
But then, if you’re in it for laughter, encouraging competence in any way may not be what you want to do.
Maybe stick in a “What plots would this character be suited to?” so they can pitch the stories they’re too lazy to write along with the characters they’re too lazy to write about. Or again with the educational thing, it might be good to have something that forces them to think about characters in terms of arcs/development, like “What internal issue does this character need to overcome?” or “What personal growth is this character capable of?”
‘Ooh, maybe there’s some way for you to trick them into learning’ seems to be my primary response. Sorry about that.
But then, if you’re in it for laughter, encouraging competence in any way may not be what you want to do.
Not a problem, I’m pretty sure no matter what either of us do they’ll manage something hilarious.
“This person has four stories, three of which are multi-chapter, and my review is the only one they have.”
It is possible they post stories on some forum and just repost them there for an easy access.
That’s what I am doing with my AO3 account.
“I request O.C.’s from others because when
you, as well as anyone else, just uses their own mind to come up with
every character, they all have a similar aspect to them: no matter how
different you try to make them, they’re going to look the same if you
inspect them closely.”
…That’s wrong on so many levels I don’t know where to start.
“If I was asking for flames, which I’m not, they could go to the fiery bowels of hell”
So apparently unasked for flames are fine but asked for flames are terrible people?